CHAPTER 3: The Decision
Light scrolled through the threesomes, trying to think of what Ryuk would like. What was a shinigami's sex drive and sexual taste, anyway? Ryuk could go a thousand years without even having the capability to experience physical release. Yet, he was eager enough now, already in his Light-based form and beginning to undress.
Well, there wasn't really any way to tell without just seeing how he reacted, and probably anything would be pretty good when compared to the ugly neighbors Ryuk had been watching lately - ugh - Light had several very unpleasant images jump into his mind, and he forcibly pushed them out by concentrating on the porn videos on the screen in front of him. Light picked out a threesome with two guys and a girl that looked like the sort of thing he'd personally like, and downloaded the video.
Light said, "This one is twenty minutes. Do you think you'll need longer than that? I can download another video or two and show you how to play them."
Ryuk said, "Twenty minutes is enough."
The sound of Ryuk's voice startled Light - younger, not at all gravelly. Ryuk had been staying in his normal form lately, so Light hadn't heard this voice for a while. It almost felt like someone other than Ryuk was suddenly in his room. Light eyed Ryuk, trying to adjust to the change. Ryuk was naked now, except for the holster containing his own death note, which he'd re-adjusted so the straps circled around his chest and over one shoulder, away from the waist area. Of course, Ryuk would be very reluctant to ever let go of his remaining death note.
Yes, Light instinctively wanted to react to Ryuk as he would to another person, since the shinigami sitting on Light's bed looked startlingly human, except for those sewn-on patches of bluish or whitish skin. No, this wouldn't do. Light needed to remind himself of what Ryuk really was. He wasn't a person at all, not even close, no matter how he looked.
Light said, "When you're in that form, you can grow out your wings. Can you also move through objects?"
Ryuk grinned and suddenly sank through the floor, winging back up a few moments later and settling on the edge of the bed once again. Light felt momentarily upset at the thought of a naked guy flying through his house in areas where his mother or sister might possibly be, but shrugged off the feeling as one of the many illogical things that always popped into his mind about Ryuk.
Ryuk shrunk his black feathery wings away to nothing and then said, "You know, very few humans have seen a shinigami penis. I suppose you're lucky that way. Though, technically, you've been seeing it for years."
"What do you mean, Ryuk?"
"Since shinigami don't have genitals, it isn't a combination of our forms, it's an exact copy of your own. Come over here and see."
Light felt odd for a moment but shook it off and strode forward. It was a scientific kind of curiosity, nothing more. Exploring Ryuk was like exploring the properties of the death note. You needed to know how things worked, and you never knew which pieces of information might prove vital later on. Light looked at Ryuk's penis, but he wasn't really familiar enough with how his own looked to tell. It's not like he spent time staring at it, he just used it for whatever function it was needed for and then put it away.
Light told himself once again that Ryuk wasn't human, and besides nobody would ever know about this, so he sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled his pajama pants and underwear down, looking at both penises. It was true, they were exact copies, the same shape, the same size, and even that one vein running down the side was identical. And, as Light peered closer, he noticed that all the folds of skin on the testicles were in exactly the same places, and even the sparse hairs sprinkled across those folds were exactly the same. Then he noticed his face was nearly in Ryuk's lap and he pulled back with an abrupt "Sorry!"
Ryuk said, "Do you know how old I am, kid? I've seen everything. You can't offend me."
Before Light could figure out any response, Ryuk flipped over and spread his ass cheeks, showing his pink, puckered hole.
Ryuk said, "That's something I don't have in my regular form either. If you used a mirror to look at your own, you'd see it's an exact copy too. Since I don't have a real digestive system, it's also the cleanest asshole you'll ever see. My stomach is a blind pouch; it doesn't even connect to my intestines. In fact, my entire body is cleaner than yours will ever be. When I dematerialize, I leave behind any dust or grime or bacteria that may have settled on me. I'm as clean as a sterilized test tube. If you ate food off my stomach, it would probably be safer than eating it off your dinner plates."
Light blinked, unsettled. Ryuk was always saying such weird things, putting such odd images in his head. Light was intrigued, though, by the thought of extreme cleanliness. Everything in the human world was dirty, messy, disordered, and it took as much effort as humans could muster to constantly clean and organize everything. A shinigami body must be very nice in certain ways. You didn't need to spend any time taking care of it, feeding it, or wasting productive hours on sleeping, and it was always extremely clean.
