Oh gods! Sorry if I was on a late hiatus schedule but anyway…..
Yes, chapter 3! Here I come! The gang will be traveling through Hyperspace from the solar system all the way to the other side called Fandom Fight Beyblade.
Anyway, Enjoy! :D
It was getting too much for Tsubasa to handle. Grabbing Yu by the shoulders (Gingka and Madoka took hold of Masamune.), he gave him a final warning look before the Libra blader could be sent off into space through the Food Waste Dispenser. LOL.
It had been like 2 days now since the GS Externalist was launched off the pad of the WBBA HQ and drifted lazily into space. As Madoka said in the last chapter, it would've been better if they traveled through Hyperspace, but first the advisors had to make sure that they were okay.
"Gan Gan Galaxy, do read me?" Hikaru's voice came up on the ship's PA speaker. Tsubasa responded by pressing the reply button, "Yes, were here."
"Good, I hear a lot of arguing. What's going on there?"
"Erm…" the eagle blader glanced back towards Gingka, Madoka, Masamune and Yu, all toppled one another in defeat. "Uh, it's all going well. They were just upset over some snack. Heh, that's all."
"Awesome, if you need anything else, or you're in trouble, just give out a distress call, alright?"
"Right." Tsubasa nodded and hung up.
"Guys, stop it!" Madoka yelled over the bickering.
The other 3 looked at the Beymechanic with a curious look.
Clearing her throat, she began, "Thank you. As Tsubasa said to all of us, we have to take this mission seriously! If we goof around constantly, then we can't save all the others bladers in order to know where our Beys spun off to!"
"Madoka's right." Tsubasa agreed, "The reason why were sent off on this dangerous mission is because-.."
"Ahhhh! Tsubasa we know already! Don't keep on repeating the same thing over and over again! I- wait! Where are you taking me!?" Yu now wailed as he kicked around, helplessly flailing around for himself as the eagle blader stood up rather too quickly and angirly picked him up and held his face near the large tube that read the 'Food Waste Dispenser'
"This is your final warning, Yu."
The Libra blader now took a nervous gulp and kept his cool as he softly plopped the boy down back in his seat, "Okay, I'm sorry Tsubasa!"
"Don't expect it." Giving out a stern look, the eagle blader now looked at the rest of the team.
"Hold on, Tsubasa. Gingka's not feeling well." Madoka informed the team as she placed her hand on the Pegasus blader's forehead while he slurred, "Not feeling tooooo good…."
"Really!?" Masamune now found this turned around, "First we get launched off to space, and before we travel to FFB, Gingka gets sick!? What kind of a journey is this!?"
"Lower your horn, Masamune." Madoka reassured as she gave Gingka a bottle of water, "Not many people get used to the feelings of space."
"What!?" he now faced the Beymechanic with a shocked look that almost could make her recoil backwards with surprise, "But we just started, and right now Gingka has to-…"
"Masamune, chill." Tsubasa glanced at Gingka who was slowly recovering from the light headache that annoyingly throbbed his head. Whatever the odds were, Gan Gan Galaxy had never faced any weird situations that interjected their journey around the world and battle the challenging teams in close match follow-ups that almost rejected the opposing team to a loss throughout the World Championships. If any storm didn't wind up and blocked their path through out the tournament, surely a bunch of space hooligans known as the enemies of FFB, the Gutless wouldn't make a surprise attack from behind and tow their ever damaged gummi ship to their 'master'. But let's leave that subject for now and return to this.
Right now Gingka slowly opened his eyes, for he didn't even feel a thing during their straight forward flight from the solar system to Canon Universe through hyper space mode (and not to mention Yu's obnoxious never ending screams in the cockpit when Masamune finally shut his mouth and pointed to the Food Waste Dispenser tube as yet, another warning.)
"Screw this! I'm going to bed!" Yu now crossed his arms in defeat and huffed in frustration towards the feeling of a non friendly Hyperspace feel that he just experienced. Once the door to the hallway rooms slid shut, Gingka now glanced at the side window and gasped in surprise.
"What's up Gingka?" Madoka came over and joined his gaze.
"Look." He whispered.
It was like they were in another world (more likely heaven in space.) A gate that almost never made they're eyes leave the sight of it.
For this was, as Tsubasa had said, that they were facing the gate to Fandom Fight Beyblade.
Currently the gate was conspicuously placed in the center of a tremendous asteroid belt out in the middle of nowhere, just a few negative x quadrants from The Big Top, six light years from the Land of Llamas just until you pass Camelot, take a left at the intersection of Latin America and Sherwood Forest and second star to the right—not to the left, that's St. Canard. It resembled nothing so much as it resembled a great plane floating in space, a white plane with purple bars protecting it from invading ships and a tremendous Keyhole in the center of it, the sort that would have any blader worth his stones peeing himself in anticipation of sealing it. Thank you very much, the narrator does not need you to write drabble about that particular image or any metaphorical interpretation thereof.
The G.S. Externalist approached at a steady speed, and the onboard computers were finally able to pick up some more useful expositional data regarding Fandom Fight Beyblade as a whole—and more importantly, performing a bunch of technological wizardry that the narrator is too lazy to talk about, Tsubasa was able to pick up a signal of a world beyond the gate.
"The computer is detecting the presence of bladers in a world just beyond the barrier of Fandom Fight Beyblade," the Eagle blader informed, sounding pleased.
"Blader we know?" Gingka asked.
