Never knew I needed
AU – Appearances are everything. James is a rich guy with a huge heritage allowing him not to work. But truly he is a damn curious man sticking his nose where he shouldn't, 'til he meets Lily, then it all changes, drastically.
Chapter II.
Sometimes your dreams may feel more real than reality itself and waking up becomes a hard and unbearable task. This cannot be said about nightmares, they infiltrate their contagious and infinite roots through your body and soul making it almost impossible to be utterly free. You might open your eyes, you might recognize their single nature but you will definitely remember the despair and abandonment they have put you through. You may not recollect what caused your distress, although you will still feel miserable.
Those are the worst times for Lily, apart from running away from her perpetrators because then you can actually do something, when she is paralyzed by fear and unable to pretend to forget. She could not even try, her recent experiences would not let her. She has been reliving her family death since her head hit James' pillow.
So much for a good night's rest…
She wakes up with a huge pain on the back of her neck, her fatigue lingers without discretion on the bag under her eyes. For someone accustomed to rest anywhere and anytime Lily is feeling quite picky about her savior place.
The smell and cleanness of his house is not the issue. The motive is the boxes that are absolutely everywhere, how long has he been here? She could imagine him being anything but a slacker. Well, not the first time she has been proved wrong.
Whatever he does with his stuff is no concern of her, she reiterates to herself.
Early morning has arrived, she can tell, the sun is not out yet though. James lives in a peaceful neighborhood, surrounded by people whom greatest concern must be if their gardens are well taken care of.
Thinking about him, here, living his life amplifies her headache, she chastises her train of thoughts by abruptly leaving his bed and suddenly notices all her muscles are aching. In spite of not receiving any sort of physical beating, the whole thing just serves to deteriorate her mood.
Contradicting the image the unpacked boxes passed, there are photos on every wall her vision can take, along with some appreciation teddy bears on the corners, with thank you notes and pictures clearly draw by children. No girlfriend material on sight, or boyfriend.
As soon as her conclusion drifts to her awareness she allows it to drift back to her subconscious with its useless inappropriateness. She ought to take a shower, cleanse off these memories and thoughts unwanted, detested.
On automatic, preserving energy and time she grabs the first t-shirt her hands can hold on to, her average and flimsy underwear left to dry off on the heater.
For the first time she indulges on her impulse to see her savior, for a practical person she is starting to deviate from her customary ways. Because that is what he is... Right? Her knight in shining armor, the answer to her childish prayers… She scoffs in disbelief, more at her conclusions than something else and James stirs in his serene sleep, mumbling something unintelligible.
Her heart almost leaps off her ribcage, not in its usual fearsome manner. This time is different and she so wants to flee from here, nothing good will come out from this time. She needs to go, find other place to stay, to begin anew. Hope is for fools who want their feelings to be crushed…
His breathing resonates between the walls and her feet drag her closer. He is so defenseless and trusting and… so not her. His ridiculous smiles, his bothersome intrusion… His light snore lulls her unconsciously, without her noticing she is asleep by the nearest arm chair.
The sweet scent of cookies and hot chocolate seduces her out from her dreamless slumber. James is not by her side and the sunlight cannot be contained outside by the curtains behind her. His place achieves a new level of friendly aura now.
"- Hey…"
Lily tries to conjure her habitual distance and scowl without success, something warm and peaceful runs through her veins preventing any ill dispositions to form. So she limits her sentences to basics.
"- Hey…"
"- Not much of a bed fan either?"
She exhales. Surprised at her will to be nice towards him, not by counting her motives to be grateful and etc.
"- Yeah" – she concludes a little lie hurts no one, stretching her arms and legs without an ounce of pain in her muscles, she finally looks at what he is holding.
If he noticed her choice of clothing, he says nothing about it.
"- Hungry?"
"- What's the catch?" – her answer delayed by few seconds, dwells heavily between them, his usual smile falters and a little part of her crumbles in itself.
"- Nothing." – he grabs one of the cookies, exaggerating with the pleasurable humming while eating it.
Her desire to be civil completely forgotten, if she was not so hungry he would be seeing her back by now.
"- Okay…" – she inches near the batch of sugary heaven and he deviates from her clutch to her dismay.
"- What now?"
"- Nothing."
What a devil…
"- Then let me have a cookie."
"- What for?"
Her impatience brews to a crescendo like the darkest storm, as much as his smiles.
"- To shove it up…"
"- Ha!" – he interrupts as passing to her, finally, the plate.
After giving Lily a few seconds while she not so gracefully devours the sweets, he questions her: "- Remus is coming to get your testimony."
"- No way." – she barely gulps the rest of the cookie and eyes James with her best vexed countenance.
"- No cops." – she tries to elaborate her answer with rationality without accomplishment. His suggestion sets heavily on the pit of her stomach, along with the not more appealing cookies above her knees.
"- I did think so… But we must catch them before they catch us… Maybe…"
James is mumbling to himself and completing ignoring her stares to share with her his ideas. His phone emits a 'ping' right after he turned the television on. The morning news on channel seven is already at some intricate and boring burglar case.
