Part Three: What's wrong with Envy? Seriously. Someone Tell Us.

Sae's eyes slowly opened to see Envy's grayish eyes wide open and staring at her. She yelped and jumped into a sitting position. Envy cackled devilishly. Sae was panting. "W-why'd you do that?" she whimpered. "No-one wants to wake up to creepy cat eyes!"

"That's the idea, dolt," replied Envy. He had become quite fond of that nickname for her.

"Hmmm, just for that, I think we can go to two malls today in order to pick out what I want," announced Sae, causing Envy to growl in protest.

"You can't do this to me! I hate shopping!" he whined, pathetically.

"Oh, I had no idea. Well, you'd better learn to like it, or else we'll go to three!" announced Sae.

"YAY SHOPPING!" yelled Envy, loudly. He grabbed his pillow and threw it at Sae's head with so much force that she fell off the edge of her bed. When she hit the ground, she turned a few somersaults on account of her low weight before falling still and staring blankly at the ceiling. Envy freaked out, idiotically thinking she was dead. If he had killed her, Wrath would turn him into a coat rack!

HERE LIES YE ENVIOUS COAT RACK.

Envy ran over to the other side of Sae's bed to see that she was very much alive. She hit him square in the face with her little fist. And then she racked him. Envy slumped over and lie down on the floor next to Sae. "I think all of us guys need some metal crotch armor...or automail...never mind..." said Envy, his voice trailing off. Wait a second, was he actually being funny? Oh God. This was not good.

Sae laughed and said, "Yes, the male Homunculi's one weakness, they don't have permeable crotches!"

Envy laughed along with her and added, "Screw the human remains!" Something was definitely wrong with him.

Suddenly, breaking the pleasant air, Sloth yelled from the kitchen, "Sae-chan! Envy-kun! Your breakfast1 is getting cold!"As soon as Sae heard 'breakfast' she jumped up and started running down the stairs, two at a time. Envy followed her slowly. He was still worried about his mental (and crotchal) health.

When Sae reached the kitchen, Wrath was violently eating a sausage and was reaching for one more with his fork. Sloth slapped his hand and said, "Wrath, you're going to be sick! I think nineteen sausages is enough!"

"Where does he put it all?" asked Envy, coming up behind Sae.

"God knows," replied Sloth. "Sae, come here and sit in between Wrath and me. I don't think you want to be anywhere near Envy. His eating habits are bizarre." Sae nodded and plopped down in her designated chair. She helped herself to some eggs, bacon and a few sausages (which Wrath stole). And then, as all Homunculi do, she grabbed a handful of Philosopher's Stone fragments and sprinkled it over everything.

Despite what Sloth had said, Sae was quite curious about Envy's food choices. She watched as he put some eggs on his plate, topping them with bacon and sausages. He then proceeded to put ketchup and syrup on them. After sprinkling some fragments on top, he began to eat it. Sloth, Wrath and Sae chorused an, "Ewwwwww."

"What?!" demanded Envy, his eyes slowly becoming purple because of the stone bits.

"Nothing," replied Sae, picking at her eggs. They had become a bit disturbing, now that she had seen what horrors could be done with them.

1 Before any of you say anything about Homunculi not eating...one word: GLUTTONY. Oh and one more: WRATH. He eats sausages like a pig in episode 29.