Chapter Three – Gonna Be Fine

When Remy left the Professor's office and travelled down the hall to get to the Foyer, he found Rogue floating up to the high ceiling to pin up elaborate and expensive looking decorations. Remy had forgotten that the Professor had been planning a New Years Eve party; the guests who had stayed over from Christmas would be attending, plus several others would be coming.

Rogue glanced down, seeing him there; she quickly pinned up the hanging garland, and she dropped down to the floor, the stiletto heels of her black leather Italian boots clicked on the marble floors. "Hey," she said cheerfully.

"Hey," Remy stepped closer.

"Where you been all morning?" she asked.

"Talking to the Professor, like I promised," Remy pointed out.

Rogue's expression was one of surprise – as if she actually hadn't expected him to keep his promises and just avoid dealing with anything that was going on in his life. She smiled a little, "really?"

"Yeah," he put his hands in his pockets and idly stood.

"So what now?"

"I'm going to go to therapy...just like you wanted me to," he replied quietly, he looked down at the floor. Why did it feel so shameful to surrender to her and Xavier and agree to therapy? It made him feel...almost dirty.

Rogue reached over and took his face in her gloved hands, she raised his head a little so he would look at her, "it'll help. I promise."

"And I won't drink..." he added, "but...for now, I'm still going to keep smoking. I'm not so stupid as to think I can cut out every thing at once. When I've tackled one problem, I'll move to the other..."

"I can live with that," Rogue decided, she stroked his cheeks, "I'm proud of you."

"You are?"

"Yes. You've been worrying me lately, and...I wasn't sure we were going to make it if things went on the way they did. But...you're trying...really trying. And I know it's hard for you and that you hate talking to doctors..."

"No shit," he muttered.

"You'll get through it. And you'll get better. I'm behind you, 100% of the way. If you need help, I'll help you; I'll even sit with you during therapy sessions if you need me to..." she offered.

"No, it's something I really need to do alone," he decided firmly, "I got myself into this, I let myself slide...I know that...it's my own fault for ignoring it. And it's gotta be me who does this..."

"You sure?"

"I have your support, what else do I need...apart from your love?" he forced a smile, although it was empty and he knew she was well aware of it. Probably wondering what had happened to the good mood he'd been in that morning.

She smiled too, "you always have that."

They gazed into each others eyes for a moment, he was sure she was searching his to see if he really was alright; he was searching hers for some hope for the future.

"Did you talk to the Professor about going to Muir Island?" Rogue asked.

"I...brought it up. But I'm going to wait a while, until I've had some therapy before I take off for there. I don't think I could stand a long journey in the Blackbird right now anyway," he added. As he looked at her, he realised she was beginning to feel sad for him – it was almost as if his sadness was an infection that was starting to spread to her. He took her by the shoulders and shook her a little. "Hey, smile. It's gonna be fine," he said, although he had no sure way of knowing anything really would be.

"I think this little dude has your eyes..." said Kurt Wagner to Kitty Pryde as he stared down into the face of her baby.

"Lucky baby," cooed Kitty jokingly, she was lying on her side on the bed, the Baby was sprawled out on his back next to her, Kurt leaning over to look. "Hopefully, he doesn't get my nose."

"How did you sleep last night?" Kurt asked, he brushed a finger against the baby's button nose and grinned.

"Getting up for late night feeding was tough," Kitty sighed, "My alarm clock woke him up but not me. I woke up to his screaming – which was just absolutely delightful."

"Fun," Kurt smirked.

"I know I'm gonna get used to it, but god, I really wanted to sleep right then. Through the past few months of pregnancy I barely slept – he would kick me all night long."

"It was really brave...of you to do this alone, I mean," Kurt admitted, "may I hold him?"

"Sure," Kitty sat up and picked the baby up carefully, "just make sure you support his neck," she added as she put him into the fuzzy blue elf's arms. It was strangely intriguing how at home Kurt looked with the baby in his arms, and Kitty found herself wondering how things would have been if their lives had never gone separate ways. Of course, it had been her fault they had never gotten back together; she hadn't been in the same place mentally that he was. And she felt even more responsible that he kept fleeting back to Scotland to be with Excalibur.

He looked at her strangely, "why are you staring?"

"Just thinking," she shrugged, "Just about how things turned out."

Kurt gazed down at the child in his arms, "they turned out pretty nice for you..."

"I dunno. Single mom, no sleep...house full of noisy mutants and hormone-raging students," Kitty giggled, "it's not exactly the life of complete bliss."

"You love this life and you know it."

Kitty lay back against the pillows, "that's what's sad about this...is...I really do love it here..."

"I love it here, too," Kurt sighed softly, he got up and paced, the baby rocking lightly in his arms, the motion putting the infant into a peaceful slumber.

She gazed up at him, "Are...you thinking of coming back? I mean...for good?"

"I don't know," he said, "I love it here, but...I have so many more responsibilities back on the Island. And here..." he leaned into the baby's crib to put him in there, "the team is already very full."

"We could always use another in the team since I'm on maternity leave, and Jean will probably eventually have to take leave after she gets married to Scott – I know they'll probably try for a baby right away – I know she's kinda worried she's getting too close to thirty..."

"I suppose seeing Caleb is making her want a baby even more too," Kurt added.

"True," Kitty sighed, "I feel bad sometimes wondering if my having Caleb hurts Rogue...or Ororo...or anyone else...y'know?"

Kurt nodded, "I think I do."

Kitty stood up to move to the crib to check on the baby, all the while very aware of Kurt's watching her. "Y'know if you stayed, it'd be a great help. We could sure use someone to take over teaching computers and maybe German."

She felt his hand on her back, "are you...asking me to stay?"

She paused, "I..." she tried to speak but her words were muddled in her head. Kitty sighed and turned to look at him, "honestly? I don't know – and I'm not in any condition to be making decisions or requests, really."

"Oh."

"Truthfully..." Kitty chewed the inside of her cheek, "I miss you. I totally miss being with you...but..."

"But?" he asked, his expression somewhat hopefully.

"I don't know if it's because my hormones are screwed up from the pregnancy or..." she sighed, "or if it's just panic because I'm scared of doing this alone..." she shook her head at herself.

Kurt gave a slow, and very careful nod, "I understand. It's natural you'd be going through a lot of confusion. I get it..." he turned to leave the room, "and by the way," he looked over her shoulder, "You won't ever be alone."

It was strange how, even though he'd said it before he'd left the room, that after he left, Kitty had never felt more lonely in her entire life. She sat down at the edge of her bed and tried to contain the tears.