Elegy – Normandy

Disclaimer: In case you haven't figured it out yet, I don't own Mass Effect. All Mass Effect-related characters, settings, etc. are the intellectual property of BioWare and Electronic Arts.

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"Before we feast, I would like to say a few words of prayer, if that is alright," declared Kolyat Krios. Most around the table either murmured their assent or folded their hands expectantly; Jack rolled her eyes at the sight, but did not say anything.

Gathering this many members of the Normandy'screw – both old and new – for a memorial had been easier than Garrus had anticipated. But he supposed that was the thing with Shepard. Put out an invitation with her name on it, and…

Well, Garrus had never seen the mess hall this crowded. Admittedly the so-called "SR-3" was even larger and more amply staffed now than it'd ever been under Shepard or Anderson, but the sheer number of seats pulled up to the mixed-amino acid buffet (not to mention the…variety of their inhabitants) was almost mind-boggling.

"Kalahira, mistress of inscrutable depths…to your waves, we cast off the excess of this bounty," Kolyat recited. "For those lost beneath the endless sea, as these blessings touch our souls…"

He touched a piece of food to his lips, but did not open them.

"We remember," he finished.

"Amen," added Kaidan Alenko. James Vega raised an eyebrow at this.

"Thought you were a Buddhist, Archie," he whispered to his commanding officer.

"I am," Kaidan replied, glancing briefly at the memorial wall; the edge of it could just barely be seen from where they were sitting. "It…wasn't for my own sake."

"Yeah, yeah. Pansy-ass crap on its own time, please? I'm starving like a motherfucker here," said Jack.

Jacob Taylor's face momentarily darkened at the use of such language in front of his daughter, but glancing over and seeing that she was busy playing with Urdnot Mordin some distance away (or at least, as close to "playing" as a baby krogan and a human toddler could get), he relaxed and said nothing about it but, "Yeah…let's dig in."

The food was excellent; apparently, their batarian recruit of all people had prepared the majority of it. Garrus thought he recognized the guy from somewhere, but he couldn't quite place the face.

The table engaged in a lot of small talk as they ate. Garrus stayed out of most of it, but he listened in. Apparently Samara had briefly dated Liara's "father" in their maiden stages, long before Aethyta had met Benezia; it'd been relatively brief by asari standards, though.

"We were only in a relationship for a few years," the Justicar related, with as much fondness in her voice as one would ever expect to hear out of her. "A mercenary and an aspiring social mover. It was romantic, but doomed to failure from the start."

"Any children?" asked Liara, more eagerly than she'd probably intended.

"No," answered Samara, not looking directly at her. "Given my clear genetic predisposition toward siring Ardat-Yakshi, however, this was probably for the best."

"I…I see," the former Shadow Broker muttered. "I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking."

"It is alright, Doctor T'Soni," said Samara. "You know, you remind me of myself in the early decades of the matron stage. It's hard to believe that you're barely over a hundred."

"I get that a lot, Justicar Samara," Liara responded with a smile. "Let me tell you about this one elcor on Illium…"

Elsewhere on the table, Zaeed Massani had an "offer" for both Urdnot Grunt and Kasumi Goto.

"Aria's lookin' to consolidate what's left of the Blood Pack and Eclipse," the mercenary told them. "Right bastards who were managin' 'em before met with some…heh…'messy' ends recently. The blue bitch seems to think a…how'd she put it? Right…'hard reset' is necessary to keep the mercs who remain in line."

"And what makes you think we'd be…fit…for such a task?" asked Kasumi, smirking as she brought a wine glass to her lips.

"Aria gave me a fat ream of dossiers for potential recruits in their ranks. I took 'em home an' lit a nice fire," Zaeed explained. "Nah, I need people I can trust. An' about the only place I ever found a single goddamn soul worthy of that was on the Normandy. Yeah, you may be a goddamn thief an' a berserk krogan…but you were Shepard's goddamn thief an' berserk krogan. That means somethin' in my business."

"Especially considering how many of them we blasted the heads off of," Grunt added with a low chuckle.

"Exactly. They'll fear you. Helpful if you're gonna throw in with that kinda lot," said Zaeed.

"I'll…think about the proposal, then," stated Kasumi, drawing up her hood and briefly cloaking herself from view. "Perhaps I'll pay Eclipse headquarters one of these days; see if there's anything these little fingers…take a shine to. They put up a good enough fight stopping me, I might just take you up on that."

"Same here," Grunt growled. "But none of that sneaky subterfuge crap. I want their best warriors, one-on-one. See if a single one of their krogan actually knows how to fight."

"I think both can be arranged," replied Zaeed, typing a message on his datapad for Aria. "Thinnin' the ranks of the bastards who won't fall in line, or the ones that're just plain shit, can only help in the long run."

