"Time it was, and what a time it was, it was
A time of innocence, a time of confidences
Long ago, it must be, I have a photograph
Preserve your memories, they're all that's left you"
-Bookends (Simon and Garfunkel)
Alex walked out the room in time to see Gabriel pause in front of the stairs. He watched silently as his eldest son grabbed the railing in a death grip before taking the first cautious step down.
Even after all these years, Gabriel was very cautious while walking down them. He had barely been a toddler when he had witnessed his grandfather fall down them. His vision blurred with tears. It was bad enough that his grandmother was dying; he didn't need the memory of the nasty fall his grandfather took before being hospitalized right now. His knees shook slightly as the air rushed out of his lungs and fear gripped him. He knew his grandmother had been dying for months. It was something the family had been preparing for, but still it didn't lessen the pain. Gabriel sat on the stairs and gritted his teeth, he refused to cry and his body trembled from the effort.
Alex approached his son and took a seat beside him. The sight of his son struggling so hard not to cry left him ill. He wished he could take the pain away but it was impossible; instead, he placed his hand on Gabriel's shoulder—wordlessly telling him that he was there for him. It had been so much easier to comfort him when he had been a child. The first time Gabriel had cried his heart out, Alex picked him up and rubbed circles on his back as Sam's casket was being buried. For the entire day Alex had carried him whenever possible, not only to comfort his child, but also because his son's presence kept him from breaking down. That day Gabriel cried enough for the both of them. "It's okay to cry."
Gabriel shook his head, but could not stop the whimper that slipped through gritted teeth. He felt his dad place a hand over his head before pulling him close. A sob escaped when his forehead came to rest on his dad's shoulder. He bit his lower lip viciously to keep from crying out.
"I don't want her to go," Alex admitted for the first time. "I didn't want Sam to go either."
Gabriel pulled away from his father and looked at him, surprised. It was the first time he heard him share his thoughts surrounding his grandmother dying and his grandfather's death.
"If your mother and I had our way, we would keep them with us. I have no doubt your aunt and uncles feel the same way." A sad smile curved on his lips. "We don't have a choice when it comes to them dying. But we do have a choice in how we emotionally and physically deal with their passing away." He met his son's gaze. "Cry if you want to, it's better than keeping it bottled in."
"It's not the right time for me to…"
"There never is a right time, Gabe." Alex looked toward the bottom of the stairs. "But some of us have to make sure that the day your grandmother passes away isn't filled with just sorrow. Some us have to be able to smile and I plan…no I want to be one of them."
"Smile?" Gabriel asked, confused.
"When that day comes Rachel will finally be reunited with Sam." Alex closed his eyes. "I may not want her to go…" The thought of her gone was unbearable and it frightened him. No matter how confident or calm he seemed on the outside, inside he was slowly breaking. "But more than anything, I want her to be happy." Rachel had been the first to welcome him when Avery introduced him to the family after a year of dating. Sam had been reluctant at first because he believed no guy could be the right man for his eldest daughter and unless he gave the okay, Hiram and Dwight made it obvious that he was not welcomed. Shelby had been more accepting like her mother. By the second year of dating, Sam had warmed up to him and Alex was able to get the courage to ask Rachel and him for permission to marry Avery. When they graduated from university, Alex had asked her to marry him—which she agreed to before he could even finish the question.
It was then Gabriel noticed for the first time just how much his dad loved and respected his grandmother. "She means a lot to you."
"Of course," Alex responded with a humorless chuckle. "She's like the mother I wasn't able to have." His mother had died at a young age and Alex couldn't remember her no matter how much he tried. He only saw photos of her. His dad had been practically non-existent wallowing in alcohol and sorrow. Alex had to begin working part time at a young age while getting high grades in school. He ended up graduating as valedictorian and got a full ride to Yale University. It was then he met Avery there and his life changed for the better. He finally met someone who cared, loved him and had given him more than he could have ever dreamed of. She had given him a family to belong to. When Rachel accepted him, Alex did everything possible to make sure she would never regret it.
