A/N: you'll have noticed Bella never calls him by his name, only him or he, sometimes asshole! This is intentional until he speaks to her she will not utter his name, xx

Also thanks everyone my Peter x Bella story 'Can I Really Freeze Time? No, But You Yes' just cleared 30,000 hits xx Alexis

The room Charlotte wrote was filled with a low rumbling growl, from deep within his chest.

"Is he growling at me, Peter?" Charlie demanded,

"Yes Sir I believe he is!" came the choked reply,

"Son that might frighten your enemies, it might even work on the ladies. But I'm something you've never met before, I'm the father of the girl you're disrespecting and it does diddly squat for me!" Charlie said in his best Chief of Police voice,

Both the other two men in the room felt uncomfortable under his glare, Charlotte could actually hear them shifting in their chairs uneasily. Then Charlie demands to know what the hell's been going on?

"I know it must have been a shock to you son, finding out Alice played you for a fool! But that was two and a half years ago, what the fuck have you been doing since then? It took you six months to stop feeling sorry for yourself and then what? Your brain took a leave of absence!" Charlie's voice had become so low and so intense, even Charlotte shivered one floor below.

"You go to see my daughter and made her feel like something most people scrape off the bottom of their shoe! What exactly did you think you'd find? She'd been fighting for her life for a year by that time, you knew all that, Peter told you!" Charlie drew in a breath before continuing,

" So what the fuck made you act like a total dick? When you saw her, her body scarred from numerous attacks, What did you do? I'll tell you what you did, you projected Horror, abject disgust and Anger meant I hope for yourself, on to her! Did you rush to her side and beg her to let you help her, fight for her, love her! No Major Dickhead, you ran! Leaving her to assume you were horrified, disgusted and angry with her!" Charlie spat!

His voice was so cold, that both the seasoned fighters in that room knew if Charlie had been a vampire the 'Major' would have been a pile of ash at his feet. Charlie was flooding him with contempt and righteous indignation due to the disrespect shown his daughter. As Bella read this she couldn't help but be thrown back into the memory of that day.

Memory

"He's coming!" Peter said out of the blue,

Just over two and a half years have passed since I'd run from Forks. I didn't understand why Peter didn't just tell him the facts, back then. But he insists he had to find out for himself, no matter how long it took. That's fine for him to say but I'm human and don't have the leisure of eternity, okay half human! A bit vampire! Whatever the fuck I am!

"Remind me, what kind of friend doesn't believe you when you try to tell them the truth?" I asked,

"The hard-headed, stubborn, son of a bitch, kind!" Peter replied sourly,

I knew Peter had been dropping some subtle and not so subtle hints to him, way back then, but he either didn't want to know or didn't care. So he left it alone and concentrated on teaching me how to stay alive and in one piece in the meantime, well nearly in one piece.

So that's what I was doing when he arrived. Stripped down to tank top and shorts, sweat lashing off me and gasping for breath, having just barely managed to fend off Peter's attack. That fucker never pulled his punches, always reminding me neither would my enemies, nodding down to my leg. I had just called timeout and Charlotte brought me out some freshly made lemonade, she was really enjoying playing at being a domestic goddess.

The leg in question was throbbing, although almost fully healed it still twinged a bit now and then. But it also was a gruesome sight and always would be, it was taking a long time to heal by vampire standards, but way less than normal human healing time and the scarring was still red, puffy and unsightly.

The first vampire to attack me had left a permanent reminder of that day. I was just transitioning from human to whatever the new me now was and so the venom in my blood got to work on it right away thank god, albeit slowly. He had grabbed my hip and as I kicked and scrambled free, Peter took off his head, but the damage was done. His nails had clawed down my leg from thigh to ankle, five perfectly straight gouged lines marred my leg.

Some might see it as a sign that I nearly died at worst or could have lost my leg at best, but I saw it as proof that I had survived.

I didn't see him break through the trees, nor saw his face as he saw me, but I did feel his horror, utter disgust and raging anger. The disgust and horror I understood, the anger confused me, was he angry I had let myself be hurt? It all happened so quickly and then he was gone, just gone, never speaking or even acknowledging me.

Luckily he didn't see me crumble to the ground in abject misery. I could cope with and half expected his reaction, but I wouldn't have been able to cope with his pity. I resolved then to toughen up and from that day on I trained every day, longer and harder than ever before. During the next few months, I killed all who came against me, quickly and efficiently, almost coldly. It was rare they ever marked me but occasionally it happened. Peter said I was too cocky now and made silly mistakes, that was when they landed a strike.

It was about this time I began to feel him nearby, not to close but it's like he lurks in the shadows, staying close enough to watch me, but never approaches. Sometimes I can barely stand it, floundering around in his cloud of guilt, being swamped by it all. I have sent Peter several times to tell him to either man up and speak to me or fuck off! Hard I know, but I need no one, I've learned this the hard way and have the scars to prove it, both physical and metaphorical.