Several of the humans, an asari, and a male quarian seemed to be playing a card game of some kind on a corner of the table; Garrus thought this seemed a little rude during a meal, but maybe he just wasn't as familiar with human customs as he thought.

James Vega was clearly winning, although Jack seemed to be coming up from behind. Only by flagrantly and unabashedly cheating, though.

"She will destroy you!" shouted a human female biotic as Jack laid down her hand, to the collective groans of all the players.

"Careful, Rodriguez," Jack mock-chided her. You may have gone all soldier on us now, but you're still my student. Crack wise one more time and I might just make your ass listen to geth poetry."

"WE DO NOT UNDERSTAND YOUR HUMOR," said one of the geth, seated next to the quarian who was very nearly out of the pot. "METERED VERSE GENERATED BY THE GETH HAS BEEN ACCEPTED BY GALACTIC POETRY MONTHLY IN A TOTAL OF FORTY-SEVEN ISSUES. THIS WOULD INDICATE THAT ORGANICS HAVE DEEMED IT TO HAVE SOME MEASURE OF ARTISTIC VALUE."

"Wait…the fuck? They accepted poems from the damn geth and not mine?!" exclaimed Jack, clearly in shock.

"Hold on a minute…you write poetry, Jack?" asked Miranda Lawson, about the only person not devastated by that last hand.

"Fuck off, cheerleader," Jack responded, though with no overt animosity.

"No, you misunderstand," Miranda pressed on, taking a bite of some sort of vegetable dish. "I'd…like to read it. If that's alright."

Jack's immediate reaction was to laugh derisively, but a few seconds later she took another look at Miranda's face and added, "Hold on…you're really not shitting me?"

"One of my areas of expertise is poetry analysis," Miranda informed her with a smile. "My father never saw much use in studying it…so of course, I learned as much as I possibly could to spite him."

"Heh…maybe I've been judging you wrong all these years, bitch," Jack said after a moment, tossing back a drink as she did. "Alright, why the Hell not? I'll forward a few to your Omni-Tool when I get the chance."

Another group was gathered around Javik. It appeared a rather diverse cross-section of the crew was inordinately interested in learning what their ancestors had been like in the Protheans' Cycle. Javik himself seemed a little uncomfortable with the attention, but was trying not to show it.

"Drell, I remember my first visit to your homeworld well," he told Kolyat. "You were already bipedal at that stage, though not yet of high intelligence. Your early development of eidetic memory intrigued our scientists, however. But as for the rest of us…"

He paused, as if reluctant to share the rest of his statement. "Please, go on," Kolyat requested after a few moments. "I find this fascinating."

"Prothean youths would often come to your world during…escapades of frivolity," Javik continued. "In order to…lick you."

Kolyat's eyes went wide. "Your species' skin produces a mild hallucinogen," Javik explained. "Or at least it did, at any rate."

"Did you ever partake when you were young?" asked Karin Chakwas.

Javik used all four of his eyes to give her a death-glare. "This conversation is over," he said after a while.

"Do you have any information about our ancestors?" cut in Major Kirrahe, in an apparent attempt to change the subject. "I've never been much of a scientist, but one can't help but be curious."

"You were primitive, swimming around in the muck and eating flies," Javik answered shortly. "We ate your livers as a delicacy in my Cycle."

"Err…okay then," replied Kirrahe, scratching his head nervously. "That's…gratifying."

"You were the one who asked," Javik pointed out. Garrus thought he could see the slightest hint of a smirk on the Prothean's face as he noted this.

"What about humans?" asked Steve Cortez after a moment of awkward silence. "They found Prothean ruins on Mars, didn't they? That must mean you were in our neck of the woods at some point."

"We did indeed study your ancestors for some time, human. You grunted and lived in caves," said Javik. "Still, you did show…potential. I understand that some of our scouts periodically left low-grade tools where your species might find them. As a test. They were continually surprised at how quickly you were able to…duplicate the technology."

"So, the 'aliens visited cavemen' conspiracy theorists really were onto something," declared Samantha Traynor with a chuckle. "Who knew?"

Garrus ate in silence as he overheard these conversations, content to chuckle to himself or silently marvel at what a miracle it was that such a strange assortment of misfits, criminals, and borderline sociopaths had survived this long…and more to the point, could meet over a good meal and not kill each other.

If he was ever one for philosophy, he thought that might hit him more deeply. As it was, he just found it odd.

And given what he'd…heard the other day, perhaps a little bit inspiring.

"Excuse me…Palaven-clan," breathed a voice to his side, and though Garrus had never met him before he was not surprised to see a volus next to him, looking quite cross. At least he thought he looked cross, anyway…he could never quite tell with those suits.

"Anything I can help you with?" Garrus asked, still eating.