When Sam followed in her footsteps and took the role of being his father figure—an unbreakable bond had formed between them. The day when Avery told him over the phone that Sam had cancer; Alex hung up the call, feeling numb. That night when he went to go visit them, Sam had been waiting for him on the porch. No words were exchanged between them for Sam confirmed everything with a sad smile. Alex uttered a curse as he fought hard not to break down in front of the man. Before he could react Sam placed his hand on his head and tugged him forward until his forehead rested against his shoulder. "It's okay to cry." Hearing him say those words had tears silently streaming down his face. His hands curled into fists to keep from reach for him desperately like a child. "It's better than keeping it bottled in." That night had been the only time Alex allowed himself to cry about Sam. "I want them to be happy again," he whispered those words, but Gabriel heard him.
"I do, too." A small smile tugged at his lips, only traces of tears remained.
Alex glanced at his watch and frowned. "It won't be long for Hiram and Avery to call for a lunch break." He looked to his son. "How about we make lunch?"
"You know how to cook?" Gabriel raised an eyebrow as he asked slightly, amused.
"Not really, but I know how to make some bomb peanut butter and jelly sandwiches," Alex responded back with a cheeky grin.
"It's lunch time!" Hiram announced to the room and not a second later the crowded room was filled with groans of protest. Before any of them could try and voice an argument, Hiram gave them 'the look' that clearly stated he was not in the mood for anyone's disobedience; if they did not comply then there will be hell to pay and consequences be damned. The teens sitting on the floor stood up and stretched their limbs as the younger ones that sat on Rachel's bed reluctantly got up.
"Go on and eat. I don't want to hear any bellies growling when I continue the story."
Dwight bit back a smile when he saw his children along with his nieces and nephews expression changed. Their frowns turned to smiles at their grandmother's words and the room was shrouded with excitement.
"I'll race you to the dining room!" Ryder challenged Joe, Marley, and Samuel.
"You're on!" Marley agreed in a heartbeat and Dwight could not help but be proud of how competitive his little girl was.
"Hey, twerp, didn't our parents forbade running down the stairs?" Brody grinned down at his young sister with his arms crossed over his chest.
"They also forbade you from closing the door when Evelyn is in your room, but you still do it anyway."
"Burn!" Zack yelled from his spot just as his aunt Beatrice screeched. "What!"
Brody gaped at Marley as she high-fived Kitty, while Evelyn was failing at trying not to blush.
"Brody Weston Evans." The look Beatrice gave her son had him flinch at the anger he saw burning there.
"And on that note I think we should go eat." Dwight walked toward Marley and picked her up.
"That's cheating, Uncle Dwight!" Ryder yelled, running after them with Samuel and Joe right behind him. Brody took advantage of this diversion by grabbing Evelyn's hand and ran out the room.
"This is far from over, Brody!" Beatrice yelled and walked out the room at a calmer pace. Her strategy consisted of psychologically tormenting her son by keeping him on edge for the rest of the day until he cracked and begged her for a punishment because he couldn't stand the silence and suspense. She preferred this than ever physically raising a hand against her child or yelling at them.
"I can't wait to see what Beatrice has planned," Avery grinned gleefully before walking out the room with a slight jump in her step.
"Those two are so alike that it's almost creepy," Shane stated as he helped Shelby up.
"True, but they become scary once when they decide to work together," Shelby responded with a cheeky smile.
Lea chuckled. "May God have mercy on Brody."
"He'll survive," Zack grinned as he helped his wife stand up.
"Mom." Shelby looked at Rachel to see her smiling wistfully as the door. "I'll bring you something to eat."
Rachel turned her gaze to her youngest daughter. "I'm not hungry, sweetie."
"You have to eat something."
Hiram glanced between his frowning younger sister and his silent mother. "Bring her something light…some fruit can be good for her."
Shelby nodded before walking out the room with Shane behind her.
Zack noticed how the atmosphere in the room died down since the younger ones had left. He couldn't help but worry when his father wouldn't meet his gaze.
"I'll see go see if the others need any help downstairs," Lea announced before leaving Zack, Celeste, and Hiram in the room.
"We should go down—"
"I'll take her." Hiram cut in, surprising both Celeste and Zack. "I'll make sure she eats…you should talk to your grandmother." He watched silently as the light in Zack's eyes dimmed and a forced smile graced his lips.