He never left though, he just follows on behind me, no matter where I go. But there is a bright side, a small but important one. This is where my shadow comes in very handy, he watches my back, Peter says it's his way of trying to make it up to me for not being there before when I needed him before.

For not seeing clearly enough what Edward and Jacob were doing, for not realising till much too late that Alice was purposely keeping us apart. But I don't want platitudes and half-hearted gestures, I want him to face me, it's been five long hard years now and I'm so damned sick of it all, at this rate I'll be dead before he gets his act together.

He isn't aware what I want anymore, it became obvious when he'd returned, that after a couple of months Peter was passing along my thoughts and needs to him. So I stopped discussing it with him then, that was about eighteen months ago. But Charlotte is another matter, she's my salvation in all of this, my one true and loyal friend.

Peter keeps apologising and begging me to talk to him once more, but his allegiances lie with his brother, not me, so I hold my tongue and we all go continually around in circles. I think being near me and feeling my emotions was helping him a little, but not me! No, it's never for my benefit, is it? Like I said asshole!

So I practised with my shield and have closed them off to him, it's a little draining but worth the trouble. I know it worked, Peter told me about a year ago. If he won't give me anything of himself, then why should I, all's fair in love and war, so they say. But true to form he believes he deserves it, it's not meant as a punishment! It's my way of protecting myself. I have little left of myself to protect and I need some control, don't I?

Charlotte shook me out of my reverie and mimed that he was leaving, I grabbed the pad she'd been writing on and stuffed in my bag, I'd finish reading it later. Rushing to the swing doors of the cafeteria, we were just in time to see him exit the lift, I knew he knew I was there, his shoulders drooped and he almost looked like he wanted to curl up into a ball.

I held my breath, waiting for god only knows what! He inhaled and then looked at me, looked me in the eye for the first time in five years. The pain and sorrow were evident, but he was also giving me a silent, pleading look,

"Can? "he gasped quickly,

"Can I ... speak to you? ... later, when you're home ... again? Please!" his words were stuttered and strained,

His voice sounded rough and raspy, almost having an unused quality in it. My heart clenched, he sounded so bad, what the hell else, had Charlie said to him? Had my father been the one to finally get through to him? I slowly appraised him and was shocked at what I was seeing.

His face was gaunt and marred by deep purple shadows below his eyes, and they were black as coal as he fidgeted under my gaze. His beautiful hair was lank and had lost all of its shine, his clothes were torn and dirty. In fact, his whole appearance shouted, he'd been sleeping rough and suffering from a serious lack of proper feeding.

"Yes, that would be fine. About six o'clock? Oh, and Please hunt first!" I answered firmly and nodding to him swept through the door to the stairwell, I had to be strong and not make this harder for both of us.

Charlotte was right behind me and it was she who scooped me up off the first-floor landing when I eventually reacted to the day's events by sliding down the wall exhausted and in partial shock. Once outside the doorway to the medical floor, she set me down on my feet, steadied me and then led me to my father's room once more.

"Well kiddo, Are you going to hear him out?" Dad asked as soon as I sat down,

I nodded distractedly, Charlie cleared his throat,

"Bells? He's made many mistakes, you know it and so does he! But, please remember he has a really bad track record with women. Nobody deserves the shit he had thrown at him, the first one, Maria, Peter says she was a cruel callous bitch, but so was the second, Alice just went about it differently! " he told me,

"Just remember kiddo, he has been controlled and conditioned all of his vampire life by selfish women, the way Peter tells it anyway. In his heart, he knows you're not like them, but he needs to see this for himself" Charlie continued quietly.

"Oh god, we don't really know each other at all! What do I do, what do I say?" I asked the room at large,

"You could take a leaf out of Eddie's book! Twenty questions never hurt no one, just not too deep to start with and work up to the hard stuff!" Peter said entering the room,

"Has he gone to hunt Peter? He looked so bad! Has he been starving himself? Has he been punishing himself?" I asked and received a nod to all three questions,

"I need some of your clothes, Peter! He needs to change and shower, he can do that at the house. Can vampire get their hair cut? It looked so matted and bad, his lovely hair ...!" I moaned, then promptly bursting into tears.

Charlotte embraced me, shushing me, telling me to take deep breaths. Then she said,

"Slowly Bella, take it slowly, offer him the use of your shower, give him the bag Peter put on your bed. They are actually his own, we've been carryin' stuff around for years, just in case. Don't swamp him okay. Then suggest the twenty questions, get to know him again".

"I never knew him in the first place Edward and Alice wouldn't let me near him, they said he was a danger to me! More like a danger to them!" I huffed.

For me it had been five long years since Peter told me who my mate was, he on the other had found out, only two and a half years ago. Alice had been caught red-handed Peter told Charlotte, I fully admit I was eavesdropping in on that conversation.

