Legally Blonde
Omigod you Guys
Latvia/MARGOT:
Dear Elle, He's a lucky guy.
I'm like gonna cry, I got tears comin out of my nose!
MAD PROPS! He's the campus catch,
You're a perfect match,
Because you both got such great taste in clothes,
Of course he will propose!
Finland/SERENA:
Dear Elle, honey mozel-top,
future taking off bring that ring back and show it to me!
Estonia/PILAR:
Four carets, a princess cut,
Are you psyched or what?
I just wish I could be there to see…
Latvia, Finland and Estonia/MARGOT, SERENA, & PILAR:
When he gets down on one knee!
DELTA NU'S:
Omigod! Omigod you guys,
Looks like Elle's gonna win the prize.
If there ever was a perfect couple this one qualifies.
Omigod you guys!
Omigod this is happening, our own homecoming Queen and King.
Finally she'll be trying on a huge engagement ring for size,
Omigod you guys!
Omigod!
Estonia/PILAR:
Okay, everybody signed.
Good now fall in line and we'll start the engagement parade.
Finland/SERENA:
Like candles in single file,
Don't forget to smile.
Lose the gum Kate, you look like the maid,
Now prepare to serenade!
Shhh!
DELTA NU'S:
(whisper and slowly get louder)
Omigod! Omigod you guys,
Looks like Elle's gonna win the prize.
Finland/SERENA:
Shh!
DELTA NU'S:
If there ever was a perfect couple this one quali—
Finland/SERENA:
Shh!
DELTA NU'S:
Omigod!
Finland/SERENA:
Guys I'm Serious!
France/A DELTA NU:
Elle and Warner were meant to be!
Not once ever has he hit on me!
Finland/A Delta Nu
SHUT UP!
Latvia/MARGOT:
They're just like that couple from titanic,
Only no one dies.
DELTA NU'S:
Omigod!
Iceland/A DELTA NU:
2, 3, 4—
DELTA NU'S:
Daughter of Delta Nu,
Soon to be fiancé',
Now that a man chose you,
Your life begins today.
Make him a happy home,
Waste not his hard-earned wage,
And so he does not roam,
Strive not to look your age.
Still in your hour of need,
Let it be understood no man can supersede,
Our sacred bond of sisterhood.
Omigod! Omigod you guy—
Finland/SERENA:
(spoken) Guys, she's not here.
DELTA NU'S:
What?
Where is she?
Where could she be?!
OMIGOD!
Latvia/MARGOT:
Bruiser, where is Elle?
Hanatamango/BRUSIER:
(Barks)
Latvia/MARGOT:
She doesn't have an engagement outfit.
Hanatamango/BRUSIER:
(Barks)
Latvia/MARGOT:
She's totally freaking out.
Hanatamango/BRUSIER:
(Barks)
Latvia/MARGOT:
She's trapped in the old valley mill?!
Hanatamango/BRUSIER:
(Barks)
Latvia/MARGOT:
O, woops, sorry.
The Old Valley Mall!
DELTA NU'S:
OMIGOD! Mass Emergency!
Don't take the freeway!
Hey, wait for me!
No one should be left alone to dress
And to accessorize. Omigod! You guys!
OMIGOD! OMIGOD! OMIGOD! OMIGOD! OMIGOD!
Poland/ELLE:
(spoken) It's almost there but—
(sung) This dress needs to seal the deal,
make a grown man kneel,
but it can't come right out and say bride.
Can't look like I'm desperate,
Or like I'm waiting for it,
I gotta leave Warner his pride,
So bride is more implied.
Finland/SERENA:
(spoken) There she is!
Poland/ELLE:
Omigod! Omigod you guys!
All this week I've had butterflies,
Every time he looks at me it's totally proposal eyes,
Omigod you guys!
So help me dress for my fairy tale,
Can't wear something I bought on sale.
Finland/SERENA:
Love is like forever,
This is no time to economize.
DELTA NU'S:
Omigod you guys!
Seychelles/SHOPGIRL:
(spoken) Blondes make commission SO easy.
Excuse me miss, have you seen this?
It just came in.
It's perfect for a blonde.
Poland/ELLE:
(spoken) Right, with a half looped-
stitch on china silk?
Seychelles/SHOPGIRL:
(spoken hesitantly) Uhuh.
Poland/ELLE:
But the thing is, you can't use a
half looped stitch on china silk- it'll pucker.
And you didn't just get this in because I saw it in last May's VOGUE.
DELTA NU'S:
Omigod! Omigod you guys!
Poland/ELLE:
I'm not about to buy last year's dress at this year's price.