Celeste gave her husband's hand one last comfort squeeze before letting go. "I'll wait for you downstairs." She placed her hand on her father-in-law's arm and followed his lead out the room.
Zack took a deep breath before looking at his grandmother and meeting her gaze. His feet had a mind of their own as they began to move forward, covering the distance between them.
"My sunshine boy." Her arm trembled as it rose toward him. He avoided it and instead dived into a hug and buried his face into her shoulder. His body trembled in her embrace. "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine." Even through all the years, her voice sounded beautifully as it echoed in the silent room. "You make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never know dear how much I love you." It could also contribute to the fact that she always sang lullabies to her children and grandchildren to put them asleep or when they had a request. "Please don't take my sunshine away."
"Grand…ma," Zack sobbed into her shoulder. Since her condition had worsened months ago, Zack did his hardest to keep busy by being the middleman. He would make sure everyone was updated and ran errands when they needed it. He made sure his wife was taken care of, was there when Gabriel began to panic about Rose going into labor. The family had to split up when the occasion came. Zack had gone to the hospital to support his older cousin, while his parents remained to look after his grandmother. He never spent more than ten minutes in the same room with his grandmother if there was no one else. He stayed longer when his dad or someone else in the family was in the room. It made it a lot easier to keep smiling, but when his grandmother's gaze focused solely on him—he would be so close to breaking. Now it finally happened because his father had never told him to sit down and talk to his grandmother before. His father knew just how far he was going to avoid being alone with his grandmother and for him to say that he should talk to her could only mean one thing.
"I've noticed that you haven't been around as much these last couple of months. I have missed you and your smile." Rachel ran her hand through his raven colored hair. Not only did he take after his mother with raven colored hair and hazel eyes, he was the opposite of his father. While Hiram kept his emotions in check and kept his heart under lock and key, Zack refused to hide his emotions and wore his heart on his sleeve. He could light up a room with his smile and can bring down any wall with his enthusiasm and never giving up/backing down attitude. It was rare for something to bring him down, but when it did, the whole family would feel it. "I never wanted to hurt you," she whispered as a tear slid down her face. Her dying was forcing her grandson to hide his emotions and go against his very nature. It broke her heart.
"It's not your fault." Zack pulled away from her abruptly and wiped his tears away, but it was futile because more kept streaming down. "I'm sorry for being emotional."
"Don't apologize for being something that I love about you." She grabbed his wrists weakly and tugged. "It's what helped make you the man you are today. Someone irreplaceable."
"I find that hard to believe."
"Maybe to the outside world you can be, but not to this family. You are our Zack." A small gentle smile curved on her lips as she wiped his tears away. "You are my sunshine boy and I want to see you smile one last time."
With her hands cupping his cheeks, her warmth seeping into him, comforting his hurt and the hope in her gaze—Zack was able to smile. His vision blurred distorting the image of his grandmother, but he didn't care. He wanted her to see.
Rachel could see the whirlpool of multiple emotions in his gaze, but it was his smile that literally took her breath away. It was a toothy smile that showed how happy he was and capable of being. This smile by far the best one he had ever given and the fact that he had solely graced her with it was far more than she could ask. The tears that she had been trying hard to hold in streamed down silently. They weren't tears of sadness but of joy.
"Grandma, don't cry," Zack begged as he tried to gently wipe her tears away. "Please don't because if you do, I won't be able to stop…I'm so sorry for making you cry."
"Don't be, you silly boy." Rachel grabbed his hands gently in hers. "These are tears of happiness. You made it nearly impossible for me not to be happy." He would never know how true those words were. It wasn't until his birth that the entire family, including her, took the first step to move on from Sam's death. Zack was a ray of sunshine that hit the family, making it impossible not to look forward toward the future. His birth even helped Gabriel come out of the shell he put himself in after Sam passed away. Even though they were almost four years apart, they got along like long lost brothers.
"I love you, Grandma," Zack whispered to her before kissing her cheek.
"I love you, too." She wrapped her arms around his shoulders as tight as she could. "My sunshine boy."
"I didn't want you to go…at least not until you met her." He pulled away.