Light reached out and traced one finger along the side of Ryuk's leg, noting how different it felt than human skin. It did feel utterly clean and dry, with not a trace of skin oils or the residue of sweat. Ryuk didn't have bodily fluids. He didn't produce any of those things. Yet, his skin was soft. It didn't feel like some dried-out callus. It felt almost delicate.
Light said, "How do you know all these things about your internal organs?"
"Oh, sometimes when shinigami get bored we spend time cutting each other open and looking at the insides. It's hard to get a good look, though, because even the largest wounds seal up almost instantly. But that makes the game more interesting."
Ryuk got up, grabbed a pen from Light's desk, and stabbed himself deeply in the stomach. Light had to bite back a cry, it was just so gross, but Ryuk's face was completely serene as the pen quickly popped back out on its own and the bloodless wound sealed.
Ryuk said, "It doesn't hurt at all. If you found it amusing, I could let you stab me repeatedly for as long as you want."
Light found an insane little giggle bubbling up from somewhere deep inside, and he felt weird. His heart was suddenly beating faster. Did he want to do that? No, that was sick. He wasn't the type for physical violence, even if it technically wasn't real violence because it didn't cause any pain or damage. That's why the death note was so perfect. You could kill from a distance, keep your hands clean, and keep your mind in a better condition than if you had to personally watch each of your kills.
No, not kills. Judgments. They were judgments on a filthy world, something so like the justice system Light had supported all his life but better, because judgments raining down anonymously on evildoers, in a godlike way, could actually put an end to evil, something the police and the courts could never do. A true end to evil was within the grasp of the world for the first time ever, and Light, Light was the one to offer it to the world, the only one with the power, the intelligence and the commitment to justice that was needed to create a true utopia. Nobody else could do it.
Light visualized Raye Penber's dying face once again. It was both a horrible and a beautiful sight, a sacrifice to the god of the new world. Those who opposed that god were sinners, and they needed to be taken down. Enemies could not be tolerated. Those who merely spoke against the god of the new world were not true enemies. The blasphemers would be allowed to live, to show the god's benevolence and to thereby increase the number of Kira followers. But those who performed actions against the developing utopia, those who sinned and not merely blasphemed, they would always be crushed. Including L, once his identity was uncovered.
Light's fingers were drumming excitedly against the bed as he thought of his plans, of how everyone would eventually see him as the savior he really was and of how, over time, all forms of opposition would gradually disappear. He was keyed-up, inflamed with visions of his crime-free paradise spreading over the entire world.
A sudden twinge in his penis, probably just stimulation from the cold air of the room, brought Light's attention back to the matter at hand. Light realized he still hadn't played that porn video for Ryuk, who was perched on the side of the bed beside him and looking at him curiously. Light pulled up his underwear and pajama pants and walked forward to the computer, starting the video playing, adjusting the volume to very low and maximizing its size with a few clicks of the mouse.
Light said, "I'll go downstairs. Come get me when you're done."
Ryuk said, "Light, I've watched you before, so there's nothing wrong with you watching me. It'll even out the score. Besides, you should masturbate too. You're uptight, and if you don't have fun and release your stress more often you'll die early from some stress-related disease."
Light fumed inside. This shinigami, always giving him advice! And thinking he was uptight? But... if it was for the purpose of living a long time, maybe he did need to consider letting loose more often. Light knew the statistics about stress-related diseases, and they did strike those who were successful like himself quite frequently. They were achiever's diseases, and Kira would perhaps be the ultimate achiever.
And, it was true, Light was high-strung tonight, he had to admit that much. There was a jittery adrenaline high running through Light from Raye Penber's death. The high had been both partly calmed and partly fueled by the nighttime flight. Light glanced at the screen and considered it. The actors were currently rolling around in their bed, all three rubbing against each other in some kind of awkward semblance of foreplay, letting out the fake-sounding moans so typical of porn videos. How annoying. Light leaned forward and muted the sound entirely.
Light went back to sit on the edge of the bed, glancing at Ryuk and seeing him watching the video eagerly, a huge grin on his face even though the actors hadn't really started anything quite yet. Ryuk had a bottle of lotion already positioned beside him. Light found himself pulling down his pajama pants and underwear again, and squirting some lotion into his hand, having somehow made the decision to participate in this without having really consciously made that decision.
He'd done this in front of Ryuk a few times before. It had been easier then, thinking of Ryuk as an object or a monster, a thing that didn't really matter, not like a person at all. Somehow, doing it again, in front of this humanized version of Ryuk, it would prove something, it would prove that Ryuk wasn't anything like a human, that Ryuk had been put back in his proper place.
