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Chapter 3: A Musician's Perseverance

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Name the fallen human.

Ash|

Is this name correct?

No-Yes

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Even when you felt trapped, you took notes and achieved the end of "Ball."

Perseverance

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Your name was Ash.

You had used to be the light of your parents' life… before they found out about your condition. The illness you were born with…

When you were diagnosed with having a condition no one knew yet what it was exactly. But then, a few years later, some scientists found the HIV virus. For a while less educated people still referred to it by its demeaning name of GRID. The fact that you had it since you were born? To everyone else just meant you were born gay. It was only later that people found out it didn't matter who transmitted it and that you could even get it from your parents but the damage was already done. You were already labelled as a fag lover.

Your parents didn't care. They just wanted to avoid being labelled as the ones who originally had the disease in the first place. It didn't help that, no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't concentrate on the school subjects. The only thing you could still somewhat concentrate in was music.

You had always had a knack for melodies and discerning the musical notes. After some piano lessons your teacher found out you had an almost absolute earring. It wasn't perfect but you could discern slightly different tones fairly easily. But as soon as your parents had realized how sick you were… once they realized what you were sick with… All those piano classes stopped.

They did want you to still do well in school, however. A mere show of how 'good' they were with their kid. But that was ok. Even if they had been the ones who infected you with HIV, it didn't change that you were one of the most defective kids you knew. You couldn't possibly blame them for not being able to deal with you. And they got you glasses so that you could read so that was ok. They did their duty as parents.

But even with the glasses you still had trouble learning. It didn't help that the pain caused by the thrush kept distracting you either. It also didn't help that you kept humming all of the time. All the melodies in your head wanting to burst out. If the other kids already hated you before, they despised your very existence now.

You had to run away during recess or they would beat you up with sticks. There was no way they would actually touch you, lest you transmit them the gay disease. You took to climbing the fence during lunch break and run into the woods behind the school. It had been complicated to learn how do it since your legs didn't work right, but you couldn't give up on it so soon.

And then you met Fabien.

You were 9 years old but you were still in second grade. You had started at the same time as the others that were your age, so the fact that you were two, going on three years behind was downright shameful and even your new classmates agreed.

You did as usual, hiding on top of trees during recess, only coming out when the bell rang. Then you climbed the fence so that you could eat lunch by yourself in the woods like always. But someone had taken your secret spot. A kid you didn't know.

Not wanting to be beat up by yet another kid you had started to step back but he noticed you.

And then he called you up.

You were… surprised.

Turned out Fabien was the son of a group of French-Canadians that had moved there recently. They apparently were also concerned with Fabien's odd condition. His condition was also something he had since birth, but nothing anywhere near as concerning as yours. He could stretch his skin and flesh in unbelievable ways. It was something called Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. Thought it had been found some time ago, his parent' hadn't been exactly up to date with the oddities of medicine, let alone dermatology in specific, so they wasted a whole lot of money just to get him to a decent doctor to get him diagnosed.

Now they really didn't have any more money to go back to their country so they were currently planning for something. Something Fabien wasn't private to.

So, he would stick around for a while.

You were honest with him about your condition and he didn't seem to judge you for it, unlike your classmates. You bonded over your conditions and the way others treated you as outcasts for something you had no control over.

Fabian had been addicted to a specific song he'd heard on the radio one time and he taught you it. That was how you learned about Leonard Cohen's song 'Hallelujah' and it was the first song you ever managed to memorize in it's fullest. It helped that Fabien sang along with you.

You hummed some of the melodies you had come up with but when you told Fabien you were struggling up with creating lyrics to it since you kept forgetting them he returned the following day with an old lavender colored notebook. It had some water marks but was otherwise pristine, if a bit dusty. You spent hours upon hours coming up with lyrics together. Sometimes you even arrived late to the next class after lunch and got yelled at by your parents.

In the end, it was worth it. Spending time with you very first friend in the world was worth everything to you.

But good things never lasted…

Fabien's parents had been secretly gathering 'freaks'. Because they had no more money left they had to earn it somehow and weren't above using their son's peculiar genetic disorder to get it. That meant that he would have to go on tours through the state and that You wouldn't be seeing him for a long time.