"Yes, Blader we know," Tsubasa replied, before taking a minute to think that one out.
"Oh? Who is it?" Masamune urged him.
"What?"
"Nobody we know."
"Yes."
"Who is it?"
"Wait, wait, wait, did you mean nobody we know, or Nobody we know?"
"Oh—well then, no, I can't tell if it's any of ours."
"Ah, grammar jokes," Tsubasa smiled and leaned back in his seat.
The ship continued its approach at a lazy speed, finally coming within a short distance of the huge keyhole separating the dimensions from one another. Madoka kept a close watch on her computer monitor. "That's an impressive Keyhole on the gate to Fandom Fight Beyblade," she commented. "Is it sealed?"
Masamune warily flicked a piece of Cheetos before Tsubasa swatted it away with his hand. He then faced the Beymechanic and shook his head, "No, no. Anybody can get into Fandom Fight Beyblade. It's getting out with your brains and stomach contents intact that's difficult."
"What about this world on the other side?" Gingka glanced into a computer monitor on his side, studying it for any clues. "What is it picking up so far?"
Tsubasa shook his head. "Not much. The presence of at least one blader and many other worldly beings. I haven't yet scanned for our comrades' te- um…"
Staring at the others, he now gave out a faint smile and looked down.
"You almost said it, didn't you?" Gingka grinned, walking beside Madoka and glancing at what she was doing. Typical, she always loved space and almost wanted to hear more about it. Ever since she got to know that Russia's blading team, Lovushka's team captain, the ever handsome Aleksei and his in depth knowledge of space and the universe drew Madoka in love towards him instead of Gingka. But for the sake of the Pegasus blader in sight, she had to keep it hidden just to please him.
"I did not," Tsubasa snapped. "And in any case, it seems that the world I'm picking up is a fairly large one, right on the other side of the Keyhole. We'll be forced to land there before we can go anywhere else."
"No matter. We'll need to look around for our comrades'… you know anyway," Masamune said optimistically.
"We're close enough," Madoka said finally, standing up and smirking triumphantly. "Leave the ship here, Tsubasa, we'll teleport down and get this over with."
"You want to just let the ship drift around in zero gravity? Fantastic idea," Tsubasa snapped. "I don't like the looks of these readouts. This is no ordinary world we're landing on… it's coming back with all sorts of hostile negative energy and a huge concentration of Gutless."
"What other choice to we have?" Tsubasa retorted. "If you have to, invoke the DEM engines and let the ship drift wherever it likes. We're running on a time limit here."
"The DEM engines?" Masamune huffed. "I hate those! They're so…"
Tsubasa cleared his throat. "I am going down to the world for initial scouting now. If you two wouldn't mind, please resolve your issues and join me. That would be splendid."
"Oh, fine," Masamune smashed an important-looking red button labeled "DEM", and the lights within the ship began to blink on and off red and green.
"Prepare yourselves, Team Gan Gan Galaxy, for the most dangerous mission that we of WBBA have ever partaken in, especially for the sake of the bladers," Tsubasa warned them, rolling up his sleeves. "For we are about to enter… FANDOM FIGHT BEYBLADE."
"Yes, we know," Gingka and Masamune reminded him as the G.S Externalist vanished into a dark portal.
"You two wouldn't know a dramatic transition if it bit you in the ass," Tsubasa then smirked and headed off to bed, followed by the rest of the team.
~X~
The DEM engine—short for "Deus Ex Machina" Engine— was developed several decades ago by the most brilliant of blader scientists in all of Metal Bey City—that is, Yuki and Mark after a night of heavy drinking. Ironically, the device itself was created as part of a Crappy Plot Device to skip over a bunch of tedious parts in the very story you are now reading. It was first intended it to be a weapon for use in battling their enemies, namely the hoards upon hoards of increasingly more vicious Heartless that descended upon their city. It became apparent after a few uses, though, that the DEM engine made things almost a little bit too easy.
So, rather than be completely thrown out, the DEM engines were recalled and instead installed in several selected examples of the Blader's gummi ships, including the G.S. Externalist, perhaps in preparation for a situation just like this one.
Or maybe that was just another Deus Ex Machina.
Tsubasa awoke with a normal start, thankfully a nightmare did not fall upon him as he peeked through the cockpit room. No sign of the other bladers. Good. As soon as he pressed the button to pull up the screen of contacting Hikaru, he released a terrified scream that shook the whole ship and made the rest of Gan Gan Galaxy awake from their peaceful sleep. (Thank Earth Eagle that Yu was not space sick from this journey so far.)
"Oh my god, Tsubasa what happened!?" Madoka suddenly rushed in, a shock of surprise etching her face as she gasped in horror at the sight of the eagle blader being….. 3D animated?
Originally, Takafumi designed these characters to be 2D. There is no 3D anime. Tsubasa took a moment to study himself, along with Madoka who felt his fingers being much rounder and smooth. The feeling of moving was slightly different. It was not at all sharp and normal. It was somewhat movie like, where all of the emotions and movements there are…. Oh gods. The author has no way to describe it at all. However, Masamune and Gingka entered, surprisingly amazed by their looks.
"Madoka? Can you tell me what happened to us?" the red head bothered to ask, moving his arms around to get that movie-like feel.
"Don't ask me Gingka. Ask the FFB universe." She replied, staring at the reflection of herself on the main screen of the ship.
"Cool! It looks like we just came out of a Pixar movie!" Masamune gushed at the sight of himself, being very jovial today.
