August 24th
I went to school today ready to turn in the project that Eli and I had been working on all week. I come to find that since we took a week to finish each pair will be giving a five minute discussion of our
papers. I didn't want to go first but of course the teacher calls on us first. I roll my eyes and Eli smiles we get to the center of the room and I look at all the kids who are uninterested i take a deep
breath and then I look at Eli. He starts talking a little bit about high school daycares have been on the rise and many other schools around us offer free child services to anyone in high school.
I debated that that the day cares were like an invatation that its okay if your in high school to be pregnant. Not that I think it the worst thing that could ever happen but it feels like you can get
pregnant have your baby and jsut drop it off there with no resonciability, some schools even offer late night day care until 9pm. Eli of course argued that I t was a great idea and every school should
have it because there would less kids dropping out of high school. But as we went on we started finishing each others sentences and no one noticed but the teacher. We finished and took our seats
smiling at each other ELi and I had this connection that neither one of us was sure what to do with.
I mean I like him a lot and and we've been flirting like crazy but I'm not sure if I want something to happen, I'm lying to myself i want something to happen but i'm afraid of something to happen.
What am I going to do, I just want someone who is going to be there for me who brings out the best in me and I think that Eli does that. I feel silly saying that though. I feel like this ridiculous love sick
High school girl that I told my self I never wanted to be. Maybe Eli doesn't believe in relationships he has some different points of view and maybe I'm mixing our close friend ship connections to something
more. I should just shut my brain down go out and say what I really feel but I can't i'm not like Eli I still care about what other say about me. Not as much as most girls my age but it does hurt if people
talk bad about me and I know I need to get over it . I'm over Kaci I am but I just want my next relationship to be good. I feel like I was Kaci's life coach ,aking sure he wasn't punching someone making
sure he did well in class, keeping him on the right path. Eli I know I won't have to make decesions for him but I don't know how to act in a relationship where I can take alternating lead roles I know we
should talk I want to talk but what do I say. Do I just tell him how much I want him or do I just play cool. What if he doesn't want me, what if he says no? NO I won't do this anymore to myself I'm going
to get my answers!