"I saw you…messing around…with my Thanix Cannons…before dinner," answered the volus with crossed arms.

"Because they were out of alignment, yes," Garrus said casually.

"Nonsense! I…calibrate them…twice a day!" the volus protested.

"Well then, you're clearly not doing a very good job of it," Garrus replied, chuckling.

The volus looked indignant, but whatever he was about to say was cut off by the person sitting on Garrus' other side.

"Trust him on this one, my friend," declared Tali'Zorah vas Normandy, putting down a glass of turian brandy with an emergency induction port sticking out the top. "Arguing with Garrus Vakarian about calibrations is like arguing with a krogan about the best way to kill things. Err…no offense."

This last bit was directed at Urdnot Wrex, who looked up briefly to grunt, "None taken." Then he returned to disinterestedly discussing krogan mating customs with Kelly Chambers, who was enraptured.

"No one…asked you for your opinion…Rannoch-clan!" cried the volus, who threw up his arms and walked off.

Garrus watched him leave in bewilderment, before turning back to the quarian mechanist and raising his own glass. "Hey Tali," he greeted her. "Didn't even notice you there."

"Well, that certainly makes a girl feel welcome," she replied teasingly. "But…it's okay. It looks like you've got a lot on your mind."

Garrus sighed in response. "That's putting it mildly," he said.

"Is it anything I can help with?" Tali asked.

"Not really. But thanks for the offer," he responded, shaking his head.

Looking around briefly to make sure everybody nearby was occupied, she then leaned closer and whispered, "Come on, Garrus. It's me. You can tell me anything; I won't judge."

He hedged on his next words for a few moments, staring at the dim outline of her face beneath that deep purple mask, before sighing again and telling her, "Okay…maybe later. But…privately. This isn't something I want everyone to hear."

"Fair enough," she murmured back, before returning to a normal speaking tone with a change of subject in the meantime. "So…what was that volus' problem, anyway?"

"I know from personal experience that people who man that battery can be a bit…touchy about their work," Garrus replied, chuckling a bit. "Doesn't change the fact that the work was shoddy as Hell, though."

"I concur with Garrus," said EDI, surprising both of them; they hadn't noticed her approach, along with Joker and Kaidan. "I have observed an average drop of 2.3% in the accuracy of the Normandy's weapons systems since he departed our service."

"Really? That bad? I knew something felt a little 'off' about her, but that's off the broadside-of-a-barn threshold with cannons that size," quipped Joker.

Kaidan looked over his shoulder to make sure the volus was gone, before explaining, "Yeah, I'll admit, I've never really thought he was a great fit here. He's talented enough, don't get me wrong…but he's never really meshed with the crew. Especially our engineers. If the dossiers Admiral Hackett gave me hadn't made it clear he was the best available candidate…"

The Spectre stopped talking, and raised an eyebrow at Garrus. "Unless…" he appended, "…you'd be willing to return to the Normandy at some point? I know it'd be kind of a step down for you at this point, General Vakarian, but…"

"If I accepted or refused your offer, it'd have nothing to do with rank. I can assure you of that much, Kaidan," Garrus interjected, staring pensively at the nearest wall of the Normandy. "But…I just don't know yet. This ship…there are a lot of memories. Not all of them pleasant."

"I understand," said Kaidan with a nod. "But…think about it. The position's open to you at any time."

He then turned to Tali, who had been listening to all of this with crossed arms. "And you'd definitely be welcome back too, Tali," he told her. "Greg, Ken, and Gabby all keep saying how much they miss you down there."

"Well, they always were a little too…cautious without my prodding," Tali responded with a laugh. "Every engineering deck needs its outside-the-box thinker. But as much as I'd love to…I'm a lifelong Normandy crewmember, it's in my name…I'm doing good work on Rannoch. The number of quarians both willing and able to do repair work on damaged geth is still far lower than it should be."

"Fair enough. Well, like I said…think about it. That's all I'm asking," Kaidan assured her. "Been using the opportunity to make the offer to all the old crew. But Liara just wants a quiet life, for a few decades at least…and I can't blame her for that; she's never been military. And as for Wrex…"

"Still enjoying the infinite pleasures of fatherhood, pyjak," Wrex called out to them, still conversing with Kelly.

"Besides," the krogan battlemaster added, "it'll be a few years yet before I can afford to take my thumb off the clans. Until my little Mordin here comes of age, lineage still falls to my idiot brother Wreav. And any of you that've met him know how much of a disaster that would be."

"Wait…didn't that guy kinda get wrecked by the mother of all thresher maws?" Joker pointed out, raising an eyebrow. "I mean, I know krogan are hardy and everything, but that seems a bit much even for you guys."