You waited in vain for his return. Your birthday, in which you two had planned to celebrate together, came and went with no news from him. Your condition worsened as days went by but you still held on to your hope. So, instead of mopping you continued on writing your lyrics, ever unsure if they were any good or not. You needed Fabien there to tell you, like he said he would. And you knew he would keep his promise. He would return!

But you wouldn't be there anymore…

Your parents got tired of all the money they had to spend on you to try every single treatment they could afford. All of them were duds, meant only to prey on desperate people like your parents. Mostly they had jusr been using you as a lab rat of sorts, you knew that much, so that they could then have a working procedure for themselves. They got angrier with you as days went by without a cure found and it really had only been a matter of time for them to blow up at you.

They told you to pack a bag and you dutifully did it. They drove for miles and miles. You weren't sure by then what they were going to do yet. It was odd for them to just suddenly want to go for a ride. It either meant something really good had happened… or that something really bad was about to happen.

And you knew for sure that nothing good had happened recently.

They stopped the car near a chain-link fence on the side of the road. Your father got out of the car and took a pair of wire cutters from the baggage compartment and started hacking away until he had widened the hole enough for a kid to fit through.

"Mom, Dad, where are we?... You asked hesitatingly.

"This used to be an indian reservation. Well… technically it still is but in name only. It still has some natives living there, but not many. Soon they will die out. But that doesn't matter, darling."

"Grab you bag and get out here!" Your father called out.

You complied.

Your father squatted in front of you so that his eyes were at the same level as yours, meaning he was about to have a 'serious talk' with you. You adjusted your backpack a bit on your shoulder and focused on what he had to say.

"Ash, we don't have any more money for your treatments." Were his first words. "We are moving away and starting anew. But we can't keep you anymore, kiddo. We tried. We really tried to be the parents you deserved. But we can't do it anymore. You understand, right kiddo?"

You nodded. You had run out of your use. You were costing them more than what you were worth and you couldn't even be a good student to compensate for all your other problems. It made sense that they would feel the need to discard you. You were tarnished goods, after all.

There was also the fact that you wouldn't live for much longer either. As a kid with AIDS and no working cure, you had outlived several other kids, but you knew it had been only a matter of time. That was something neither of your parent's ever hid from you.

"Good! We need you to stay there, in the woods. Try to keep away from other people, but if someone does find you, tell them that you were kidnapped and brought here, ok? You don't want mommy and daddy in jail over a misunderstanding, right?"

You shook your head in denial.

"Good kid. I knew you were smart underneath all of your laziness." That was what your parents always called you when you didn't do great in school. To them you were simply not giving it your best shot. You felt, as usual, the need to correct him, but you knew it wouldn't lead anywhere so you let it be.

"Farewell, Ashy! Be safe!" Your mother said from the car. She wouldn't even step out of the car to say goodbye to you. That was how much of a burden you were being to them.

"Take care, kid." Your father said to you, patting your head in a detached manner.

And with that they left, a cloud of dust whirling on their wake. You knew they weren't coming back so you started climbing what seemed to be a mountain, considering the inclination of it, walking between the elder trees. It was only half way up the mountain that the foggy cloud of numbness you had covered yourself with for protection finally dissipated and you couldn't help but cry your heart out at it.

The people that were supposed to take care of you had discarded you. All because you were such a big burden to them. If only you had been a normal kid… If only…

Distracted as you were with your tears, you failed to notice the gaping hole in your way and plummeted down harshly, screaming in terror.

You landed on a patch of yellow flowers. You did get a bit bruised, from what you could see, but you were otherwise fine. So, you stuck around the flower patch to finish grieving your life before trying to move on.

Once the tears stopped flowing, you finally stood up again. You brushed off your clothes and wrote some more lyrics to help you calm down even further. You were stuck in a cave of sorts and slowly starving to death wasn't very appealing, even if you were already slowly dying. First thing first trying to find water and food. You had an orange to eat but that wouldn't last long. Then you had to carefully plant how to get out of here. If there was water you could always follow its course to an exit, after all. Hopefully it wouldn't lead to a well.