Madoka rolled her eyes, finding the Unicorn blader very stupid now.
A stray beeping sound came up from the control board of the ship, catching Tsubasa's attention to the important message announced live by Hikaru.
"Listen up guys. I heard about something new from Hyoma. Once you enter the FFB universe, I'm afraid that everything there living or not living is considered to be 3D animated. I know it can be hard to understand but we actually don't know what could affect things to become 3D animated. So, don't freak out by how you look. It's something normal in this universe."
"So, does this also apply to Semes, too?" Gingka asked, wondering if the rest of the blader's semes could be enjoying themselves by their surprising appearance.
"Well, I think so. It-…" Hikaru was about to reply to Gingka's question, only for an annoying blonde brat to barge in with an annoying helpless scream.
"Ahhh! Tsubasa! What happened to me?!"
Hikaru sighed and rolled her eyes in frustration.
The eagle blader also sighed and placed his hands on his shoulders to calm him down. "We're 3D animated. There."
"W-We are?" Yu now wondered quietly as he looked at his other teammates with surprise and curiosity.
Tsubasa now shook his head and gestured Hikaru to continue.
"Okay, as I said earlier, yes. They are affected by the Gutless parasite that possibly makes them become in their 3D animated forms. The only odd thing is that you guys aren't and shouldn't be affected by the parasite, therefore you became 3D animated."
"Uh, Hikaru. You just said that anything living or non living in the FFB universe is 3D animated, right?" Madoka pointed out, helpfully reminding what she had just said.
"Oh, right. Anyway, your first stop should be in DSPHSAGS."
"DSPHAGS?" Masamune quired, finding the abbreviation tremendously long. (had he known now, for a school.)
"Destiny Sanctuary Peak High School Academy Grammar School." Tsubasa said, proud of his pre-knowledge of the FFB universe.
"Dang, that must sound like a weird school, right Madoka?" Gingka shook his head in confusion.
She nodded in return as she kept hold of the seme tracker, announcing that they're nearing the first world in FFB with 3 semes scattered about in either the school or elsewhere.
Despite Yu's complaints, once Tsubasa finished his dramatic speech with Hikaru, the DEM engines kicked into high gear, creating a vortex at the back of the ship that opened up a long path from the G.S. Externalist through time and space itself, through the great keyhole of Fandom Fight Beyblade and all the way down to a massive and ever growing planetoid within a few light years of the Keyhole itself.
By use of some more science terms and their teleportation, when we next saw our three protagonists, they had warped into existence… rather, they warped into non-existence… well, hmm. How do I phrase that?
They appeared in the middle of a lush green field of grass. There. Good enough.
Immediately after landing, it was very apparent that this wasn't the sort of world they were used to.
There had been some changes to the wardrobes of all five of our heroes. Instead of they're everyday blader outfits, they each wore somewhat more "earthly" garments that appropriately matched their somewhat personalities.
Madoka had gained a small pair of sophisticated glasses and a fine twill suit, the sort often donned by librarians or burnt-out college professors with nothing left to cling to but their fancy suits and the fact that their students are throwing away good money and so MUST sit in front of them and just plainly listen for a few hours a few times a week.
Tsubasa's hair had been pulled back in a ponytail, and he sighed at the stereotypical cliché of the scientist's garb he'd been forced to adopt—a white lab coat over a suit of his own.
Gingka thought he looked strange in a giant sweat suit or muscle shirt, and so was instead wearing the outfit of a biker gang leader—leather vest, ripped blue jeans, and a pair of aviator sunglasses.
Same thing applied to Masamune, who did not look like he was enjoying his outfit at all.
Yu was the opposite. He loved everything that was happening to him in FFB. First the 3D animated thingy. Now the assigned clothes that the world (or school possibly?) had given them an outstanding look of awesomeness appearance. The Libra blader was now dressed in more appropriate manner of an orchid picker, the personality could be also said towards his original blader clothes. And, not to mention, a basket in his hands.
"Nice disguises, team. God forbid any of the natives see us in our blader clothes. We'll have six thousand wannabe bladers following us around in the hopes of being swept away on a magical adventure," Tsubasa spoke the cynical speech of someone who's been there and done that, examining the world guide book (or clipboard with fancy WBBA pen?) that had appeared in his hands.
"What is this place called, Tsubasa?" Masamune asked, curiously craning his neck to have a look at the guidebook.
"According to the guidebook and that large, dramatic graphic there in the center of the screen, this world is called…"
DESTINY SANCTUARY PEAK HIGH SCHOOL ACADEMY GRAMMAR SCHOOL
"You told it to us before." Yu reminded him.
"Anyway, that must be the aforementioned school," Masamune motioned to a large building with impossibly fancy architecture a short distance away.
"You've got to be kidding me," Gingka sneered. "For one thing, aside from the ridiculously corny name, you cannot have a 'high school academy grammar school'. 'High school' and 'academy' are silly together as it is—but grammar school is the same as 'elementary school', which is for children ages 5 to 12, not teenagers. And second of all— why would anybody want to live in a world that was nothing but high school all over again? And why would anybody possibly want to invoke it in Fandom Fight Beyblade?"
"They say high school is the best four years of your life," Masamune shrugged.
"Who's 'they'?" Gingka sneered. "If those four years are to be the pinnacle of my life, I might as well go jump in front of a train."
Madoka gasped, "Gingka! Are you crazy?"