"Heh. If only," said Wrex. "Kalros destroyed his Tomkah, but Wreav got out with punctures to only two of his lungs. Waste of a chance for a good death, if ya ask me."

"And this is why I've missed having you on the ship, Wrex," Joker declared. "The scintillating repartee."

"Hey, Major Alenko, could I talk to you for a moment?" interrupted Jacob.

Kaidan nodded and turned to the former Cerberus operative. "Just Kaidan's fine," he replied. "Anyway, what's up?"

"Just got a call from Brynn," Jacob informed him. "She wants to know how much longer this whole thing's gonna last. No rush if there's something planned for after dinner, but my girl's gotta get to bed sooner rather than later."

"Yeah, we do have one thing. It shouldn't take long, though," Kaidan stated with a nod. "I'm just waiting on everyone to finish eating."

"Observational analysis of the room indicates that nourishment is no longer being consumed," EDI proffered, scanning the occupants of the Normandy one more time to be certain.

"Oh…" Kaidan said lamely. "Well, in that case…shall we get started, then?"

The Council Spectre tapped a fork against his glass, bringing the various conversations going on around the table to an end. He then announced, "It's been great to have you all aboard with us on the Normandy tonight. But I know most of you aren't here for me. You're here because of a certain other Alliance soldier, whose life touched every single one of ours for the better."

He paused for a moment to compose himself, before continuing, "That is why I'd like to take a moment for all of us to say a few words in remembrance of Commander Shepard. Garrus, this reunion was your idea…would you like to do the honors of starting off?"

"I'd…actually prefer to be left to the end, if that's alright," replied the turian. He wasn't sure he was ready to put himself on the spot like this. Not after…that.

"Sure. I guess I'll begin, then, and we can go clockwise after," Kaidan told the table, most of whom had taken their seats and were waiting expectantly.

The biotic sat down as well, taking a deep breath and framing his face with his hands. "So…Shepard," he murmured. "Shepard was…wow, this is hard. Shepard was…Shepard."

He swallowed. "Never met anyone like her, and doubt I ever will," Kaidan went on. "She was the best damn commanding officer a person could ask for…but more than that, she was my friend. She was there for me in my darkest moments – when Ash died on Virmire, when Udina tried to seize control of the Council, and we were holding a gun on one another…"

Kaidan looked around at the assortment of soldiers and specialists that made up what was now his crew; the vast majority of them, Garrus was certain, accepting of the position entirely because this'd been Shepard's ship. Then their current commanding officer finished, "I don't think I'll ever be able to fill her shoes, here on the Normandy. But…I'd like to think she'd want me to try."

"Hell yeah she would," said James, adding a fist-bump with his mentor for good measure. "Lola was the reason I had the balls to accept the N7 program in the first place. The reason I know most of you at all. Never gonna forget the way she kicked my ass…and never gonna forget how much I needed it."

"I owe my life to Shepard…but more importantly, I owe her my family," Jacob added, hoisting his daughter up on his knee and holding her close. "She's already a hero to my wife and my girl here…and I expect she's gonna be one for the whole Taylor family for a long, long time."

Miranda nodded. "Thanks to Shepard, Ori and I are alive and my father is dead," she declared. "That's reason enough that she deserves a monument. Of course…sticking it where it hurt to the Illusive Man doesn't hurt my memories of her, either."

"Here, here!" chimed in Jacob, Ken, Gabby, and Kelly simultaneously. A chuckle went around the table at this.

"My turn?" Jack asked dryly as the group quieted down. "Well, what's there to say? She was Queen of the Girl Scouts. God did she drive me crazy when I first got here, with her ample stores of self-righteous bullshit."

She glanced to her students, however, and smirked as she appended, "That being said, anyone else who says a bad thing about her gets their balls biotically ripped off. Or their cunt, whatever qualifies."

"Always the charmer," said Kasumi with a smirk, before raising her glass. "To you, Shep. The chase was over way too quickly."

"Eh, she went out like she woulda wanted," Zaeed responded, cracking his neck. "Saved the whole goddamn galaxy with her last mission. And Hell, she's the reason I even care 'bout that fact. Only wish…I'd thought to thank her for that."

Grunt seemed to sympathize with that outlook, judging by his expression…though Garrus admitted it was sometimes hard to tell with krogan. "Shepard was – is – my battlemaster," he stated simply. "She has no equal. In either this life or the next."

"Well, death didn't stop Shepard the first time around, did it?" Wrex pointed out with a chuckle. "Y'know…I never thought I'd meet a member of another species tougher than most krogan. Especially not a human. But Shepard…damn. There's a reason I declared her name the krogan word for 'hero.' And I'd do it again in two heartbeats."

