I hope you remember that this is in a universe where A didn't exist so Em and Samara didn't break up because of A. Just a friendly reminder! Oh, and I will not be posting alot in the next week or so because I have training.
As she walked over towards me I remembered all the good times we had together. I remembered dating her and trying to help Paige come out to her father. We broke up because I fell in love with Alison. "Emily? Hey! I haven't seen you in ages! How've you been?" She said happily. How's it look like I've been I wanted to say. Instead I just gave her monotonic "Good" and looked away. I didn't want to drag her into the hell hole I belong in. "Seriously Emily, what's wrong? I'm am here for you." She said, sounding concerned. Wow, I thought, some hasn't cared like this in a while. I looked her in the eyes, feeling my eyes watering. "I…you wouldn't understand" There I go again building walls up to cover my softness. My weakness. "Em, I would understand. How about I come to your place and we can catch up. Oh, and I am not taking no for an answer." I didn't want her to come to my apartment. I didn't care about the mess, I just don't want her to have to sit there and listen to my nightmarish story. But as we walked to my apartment I felt this little sliver of hope, of light, seep into the darkness. Maybe this is for the better. Maybe
We sat there in silence, side by side. Her face was wet with tears but mine was completely dry. I have heard my own story so many times that I had become immune to how horrible it really sounded. "Emily, I had no idea." I could tell that she cared but really, who did have an idea. No one really understood something until they are drug through them. I didn't say a word. I hadn't talked to another person in so long that it felt unfamiliar. She looked at me, her dark eyes surrounded in a sea of red. She suddenly stood up and said "I…thought that this would be a good idea but I see now that you got what you deserved in life." That sentence echoed in my head a million times before I understood. She was just like anyone else. As soon as things get intense, they just walk away, leaving me on my ass. This is why I am like the way I am. It's because people just pushed me around and played me like I was some kind of instrument. That's when my life came crashing down on top of me. As she walked out the door, I sat there feeling like there was a storm inside my body. I felt as though I had been stabbed multiple times right in my heart. I let down my walls and this is what happened. I got angry, oh so angry. I picked up the closed thing to me and threw it against a wall. I'm not sure what it hit because my eyes were clouded with tears. I walked over to the bed, tripping over god knows what. I thought back to Spencer telling me to kill myself. Telling me that I should just get it over with and make life easier for everyone. "Maybe I will" I said aloud.
"…and if you're hearing this, I hope you know you're the reason. You people just pushed me far enough towards the cliff to where I wanted to jump off it. I hope you happy. This is Emily Fields, saying goodbye for the last time." I ended the video recording on my phone and set it on the sink, knowing that people won't be looking for me. Why would they care? I sat in the tub as I held the razor. The cool water felt nice against my skin as I sliced open my own wrist, making sure it was vertical so that no one could save me. As I bleed out, welcoming death as it approached, I thought:
This is the last time I breathe
This is the last sight I see
This is the last time I feel sad.
And with that the lights fell and the darkness filled her.
XXX
I'm not going to comment
-Rose