Masturbating in front of Ryuk was a way of showing Ryuk that he wasn't the one in charge of this relationship, that his status was only slightly different than a hallucination. Yes, for most practical purposes, Ryuk may as well be a hallucination. Perhaps this would help with the quest to train Ryuk to talk less in public.
Light focused on the screen as he began massaging his penis, enjoying the wet friction produced by the lotion, feeling himself hardening and growing. It was an almost automatic process by now. He had learned to be quick and efficient about it. It was more a way of relieving tension, a thing that had to be periodically done to increase his ability to concentrate rather than a source of pleasure as with most teenage boys. But, should he draw it out? Show Ryuk that he could, indeed, last longer than two minutes? No, no, it didn't matter what the shinigami thought, it was just that if Light finished first, it might be tedious to wait out Ryuk's session.
The actors had stopped their lame attempt at foreplay and had skipped oral, moving straight to positioning themselves for penetration. The woman was lying on the bed with her legs spread, and one man was hoisting her legs up and getting ready to enter her, while the second man was kneeling behind the first man, about to penetrate him from behind.
Ryuk chuckled and said, "That isn't realistic. I'm sure they prepared the guy who's about to get it up the ass off-screen. You can't just shove it in without preparing the guy with fingers and lubrication first."
Light coolly said, "I'm well aware that almost all pornography is unrealistic. You're not supposed to think about it."
"Well," Ryuk continued, "it would work with a shinigami like me. It's impossible to hurt me, though if a human male tried to enter me dry, it would probably be uncomfortable for the human. With two humans, dry sex that is rough enough will cause bleeding that eases the movement. Since it's impossible to make me bleed, any human male who tried to enter me without lubrication would probably experience too much dry friction. But, even though the human would probably need lubrication, I wouldn't need to be stretched with fingers first. As long as there was lubrication and the human male had enough strength to thrust into that much tightness, it would be fine. It would probably be pretty intense for the human. The human could be as rough as he wanted to be."
Ryuk was doing it again! Putting weird images into Light's mind. Ryuk was talking so casually about the whole thing too... was he suggesting... or was it just that shinigami didn't have normal boundaries about the things they talked about?
Ryuk said, "You know, I'm up for anything. Nothing is too shocking for me. If you wanted, I could demonstrate for you. It would probably be a more interesting way for you to get off."
Light's motions on his penis stopped momentarily and the corner of his lip twitched. The shinigami was indeed suggesting something! Light focused on the video playing on his computer screen, refusing to even look at Ryuk out of the corner of his eye. That audacious creature! Was he going to become demanding and needy now, like the girls Light was always trying to brush off? Or, was Ryuk just curious and bored and sexual activities truly meant nothing to him?
If it really could stay in the bedroom... if Ryuk could still be trained into being a silent shadow when in public... and, the idea of a cleaner body than any human, a completely sterile body, it appealed to something in Light, to his sense of order and rightness... it would be nice to have a warm body writhing underneath him, a regular sexual partner could provide more satisfying releases than just using masturbation... it would be his own secret, like the death note itself, a pleasure that nobody else would ever know...
But, what if he lost control of things? Sexual relationships in humans were tainting, entrapping, they complicated everything. If sex with Ryuk created anything like that, it wouldn't be tolerable, especially with Ryuk following him around for the rest of his life. Ryuk's desires for companionship and entertainment had to be carefully controlled and contained. If sex changed that balance... no, it was best not to risk it. Ryuk obviously didn't think like a human, so he might not have any expectations like those a human lover would have, but it was still better to avoid things that could potentially change the power dynamic between them.
Light concentrated on speeding up his strokes, feeling the rising pleasure within him. It was best to get this release over with and go to bed. Light couldn't help glancing at Ryuk and saw him doing likewise. Light focused on the screen again, letting himself be aroused by the activities he saw there, pressing harder, a few beads of sweat running down his forehead, feeling his balls drawing up and tightening as an intense heaviness gathered together just at the base of his penis.
Then he heard a sharp cry from Ryuk and looked over to see Ryuk's penis twitching, looking as if it were spurting invisible semen, but nothing was exiting Ryuk's penis. Ryuk had no bodily fluids. He looked orgasmic, though. His face had that unmistakable expression of bliss, and little spasms ran through his body.
In the next moment, Ryuk sighed and said, "Being partly human is so wonderful."
His voice sounded lazy and sated and a bit calculating, as if there were some game afoot.