"She never gave up on our people…not even when most any rational being would have," said Bakara as her mate briefly bowed his head in respectful silence. "But she championed the krogan nonetheless – always convinced we could be more than what the genophage made us into. Every single child born on Tuchanka today owes her their future. And I'm going to make sure each and every one learns to honor her faith in our kind."

Several of the krogan now serving with Kaidan, most of them appearing to be of the younger sort, pounded on the table in support of this.

"WE SHARE AND APPRECIATE A SIMILAR SENTIMENT, BAKARA-URDNOT," offered one of the geth. "SHEPARD-COMMANDER'S ENCOUNTERS WITH THE HERETICS MADE DISTRUST AND HATRED OF THE GETH THE MOST LOGICAL CONCLUSION. YET SHE READILY AFFORDED THE UNIT CALLED 'LEGION' HER FRIENDSHIP, AND A PLACE AMONG HER CREW."

"SHE WAS THE FIRST ORGANIC IN THREE CENTURIES TO TRUST THE GETH," added another platform, a Geth Prime with one arm missing. "FOR THAT…HER MEMORY WILL BE RECORDED IN THE GETH CONSENSUS, UNTIL THE END OF TIME."

The quarian next to them nodded at these words, although he did not say anything in response. Instead he inclined his helmet toward the grouping of asari on his other side.

Samara spoke first. "Shepard was certainly a unique being; in nearly a thousand years of life I never met another like her, in either character or deed," she pronounced solemnly. "To her I owe my one remaining daughter. To her I owe my very life. And by the full strength of the Code, I swear she shall be honored accordingly. Yesterday was merely the beginning."

"The republics finally got their heads together and approved a statue of Shepard on Thessia yesterday," Liara explained, for the benefit of those not intimately following the latest news in asari politics. "But I agree…it is hardly enough. Perhaps when I publish her biography, a response more worthy of her heroism will be actualized…"

"You're writing Shepard's biography, Doctor T'Soni?" asked the asari commando. "I didn't know that. I loved your last book…the one you co-wrote with Mister Javik."

"Well, I wouldn't like to pretend it's the only one out there, but it is the account the Systems Alliance has officially endorsed," Liara replied. "The ones I've seen floating around the extranet over the years have tended to be…well, garbage. I thought it best that a friend set the record straight."

Liara pulled out a page from her manuscript and handed it to the commando; it quickly began to circulate the table, provoking quite a few murmurs of approval. In the meantime, however, the sole drell present cleared his throat.

"Shepard returned my father to me…and together, they saved my wayward soul," said Kolyat, his hands clasped tight in prayer. "I hope that they've had the chance to see each other again…somewhere across the sea."

The Prothean to his left took a few moments' pause before he spoke. "Before the final battle, I deemed the commander the Avatar of Victory," Javik told them. "But even I was surprised at how well she lived up the title. With her hand, she avenged the ghosts of trillions of my people."

He shook his head, all four of his eyes closing briefly, before finishing, "It is…rare…that I admit the Empire was in error in our judgment. But nothing we ever did against the Reapers compared to the might of Commander Shepard. If nothing else…I am glad I lived long enough to fight at her side."

"My sentiment is similar…if less dramatic," stated Kirrahe. "Though I did not know Shepard intimately, it was always an honor to work with her. And until the end – for Earth, for Sur'Kesh, for the entire galaxy – she held the line."

"And then some," responded Doctor Chakwas, dipping her head briefly. "I served with Shepard against Saren, the Collectors, and the Reapers. Part of me expected every day to see her outright crack from the strain, if I'm being perfectly honest. But I suppose giving up was the one thing she was simply incapable of."

Her mouth turned upward into a smirk before adding, "Well…that, and dancing."

"Don't forget chess," quipped Specialist Traynor with a chuckle. "I promise, you wouldn't believe how hopeless she was at the game of kings. But for the woman whose tactics stopped the Reapers? I suppose she can be forgiven for a little…misapplication of those considerable skills."

This earned a few laughs…even from the batarian, who was seated rather inexplicably between two humans and apparently not experiencing any issues with the arrangement. As if in answer to Garrus' unspoken question, he began to explain why.

"A few years ago, I was afflicted by a plague on Omega," described the surprisingly adept chef. "When a human came upon me as I gasped for breath, inches from the brink of death…I assumed she was merely there to taunt me in my last moments. Instead she healed my sores with Medi-Gel. And when she and a salarian named Mordin Solus managed to synthesize a cure…she made certain someone came back to give me a sample."

The batarian shook his head once, half-smiling. "If you haven't already guessed, the human who saved my life was Commander Shepard," he went on. "She proved I was wrong about her kind, or at least most of them…wrong about a lot of things. In her honor I've fought at the side of humans ever since."

Lieutenant Cortez offered a hand to the batarian, who took it firmly, before stating his own piece.