"- How did you find me?"
"- Your hair color is not discreet." – his fingers are typing some text on his phone, while his eyes remain glued to the tv.
She bits her tongue to not say anything about his hair, pointing everywhere. No reason to stoop to his level, she is not a child, Lily recalls to herself trying to remain calm.
"- And of course they have a disguised closed group on facebook, they usually schedule their meetings there. I had a hunch but did Moony believe me? Unreasonably not."
See? She can be an adult while conversing with a not adult and nagging person.
"- We are not safe here either, and I believe some are part of the police department. That is why we need to lay low for a while, until I decide our next step."
"- You're not asking my opinion on this?" – she turns off the television, which is not helping her concentration going on and on about the disappearance of a twenty one year old guy.
"- Nope. I already know what you want to do." – James is draw to dramatic gestures like a moth to flame, Lily has noticed as he rests slowly back on the sofa and crosses his fingers above his legs.
"- Run away." – they say in unison.
So much for a surprise premise.
"- I know you don't trust me, yet, this is the best I can do for now though. Or else you volunteer any info."
She can either use this as an opening to leave all this mess behind and start fresh somewhere or, as he said, trust someone for the first time and finally stand her ground against her assailants. Against her family killers.
Her fears and gut instinct are twisting her insides, her typical fears pleading her muscles to bust her body through the exit door. James is looking at her so intensely that she swears he is able to read her mind, she scowls and faces the door again.
He is not smiling.
"- Okay." – she inhales a large portion of air along with all the courage available to pump oxygen through her veins. She can do this, she knows her survival lies greatly on her adaptation skills.
"- They've murdered my whole family."
Big pause, she is expecting any sort of dramatic theatrics coming from James. Although he only looks impatient.
"- That much is obvious!" – he breaks the silence without a blink.
"- Oh God where is your empathy?!"
"- Do you think I am that imperceptive? How did I get here? Sheer luck, really? You insult me lady. And my intelligence!"
There are the theatrics…
"- Enough. Do you want to know more or not?" - she can sense her composure evaporating through her pores alarmingly faster.
"- Go on."
"- During my childhood we've lived on camps with other romani people and any sort of marginalized group. We were taught to stay away from regular people, which was not necessary since they've always avoided us like the plague. The church was the only place, outside my home, where I could be myself. And sadly it was where everything started."
"- My little sister was the first of many targets among us. The police was not interested on investigating the slayings between us. What for? Nobody cared.
- My parents were terrified, they would often try to disguise themselves but to no avail. It was hard to work while your daughter was at risk for being another victim.
- So in less than a week we were told the camp was to be moved again, we would be divided into minor groups for better government control".
Lily pauses to reassure herself with the facts from the past, in order to not leave relevant things untold, her rationality is in control of her words and her emotions are lost to her. Fear and sadness remain unknown to her heart at this moment, like she is telling someone else story from the newspaper.
"- My family was not so big and once a member leaves our ways behind, this person is usually strayed by the elders, no contact whatsoever. But by desperation, and luck, my mom found a distant uncle living here, in London. And so I severed any sort of connection with my family for good...
-... My uncle had a heart condition which didn't give him longer years after receiving me in his home, by then I was completely alone but old enough to find a job and try to fend for myself…"
She finally looks at James, part afraid of seeing pity and part afraid of seeing contempt on his face. Contrary to her expectations he just seems very focused and attentive to her narrative, not rushing her to continue. She forces her shoulders to relax, and clenchs and unclenches her hands while reminiscing her life.
"- We both were very cautious since my arrival, I was home schooled, barely left his sight, the number of people whom he trusted was few… We moved from time to time, the amount of money limited our way of hiding, he did the best he could though. The little I've gathered is what he taught me, I wished…"
What? She wished what? To not be here, to have had a happy childhood, a normal life, to not be who she is?
She exhales heavily.
"- Maybe I should go to South America, leave all this behind me and forget it."
"- Yeah, revenge will get you nowhere, since justice is out of the question." - James eyes her taciturnly, making a disapproving face after sipping from his cup of cold tea.
"- Ain't you supposed to give a great speech about righteousness?" - she is forcing to play it cool, maybe throwing a joke here and there.
"- You're obviously lying to me. Do you think I don't know that you're sorting every single one of your assailants out already? When you lie you've got this cute tiny tick on your upper lip, it's quite a giveaway.".
"- Wh… What? I'm not!" – insulted is an insufficient word to describe how she actually feels, his assumption is absurd and unreal, also so unexpected that she is off balance and uncertain of what and how to respond.
"- You've had a lot of opportunities during past years to get away for good, last night you're caught unprepared. The visit to your building was also a miscalculation, although I was able to mislead them."
"- You're spurting nonsense, what would I gain by lying to you? I want you to help me."
"- Ohh, okay. Then I can help you."
First Lily is astonished and confused, then James begins to smile in that life-has-not-been-more-beautiful-until-now way and she is able to caught up with his line of thought.
"- You're so full of crap, God…".
She is really asking for help from this kind of person? Normalcy is unreachable in her life.