"Have you and Celeste chosen a name for my great-granddaughter?" Rachel asked curiously, wanting to lighten the mood more.
"We made a deal that if she had a boy, she could name him and if it was a girl then I could name her."
She raised an eyebrow. "Why am I not surprised?"
"Because I like keeping people on their toes," he grinned, making it impossible for Rachel not to smile. "The main reason was because I already knew what name I wanted my daughter to have if I ever had one."
"What is it?"
"Rachel." Zack saw the surprise look his grandmother gave him. "I want her to be named after one of the women I admire, love, respect, and is very precious to me."
"Zack, I—" A knock on the door interrupted Rachel. Zack looked over his shoulder to see his Aunt Shelby with a plate of peeled and sliced oranges.
"I guess my time is up." Zack untangled himself gently from his grandma and smiled at her. "I'll come back for the story."
Rachel watched silently as he walked toward the door, passed Shelby. "Zack…" She called out to him, her voice low and he stopped in his tracks. "I think it's a beautiful name and I'm sure that she will make you as happy as you have helped made me these passed twenty-seven years." He didn't turn to look at her and she knew why. A simple wave was all he gave before exiting the room.
Shelby had seen Zack's tear stained face; the soft spot she had for her nephew had her wanting to give the plate to Shane so she could run after him and try to comfort him. A small part of her wanted to run away from all of this. To see Zack, who could smile through anything and look at everything positively, broken down only goes to show that she stands no chance. She was tired of fighting back tears and crying when she thought no one was around.
Shane, noticing his wife's distress, placed his hand on her shoulder. "This is your chance," he whispered into her ear. "You won't get another after this." Shane pressed his lips against her temple and rubbed her arms before giving her a small push.
It happened to be that was just what she needed because once she started walking; she didn't stop until she sat next to her mother on her bed. "Hi."
"Hey stranger, I haven't heard from you in a while. I've seen more of Shane and Hiram lately." Rachel looked at her youngest daughter, amused "Where have you been hiding?"
"I haven't been hiding," Shelby shook her head. "I have been keeping more to myself with trying to come to terms with…you know…"
"My death that's quickly approaching."
"Must you say it so lightly?"
"It's the truth."
"It is, but I don't like it. It's painful."
Rachel remained silent, this conversation seemed similar to her, but it was with other people. Years ago…with Sam and—
Mrs. Pierce burst out laughing. "Finally someone who understands me."
"Sam, don't encourage her," Brittany lightly scolded.
"Oh shush, dear, it's all right."
"There's also the fact that I might leave this world before you do," Sam winked at Mrs. Pierce, drawing out a smile from her.
"Of course, for we are but mere mortals."
"You still shouldn't talk about it so lightly," Rachel glared at Sam.
Sam met her glare with a calm gaze. "It's something we should accept. I don't see the point as to why so many think of it as taboo to speak of it. Since the moment we are born, the only thing that is ever guaranteed to us is death."
"I know that but maybe people don't like talking about it because of the pain it comes with it."
"And that is more the reason I believe people should talk about it; so when the time comes to grieve, they won't drown in it. It's life, Rachel, whether we like it or not, or think it's unfair. You and I both had to learn that the hard way."
The memory that hit her so suddenly receded back to where it had come from. She had not thought about that day in years.
"Mom."
Rachel looked at Shelby to see her daughter looking at her worriedly with Shane, who had been standing by the doorway, beside her. His expression mirrored his wife. "What's wrong?"
"Are you okay?" Shelby asked, concerned. "I've been calling out to you for the past five minutes."
"Maybe I should get the doctor."
"Don't." Rachel's voice stopped Shane. "I'm fine as I can be. I'm just feeling more tired and…I was remembering something long ago."
"Long ago?" Shelby looked at her mom, curiously. "What did you remember?"
"Something your father told me. He said, 'it's something we should accept. Since the moment we are born, the only thing that is ever guaranteed to us is death.'" Rachel bit back a smile when she saw the disbelief in Shelby's eyes.
"Are you sure Dad said something like that?"
"Your father was a pessimistic man when I first met him and he had his reasons for being so," Rachel smiled wistfully at the thought of her deceased husband. "I may have not agreed at the time with his words, but after being married to him for twenty-five years, going through his death, living without him by my side and watching our friends pass away over the past thirty years I can say without a doubt I understand and agree with them."