DELTA NU'S:
Elle saw right through that sales girl's lies.
Poland/ELLE:
(spoken)It may be perfect for a
blonde, but I'm not that blonde.
(sung) I may be in love,
but I'm not stupid, lady I've got eyes.
Italy/MANAGER:
Omigod! Elle Woods, sorry our mistake.
Courtney take your break.
Just ignore her she hasn't been well.
Try this latest from Milan go on try it on.
I take care of my best clientele.
It's a gift from me to Elle!
Poland/ELLE:
Omigod! Omigod you guys!
This one's perfect, and it's just my size!
See dreams really do come true you never have to compromise.
Omigod!
DELTA NU'S:
Omigod! Omigod you guys!
Let's go home before someone cries.
If there ever was a perfect couple this one qualifies.
Because we love you guys.
Poland/ELLE:
No, I love you guys!
DELTA NU'S:
Omigod!
Poland/ELLE:
Omigod!
ALL:
Omigod! you guys!
(spoken)OMIGOD!
Serious
Austria/WARNER:
We both know why we're here
I see it in your eyes
I guess it calms my fear
To know it's not a surprise
I thought one look at you
Looking like a dream come true
Would leave me speechless like you always do
But now we're wide awake
We've got some plans to make
Let's take some action, baby
So, baby, give me your hand
I've got some dreams to make true
I've got the future all planned
It's time to get serious
Time to get serious with you
Poland/ELLE:
I never thought that I-
Austria/WARNER:
(spoken) Uh, honey, I'm not finished.
Poland/ELLE:
(spoken) Oh, sorry!
Austria/WARNER:
Since I was two or three
Poland/ELLE:
Mmmm
Austria/WARNER:
My life was planned out neat
Poland/ELLE:
Mmmm
Austria/WARNER:
I'd get my law degree
Poland/ELLE:
Yeahh
Austria/WARNER:
And then win my senate seat
Poland/ELLE:
Mmmm
Austria/WARNER:
A big white house back east
Poland/ELLE:
Oh, ohh
Austria/WARNER:
All of the amenities
Poland/ELLE:
Yeahh
Austria/WARNER:
Three kids
BOTH:
At least, just like the Kennedys
Austria/WARNER:
Here's where our lives begin
Poland/ELLE:
Our lives begin
Austria/WARNER:
Just where do you fit in?
Poland/ELLE:
Fit me in!
Austria/WARNER:
I'll break it down now, baby
So, baby, give me your hand
Poland/ELLE:
Oo, whoaa, here's my hand, here's my hand
Austria/WARNER:
I've got some dreams to make true
Poland/ELLE:
We both have dreams to make true
Austria/WARNER:
I'll know that you'll understand
Poland/ELLE:
Oh yes, I understand
BOTH:
It's time to get serious
Time to get serious
Austria/WARNER:
With you
Serious
Poland/ELLE:
Serious
Austria/WARNER:
Gotta wake up and take our journey
Serious
Poland/ELLE:
Serious
Austria/WARNER:
I'm telling you as a future attorney
Poland/ELLE:
Oh, oh
Austria/WARNER:
You want the moon and sky
Then take it, don't be shy
Poland/ELLE:
Heyy
Austria/WARNER:
Baby, that's why you and I
Poland/ELLE:
I, you and I
Austria/WARNER:
Should break up!
Poland/ELLE:
Hey, baby, I'll give you my hand, we-
(Spoken) WHAT? You're breaking up with me?
I thought you were proposing!
Austria/WARNER:
(Spoken) Elle, if I'm gonna be a senator when I'm thirty,
I'm gonna need somebody
Serious
Less of a Marilyn, more of a Jackie
Serious
Somebody classy and not too tacky
Poland/ELLE:
(Spoken) What?!
Austria/WARNER:
Okay, that came out wrong
Poland/ELLE:
(Sobs)
Austria/WARNER:
Baby, let's both be strong
Poland/ELLE:
(Sobs)
Austria/WARNER:
I mean, we've known all along
Poland/ELLE:
(Spoken) Just shut up! What does that mean, I'm not a Jackie?
I'm not serious? But I am seriously in love with you.
Austria/WARNER:
Baby, my future's all planned
I've got some dreams to make true
I thought that you'd understand
It's time to get serious
Time to get serious
(Spoken) Check, please.
What You Want
Poland/Elle:
Wait a minute. This is the kind of girl Warner wants. Someone serious. Someone lawyerly. Someone who wears black when nobodies dead! Girls- I have a completely brilliant plan.