"There's a million things I could say about the commander…but I'll leave it at this," he said. "When I lost my husband, I thought my life was over. Not literally, but…but there was nothing but work, and grief for the love of my life. Endlessly repeating. I don't know where I'd be if she hadn't convinced me that Robert wouldn't have wanted me to spend my live obsessing over his death."

Garrus felt his mouth go very dry as he heard this; he didn't have to think too hard about why. "She helped me reclaim my past," continued the shuttle pilot, dabbing at the corners of his eyes with a napkin. "For that, I damn sure hope she's got herself a sweet spot in Heaven."

Yeoman Chambers placed a hand on his shoulder, smiling warmly in sympathy. "The fact that I'm even sitting here on this ship is a tribute to how amazing Shepard was," she declared. "Not only that she saved our lives from the Collectors…but that I can make myself get over what they did to me. Because it's what she would've wanted. Every moment on the Normandy brings back those memories…but they sting less and less every day. Godspeed, Shepard."

"I don't really have any big, dramatic stories to offer myself, but I can definitely sign onto that thought," pronounced Engineer Adams. "No person in the galaxy I'd rather have served under."

"Plus, hey, not a whole lotta commandin' officers that come down personally to ask if the engineers need spare parts," added Engineer Donnelly with a chuckle. "To me, she'll always be 'Commander Shepard, almighty bringer of the GX12 Thermal Pipe.' Trademark pendin'."

"Not to mention being the one person in the galaxy who could push you to finally take your head outta your ass," said Engineer Daniels, filling in the context of her comment by kissing Kenneth on the cheek.

There were a few other testimonials from individuals Garrus did not know personally – N7 Marines speaking of how much of a personal inspiration Shepard had been, human biotics singing her praises for rescuing them from Grissom Academy, a turian with golden facial markings thanking her for securing the krogan forces that saved Palaven…

But all too soon it came back to Garrus' side of the table. Including him, only four individuals now remained to say their piece.

EDI was first. Her tones were warm, but full of conviction.

"Shepard was many things to me," spoke the unshackled AI. "She advised me on the matters of human interaction that long eluded me, she allowed me to arrive at conclusions about Jeff and the crew which I have now made integral to my programming, and…"

She paused for a moment, as if trying to process the best way to put this. Finally she continued, "…And she taught me about that most fundamental irrationality that makes organic beings so fascinatingly complex. Shepard taught me about hope."

Joker carefully placed an arm around her shoulders as her head tilted downward; if she was capable of such a thing, Garrus wouldn't have been surprised to see tears in her eyes. "I suppose the closest human analogue to how I remember Shepard is as a…big sister," EDI concluded. "But even that seems to undersell how much I valued my interactions with her. It is thanks to her influence that I am now more than simply 'operational.' It is thanks to Shepard that I am alive."

"Seems like there's a lot of that sentiment going around tonight," commented Joker, a small grin on his face. "But hey, not surprising. Hell, Shepard pretty much turned life-saving into an art form. Both figuratively and literally."

The Normandy's pilot laughed a bit, though there wasn't really a whole lot of humor in his voice. "God, there's so much I want to say here," he murmured, rubbing his face tiredly. "More than I can put into a nice, heart-wrenching speech. Never been great with that crap, anyway."

Joker sighed as EDI returned the comforting gesture he'd afforded her earlier. "I guess…the best thing I can do is end with a joke. Balances things out, y'know?" he eventually said, before turning to the group of biotic students. "Yo, Prangley! What can you tell me about Reapers?"

The young man looked rather wrong-footed. "Uh…well…" he mumbled. "Err…wait, what do you-"

"I should go," interrupted Joker, turning his head to the left and making motions as if walking away.

There was complete silence for several minutes. Then pretty much every person at the table who actually possessed a sense of humor broke into some measure of laughter.

Garrus himself just chuckled, but it was sincere; he had to admit, that was a good one, if rather corny. Still, the opportunity to genuinely laugh felt good.

…Particularly given that it was now down to just him and Tali. Despite all the time he'd had since the testimonials began, Garrus still had no idea what he was going to say when it was his turn to go.

So instead he just tilted his head to the quarian next to him – the only other member of Shepard's ground squad to remain at her side across all three "deployments." Not for the first time, Garrus marveled at that simple fact.

"Shepard was…a valued friend, an ally of the quarian people, and a bringer of peace," Tali began, sounding rather awkward. "But pretending that even that describes Shepard is…it's like judging a starship based solely on a few components in the engines. It isn't inaccurate per say, but it certainly won't give you the full picture."

The mechanist sighed. "Before I met Shepard, I was…a different person. A little girl, naïve and stupid and sheltered," she told the group. "Today I am a leader of my people, and it is because of Shepard that I know what that truly means. Because of Shepard, I know that what changes this galaxy for the better is a steady hand always stretching toward peace…no matter how many obstacles are in your way."

