DISCLAIMER: I do not own "やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている," commonly referred to as "Oregairu" - characters are property of Watari Wataru and ponkan8.

I was an idiot. No, really. In spite of what the education system told people, I was a Grade-A idiot. One hundred percent confirmed. Source: me (and pretty much everyone else that ever had the misfortune of encountering me).

Why, though? Well, that's another thing entirely. Sort of. I mean, you might as well have asked how the universe came into existence the way it did in spite of the theoretically impossible chance it had (the Big Bang theory leaves me puzzles; for what formed from nothing? What was the first source of light? How was anything possible?).

The question had far too many answers and I perused them at my leisure as I sat on a park bench, waiting for an acquaintance of mine. Minutes were more important than gold, and it irritated me that he was not here yet, but at the same time, I understood perfectly how annoying his life was and why he was late.

Nonetheless, I hated the feeling of loneliness that I had come to live with.

Ah. There he was.

"Sorry." My partner for the rendezvous greeted me with a light wave as he plopped himself next to me, his breath heavy with what sounded like an innate desire to stab something. His clothes heavily contrasted his obvious panic. They were perfectly cared for and spoke of quality; the watch on his wrist screamed wealth, and yet, he was in such disarray.

"How's it been?" Some people would have called me cruel for asking. They were right.

"Like you have to ask. I can't believe we actually got away with this plan, and there is nothing that I do not regret about it. Aside from all the absolute nonsense I have to put up with now, I can't even come home to see the most adorable little sister in the world."

"You shouldn't have asked if I wanted to be Hikigaya Hachiman, then."

"...You looked like you needed help, idiot."

"Aren't you the idiot for offering and following through, then," I teased.

"Yeah. Doesn't make you any less of one," he snarled back, amusement littering the lines about his face. He looked like he had aged considerably. Not surprisingly, given that my parents weren't fools who tolerated failure and he decided to stand in for mine.

That they hadn't messaged me was high praise in of itself. What was the difference between me and him? How did it happen?

He interrupted my thoughts with a question, "How's Komachi?" In spite of his standoffish nature, he was probably the world's number one brocon.

I frowned at that. "Not sure. It's hard to tell." His expression was incredulous. "Hey, don't give me that. I've only had like four months to live with her and I've known her for less than a year!"

"But as her big brother, you have to know everything about her."

"...I'm not even going to pretend to bother how that's possible or why that's your standard. Or point out that that just sounds all kinds of creepy and wrong and nope, nope, nope."

My acquaintance scoffed lightly. I sighed a breath of relief - I honestly thought he was going to murder me - and leaned into the wood that propped us up. While he was joking, the undertones of me not playing my part weren't wrong. Hurtful, I guess. But not wrong. I wasn't ashamed to admit I was faulty, even after I stopped playing the part of Hayama Hayato.

(Maybe I wasn't cut out to play any parts.)

He brushed a hand through his hair and his eyes turned towards the children playing in the park. He was distant as he spoke. "I just hope you enjoy living with Komachi. Having a little sister doesn't cure disease, but it does show you the wonders of life." You are wanted; you are someone - you are you, and that matters. Just try.

I swallowed. It was hard for me to accept that someone was willing to put up with so much just for me. Stranger as I remembered that we weren't even friends. Speaking of such...

"I do. By the way," I wasn't sure how to go about this, "what about relationships?"

(Do not think about Orimoto, do not think about Orimoto… Dang it.)

He blinked. "Hah?"

Nervously, I laughed an explanation into existence. "Well, um, you see, what about any friends we make?"

"... are you serious. You've spent maybe a few months as me and you've already cheated the invincible Forever Alone ability? What are you, some kind of superhuman? No, you're probably just a Super Riajuu And, I cannot believe I never asked this, but are you into girls, guys, both, or neither - because I totally can see why you'd have rejected a girl that cute-"

I slapped him on the back of the head. "First off, I'm not even one hundred percent sure what my preferences are, even if I've been and am attracted to some people. We're like twelve for crying out loud; if anything's cute, I might like it. Second, you shouldn't even be thinking about that."

His head tilted sideways and it would have been adorable if this guy wasn't such a jerk ten-out-of-ten times. "And why ever not? I believe I have every right to be familiar with the intricacies of Hikigaya Hachiman."

There wasn't enough aspirin in the world for people like him. Ugh. I massaged my forehead. "How did Komachi ever put up with you."

"Easy," he said confidently, "because we put up with each other." It's not about the effort, it's about just finding what works - relationships are a two way street, so even if you put in work, both of you have to work together. Chemistry is a joint effort. Life is about choices - so what are yours?

I blinked. Who knew a kid my age could speak so much without so many words, and in such a way that made me feel inadequate? (My mind tried not to jump to a long, black haired girl whose crying face I would never forget.)

He didn't answer my question initial question, but he pointed out that I was free to do what I felt like, so long as I didn't endanger anyone. Relationships were a tenuous affair, but what were they? What was the point of my pursuits?

The boy sitting next to me swept me off my feet. Again. He led me to ask him something that he knew he could use. His simple, direct answers were, more often than not, bluntly correct and genuine. It wasn't like I didn't understand the concept. It wasn't that I had forgotten what a relationship was.

But I had forgotten the meaning behind relationships and the nature of my own with Komachi (And she was meant to be, was, family). It wasn't something I could just do, it was something that the two of us needed to explore why we're more than strangers. So by my inability to answer his previous question, he had followed up by prodding again: how could I look for a new relationship when my own with Komachi was barely established?

If I chose to make friends with Orimoto, he wouldn't have been against it so long as I understood what Hikigaya Hachiman represented. Stepping outside of my comfort zone was leaving a box for a bigger one but I wasn't allowed to abandon the responsibilities of the previous cage.

My lack of clarity made me ashamed. (Or was it just jealousy?)

How was it that this self-proclaimed loner knew how to fix situations and manipulate people without having targets to practice on until now?

"Haah… you make it sound so easy. Are you sure you're just a loner?"

He snorted. "Good one. Of course I'm not. Hayama Hayato would love to be a loner, as far as I can tell, but can't. Though I'm not sure Hayama Hayato has any true comforts or companions. As for Hikigaya Hachiman, he has no obligations to anything. Do as you please, but be considerate - that's all I ask."

The two of us passed time quietly - neither of us were fit for small talk, though I was much better at it than him - and I wondered if this was what brotherhood felt like (because Hikigaya Hachiman could never have been friends with Hayama Hayato).

As we stood to part, he reminded me: "We don't live forever, so make the most of what you have."