The air grows cold around me and you, it's cold.

You know that he's there.

. . .

The next morning, Ichigo got up and got dressed, kissed Renji goodbye and threw the blankets over him before he went home.

That weird melancholy feeling from last night started to creep in on the way home on the train. He got a spot close to the window and watched the countryside shoot past, swaying gently as he held an overhead strap.

Sometimes if felt like this thing with Renji wasn't going anywhere. It was part of the reason he hadn't made a big deal to his family even though it'd been like three years now. It's just, they were in their twenties, and Ichigo still sometimes felt as though their relationship was about as serious as that of a highschooler's. It was nothing to brag home about.

It wasn't that Renji hadn't committed to him exactly, it was only that when Ichigo looked at, say Ikkaku and Yumichika, he couldn't imagine himself and Renji ever being that serious, that secure and responsible. It was like those two were married, and he and Renji, well… It was like those two were adults and when he looked at his relationship with Renji - they were still just acting like kids. It was like nothing had changed in three years together.

Whatever, he didn't know. He was probably being crazy. It wasn't like there was any problem or something, so there was no point in breaking up. It's not like he had anything to be sad about. Ichigo would just go with it like always.

There was that whatever again.

On the upside, they had been fixing up a house together and had actually cooperated really well. He probably couldn't have seen them nailing two boards together a year ago, so that was some progress.

When he got back to the clinic, he took some time to change clothes and relax until his family got home. A couple hours after, his sisters came home from university, happy to see him.

"Nii-chan, you're back!" Yuzu called. Ichigo doesn't know why she still called him that, but he wasn't complaining.

His sisters noted that he'd been away from home a lot lately, and Ichigo gave a half-guilty grimace, replying, "Yeah, I've been spending a lot of time at my boyfriend's house."

Yuzu blinked at him. "You have?"

"Yeah. Renji, you know Renji, right?" he hummed offhand, searching the kitchen for food and ending up grabbing a banana off the counter.

"Uhh, yeah," Karin said flatly, giving him a weird look. "We know Renji." Ichigo about smacked himself in the forehead.

The girls knew Renji really well, considering Ichigo'd had him and Rukia over a ton in high school. They've known him for years, and Ichigo had mentioned before many many times that they were boyfriends. He must be more out of it than he'd thought.

"Oh. Sorry, just a little distracted." He put a hand to his forehead. "I'm tired."

"Ever since you two got together, you don't come around the house much with him," Karin mentioned, opening the fridge herself. Yuzu started to fidget at seeing them snack on anything that wasn't a homemade meal.

"Yeah, he used to freeload here all the time," Ichigo muttered, drawing a snort from Karin.

"Are you going to bring him over for dinner soon?" Yuzu piped up innocently. At least with her, Ichigo could be sure she wasn't faking the doe-eyes, not like that loser Renji.

Ichigo grimaced, hip resting against the counter. "Why though?" he wondered. "It's not like he hasn't come before, an' you guys know who he is."

"I know, but to show dad," Karin contributed flatly. Ichigo shot her a frown, not liking to be ganged up on. His sisters knew how to play good-cop bad-cop really well and they'd dupe him in a second if he let them.

"Dad knows who Renji is too."

"Ichi-nii-san, bring him to make him part of the family," Yuzu pleaded when he kept being stubborn. Ah geez. Ichigo looked away with an eyeroll, rubbing the back of his hair. Not this.

"Yeah, Ichi-nii, we haven't had an intervention."

"Okay. I'll think about it." He said it, but he didn't plan to think on it very long. His whole family knew Renji and that they'd been dating for a few years, and there was nothing to talk about. Everything was fine like it is. Ichigo didn't see the need to be so dramatic about it when there was no reason.

The following week, he spent the night at Renji's place after a date and sex. He and Renji had been asleep in bed for some time when Ichigo woke up in the night to the sound of someone slamming doors downstairs.

Once he became fully alert and understood what he was hearing, Ichigo clung onto Renji's side, frozen stiff all over with dread. The banging ceased for no more than a moment, and, as if the source of the noise somehow knew he'd woken up, it continued rather suddenly, coming closer, stomping up the stairs rapidly.

Ichigo tried to shake Renji awake, but he slept on. "Renji," he whispered desperately, so scared that his throat was beginning to tighten up, "Wake up, wake up."

He was so fucking scared, he didn't know what to do, he couldn't think as the thumping got closer and closer, coming down the hallway towards their room. Hoping it might pass by, he just held Renji as hard as he could, burrowing himself under the blankets.

To his dread, the door opened and someone walked inside. Ichigo could hear the floorboards creak and then cease at the end of the bed. He stopped breathing, holding absolutely still, his head buried against Renji's side.

The sound stopped and a few seconds went by in dead silence. Ichigo's eyes frantically flicked around and he held Renji like he could keep them safe by holding on tight enough. Was it still there?

A moment later, weight was put on the bed, like someone was trying to crawl onto the mattress, and Ichigo freaked out. He yelled aloud in panic, kicking the blankets down, his body coiled up tight with adrenaline.

Renji woke up finally after getting yelled in the ear, turning the light on, wanting to know what the fuck was going on, but Ichigo just sat there and panted, his eyes wide as he looked around frantically - but everything was silent. All the noises had stopped and no one was there.

"What's wrong?" Renji rasped. "Ichigo, what's wrong?" Ichigo just kept staring around the room in frightened confusion. There really was no one there. The door was shut too, like it had never been opened.

Renji took his face in his warm palms. "What's the matter, baby," he whispered, less as a question and more as a comfort. Ichigo was shaking all over, cold sweat sticking his clothes to his body, and he didn't know what to say to Renji. He didn't even understand what had just happened, how could he explain it to Renji without sounding stupid, insane even?

"Bad dream?" Renji murmured, rubbing his thumbs against Ichigo's cheeks. "It's okay." He put his arms around Ichigo and held him, and Ichigo let Renji pull the blankets back up and lay him down. His muscles were still tight and he breathed fast, trembling, but Renji rubbed his back and rubbed his face in his hair, kissing his head. "Shhhh. Shh, shh."

"I'm fine," Ichigo breathed, "I'm not a baby," but Renji cuddled him anyway, and although Ichigo felt comforted, he still couldn't fall back to sleep until the sun rose. He felt like a little kid again for the first time in a long time, scared stiff under the blankets and not daring to move an inch in case the monster saw him again.

Rationally, he knew it must have been a dream. He can't explain it to himself otherwise. Maybe Renji really had gotten up in his head with his stupid pranks and he'd dreamed it all up. Thinking back, it's true that he hadn't actually seen the door open or seen anyone there with the way his head had been shoved under the covers, so he could reasonably attribute the whole thing to blind irrational terror taking hold of his brain.

Even so, Ichigo felt sure that someone had been there.

. . .

I died so I could have you, I died so I could haunt you.