Phoenix and Maya stared at the obviously handmade sign. NIAB Speed Dating: No Ifs, Ands or Butz! Tonight: Ages 25-35.

"This is going to be a disaster," Phoenix said.

"They spelled 'Buts' wrong," Maya noted.

"No, they didn't," Phoenix said. "That's Larry's last name."

"What? You didn't tell me Larry was involved!"

"He's kind of...the owner of the business?"

"Oh, no. No way," Maya said. "I am not that desperate. I'm going home."

"Hey, you came all the way out here for this!" Phoenix said. "Besides, you can't leave me alone here. I need the moral support."

"What you need is a restraining order against Larry. Every time he shows up in your life, bad stuff happens."

"Says the woman who's a murder magnet..." Phoenix muttered, as he pushed open the door.

The speed dating event was being held at a bar. The entire place smelled like alcohol and depression. "I dressed up for this?" Maya asked, out of the corner of her mouth.

Phoenix smirked and looked around the bar. "Looks like the sign up is...oh. Oh no."

"What is it?" Maya asked, but then she saw it, too. "Mr. Edgworth?"

"I'm going to die now," Phoenix said.

Maya grabbed Phoenix's arm to stop him from leaving. "Hey, Miles! Over here!"

Edgeworth raised his eyebrows in surprise, then walked over to the two friends. "What a surprise," he said softly. "I didn't expect to see anyone I knew here. I suppose Larry roped you two into attending?"

"Yes," Phoenix said.

"No," Maya said at the same time. She shot a look at Phoenix. "I'm here for Nick's sake. Can you believe he hasn't been on a date in three years?"

"Yes," Edgeworth said. "Yes, I can."

"Ow," Phoenix said.

"And it's not easy for me to find any boyfriends in Kurain. Everyone knows me there," Maya said. "This could be a good chance to meet someone new! Or blow off some steam, whatever."

"I see," Edgeworth said. He smiled. "How are things in Kurain? You've been the master of the village for...six years now?"

"Almost nine," Maya said. "Technically, I became the master when my mother died, but the official ceremony was two years after that."

"I see," Edgeworth said. "And Wright, you've been busy recently. Three trials in two weeks?"

"How did you know that?" Phoenix asked.

Edgeworth shook his head. "I'm the Chief Prosecutor. I pick which prosecutors are assigned to which trials."

"Oh," Phoenix said. "In that case, could you start assigning Prosecutor Payne to every case that I'm defending? It'd make things easier on..."

"No," Edgeworth said. Phoenix frowned in response.

The three friends chatted for a while, before Phoenix and Maya had to sign themselves in, at the signup table. Larry had nametags for them, with names and numbers.

"Each table has a number, right? So you sit at the table with your number on it! Super simple," Larry said. "You get ten minutes to chat with the person there, then all the guys move on to the next table. We'll do that over and over again, until everyone's met everyone."

"Wait..." Phoenix said. "There are twenty women here. If I spent ten minutes with each one, that'll take over three hours."

"I meant five minutes," Larry said. "Sorry, I'm bad at math."

"So where do these papers come in?" Maya asked, holding up the piece of paper that Larry had given her. It had a list of all the men's names and numbers. Phoenix had a similar paper, with all the women's' names.

"That's for note keeping! It'll help you keep track of everyone you meet," Larry said. "The important thing is to mark yes or no, for whether you want to date someone or not. I'll let you know if you get any matches."

"What if I meet someone I like, but not someone I want to pursue a relationship with?" Phoenix asked.

"You're a dude, Nick. Mark 'yes' for all of them. Because the babes we got here tonight are STUNNING."

"What about the guys you have tonight?" Maya asked.

Larry scratched his chin. "I guess they're all right. I mean, I wouldn't play golf with them or anything, but...hey, can I get you a drink? You'll like the guys better if you have some drinks."

"Larry, don't try to get your customers drunk," Phoenix advised.

"I'm not! I just like girls who...aw, never mind. You're such a buzzkill."

"Tell me about it," Maya said, smiling. "So when do we start?"

"As soon as everyone signs in," Larry said. "We've still got about four more people who haven't shown up yet. If they're not here in ten minutes, we start without them."

"All right!" Maya said. "Nick, you ready?"

"Ready to meet a bunch of strangers, who will judge me based on superficial evidence? Ready to have a five-minute conversation control the rest of my life? Ready to be publicly humiliated in a way that I haven't been since high school?" Phoenix asked.

"Maybe you need a drink," Larry suggested.

"...You're probably right," Phoenix sighed.