Memory

"He knows, at last, he caught her talkin' to some French bit about the 'Major'" he had whispered so loudly, I heard it clearly. Going on to tell her everything that he had been told.

"Alice was talkin' on the phone to her friend Gabriella, a French vampire she knows. He had heard her say how bored of him she was, but there was no way she was lettin' him find his real mate until she herself had found hers! She stupidly had said, she knew exactly who his mate was and with any luck, she was dead by now. Of course, she couldn't see Bella so that was just wishful thinkin', on her part" Charlotte gasped and growled lowly,

"The only good thin' to come from that phone call was, Esme was standin' right next to him in the garden when they heard it. Esme then had flown up the stairs at Alice, rippin' the Cullen crest from around her neck and gave her two suitcases and one hour to vacate the premises" he had said smiling and Charlotte gave a little cheer,

"The 'Major' had stormed into their room demandin' to know who his mate was, she laughed and turned her back on him. For the first time ever he used his power on her when she was writhin' on the bedroom floor in fear and agony, she blurted out Bella's name loudly and everyone had gasped as they heard that, realisin' the depth of her lies and subterfuge since they arrived in Forks!" Peter had continued,

Charlotte snorted, "How they never saw it was beyond me, mad bitch!".

"Her line of credit was stopped immediately by Emmett, and Rose had swept into the room gathered up all the thin's she was unable to take and made the largest bonfire she could outside. It was in the driveway as Alice drove past in that yellow Porsche Edward had given her. The one he had bought her for helpin' with the weddin' that never happened, you remember?" he finished by saying,

"You mean she waited to get the car before sellin' him out to the family? What a cow!" Charlotte had almost shouted.

I made my presence known then by shouting out, asking where were they and I hoped they weren't doing nothing dirty! That got them both laughing.

Of course, I expected him to come for me then, but it's not as if it would have stopped me being hurt, as that had already happened and there was no going back on that.

I stood up saying I needed to go home and shower myself, before this evening.

"I'll be back in the morning for your well-timed recovery dad, okay?" I leant over and kissed his cheek, whispering thank you to him for all he'd done today.

I knew he wasn't back yet, there was always that pulling, tugging sensation when he was further away, the only time I didn't feel it was when I was asleep. I stripped off and took a leisurely shower and actually dried my hair for once. Then dressed for comfort, but made sure any scars were covered, I didn't want him to start berating himself before we started talking.

So with two hours to go I raked in my bag and found Charlotte's notes, I might as well find out what else was said. I felt like I was holding a grenade, terrified it would go off and I'd lose everything. So taking a deep breath I read on from where I'd been lost in my memory.

"I didn't know she'd been hurt, Peter never told me, I later found out she'd told him not to and for once he'd kept his word, against his better judgement! I was shocked and yes horrified, but not at her, never at her. The anger, disgust and everythin' were aimed at myself, but I didn't know I was projectin' till it was too late" he had replied to Charlie in a low tortured voice Charlotte had written.

"So I ran, terrified she'd hate me for not bein' there to help her!" he was on the verge of sobbing and just stared at Charlie,

"But why didn't you go back, once you'd calmed down? Surely Peter talked to you about everything then?" Charlie had asked,

"Oh, I did! Little good it did, he'd just shut down. Nothing I said or did made any difference then" Peter stated and Charlie had nodded at that, Charlotte wrote.

"I couldn't accept what I'd done, those six months of wanderin' about feelin' sorry for myself had cost my mate dearly. I know the first attack had just been hellish, but unavoidable happenin'. Even if we'd been together it would have still happened! Peter said her blood went from awesome to absolutely delectable, no vampire who didn't know her would have been able to resist, she became a universal singer that day and nothin' could have stopped that first attack! But I could have stopped all the others and didn't! I have to live with that and I'm ashamed" he'd murmured,

but Charlie had heard him in the stillness of the hospital room. He shook his head and sighed,

"Son, you can't live your life like that, everyone and I mean everyone has a dose of the 'What If's', but you can't live in the past. You're letting the future slip by you, living there in the 'If only world'!" Charlie exhaled and went on to say,

"Bella's mother left me when she was a baby, not even two, I spent the next six years doing what you've done! What did it do for me? Nothing! Where did it get me? Nowhere! It was the wife of a friend who eventually told me to get a god damn grip!

Slowly I saw that while I'd stood still in the past, life had moved on and I barely recognised my own home town and friends! They had new families, new lives and I was the wet blanket dragging them down.

But they never gave up on me, just like Peter and Charlotte have never given up on you! So how are you going to repay them? Are you going to lose the best thing that has ever happened to you or are you going to man the fuck up and grab her before someone takes her away from you permanently?" Charlie just sat quietly after his speech, both he and Peter watching the man before them.