(Sung)What you want, Warner
What you want is me
But you need to see me in a brand new domain
Well its plain, Warner
In a different setting
You will see your getting
all of this plus a brain
I'll meet you there at Harvard with a book in my hand
Big sturdy book
big wordy book
full of words I'll understand
and right there is where you'll see it too
What you want is right in front of you
All:
What you want
Its clear
What you want
Right here
What you want is right in front of you, front of you
What you want
Its clear
What you want
Right here
What you want is right in front of you, front of you
Poland/Elle:
Step 1 he's off to Harvard law
So I get in there too
Delta Nu Girls:
Step 2
Poland/Elle:
make him reassess
impress him with my high IQ
Delta Nu Girls:
Step 3
Poland/Elle:
we throw a wedding
All:
and invite all delta nu
Sweden/Kate:
That's great. Nice plan
Now can we think this through
(spoken) Harvard law school
Poland/Elle:
I have a 4.0 average
Sweden/Kate:
Yea in fashion merchandising. What makes you think you can do this.
Poland/Elle:
Love
I'm doing this for love
and love will see me through yes
with love on my side I can't lose
and Harvard can't refuse
a love so pure and true
don't lawyers feel love too
Sweden/Kate:
Even if they do
what you want sweetheart is no easy thing
if you're going to swing it it will wreck your senior spring
yes its true
First you'll need an LSAT score of more than 174
so no more parties for you
you'll need a killer essay
or do not even hope
and glowing letter from your betters
Any chance you know the pope
oh no too bad
cause that would be a coup
and you got a lot of work in front of you
All:
What you want
Poland/Elle:
Yes I know
All:
What you want
Poland/Elle:
Even so
All:
What you want is right in front of you front of you
What you want
Delta Nu Girls:
Girl you go
All:
What you want
Sweden/Kate:
No really go
All:
What you want is right in front of you front of you
Germania/Dad:
Law school
Poland/Elle:
Yes Daddy law school
Germania/Dad:
God why. Law school is for boring, ugly, serious people and you button are none of those things.
(sung) What you want button, hey you just say the word
but what you wants absurd
and costs a whole of of smack
and hell why button
when you can stay right here
pursue a film career
Rome/Mom:
How about a nice Burkin bag
Germania/Dad:
yes, the east coast is foreign
there's no film studios
its cold and dark
No valet parking
all the girls have different noses
Christ, button it's like the damn frontier
Mom and Dad:
Tell me what's out there that you can't get right here
Poland/Elle:
Guys, Love
I'm going there for love
a love I have to win
I can live without sun or valet
I can't just walk away
betray what might have been
Germania/Dad:
Fine OK
I'll pay your way if you get in
All: What you want
Rome and Germania/Mom and Dad:
Make the grades
All:
What you want
Rome and Germania/Mom and Dad:
and its paid
All:
What you want is right in front of of you front of you
Latvia/MARGOT:
(spoken) hey everybody its spring fling beer bash extreme
Boys:
Extreme
Sweden/Kate:
Not for you. Time to study. GO
Latvia/MARGOT:
This year's theme- Jamaica me Crazy!
Cuba/Reggae:
What you want you wanna be out because the sun she warm
What you want you wanna be study stuck inside your dorm
what you want you wanna be partying with us all night long
what you want you wanna be strong
All:
be strong
Sweden/Kate:
134 not good enough try again
Cuba/Reggae:
What you want you wanna be groovin bump and shake the room
What you want you wanna be provin something and to whom
what you want you wanna be wonderin where your youth is gone
what you want you you wanna hold on
Sweden/Kate: hold on, 151 still not Harvard material. Once again Go
Poland/Elle:
(sung) Love, I'm doing this for love
and that how I'll survive
Here you go I said no go away
right here is where I'll stay
until that happy day
that day I hear him say
Sweden/Kate: 175
All: 175
Poland/Elle: 175
All: 175 175
China/Professor #1:
(Spoken)Gentlemen, Harvard law grants admission to Adam Cohen and Sundeep Padomadon. And now Miss Elle Woods- who was kind enough to send in a head shot.
Japan/Professor #2:
We should admit her for reasons of um...
Korea/Professor #3:
Multiculturalism
Japan/Professor #2:
Multiculturalism
China/Professor #1:
Oh gentlemen get a hold of yourselves. Oh look at that oh what a shame. She didn't bother sending in a personal essay.
Estonia/Pilar:
How's this for a personal essay
All:
What you want
Japan/Professor #2:
Goodness me
All:
What you want
China/Professor #1:
security
All:
What you want is right in
China/Professor #1:
Who are you?
