Truthfully

Summary: For a prompt on NorseKink:

Loki had every intention of wreaking havoc upon Midgard the moment his suicide attempt had failed. Really. He'd planned on setting cities ablaze, smashing buildings, pillaging, all of that good stuff.

Too bad he hadn't planned on the place being so FUN.

Destroying City Hall? Maybe if he can squeeze it in between ikebana and his Thai cooking classes. Oh, he tries for the whole supervillain thing, but is it really his fault that he really likes going to yoga and hair products that don't require massive amounts of oils that leave him feeling greasy? Is it really his fault that manicures are so damn RELAXING and that those little Asian ladies in the salon are so charmingly adorable? Besides, his therapist says that all the rage is unhealthy.

TL;DR Loki gets a therapist and finds Earth hobbies that he enjoys in between bothering his brother and his friends.

Disclaimer: Ahahahahahaha. No.

Chapter Three: Calcite

"How are you today, Loki?"

The dark-haired man didn't reply, choosing instead to run pale, long fingers over the fabric of his tie. Doctor Moran leaned back and waited. Her substantial red hair was pulled back (kind of) but still appeared to be ready to explode all over creation at the slightest provocation.

"One of those days?" she asked mildly, and Loki's eyebrows twitched as if he wasn't sure whether to glare or relax. He did a lot of glaring in here, actually. A lot of glaring and a lot of shouting but not all that much lying, mostly twisting and rephrasing because it wasn't as if this was helping him at all, he just didn't like wasting time. Why else would he even bother coming here and wasting the money that he hadn't earned and the time that he had so much of if he were going to lie about it?

It was all an experiment.

Obviously.

"Have you done something different with your hair?"

That got his attention and green eyes lifted out of his lap, bright and strange. Absently, Loki raised a hand to finger his hair, still slicked back but not plastered as it had all the other times she'd seen him. One side of his mouth twitched upwards, just the tiniest bit. It wasn't quite a smile but it was the closest he'd come so far. At the very least, it wasn't a frown or a scowl.

"Where I come from, we don't have the kind of vanity products that you can get here. Hair is managed with oils or ties, which as you can imagine leave my hair horrifyingly greasy. I tried something new today."

It looks good," Doctor Moran commented, "It suits you very well."

Loki looked stunned as if that had been the last thing he'd been expecting, before lowering his head again to hide his face. He was more relaxed though, and she suspected that it was to hide what might have turned into a look of legitimate pleasure.

"Thank you," he said softly and twisted his hands in his lap.

"That's a good tie-in to what I thought we could talk about today," she told him, "I'd like to discuss your home—"

"No," Loki said shortly.

A raised eyebrow.

"No?"

"No."

"Okay, then."

For a good two minutes, they stared each other down, Loki meeting her eyes fearlessly, unable to place just why it made his insides squirm uncomfortably when she watched him right back.

"What do you want?" he snapped, irritated. Doctor Moran slid her glasses off her face and began to polish the lenses, doing That Sigh again.

"I told you the very first day. I need your trust and I need your honesty."

"I can't do that."

"No, you won't do that. You're scared and you don't want to be vulnerable and I understand that but you're here for a reason—"

"I'm not scared!" Loki snarled, eyes blazing. His magic crackled in a way that only he could feel and hear, slithering under his skin and fizzing and it would be so easy to put on the Loki the Supervillain hat and go on his way. So very easy. It wasn't like he hadn't done it before. "You know nothing, you're an idiot, and you can't help me."

"Then why are you here?"

The words dropped, soft and solid like a nuclear strike.

"You are here for a reason, no one is forcing you. I know exactly why you're here."

"Oh? And why am I here, exactly? Enlighten me."

"You're here because you know you need help. You're here because you need someone to talk to. You're here because something is wrong and you don't know what to do and something inside you feels better after our sessions, otherwise you never would have come back after the first one."

And then Doctor Moran was left alone in her office because Loki's out of his chair and gunning for the exit, slamming the door with finality.

August 4th

Experienced a blowout with LO. As usual, a most contradictory individual. Belligerent and defensive, suppressing vulnerability with anger and ego when asked to discuss his home. Maybe (?) began to display a smile when given a compliment on his changed hairstyle. One step forward, two steps back?

Overall, patient has displayed improvement in overall temperament and perceived well-being of self. Expressed interest in activities never experienced before: mentioned getting a manicure, signed up for several cooking classes, flower arranging (!). More often than not, it would be impossible to tell that he's not from around here with the way he's able to adapt, but sometimes it's quite obvious in the way he looks at things and the activities he picks.

I've suggested yoga and possibly a dance class; the physical activity can only be beneficial.

Unsure as to whether he'll be returning for his next appointment; note to self: keep time slot reserved anyway.

The next day, Loki decided to lace the Eiffel Tower with double-sided duct tape.

He couldn't even really laugh at the ineptitude of those responsible for cleaning it up.

There were few disadvantages to being a relatively well-known villain, Loki found, though the past week found him discovering the mood-altering properties of chunky monkey and that according to the people on the style channel, he had phenomenal taste in clothing and he ought to expect a call within the next few weeks.

Maybe if he were feeling particularly mean, he'd tell them yes and then cancel at the last minute just to be an asshole, and then maybe show up anyway, just because he could.

Point being, it was kind of nice to be famous, even if it was being famous for doing unsavory things, though most of his misdeeds lately had consisted of him juggling his brother's friends and avoiding a blow from Mjolnir. Thor hadn't really been trying very hard either, instead stopping once in a while and shooting him looks that said plainly I'm on to you.

Clearly, he wasn't because if he was, the look would be infinitely different.

The nice thing about being relatively famous, Loki noted, was there was always a space for him in any time slot he so chose at the little yoga center he'd taken to frequenting. The first class hadn't even been awkward, mostly because the other participants happened to be new age types who didn't watch television and sustained themselves almost entirely on granola and the goodwill of the human race, so mostly granola. It'd be easier to make fun of them, Loki had to admit, if he hadn't found himself entirely too attached to that granola.

He blamed that on whatever had possessed him to eat three pints of the aforementioned chunky monkey in a single sitting.

Shut up.

"Have you ever considered meditation instead of throwing the Avengers through skyscrapers? It seems like so much unnecessary effort."

"How about I throw you through a skyscraper?" Loki replied pleasantly as he breathed deeply (and serenely!) through his scorpion form, "Besides, great effort brings great results."

"Don't you mean 'with great power comes great responsibility'?"

"No, I really don't think that I do. I don't have to be responsible for much of anything right now except for making sure that my shoulders don't give out on me," the liesmith emphasized his point by wiggling his shoulders, causing his entire form to sway until he lowered his feet further to rest them on his head. "Ahh, there we go. That feels so much better."

The cornrow'd brunette to his right just scowled enviously at him.

"I kind of hate you right now."

"Don't hate the player, hate the game."

"I don't think scorpion form is a game. More like a death trap, maybe."

"Everything's a game, it's all about how serious you are about winning."

For that, Loki caught a chunk of granola right between the eyes.

"Hey! If you make me fall over, I will make you explode," he snapped, wobbling not of his own accord now. The girl next to him smirked.

"What was that about not hating the player?" she asked under her breath, and Loki really would have made her explode (really) if not for the fact their instructor was leveling the lot of them with a withering glare and if he made her explode, he'd have to make his teacher explode too. And he hadn't quite mastered the flying crow pose yet.

AN: Thank you so much for reading! As always, not only do I appreciate all of your alerts, but every bit of feedback as well, whether it's praise or criticism, so please feel free to ask/tell me anything.