"You didn't have a good time in high school, did you, Gingka?" queried Masamune, almost chuckling at the thought of the Pegasus blader wailing in misery that he completely failed high school. But seriously, no. That never happened to him. Ever.
Never one to hold grudges, Gingka shook his head. "I never went to high school. He did. And he hated it. Lousy football players, sucking all the funding into their cesspool of aggressive adolescent sporting events for the weak of mind, stealing chemistry sets and copying tests off the smart kids, stupid teenage girls moaning and crying about all the drama in their lives… 'Jinga! Jinga! Oh my god, Jinga, you won't believe what Sasha said to me!' And the food… Let's not discuss the food."
"Well, I'm sorry to hear about your Other's traumatic educational past," Tsubasa proceeded to open to the back page of the guidebook, which had conveniently transformed into a small operational scanning computer. "But let's focus on the task at hand. The Blader signal is getting stronger by the second."
"It must be one of the teams—perhaps Wang Hu Zhong?" Gingka looked optimistic at this guess.
"Perhaps. The signal's coming from somewhere in the building. Also, we're picking up a second, weaker signal that the guidebook can't identify. It, too, is somewhere in the building," Madoka closed the book and began on her way towards the impressive school.
"Brace yourselves, guys," Tsubasa suggested, following close behind. "I have heard rumors about worlds like this. This could be a very difficult task indeed…"
"Aw, c'mon Tsubasa! It can't be that hard!" Yu happily skipped along behind him, "Even then, you don't know what to expect if enemies could be hard to fight!" Then he did his signature chuckle that made Tsubasa smile faintly.
"Yes, correct, Yu."
"Oh hell," Gingka said disdainfully a few minutes later, standing in the foyer of the commons/cafeteria area. "It's even worse than I thought. It's a 7th-12th grade school."
"Middle schoolers," Masamune sneered with disgust. "They think they're so great because they're technically teenagers."
"Stay with me, team, the signal's getting even stronger," Tsubasa told them, though even he was noticeably disturbed by the blithering, insipid cesspool of teenage angst and pointless spectacle. All around them, crowds of eerily familiar students were engaged in the daily grind of —surprisingly, not a lot of schoolwork. It was mostly internal dramatics, emo whining, fights, relationship troubles, ridiculously overcomplicated love triangles and polygons of all shapes and sizes, oblivious faculty, the unsettling religion of prom-worship, and who was sitting next to who at lunch when they said they'd sit next to some other person and how MEAN they are.
"HEY! What you punks doin' on our turf?"
A terribly stereotypical voice halted our five heroes from their mind-numbing reverie, and they turned around to see an 11th-grade boy who was either doing his best to look like his clothes didn't fit him, or like he was making some kind of fashion point. Seifer crossed his arms and furiously sized up the three adults, Fuu and Rai (Fuujin and Raijin for the FF8 purists) close behind. In an attempt to dress like street punks, they all looked like they'd pulled their clothes out of a garbage bin, either that or gone dumpster diving behind the Goodwill and just put on whatever they happened to find, matching or no. There was a lot of camouflage… or spaghetti stains. Hard to tell.
"What're a bunch of adults like you doin' around here? We ain't gonna stand for you trespassin' in
our hallowed halls!" Seifer thumbed the side of his face.
"Adults!?" Yu took a furious stand. "Were kids!"
Tsubasa then intervened and grabbed hold of Yu's mouth, "Sorry about that. I-…"
"That's right, y'know!" Rai added mindlessly.
"Pedophiles," Fuu accused shortly. As always.
"Who are you to be strutting around like you own this place, boy?" Tsubasa sneered.
"What, you ain't heard of me? Name's Seifer—I'm head of the DSPHSAGS Disciplinary Committee, and we're the biggest bad asses on this campus!" Seifer struck a dramatic pose. "Ain't nobody messes with us! Not even a couplea tough-guy adults!"
"Who ain't supposed to be hangin' around the commons at lunch time, y'know!" Rai struck a fearsome pose behind Seifer.
"Against the rules," Fuu pointed out.
"Yeah, we've kicked more asses and skipped more classes than any other chump around here! We ain't been to class in like, two months, ain't that right, guys?" Seifer boasted.
"Yeah, ditchin' every period y'know!"
"Imperfect attendance."
"Question," Gingka lifted a finger.
"What, punk?" Seifer turned on him furiously.
"If you haven't been to class in months, why in the hell are you still here?" Gingka pointed out in a quiet, contemplative tone. "You realize that most high schools have attendance policies regarding such things? They don't have to put up with you for so long if you are dead set on failing all your classes and simply roaming the hallways like a gang of hooligans."
"What I want to know," Tsubasa added, "Is why you come here to hang out and then fail to actually attend your classes. You make the effort of waking up, brushing your hair, bathing, and apparently, pulling clothes out of the rag pile and coming here… and then you fail to attend your classes. Your utter failure as productive human beings astounds me."
Madoka was quick to agree with her team. "And even better, you come to school and appear to work as a sort of rule enforcement squad. Your logic is incomprehensibly stupid. Isn't there somewhere else you could go to waste your pathetic lives? A shopping mall? An amusement park? Anywhere even more remotely interesting than a high school?"
There was a long moment of silence as Seifer, Fuu and Rai took some time to really question why it was they were in this situation.
Finally, the silence ended as Seifer burst out with, "Aw, SCREW you! You guys better come up with a real good reason why you're here, or I'm callin' the principal on your ass right now!"
"Yeah, what, you here to pick up your kids, y'know?" Rai asked.