She turned particularly to the geth and the other quarian in the room before continuing, "Because of Shepard, I know that what the quarians did to the geth centuries ago was a crime. And also thanks to Shepard, I learned that it wasn't too late to make up for our ancestors' mistakes."

Tali was almost shaking with emotion now. "Keelah, Shepard taught me so much…" she said quietly. "The big things and the small. I literally cannot imagine the person I'd have turned into without her in my life. Everything I care about…everything I value…it's all 'because of Shepard.' I'm almost embarrassed to admit it, but it's true."

She paused for a few moments, collecting her thoughts, before adding, "But if there's one thing above all else I'd like to thank her for…it's teaching me what it means to have a home. A real home. And no…as grateful as I am that she helped us reclaim our homeworld, I don't mean Rannoch."

Suddenly Tali turned to Kaidan; though Garrus couldn't tell for certain, he was sure that her eyes were steeled in determination under that helmet. "Major Alenko, I've been thinking about your offer all this time," she stated. "I'll have to make some arrangements; make sure that my apprentices are capable of taking over for me. But once I'm certain they are…Tali'Zorah vas Normandy is reporting for duty."

"Glad to hear it, Tali," the Spectre replied with a warm smile. "We can discuss it more at a later time. But for now…Garrus, care to offer the last words?"

The turian took a deep breath. He looked at the old friend to his left and the old friend to his right, and then at the rest of the table – well over thirty individuals who had each delivered their own personal tribute to the woman who brightened each and every one of their lives, all of them beautiful in their own particular ways.

Most of them were looking at him expectantly; Wrex gave him a curt nod, while James offered a thumbs-up.

But no words came.

No words other than, "I'm…I'm sorry."

Then, abruptly, Garrus Vakarian leapt to his feet and excused himself from the table, not looking to see if anyone was trying to call him back.

[-]

Garrus leaned over a railing in the main battery and sighed deeply.

He remembered living here on a makeshift cot, both while working under Cerberus and under the Alliance; Cerberus accommodations were better, but the Alliance didn't make it a habit of bugging every inch of the room, so he supposed it balanced out in the end.

Still, it was…strange to be back here. For one thing everything had evidently been adjusted for the use of a volus, so while the room's proportions hadn't actually changed the space felt much "tighter." Even the calibrations he'd been unable to resist performing earlier felt off in a way he couldn't quite explain.

Plus…even when retrofitted, this had been the place where…

"It sounds like you're carrying some tension. Maybe I could help you get rid of it."

"What if we skipped right to the tiebreaker? We could test your reach…and my flexibility."

"I don't want something closer to home. I want you. I want someone I can trust."

"That's the protocol on reunions."

"I can't promise how things will work out. Not with this war. But I missed you, Garrus. I thought about you a lot."

"That's all for now, Garrus. But stay close…we've got some catching up to do."

Suddenly, inexplicably, it was all flooding back.

That night in her cabin…their date on the Citadel, when she'd first said those three little words…another night in her quarters, truly at the eve of destruction…their goodbye on Earth, before the final push…and then her forcing him to retreat to safety, so that she'd be alone to make the greatest sacrifice of any being in the history of the galaxy…

He knew, now, what had happened, but contrary to what he'd believed earlier it hadn't made him feel much better. He supposed it should be a comfort that some small part of Shepard still survived – indeed, would survive until the end of time or of the Reapers, whichever came first.

But his feelings on that "Shepard-Catalyst" were…complicated. And somehow he knew, innately, that speaking to it was a one-time deal, so it wasn't like he could grill it for any clarification as to what he already felt.

Garrus just had to hope, he supposed, that things would work themselves out in time. It was all he could hope for at this point.

He was spared any further contemplation, however, by a knock on the door. Wearily, he went to open it.

"How did you know I'd be here?" he asked the entrant as she strode into the battery.

"Please, Garrus. Don't insult me," responded Tali'Zorah, waving her hand at the absurdity of the question.

Garrus merely shrugged as he closed the door and leaned back over the railing; a moment later, Tali joined him in the same position.

"Everyone's wondering if you're alright, Garrus," she told him after a few silent moments. "A few have had to leave, but most are sticking around to make sure you're okay. They thought I'd be the best one to check on you.

Garrus didn't say anything. She sighed.

"Look, Garrus…please, talk to me," she pleaded, her voice growing soft. "There's no one else here. Whatever's going on, I just want to help you through it. You know that."

Garrus stayed silent for a few more seconds. Then he sighed as well…and began to relate his experiences on Palaven.