Poland/Elle:
(Sung)I'm hat you want
Harvard, I'm the girl for you
And to prove it true,
We all flew here on Jet blue
Poland/Elle:
(Spoken)Thank you
America/Pilot:
(Spoken)Thank you
Ensemble:
(Sung)This is what Elle woods inspires
In everyone that hires her,
And Harvard should too
China/Professor #1:
(Shouted)This is not a personal essay!
Poland and Ensemble/Elle+ ensemble:
(Sung)No, an essay's so boring and so much does not fit,
So we're appearing live right here,
Making sure that you must admit that,
Elle woods should join the chosen few,
Harvard, what you is right in front of – (cheer team breaks into dance)
Poland/Elle:
(Yelled)And now some legal jargon!
Exhibit A!
Time for my cross!
I object!
May I approach!
All:
Uh Huh, Oh Yea, Go Elle, HO
China/Professor #1:
(Blows whistle loudly and dance team stops)
(spoken)Now see here Ms. Woods, You can't just barge in here with singing, and dancing, and ethnic movement! This is a very flashy presentation, but I still don't see one reason to admit you!
Poland/Elle:
How about love?
You ever been in love?
'Cause if you have you'll know
That Love never accepts a defeat
No challenge it can't meet
NO place it cannot go!
Don't say no to a woman in love!
Don't laugh when I say love!
Don't think that I'm naïve!
'because even a person who's smart
Can listen to their heart
Can listen and believe (Dancers in back waving flags and swaying)
So believe in what love can achieve
Do you Believe?
Japan/Professor #2:
I Do!
Poland/Elle:
Do you believe?
Korea/Professor #3:
Me too!
Ensemble:
Yes we believe in love how bout you
China/Professor #1:
Welcome to Harvard!
Ensemble:
What you want
Poland/Elle:
That was fun
Ensemble:
What you want
Poland/Elle:
Let's go girl!
Ensemble:
What you want is right in front of you front of you
what you want
Poland/Elle:
everyone
Ensemble:
What you want
Poland/Elle:
way to step up
Ensemble:
What you want is right in front of you front of you!
What you want
What you want
What you want
What you want!
The Harvard Variations
Lithuania/EMMETT
(spoken) Hello. I'm Emmett Forrest.
Welcome to the hallowed halls of Harvard Law.
Uh, let's go around and share a bit about yourselves.
Canada/AARON
(spoken) Aaron Sholtz.
(sung) I won a Fulbright and a Rhodes
I write financial software codes
But that's a challenge I've outgrown
How many yachts can one man own?
Some say that I'm a pompous creep
Somehow I don't lose that much sleep
Why bother with false modesty?
Harvard's the perfect place for me
STUDENTS
Pretty impressive, good to know
Lithuania/EMMET
Welcome to Harvard
Sundeep
What's up?
Bulgaria/ENID
Yo!
Turkey/SUNDEEP
(spoken) Sundeep Pagrowell Pommadon, but you may call me "your majesty."
(sung) In my country
My word was law
But then I flee
Because of stupid "coup d'état"
But here I learn
I make new friends
And soon return
In bullet-proof Mercedes Benz
STUDENTS
Pretty impressive, good to know
Welcome to Har-
Bulgaria/ENID
(spoken) ENID HOOPES!
(sung) I did the peace corps overseas
Inoculating refugees
In family clinics that I built myself
From mud and trees
I fought to clean up their lagoons
And save their rare endangered loons
And led a protest march against insensitive cartoons
STUDENTS
Pretty impressive, good-
Bulgaria/ENID
But now I'm on the legal track
Because this country's out of whack
And only women have the guts to go and take it back
We'll make the government come clean
And get more people voting green
And really stick it to the phallocentric war machine
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) I love your top! It is so fatigue chic!
Anyone know where I can find Criminal Law 101 with Professor Callahan and
Warner Huntington the Third?
Lithuania/EMMETT
(spoken) It's in Houser. Over there, second building on the left.
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) Thanks!
Canada/AARON
I won a Fulbright and a Rhodes
I write financial software codes
Harvard's the perfect place for me
Turkey/SUNDEEP
In my country
My word was law
But then I flee
Harvard's the perfect place for me
Bulgaria/ENID
I did the peace corps overseas
Inoculating refugees
Harvard's the perfect place for me
STUDENTS
Harvard's the perfect place for-
Poland/ELLE
Warner!
STUDENTS
Ha-a-a-a-a
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) Scuse me!
STUDENTS
Ha-a-a-a-a
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) Pardon me!