"Career Day," Fuu said shortly.
It took only a short glance at one another to solidify this story. "Career Day," Tsubasa replied seamlessly. "We're here to give special presentations for Career Day."
"Oh yeah! Ms. Sophie didn't say nuthin' about Career Day!" Seifer threatened.
"Ms. Sophie?" Gingka's eyes widened. "Who would give that woman a teacher's licensure?"
"We think the same thing, y'know," Rai shrugged.
"Anger management," Fuu nodded.
"Stop getting off topic!" Seifer smacked his toady in the back of the head. "Well, Career Day or not, you adults better watch your asses! And I better see you in class or else I'll know you was lyin' and I'll kick your ass!"
"You don't go to class," Masamune pointed out.
This time, an outwitted and disillusioned Seifer, realizing the idiocy of his own plot conventions within the very fabric of this world, was off in a corner sobbing about his wasted youth as Fuu
and Rai tried awkwardly to comfort him.
"I just love crushing the spirits of those uppity little bastards," Gingka looked quite a bit more comfortable with the surroundings now, cracking his knuckles and smiling pleasantly.
"Yes, well," Madoka was back on the ball, having opened the world guidebook and glanced at the computer monitor on the back cover. "That may have been a more useful conversation than we thought. Sophie is in this world. We should locate her and assess her condition."
"Now, not necessarily. It could just be this world's invocation of Sophie," Tsubasa reminded him.
"The signal we're getting won't belong to Sophie if she's not the real one."
"Yes, but in either case, we ought to find out where this Blader signal is coming from," Gingka repeated. "Let's get to searching. The sooner we get out of here, the better. There could be Gutless gathering here at any time."
In their intrepid search for the source of the signal, Gingka, Masamune, Tsubasa, Yu and Madoka could not possibly have been privy to the plethora of exciting plotlines going on around the commons at that very moment. The narrator is sure they would have been heartbroken to know this. Or rather, not heartbroken… oh screw it.
~X~
At the table nearest to the wall sat young Sue Tsukihimemiyakage, a tenth grader who had good grades, excelled in the art program, and believed in herself and her own opinions and didn't particularly like falling into trends. This, of course, made her the biggest, ugliest loser in the entire school in the eyes of her peers. Young Sue didn't mind, though—she spent her lonely lunchtimes at the end of the "dork table", working on her sketchbook and listening to books on tape.
Sue's two best friends were named Hayner Kugiyama and Pence Teriyaki-Smith. Hayner was an eccentric nerd who wasn't a bad sketch artist in his own right. His hobbies included dancing and eating tater tots. This particular day, Hayner had borrowed a piece of paper from Sue and was drawing pictures of ligers. Pence was a foreign exchange student, slightly short-spoken with an adorably hilarious lack of knowledge about the customs of whatever country Destiny Sanctuary Peak High School Academy Grammar School was located in. He was studying a Japanese dictionary for some reason.
"Boy, I hope I do well on the literature exam later today," Sue said, rubbing her eyes behind her thick glasses and taking a break to sip her chocolate milk.
"Gosh, Sue. You're so good at literature. You'll do fine, okay?" Hayner wheezed in an oddly familiar nasally tone.
"Hai Sue-chan, you studied domo domo domo much!" Pence assured her.
Also seated at the "dork" table was an awkward eighth grader named Vivi Kokoyimajima, He was never to be seen without his hat, even though it was against school dress code to wear a hat.
He was an on and off acquaintance of Sue's gang, but spent most of his time of late (between making up moves for the mail-reply chess game he was playing with somebody in the state penitentiary across town) staring forlornly at the next table over.
"Hey Pence, you fat lard! Do you want some tots?" Hayner wheezed, holding out a bucket of
tater tots.
"Hai, Hayner-sempai! Watashi wa wanta tots domo muchos, minna-san!" Pence raised his hand at
the offer. "Oy Vivi-chan, you wanna tasty tots kawaii dono!"
"Ah! Uh, no thanks, Pence," Vivi sighed longingly and continued to gaze at her.
"Her" was Natasha Yukimoratachi, the most popular girl in school, captain of the cheerleader squad, and permanent resident of the "popular" table, conveniently located a few yards away from the "dork" table. Currently text messaging someone on her cell phone, she was an oblivious little thing with a shock of blonde hair and that stereotypical giggly cheerleader attitude. She did not notice Vivi staring at her, nor did she notice a lot of things: her current principal quest in life was to find the perfect dress for the formal tonight. And she needed it to look PERFECT with her boyfriend and his absolutely spectacular hair color!
Natasha's somewhat unlikely boyfriend was Raikou Ginpachikun, who up until he started going out with Natasha had been quite famous as the school's standard issue rebellious goth kid. He still dressed in all black and wore black eyeliner at the edges of his turquoise eyes—old habits are hard to break, after all. Raikou serves as further proof of Natasha's utter obliviousness, as he, his parents, his friends, and all of their respective grandmothers knew that he was a flaming closet case, merely holding up a sham of a relationship with Natasha to save himself a little respect among the student body.
He was spending his lunchtime staring at the asses of every young man who passed him by.
Currently in scope was the muscular ass of Raikou's unlikely best friend, the captain of the Destiny Sanctuary Peak High School Academy Grammar School Flying Wuggles football team, a handsome young man named Sorren Wanahakaruugi. It shouldn't have taken you too terribly long to figure out that Sorren was the captain of many other sports teams as well, and possessed the nicest hair and the pearliest white set of teeth in the school. It should also be mentioned that Sorren was as dumb as a rock, failed all his classes, and despite his rumored sexual virility, was actually the world's most innocent, naïve, twitter pated little virgin. Twenty points for the Disney movie reference.