"You're not scared of it."
"I used to be when I was much younger and I got over it only to become scared again when I began to lose Sam. It wasn't until he passed away that I realized that it wasn't death I feared. What I feared was the years I would go on living without him by my side. Will I be strong enough for all of you? Your father accepted his death when the time came; his only fear was leaving us behind ill prepared. I had lost track of how many times I had to reassure him that everything would turn out fine. That I would make sure our family got through this, that I didn't want him to worry anymore. I did everything I reassured him of, faced my fears and conquered them. Death is but a stepping stone now."
"I see what you mean, Mom, but that still doesn't change the fact that I don't like it one bit," Shelby pouted slightly, causing Rachel to chuckle lightly.
"Just wait until you reach my age, then you will see." She gave her daughter a knowing smile before looking at looking at her son-in law. "Thank you for being here. I know how hard it can be."
"It can always be worse."
"That is true." Rachel grabbed his hand and gave a slight affectionate squeeze to it.
Shane thought it was a bit ironic that his mother and Rachel were the first to lose their husbands and yet they were the last to pass away. He remembered coming to visit her to see her laughing and crying at the same time. When he was finally able to ask her what was wrong she responded with, "Rachel will not be happy that I'm leaving first." An hour later he found out that his mother had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. That week he had gone to hell and back refusing to tell anyone else as they went to get a second and third opinion and came back with the same diagnosis. He finally gave his mother the okay to share the news and Shane had never been more grateful for Shelby and his best friend Hiram along with the rest of their family. The battle against Alzheimer's lasted almost for a decade before Santana accidently overdosed on her medication. Shane could never forgive himself for it. How could he have been so careless?
"I don't want to forget, Shane. I don't want to forget about your father, you or anyone I love. I want to die remembering them all." Shane did everything he possibly could to keep that wish for her. From creating scrapbooks with his wife and kids, to using recorders and making her home videos that she could watching after waking up. He made sure to try and keep her safe, but he forgot about the medication. She didn't have a history of waking up in the middle of the night, but that night she did and for whatever reason she walked into the bathroom and took the pills. He could only guess what was going on in her head. Was it intentional or unintentional? No one blamed him for it was an accident, but he blamed himself. He felt like he let down not only his mother, but his father as well.
"I'm proud of you, Shane, and without a doubt I'm sure that both your parents are—especially your dad. He knows that it's not easy loving your mother."
The corner of his lips tilted upward at her words. He knew what she meant. There were only two types of people when it came to his mother. Those that loved her with all her faults or those that loved to hate her. Santana Puckerman was one hard woman to get along with, but she was the best person to look after you. She allowed no one to walk over her or her loved ones. Shane met Rachel's gaze and felt grateful to her. "I hope you know that it was because of you she got her spark back." A small smile curved on his lips. "She wanted to be there for you like you and Sam were there for her when my dad died. Thank you for being there not only for her, but for me as well." He pressed a kiss against Rachel's forehead.
When his mother passed away, Shane had pulled away from the family shortly after. He couldn't open up to his wife or Hiram, but Rachel would have none of that. She practically barged into his apartment and stayed silent—waiting patiently for him to say something. After an hour of him giving her the silent treatment, she began to make tea for them as if he was her guest and not the other way around. It was in the middle of them drinking tea that he finally broke down and told her everything. How he it was his fault for his mother dying, how he let both his parents down and how he felt like a failure. She remained silent and let him yell, curse and cry out. When all was said and done she simply stood from her seat and wrapped her arms around him. "You're not a failure. You did your best and that's all that matters. Santana and Puck both know that and you have undoubting surpassed their expectations. Don't taint that with your thoughts of being a failure. But I will be honest with you; you are failing them right now by degrading yourself. I want to see that strong, fierce, courageous and kind-hearted man that swept my youngest daughter off her feet, proved to Hiram what a best friend is, and helped keep our family from falling apart after my husband's death. You're an amazing man, best friend, uncle and father, and I have no idea how you can ever think to call yourself a failure."
"I know and I promise I won't forget."