STUDENTS
Ha-a-a-a-a
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) Comin' through!
STUDENTS
Harvard's the perfect place for me!
Pretty impressive, good to know
Welcome to Harvard
Austria/WARNER
(spoken) Elle?
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) Omigod, Warner? I totally forgot you go here!
Blood in the Water
Russia/CALLAHAN:
Now when you choose a law career
The moment you embark
There is that joke you're bound hear
A lawyer is a shark
Ignore that, it's simplistic and it's dumb
Only some of you will turn out sharks, just some
The rest are chum
Our topic is blood in the water
Kids, it's time you faced
Law school is a waste
Oh yes, unless you acquire a taste for
Blood in the water
Dark and red and raw
You're nothing until the thrill of the kill
Becomes your only law
(spoken) Mr. . . . Shultz , hypothetical question.
Would you be willing to defend the following banker accused of fraud?
(sung) A kind old grandma took her savings and she sent it
Off to your client, all she saved since she was born
Well he promised to invest it, but he spent it
On prostitutes and heroine and porn
Canada/STUDENT:
(spoken) No, I would not want to take that case!
Russia/CALLAHAN:
Wrong! This one is a win unless you're lazy
Grandma's broke; she'll have some hack from legal aid!
Put her on the stand and call her old and crazy
Your guy goes free and he can get you high and laid
Look for the blood in the water
Read your Thomas Hobbs
Only spineless snobs
Will quarrel with the morally dubious jobs
Yes, blood in the water
Your scruples are a flaw
(spoken) Ms. . . . Hupes, hypothetical question.
Would you be the right lawyer for the following client?
(sung) Say they offer you a bundle for defending
A famous hit man for the mafia elite
Seems he missed his chosen prey
Killed a nun and drove away
Running over three cute puppies in the street
Bulgaria/STUDENT:
(spoken) What, you think I wouldn't defend him just because he's a typical man?
Russia/CALLAHAN:
(spoken) Oh, you lesbians think you're so tough
Bulgaria/STUDENT:
(spoken) But-
Russia/CALLAHAN:
Oh dear, I fear my comment has offended
Hard to argue, though, when you're too mad to speak
Your employment will be very quickly ended
When they see how your emotions make you weak
So what's my point? I run a billion dollar law firm!
And I hire four new interns every year
From this class I will select four young sharks whom I respect
And those four will have a guaranteed career
Do you follow me?
So I wanna see . . . What?
STUDENTS:
Blood in the water
Russia/CALLAHAN:
Exactly, let the games begin
STUDENTS:
Hm-mm-mm-mm
Russia/CALLAHAN:
Four of you will win
STUDENTS:
Hm-mm-mm-mm-ooh-ooh-ooh
Russia/CALLAHAN:
But just those four with the dorsal fin
Yes, blood in the water
So fight and scratch and claw
(spoken) Yes, Miss, uh
Poland/ELLE:
(spoken) Woods, Elle Woods
Russia/CALLAHAN:
(spoken) Someone's had their morning coffee.
Would you summarize the case of State of Indiana v. Hurn in your reading?
Poland/ELLE:
(spoken) Oh, I wanted to answer the puppy question?
Russia/CALLAHAN:
(spoken) But I'm asking you about the assigned reading.
Poland/ELLE:
(spoken) Okay, who assigns reading for the first day of class?
Russia/CALLAHAN:
(spoken) You have guts, Ms. Woods. Ms. . . . Kenzington
(sung) Let's say you teach a class at Harvard Law School
A position that you're justly proud about
But a girl on whom you call hasn't read the case at all
Should you let it go or-
Hungary/VIVIENNE:
(spoken) No! I'd throw her out!
Russia/CALLAHAN:
All right, then.
You have heard your classmate
You have just been killed
She cut your throat, so grab your coat
Yes, you've got guts but
ALL:
Now there's spilled your
Blood in the water
Russia/CALLAHAN:
So would you please withdraw
And if you return
Be ready to learn
Or is it unfair?
Oh, wait I don't care!
That's just how I rule
In life and in school
With fear and shock and gall
Russia/CALLAHAN:
You're nothing until
STUDENTS:
Blood in the water
Russia/CALLAHAN:
The thrill of the kill
STUDENTS:
Blood in the water
Russia/CALLAHAN:
Becomes your only law
STUDENTS:
Blood in the water
Russia/CALLAHAN:
Your only law
STUDENTS:
Blood in the water
Russia/CALLAHAN:
Your only law
STUDENTS:
Blood in the water
BLOOD IN THE WATER!