"…And then, well…that was it," he finished several minutes later, his tones tired and raspy. "One last 'Goodbye, Garrus' and the Reaper she – it – was speaking through took off to the sky. Nothing else. Barely even a hint that it was anything more than some crazy dream…except that I know it wasn't. I just do."

Tali didn't respond immediately, but when she did, her voice made it clear that she'd been crying beneath her mask.

"That must've meant so much to you…to hear her voice after all this time," she said.

"I have no idea what it meant to me," replied Garrus, shaking his head. "It's…it's just something I can't even begin to wrap my head around. I mean, the long and short of it is that the Catalyst, or whatever you want to call it, came all that way and went through all that trouble…to tell me to move on. How is anyone supposed to process that?"

"I don't know," Tali answered, placing a hand on his arm. "But regardless of the source…perhaps there is some truth in the advice."

"I can't forget about Shepard," Garrus murmured. "I won't."

"And nobody's asking you to, Garrus," she rejoined, a little more boldly. "But it's been over two years. And when I look at you now, I don't see the strong and confident soldier that Shepard fell in love with. I see a broken turian, too caught up in the past to realize how much of a future lies ahead for him."

Garrus just exhaled deeply. He didn't yet have the words to respond to this.

"Whatever you may think of that…intelligence…it was completely right that Shepard wouldn't have wanted this kind of a life for you," Tali went on. "Every time any of us became marred in our personal demons, she'd just swoop in and slay them. I don't have her talent for it – I never will – but she's not around, so it falls to me to try."

"I…I just…" whispered Garrus, before Tali cut him off with a tight hug. His body stiffened initially in response, but soon slackened as he accepted the embrace. It was a simple gesture, and he could understand it…and for now, that was enough.

A long time passed without the two saying anything. The hug eventually broke, but Tali kept one hand on top of his as they sat down by one of the consoles, evidently trying to be as warm and comforting in her body language as the environmental suit allowed.

"I won't pretend I can make all your pain go away, Garrus," she said after a while, her grip on his hand briefly tightening. "No one person can. But I promise you, it will be a lot easier if you allow your friends to help you. If you allow me to help you."

Again, Garrus said nothing; he only closed his eyes and, with the barest of motions, nodded once.

They spent the rest of the night together in that battery, after Tali made a brief call to Kaidan to assure the remaining attendees that Garrus was going to be fine.

They swapped stories about the smaller missions they'd gone on with Shepard – the ones that hadn't been notable enough for every crewmember to hear about them – and even of some of their private conversations. Garrus had his first genuine laugh since his chuckle at Joker's impression when Tali related how Shepard had once found her severely intoxicated…and drunk-dialing Javik, to boot.

Garrus heard more about how things were going on the repopulated Rannoch – the educational system, in particular, seemed to be undergoing rather interesting developments. Apparently there was a growing push for the integration of quarian and geth schools; though the geth "learned" in a very different way than organics, they also were fascinated by the process, and many were now expressing the desire to actively observe quarian classrooms. In turn, it was becoming increasingly clear that many of the geth were heavily qualified to teach science, mathematics, and engineering – but that opened a variety of labor disputes that were still being ironed out.

In return, Tali was eager to hear of Palaven…and particularly, of how Garrus' family was faring. Frankly he was a little ashamed he couldn't give a more complete answer to that, but Tali seemed satisfied with what he could provide. He'd always felt that she and Solana would get along swimmingly, though, so he supposed that wasn't such a surprise.

In any event, the conversation eventually turned to ephemera – things that'd always seemed too trivial to share when all the time they'd known each other had been spent on death-defying missions. Tali's favorite color was purple (no surprise there); her combat drone, Chiktikka vas Paus, was named after a character in an extranet game she'd enjoyed as a child; and most amusingly, she admitted an utter weakness for the "Blasto" films (even the fifth one!).

It wasn't much…but it was a start. The first happy night he could remember in a long, long time.

Whether it would last…that was a better question.

But for the moment, at least, Garrus Vakarian was smiling again. And a friend was smiling in turn.

[-]

Some distance away, a Reaper floated behind the nearest planet, all its sensors trained on the Normandy.

But as Garrus began to laugh uproariously at Tali's off-color joke about Niftu Cal, the Biotic God, those sensors slowly turned away, and the Reaper began propelling itself into the next system.

That which once was Commander Shepard would never stop watching. Never stop guarding those she had loved in life.

Bᴜᴛ I ᴡɪʟʟ ɴᴏᴛ ᴅᴇᴘʀɪᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴏғ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴘʀɪᴠᴀᴄʏ, Gᴀʀʀᴜs.

Nᴏᴛ ᴡʜᴇɴ I'ᴠᴇ ᴀʟʀᴇᴀᴅʏ ᴅᴇᴘʀɪᴠᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴏғ sᴏ ᴍᴜᴄʜ...

The Reaper was gone.