Light ignored Ryuk and concentrated once again on his own pleasure. That feeling that had been building inside him only needed a few pushes in the right direction... Light manipulated his penis meticulously, with sure, measured strokes, each movement carefully calculated to bring him to his climax quickly and easily. And then, he could feel it. He clutched himself tightly with both hands and let out an undignified sound, as everything that had been rising within him suddenly released, and warm spurts spilled over his fingers.
In the next moments he spiraled down from his high and was faced with the dirty reality of it all, that his penis and fingers were covered with a mix of cum and lotion and he'd need to clean it up. He leaned over, but Ryuk was faster and handed him a bunch of tissues. As Light laboriously wiped himself, trying to get every last drop of the mess, Ryuk grinned at him and said, "Watch this!"
Ryuk had only a bit of lotion on his own penis. He put some tissues on the bed, positioned his penis above them, and then suddenly the lotion fell right through his penis onto the waiting tissues below. Light was envious. Ryuk was so perfect and clean, and he hadn't even sweated one drop. There was no sweat in him, no skin oils, no semen, no spit or snot or earwax. It must be nice to not deal with any of those things. Compared to Ryuk, all humans were gross repositories of bodily fluids and germs and dirt.
Light finished his cleaning, turned off the computer and the lights, and slipped under the covers. Ryuk was curled up at the foot of the bed on top of the covers, a weight against Light's feet. Ryuk was dressed but still in his mostly-human form, and there was an odd gleam in his dark brown eyes. Light pushed him further down, out of reach, and then curled up, trying to go to sleep.
Sleep eluded him. He was antsy, even still. He tossed and turned, continually alternating between mentally reliving Raye Penber's death, or being caught up in all the weird images Ryuk had put into his head. Really, starting up a hobby of stabbing Ryuk for the fun of it, or taking him on as a sexual partner... Ryuk was just weird.
A few times during his insomnia, Light looked at Ryuk, and saw him in his normal form again, still curled at the foot of the bed. Odd. The monster didn't need to sleep, and he normally amused himself at night by going elsewhere, probably watching TV in other people's houses within the radius he could travel.
Then, gradually, the truth dawned on Light. He was still worked up sexually. Was it watching porn that had done it? He usually didn't bother with such things for this very reason. It was just stupid to increase your own horniness when it was already too much of a distraction from the important things in life. Or, maybe it was Ryuk's suggestion. The offer of incredibly clean, hot sex with no boundaries whatsoever... and then to have that creature who had offered it sleep in the same bed with you, it was something likely to affect a young man of Light's age. Light did look forward to being older, when his hormones wouldn't interrupt his concentration so often.
Light eyed Ryuk's monstrous form. Now, Ryuk was ugly, but he could be good-looking. And, maybe, making use of him in a sexual way did make sense. Sex wasn't like masturbation. If you got it regularly, it was supposed to curb your needs, improve your ability to focus on other parts of life, truly satisfy you so you didn't have nagging, inconvenient, embarrassing urges coming up all the time. Well, they did come up, but you could get rid of them more completely and easily than you ever could with your own efforts. Having a regular sexual partner gave a man a certain advantage in all of life's endeavors.
Light could hardly believe he was doing it, but he crawled to the foot of the bed, took a deep breath, and shook Ryuk's shoulder. Ryuk rolled over, looking at Light with those bugged-out monster eyes, smiling with that clown-mouth filled with spiky teeth that split his face all the way up to nearly his cheekbones.
Am I really considering this? Really thinking of having sex with that... thing... that monster?
Light took another deep breath, and, in a commanding voice, he said, "I'm thinking of trying that experiment you suggested. Do you have much remaining time today for being in your other form?"
"If I transform now, I could probably stay like that an hour."
"If this is going to happen, this is just fun, nothing more. It won't change anything between us, and you won't ever act like a girlfriend or a wife. Do you agree?"
Ryuk said, "Sure. We're only relieving each other's boredom. Just like we've been doing all along."
Then, Ryuk was transforming, and moments later a nearly-human teenager with black hair and dark brown eyes was kneeling on the bed in front of Light, with a lowered head even though he was taller, so he could gaze up coquettishly at Light. Ryuk looked eager and submissive all at once. Then, Ryuk had closed the last bit of distance, making the first move, and his lips, those curiously dry, soft, warm lips, were pressing in a rhythm against Light's own in a hungry kiss, a kiss that felt like the kiss of a man who had been celibate for a very long time.
A/N (Author's Note):
Well, the lemon is almost here, as I'm sure you can see. I felt there needed to be a lot of build-up to it for it to be believable and in-character for both of them, which is why this chapter was mostly thinking, with little action. I hope I succeeded in making it believable.