"That's what I like to hear."
"Now that we are done with all this sentimental talk," Shane cleared his throat. "Did you work up an appetite?"
Rachel took a moment to contemplate before nodding, reminding both Shelby and Shane of a child. "Yes."
"Shame on you, Shelby, for making your poor mom starve."
Shelby faked a gasp and glared at her husband. "You're the one who was talking to her," she said, playing along.
"Excuses, excuses." He grabbed one of the oranges and handed it to Rachel who ate it with much gusto. Shane met his wife's gaze and shared a smile with her as they continued to feed Rachel. When the elderly woman was done, Shelby kissed her on the forehead. "Should I tell the munchkins to come back up?"
"Are you tired?" Shane asked Rachel as he used a wet soapy towel to clean her hands with care.
"I'm feeling fine. I want to finish the story before they have to sleep. Just one last story."
He nodded in understanding before looking over his shoulder at his wife. "Send them up, she's ready." Shane turned to look at his mother-in-law. "I don't want you to force yourself."
"I'm not…this is my farewell gift to them."
"I thought so," Shane sighed and closed his eyes for a moment to take in her presence once more. His hand clasped hers and he could feel her fingers curl around his gently. "It's for the best." He opened his eyes to see her smiling at him.
"I knew you would understand."
The sound of rapid footsteps echoed down the hall.
"And here they come." Shane had barely uttered those words before Samuel, Marley, Ryder, Joe and the others burst into the room.
"Uncle Shane, you're on my spot," Marley pouted at him.
"I am?" He feigned confusion.
"Yep yep," she nodded. "Can I have it back please?"
"Hmm…let me think about it?" Without warning he stood and scooped her up into his arms. Her laughter echoed throughout the room.
"Dad has Marley!"
"Get him!"
"Oh no, you don't!" Shelby stood in the doorway with her hands on her hips playfully glaring at them. "Shane, put Marley on the bed. Ryder and Joe, if you take another step to try and tackle your dad down, I will ground you before you can even say Batman!"
Both boys sighed and took their original seats. Shane gently placed Marley beside Rachel, but not before kissing his niece on the forehead and then ruffling his twin sons' hair as he walked back to his wife's side.
Celeste reentered the room with Lea's help and took her seat beside Rose who entered during the commotion. When Rose tried to give her seat to Lea the older woman refused, preferring to stand and wait for her husband to come back with Zack. Gabriel walked in, holding Rory in his arms with his Uncle Dwight behind him—who had his arm wrapped around Beatrice's waist. Brody kept giving his mother nervous glances, while Evelyn tried to calm him by rubbing circles on his back. Kitty took one look at her older cousin and snorted in amusement. Jake ignored them, already excited for his grandmother to continue the story. The last to enter were Alex and Avery.
Rachel noticed that Hiram and Zack were still missing, but decided not to comment. Both her boys will come when they are ready. "So where did we leave off?"
"The night Mike meets Tina."
"Oh yes." A slowly smile graced her lips remembering that day. To think that once long ago she thought those days were the most difficult in her life. She really had come a long way. Her eyes roamed the room once again taking in the sight of her smiling grandchildren. She knew the story between Sam and her was definitely not a children story, but long ago she and Sam came up with a PG version that had many holes and flaws; however, they won't notice it until they get much older. When that time comes, it will be up to their parents to tell them the real version. "Well, that night—unknowingly—I was falling deeper in love with your grandfather."
AN: I would like to thank my wonderful beta MissBreePhoenix who is simply amazing! =)
Told you I would update as soon as my beta was done! ;) This fic is very special to me and I couldn't wait to share this chapter with you. I hope you liked it and that it is was up to par with the past two chapters. The next chapter will go back to Sam and Rachel in the past and many familiar faces will appear again. Until then please don't forget to review! I love hearing from all of you. (^_^)
I would like to give a huge thank you to: Jenn, AaralynFaye, RachelBerryLover, ravenna. solo. 408, Lena, and MissBreePhoenix for reviewing! I can't express in words how much your words of encouragement mean to me. I would also like to thank everyone who has added this fic to their favorites or alerts. It's nice to know that there are readers out there that are interested in it and keeping an eye on it. =D