Tossing a football up and down above him, Sorren approached his friends and smiled like an idiot.
"Dude you guys should've totally seen the sweet touchdown I made at the game last night! Coach said it saved the entire game for us—we were totally tied with two minutes left in the fourth period…"
"Quarter," Raikou took some time out of his ogling to correct him, in the most seductive voice possible.
"Huh?"
"Fourth quarter."
"Dude, I'm totally the captain of the football team," Sorren snapped. "Don't be all up in my grill."
"Whatever," Raikou replied broodily at having been shut down. "It's time for class anyway."
As he rose from his stool and stomped off to Ms. Sophie's fifth period language arts class, he spotted senate president national honor society baccalaureate scholarship recipient Olette Yuuuki stapling up colorful posters for that night's advertised Spring Fling Prom Hop Formal. His eye twitched and he abruptly ripped it down, wadding it up into tiny pieces which he proceeded to sprinkle them heartlessly in Olette's hair.
"HEY!" Olette screeched as he continued on his way. "Raikou, you jerk! Yeah, like nobody's gonna recognize that move from that one teen movie! How CLEVER you are!"
~X~
Ms. Sophie had thick dark rings under her blue eyes, a frazzled mop of periwinkle blue hair on her head, tortoiseshell-framed cat's eye glasses and a voice that sounded like she gargled with cigarette butts and vodka every morning. She was an extremely apathetic woman—for god's sake, she graduated college with a doctorate in philosophy. She was supposed to have gone places with that degree!
But no, it's only after you're out in the real world that you learn that nobody knows who John
Stuart Mill and Aristotle are, and nobody particularly cares, and you're going to be forced into a meager-paying job in education no matter what you'd previously expected.
And by GOD did she hate children.
As the students from her fifth-period language arts class slowly filed in, she was seated on her desk in a far-too-short plaid skirt, a white blouse with the buttons popping out around her cleavage, and a fairly visible black lace bra. She appeared to be flirting shamelessly with somebody's father and overheard conversational snatches included, "… off to the broom closet, nobody'll be lookin' in there" and "… come on baby, you can light mama's fire next passing period…"
Meanwhile, as per the plan, Team Gan Gan Galaxy were sitting in tiny, uncomfortable plastic chairs along the wall of Ms. Sophie's room when Raikou and the other students arrived for class.
All 4 bladers tried to glance over Madoka's shoulder as she sat, analyzing the signals picked up by the guidebook.
"Anything?" Gingka whispered impatiently.
"No," Madoka shook her head and pointed at one of the readouts on the screen. "The Blader signal we caught isn't coming from Sophie."
"She's certainly sending out some kind of signals, in any case," Tsubasa commented as Ms. Sophie sat down on some poor father's lap and started caressing his hair whispering something about bad, bad boys. Across the room, some unfortunate student sank deep into his chair and thought of chocolate rabbits and happy things.
"But not the one we're looking for. That must be this world's invocation of her, and the real one is still out there somewhere," Masamune reasoned.
"Then sitting in here giving Career Day presentations is a waste of time!" Yu hissed under his breath. "We should be tracking that signal to its source!"
"Patience, Yu," Tsubasa warned him. "The obnoxious little twit in the beanie may have been onto something—we will look suspicious wandering the hallways of this place alone, and the last thing we want is to cause uproar."
Across the room, Sue was innocently preparing her spiral notebook to write down every word anybody said, while Sorren and Raikou were whispering something back and forth to one another.
"I bet you can't make Sue into the most popular girl in school," Raikou challenged.
"What? Of course I can, dorkface," Sorren replied haughtily. "What's the time limit?"
"By the time the formal starts tonight," Raikou smirked.
"Right—and what are we betting?"
"A kiss."
"What?"
"I mean… a kick. In the ass. I'll kick your ass if you don't," Raikou recovered smoothly. "Because
I'm not gay or anything."
Sorren raised an eyebrow. "Who said you were?"
"Nobody. Because I'm not. Yeah. Totally straight. I love chicks. Yay boobs."
"Okay, okay, everybody pipe down or I'll reinstate corporal punishment—and I do love spanking," Ms. Sophie snapped, turning her attention away from the unfortunate father and back to the class. "Let's get this thing over with, I'm cravin' a smoke. Welcome to Career Day. Today's the day we bring in all your lowlife parents so they can lie about their stupid jobs and build up your hopes and dreams of escaping your humdrum, pathetic, demeaning middle class existences until you shell out 100,000 munny for college and find out your worthless degree qualifies you to be senior burger flipper down at the Grease N' Go, and not much else. Those of you who don't drop out and end up crack-addicted burnouts under a bridge downtown can maybe bother some of these jerks at work to set up internships as indentured slaves and glorified coffee-fetchers all summer with absolutely no reimbursement."
The students met her introduction with blank faces. One girl in the back row suffered an existential crisis.
"Okay, folks, who wants to go first?" Ms. Sophie sat on her desk again and crossed her arms impatiently.
But before anybody could volunteer to lie about their stupid jobs, there came a knock on the door.
"Dammit! I'm trying to EDUCATE here!" Ms. Larxene snarled, snapping her fingers. "Vivi! Get the damn door!"