Positive
Finland/SERENA:
Honey whatcha cryin at?
You're not losing him to that
Both her hair and shoes are flat
Why is she so rude?
Latvia/MARGOT:
Wipe your tears, it's no big thing
You were meant to wear his ring
Cheer-up, chin-up
It's time to bring
GREEK CHORUS:
A happy attitude
Latvia/MARGOT:
Keep it positive
As you slap her to the floor
GREEK CHORUS:
Keep it positive
Finland/SERENA:
As you pull her hair and call her whore
Estonia/PILAR:
You can take her in a fight
Latvia/MARGOT:
You and he will reunite!
GREEK CHORUS:
You know we're right
We're positive
KILL HER!
Poland/ELLE:
Girls, girls!
Violence is never wise
Not the way to win back guys
Anyway she's twice my size
who's gotta plan B?
Estonia/PILAR:
Me!
Look at her, she's like a nun
Show him you are way more fun
Bust out the lap dance
and you won
You off the hizzle, gee!
Poland/ELLE:
what?
GREEK CHORUS:
Keep it positive
Latvia/MARGOT:
Yeah! Let out your inner freak!
GREEK CHORUS:
Keep it positive
Estonia/PILAR:
Miss Prissy Pants won't last a week
Finland/SERENA:
You will whet his appetite
Latvia/MARGOT:
You and he will reunite
GREEK CHORUS:
You know we're right
We're positive
We're positive
We're positive
We're posi...
Poland/ELLE:
(Spoken)
Omigod... You're making me sick.
Hungary/VIVIENNE:
(Spoken)
Are we? Warner, let's take this back to my place.
GREEK CHORUS:
Hey, hey, hey!
We're positive
That he loves you and not her
You're hotta'
And I bet ya smarter!
She don't know the real him
You feel him
So don't her her steal him
Wake him up like sleepin beauty
Turn his head with your red hot booty
You bring the noise if we bring the funk
It's positively time to shake your junk
shake, shake, shake, shake,
shake, shake, shake, shake,shake, shake,
Whoo
(DANCE BREAK)
Poland/ELLE:
(Spoken)
Girls, how is this helping? He's not even here!
He left while we were shaking "junk"! Wait!
(Sung)
Girls I'm positive
That we've taken this to far
No I'm positive
This is Harvard not a stripper bar
All this trashy carryin' on
Thats the reason that he's gone
I need a salon
GREEK CHORUS:
WHOO!
Poland/ELLE:
Girls I'm
ALL:
Positive
Poland/ELLE:
Try not to get upset
But I'm
ALL:
Positive
Poland/ELLE:
That it's time for me to go brunette
GREEK CHORUS:
what!?
Poland/ELLE:
Being blonde and being hot
That got me exactly squat!
Gotta to show him I've got more to give
GREEK CHORUS:
Whoa, whoa, whoa
Poland/ELLE:
No I'm positive
GREEK CHORUS:
Positive
Poland/ELLE:
I'm positive
GREEK CHORUS:
Positive
Poland/ELLE:
I'm positive
GIRLS:
Positive
Positive
Poland and Greek Chorus/ELLE AND GREEK CHORUS:
Positive!
Ireland
Britain/PAULETTE
(spoken)
Elle, do you know the number one reason behind all bad hair decisions?
Love!
(sung) You're lost without your love
Your heart is on the floor
I can help you
I've been there before!
When I need to relax
I just put on some tracks
From this CD I bought for the store
(Celtic chanting)
(spoken) Isn't that relaxing? It's called CELTIC MOODS!
(sung) When I'm lonely or feeling dejected
I play this and it never fails
I pretend like I'm in Ireland
With Enya and the whales
When my telephone gets disconnected
Or I spend every night alone
I pretend like I'm in Ireland
Where the Irish bagpipes drone
Smell the grass as a rainstorm is endin'
People smile while I stroll past their farms
With a redheaded sailor named Brendan
And we dance without moving our arms
In a bar once I met this guy Dewey
And he bought me like 14 beers
And he told me that he was from Ireland
So I lived with him 10 years
If I squinted he looked like my sailor
Through my boozy delusional fog
But he dumped me for some slut named Kayla
Took my trailer and took my dog
In Ireland they know how to love you
You embrace in the misty Irish breeze
And if your Irish boy tires of you
You're allowed to shoot him in the knees
Hey, you look like that poster for Ireland
Long blonde hair and the sweet sunny face
Oh no wait that's the poster for Sweden
Oh screw it. I'll never see either place!