You kept on writing in your notebook. It was something Fabien had taught you to do when you felt lost and trapped.

'Even when you feel trapped, you should take notes and you'll achieve the end of your anxiety."

And then she found you. Toriel, the monster you came to call mom eventually.

You had been scared of the gigantic Goat Lady at first but she was so nice… She took you to her home and made you a delicious pie.

You spent days together. She tried to tutor you but soon realized that the task was downright impossible. And you were constantly getting sick, even after she healed you. It was nice to feel ok with your body for once. No thrush to make your mouth hurt. No sicknesses and infection. Of course, your body just went right back to its original state in just a few days. You kept expecting her to get tired of you, but she never did.

And then you realized she actually wanted to keep you… she… confirmed it… she wanted you…

You never knew someone could cry from relief and happiness yet there you were.

You sang to her. She loved to hear you sing. She started trying to learn music so that she could keep up with you. She said you would make a great singer.

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If only she knew…

You told her about AIDS and how you couldn't hope to be a singer when you grew up. Considering how confused she was about the whole thing you realized she had no idea of what you were talking about. It made sense. She'd been stuck there for god knows how long. You felt it was kinder not to explain to her of your fate. It was selfish of you, though. You only did it because you wanted, for just a moment, to pretend you would grow up and grow old with your new mom.

Eventually you came to terms with your mortality. It was no use denying it, you would still die anyway. So, you accepted it. And you accepted that your last days in this Earth would be your happiest. How could you regret them when never in your life had you felt this happy?

Toriel eventually told you of the monster-human war, of how the monsters were trapped underground by a spell and couldn't leave. How… they needed seven human souls to break the barrier. That last one she hadn't told you. Another monster in the ruins had.

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Your life was already ending, wasn't it? It would be a waste if your soul just vanished like that… wouldn't it?

You left during the night. There was just one place Toriel never let you go to, telling you it was dangerous. The basement. So, the exit of the ruins should be there too, shouldn't it?

It had been there like you had theorized. You left. You endured the cold of Snowdin. You kept hidden, even in the harshest conditions. If you had to die, you would do it the right way, at the hands of the king. You made your way to the capital. The hardest place to avoid monsters had been new home. There were monsters everywhere but eventually you made your way to the entrance of the palace. It reminded you of Toriel's home.

You walked in but no one seemed to be home. There were some servant monsters cleaning the place. You climbed down the stairs and found yourself in a golden hallway. In there you saw a turtle monster walking. Gerson, he said his name was. He was going to visit the kind too, so you walked with him. He seemed to know you were human but he made no attempt to kill you. Well… not yet anyway.

You met the king. He was the same sort of monster as Toriel. He seemed kind but by now you knew appearances were deceiving. After Toriel commented with you how much the king wanted to start a war you didn't have any doubts that his kindness was fake.

You told him your life was almost over. You told him you had no regrets. You told him that you didn't want your soul, a soul they so dearly needed, to go to waste. You told him to take your soul and use it.

So, he took it.

The last thing you saw before your world plunged into darkness was purple.

Your thoughts crawled to a stop or close to it. There was no sense of time in this place.

It felt so dark and hopeless in this place… But you wouldn't give up. You had done the right thing so you would endure this darkness with all your might! You would persevere!

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You stopped humming as something changed around you.

You saw kid in a blue sweater with dark pink stripes standing in front of you.

Light Blue…

Yellow…

Dark Blue…

Green…

Orange…

And a lot of white ones dotting the darkness like musical notes on a partiture.

The kid had a heart of bright red in front of them. But the kid's music not was outside of the partiture you were in as if in two different songs. You watched them save their friends from where you were standing. Your mom, Toriel, was still alive.

As your purple music note was used a large magic wall that gave you an ominous broke, flooding you with feelings of peace…

…proving you that you had presevered…

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EN:

Chapter warnings: talk of HIV/AIDS; bullying; bad parenting; abandoning children; coming to terms with inevitable death.