The hapless boy was snapped out of his daydream about asking Natasha to the formal that night to turn the doorknob and introduce a tall, dark, mysterious and handsome stranger. Team Gan Gan Galaxy recognized him immediately.
He was a rather a short and handsome man with the tan and physique of a California surfer god, yellow eyes the color of gold, long, luxurious bright yellow hair styled back in an curly afro, and a delicate scar lining his left cheek. A slim, sophisticated red scouter covered his right eye. He wore a stylish Abercrombie and Fitch T-shirt and jeans beneath his black janitor's apron and the apron, too, was designer and more expensive than it ought to have been. His features were soft and dreamy, and he was most certainly the loveliest and most effeminate depiction of Tobio Oike, the Capricorn blader they had ever seen. So of course, something was terribly wrong.
As all the female students in the room (and Raikou) paused to stare dreamily at Tobio, the prettiest janitor in the Destiny Islands School District, the little computer monitor in the back of the world guidebook began beeping incessantly.
"Like totally begging your like total pardon, babe," the author got a little carried away with Tobio's accent, "I come knockin' round these parts to pick up your like… trash can, babealooie."
"You can pick up more than that if you want, big boy," Ms. Sophie fanned her face and unsubtly uncrossed her legs, gesturing to the trash can next to her desk, filled to the brim with nameless papers and empty bottles of hooch.
Brushing strands of beautiful Pantene Pro-V-shampooed hair out of his eyes, Tobio strode across the room and as he passed our five heroes in their chairs along the wall, he glanced at them and gave an unmistakably evil smirk.
He left a moment later and the hormones in the room began to die back down to normal levels.
Ms. Sophie fanned her face and cleared her throat. "Ho ho ho… Now then! Sexy distractions aside, we're gonna go around and see what everybody does to pay for their booze and hookers. Starting with you there, on the end."
"I'm the president of a banking firm," the mother, Sophie indicated, spoke up, "And I find your comments on booze and hookers very offensive."
"I find your haircut very offensive," Ms. Sophie waved it off. "Move it on down the line."
"I collect garbage for a living."
"I'm the lifeguard trainer at the rec center downtown."
"I scalp tickets."
"I work a busy desk job that leaves me too tired to do anything when I get home but watch reality
TV and eat pork rinds."
"I'm a sex therapist."
"And then there were five," Ms. Sophie smiled at our heroes. "What do you do for a living?"
"We follow janitors," Tsubasa announced, as the three of them stood up and bolted after Tobio.
The door slammed closed behind them and after the awkward silence, Raikou raised his hand. "Ms. Sophie, can I get an internship with them?"
~X~
"This is fascinating information, really," Gingka said mostly to himself as the trio hurried through the school hallways in search of the creepy Tobio. "I can't believe I didn't think of it earlier! Now
I know precisely what happens when a Gutless takes a… you know."
"Then get explaining," Tsubasa urged him. "What in the worlds could have happened to make Tobio so… so…"
"Pretty?" Yu offered.
"Yes. Ugh." Masamune rolled his eyes in disgust, totally not liking the sound of that.
"Ah, but that wasn't Tobio," Madoka smirked. "Remember the unusual signal we were getting? It was coming from him. That was his… you know."
The rest of Gan Gan Galaxy paused, then glanced at Madoka with immense concern evident on their faces.
"His what?" Masamune gaped.
"When a Heartless consumes somebody's heart, they transforms into a Heartless, while at the same time a blader is created, right? Well, when a Gutless steals somebody's… you know, they turn into a being I like to call the Uke. Their… you know is transferred to Fandom Fight Beyblade, where it becomes an entirely separate being. I'll call it a Seme," Madoka explained. "The janitor we just saw is Tobio's Seme. Unlike the Uke, who are harmless, weak, sobby, effeminate and pathetic, the Seme are exceptionally attractive, sexually charged, dominating and in most cases, very unlikable."
"Yes, she's correct." Tsubasa agreed.
"So, if we defeat the Seme, will the Capricorn blader turn back to normal?" Yu looked at Madoka hopefully.
"I'm not sure. But whatever the case, we should follow him," she pounded her fist in her other hand. "Just as we are the top-ranking team of the Battle Bladers, the Semes will be the top-ranking agents of the Gutless. Destroying them one way or another will be instrumental to our mission."
"Something's off," Tsubasa interrupted Madoka's slew of exposition and pointed to the signal tracer.
"The Blader signal is back, and it looks like Tobio's Seme is heading towards it."
"Really? Where is it?" Masamune asked hurriedly.
"It looks like the Seme's leaving the building," Gingka pointed to the signal. "He's headed into an apartment building across the street from the school."
"Then let's not waste any time. We'll corner him there!" Yu glanced around to check and see if anybody was watching, then opened up a portal of light and the five of them stepped inside.
~X~
The apartment was dark, desolate and utterly trashed—crumpled newspapers, used-up boxes of snack food, countless empty pints of Ben and Jerry's sea salt ice cream and cigarette cartons were strewn across the room in a huge stack. The furniture was grimy, torn and worn-out, and the only light was to have come from a broken light bulb swinging eerily back and forth from the ceiling fixture. The TV played a fuzzy combination of several channels, casting blue shadows on the wall.
The front door opened and Tobio's Seme pushed his way in, carrying a large black garbage bag full of papers (and the empty hooch bottles from Ms. Sophie's room). He smiled snidely at the prone figure on the couch, and dumped the garbage out to add to the pile, digging through until he found what he was looking for—a single paperclip.