But a girl sweet as you has a future
You have hope as each new day dawns
Girls like you always get to see Ireland
Give my love to the leprechauns
Ireland (Reprise)
Britain/PAULETTE
(spoken) Elle, if a girl like you can't win back her man,
then there is no hope for the rest of us! You go and you fight for him!
(sung) The Irish fear nothing and no one
They keep fightin' 'til everyone's dead
I'm not sure where this metaphor's goin'
I just felt like it had to be said
There's a guy at that party who loves you
Something most of us only dream of
You go out there and you get some Ireland
The country of whiskey and love
Serious (Reprise)
Austria/Warner(spoken):
I still can't believe you're here, back at UCLA i never would have guessed!
Sometimes i miss the old days
(singing) That party senior year I thought we ruled the world
Poland/Elle:
You funnelled all that beer
and I held your head when
you hurled
Austria/Warner:
We were like Gods back then
walking among common men
Tell me why can't things be
that way again?
Poland/Elle:
Dreams don't just dissapear
keep on dreaming and here
Austria/Warner(spoken):
What?
Poland/Elle:
Like senior year but funner
You've got your all planned
Austria/Warner:
Yes I do Yes I do
Poland/Elle:
What if i'm standing there too?
Austria/Warner:
Wait now i'm not following you
Poland/Elle:
i'm here cause so you'll understand
Austria/Warner:
Yes i'm sure i'll understand
Poland/Elle:
Here cause i'm serious
Austria/Warner(spoken):
Yeah right you look real serious
Chip on My Shoulder
Lithuania/EMMETT
(spoken) Whoa, Elle? What's up, Doc?
Poland/ELLE
Love
Lithuania/EMMETT
(spoken) Excuse me?
Poland/ELLE
I put my faith in love
I followed where it led
Lithuania/EMMETT
(spoken) Love led you here?
Poland/ELLE
To my personal circle of Hell
It has not worked out well
I wish that I were dead
Cause instead of a wedding in love
I'm flunking out of school
A total laughing stock
Someone he and his friends could just mock
So go on, here's my head
Just hit with a rock!
Lithuania/EMMETT
(spoken) Wait, go back!
(sung) You came out here to follow a man
Harvard law was just part of that plan
Man, what rich romantic planet are you from?
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) Malibu?
Lithuania/EMMETT
Instead of lying outside by the pool
You stalk some guy to an ivy league school?
That's the weirdest reason I have-
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) Oh, why'd you come?
Lithuania/EMMETT
(spoken) Okay
(sung) I grew up in the Roxbury slums
With my mom and a series of bums
Guys who showed me all the ways a man can fail
I got through law school by busting my ass
Worked two jobs in addition to class
So forgive me for not weeping at your tale
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) Well excuse me,
just because you've got some kind of chip on your shoulder . . .
Lithuania/EMMETT
(spoken) You know what? You're right.
(sung) There's a chip on my shoulder
And it's big as a boulder
With the chance I've been given
I'm gonna be driven as hell
I'm so close I can taste it
So I'm not gonna waste it
Yeah, there's a chip on my shoulder
You might wanna get one as well
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) I'm sorry, but that sounds highly negative. Wait!
Two jobs PLUS law school?! How do you do it?
Lithuania/EMMETT
Well, I don't go to parties a lot
Not good use of the time that I've got
Can't spend hours doing my hair and staying in shape
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) I don't spend hours!
Lithuania/EMMETT
But I know it'll all be worthwhile
When I win my first lucrative trial
And buy my mom that great big house out on the cape!
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) Oh, that's so sweet!
Lithuania/EMMETT
No! That's the chip on my shoulder
I hugged my mom and told her
With the chance I've been given
I'm gonna be driven as hell
Though I can't take the day off
I just think of the payoff
You need a chip on your shoulder
Little Miss Woods comma Elle
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) I just need to prove to everyone that I'm serious!
Lithuania/EMMETT
(spoken) What you need is to get to work! Where are your law books?
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) Ummm . . . Well, I know they're here somewhere . . .
Lithuania/EMMETT
Ya know, this vanity's real picturesque
But it started its life as a desk
Clear it off, and find some room for books instead
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) What are you doing?!
Lithuania/EMMETT
Can you live without this?
Can you live without that?
I don't know what this is
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) It's for hair!
Lithuania/EMMETT
Wear a hat!
Spend some time improving what's inside your head!
Out, out, put it in storage, sell it on eBay, leave it behind
Out, out, what, are you angry?
Good, so get angry! You may find
The chip on your shoulder
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) ARGH!
Lithuania/EMMETT
The room just got colder
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) Hey!