He smiled again as he walked over to the TV to a complicated-looking antennae device—and the narrator implies even more complicated than the standard antennae devices, with all sorts of plugs and wires and doohickeys to screw in. The Seme unfolded the paperclip and delicately placed it between two of the wires, and the TV screen suddenly flickered to life with some kind of strange alien reading.
After a moment, a shadowy figure appeared through the symbols and spoke.
"HOBIO NIKE. HOW PROGRESSES YOUR MISSION?"
"It's totally going sweet, dude," Hobio kneeled before the screen (tripping on bits of garbage as he did) and nodded respectfully. "I got myself a totally sweet set up down at the school and like, nobody knows what's goin' on, seriously, dude."
"IS THE SUBJECT RESPONDING TO OUR EXPERIMENTS?"
"Yeah, dude, so far so good, y'know?" Hobio glanced over his shoulder at the helpless figure on the couch, throwing him a faint grin. "He tried to get away when we let our underlings go all psycho on the castle but they totally snagged 'im on 'is way out…"
"AND THERE HAVE BEEN NO SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITIES? NO SIGN OF ANY ATTEMPTS TO STOP OUR PLAN?"
"Nope, not that I saw, dude," Hobio snickered. "I got a little worried there t'day when I saw
Team Gan Gan Galaxy hangin' out down at the school, but I figured ya maybe had to invoke 'em in this world, even stuff out a bit, y'know?"
There was a long moment of silence.
"GAN GAN GALAXY?"
"Um, yeah, dude," Hobio scratched his beautiful face. "Didn't you like… send 'em on down here?"
"AS IF!" a tremendous, sinister voice boomed from the other end of the broadcast, making the Kappa-cane blader twitch slightly. "TSUBASA IS A HAIRY, UGLY EAGLE, GINGKA'S AN OLD GEEZER AND MASAMUNE IS A BIG STUPID CHATTERBRAIN! DO YOU THINK I WOULD EVER SULLY MY BEAUTIFUL FANDOM FIGHT BEYBLADE WITH SUCH FILTH?"
"Er, uh… guess not," Hobio shrugged sheepishly. "So's'at mean… they ain't from around here?"
"IT MEANS THAT THEY ESCAPED FROM THE CASTLE! AND IT MEANS THAT THERE ARE NOW THOSE WHO WOULD STAND AGAINST MY BEAUTIFUL PLAN
FOR COMPLETE DOMINATION OF THE UNIVERSE AS WE KNOW IT!"
"Dude, take a chill pill," Hobio waved his hands. "Ain't no need to freak out, man! I'll deal with 'em myself!"
"HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN THAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE WORKING ON THE EXPERIMENT? WE CAN'T ALLOW HIM TO FALL BACK INTO THE HANDS OF THE
ENEMY! HE IS ONE OF THE MOST POPULAR BEINGS IN FANDOM FIGHT BEYBLADE—AND IF WE FAIL TO CONVERT HIM TO OUR SIDE, THERE WILL BE BACKLASH SO TERRIBLE IT COULD DESTROY OUR ENTIRE PLAN!"
"Don't worry, dude, he's almost done," Hobio assured the stressed-out voice. "He'll be done in a couple hours, and that's ALL. While he's hangin', I'll just head on down to the school in search of Rye Terra and lay the total smack down on the Bladers. That cool, dude?"
After a long moment of fuming silence, the voice spoke. "FINE. BUT DON'T FAIL ME, HOBIO NIKE! I WASTED MY TIME AND ENERGY MAKING YOU A BEAUTIFUL BISHOUNEN RATHER THAN WIPING YOU OUT OF EXISTENCE ENTIRELY, SO YOU BETTER NOT FAIL ME."
"You got nothin' to worry about, Grand Master Fangirl," Hobio grinned at the screen and seconds later, the signal went dead.
He stood up, stretched his arms behind him and turned back to the figure on the couch—a depressing, filthy, pale, scrawny and bony creature in worn street clothes, dazedly stuffing his face with more ice cream. His elbows were pin-pricked, his nose had remnants of cocaine dust on it, and he looked to be in the later stages of a severe drug addiction—apparently this is sexy to some deluded people in Fandom Fight Beyblade. He was a pathetic shell of a man, reeking of smoke, Tag body spray and complete and utter misery.
"Well, y'hear that, dude? The Grand Master Fangirl wants me t' have you ready to go by tonight! An' you know what that means?"
The figure lifted his head pathetically, showing off his weary, bloodshot eyes and the tearstains on his cheeks. "You'll finally rid me of this terrible, miserable nonexistence?"
"Nope," Hobio grinned. "With the help of Rye Terra, we're uppin' your angst levels, Reggi Wizucha."
Reiji gave Hobio a noncommittal look and let his head sink back down into the cushions of the couch. "Effing yay."
IN THE NEXT CHAPTER:
Team Gan Gan Galaxy will battle Hobio to save their… wow, is Reiji in some sorry shape. Is it even worth it anymore?
And WHO is the Grand Master Fangirl! WHAT is her plan? AM I going to tell you right now? NO! SO STOP ASKING!
APOLOGIES AND MISCELLANY:
English, Japanese and Spanish languages, I'm sorry.
I have never seen Napoleon Dynamite. I have a funny story about those damn talking keychains though. Ask me sometime and I'll tell you why I REFUSE TO WATCH THE MOVIE.