Lithuania/EMMETT
But with the chance you've been given
Why are you not driven as hell?!
There's just no way around it
You gotta plow through til you've
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) Found it!
Lithuania/EMMETT
Been reading it hard, I can tell . . .
GIRLS
Tis a gift to be simple
Tis a gift to be free
Hmm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) Bye, Warner! Have a great Thanksgiving!
Say hi to your mom and dad for me! And Grandma Bootsie!
Lithuania/EMMETT
(spoken) Define malum prohibitum.
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) Malum prohibitum is, ummm . . .
Lithuania/EMMETT
(spoken) An act prohibited-
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) An act prohibited by law like jaywalking or chewing gum in Singapore.
Lithuania/EMMETT
(spoken) Therefore malum ensae?
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) Is an action. That is evil in itself.
Assault, murder, white shoes after labor day.
Lithuania/EMMETT
(spoken) Good. Where are you going?
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) Home, of course! It's Thanksgiving break, remember?
Lithuania/EMMETT
(spoken) Interesting.
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) What?
Lithuania/EMMETT
Well, I predict you will probably pass
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) Yes!
Lithuania/EMMETT
In the bottom percent of your class
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) What?
Lithuania/EMMETT
If you're going for mediocre, you've done great!
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) That's not fair!
Poland/EMMETT
Look, they laughed at me like they're laughing at you
We can't win if we don't follow through!
Might I venture your vacation plans can wait?
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) Why do you always have to be right?
GIRLS
Glo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ria!
In Exelcis Deo!
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) Bye, Warner! Merry Christmas! Enjoy Bayo!
Lithuania/EMMETT
(spoken) Ho-ho-ho!
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) Emmett!
Lithuania/EMMETT
(spoken) For you! Not as good as going home for Christmas, but . . .
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) You are too sweet.
Lithuania/EMMETT
(spoken) It's a real time saver. Shampoo and conditioner in one!
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) Ah! (giggles) Thank you. You are so adorable to think of me.
Austria/WARNER
(spoken) Elle, hey!
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) Warner!
Austria/WARNER
(spoken) Have you seen Vivienne? I've been looking for her everywhere!
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) Yeah . . . I-I mean no.
Austria/WARNER
(spoken) Great! We're gonna miss our flight!
Lithuania/EMMETT
(spoken)Um, Elle?
(sung)I don't know if you've noticed before
But each time Warner walks in the door
Your IQ goes down to 40, maybe less
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) Huh?
Lithuania/EMMETT
Though it's hardly my business to say
Could it be the real thing in your way
Is the very guy you're trying to impress
Poland/ELLE
Yes! I've been smiling and sweet and thoroughly beaten blowing my chance
Let's not chase him away
Let's face him and say
"Hey punk, let's dance!"
This chip on my shoulder
Makes me smarter and bolder
No more whining or blaming
I am reclaiming my pride
Grab that book and let's do this
Instead of doodling hearts all through this
Now there's a chip on my shoulder!
Let's see him knock it aside!
GIRLS
Ah-ah-ah-ah Daughter of Delta Nu
Show him that you're no fool
Daughter of Delta Nu
Go back to school with a big chip on your shoulder!
Austria/WARNER
(spoken) Mr. Latimer was clearly within his rights to ask for visitation.
Without his sperm, the child in question wouldn't exist!
Russia/CALLAHAN
(spoken) Now you're thinking like a lawyer!
Yes, Miss Woods.
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) Mr. Huntington makes an excellent point,
but did the defendant keep a log of every sperm emission made throughout his life?
Russia/CALLAHAN
(spoken) Interesting. Why do you ask?
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) Well, unless the defendant attempted to contact every sexual encounter
to find out if a child resulted from those unions,
he has no parental claim over this child whatsoever.
Why now? Why this sperm?
Russia/CALLAHAN
(spoken) I see your point.
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) And by Mr. Huntington's standards,
all masturbatory emissions where the sperm was clearly not seeking an egg would
be called reckless abandonment.
Russia/CALLAHAN
(spoken) Miss Woods, you just won your case.
Poland/ELLE
Omigod . . .
GIRLS
Wait, hold on, we just won the case!
Poland/ELLE
Omigod . . .
GIRLS
Elle got all up in Warner's face
Poland/ELLE
Omigod . . .
GIRLS
I am starting to like this place! Yes! Omigod!
Russia/CALLAHAN
(spoken) Miss Woods, excellent work today.
I assume you're applying for my internship. Do you have a resume?
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) I am one step ahead of you.
Here you go, and thanks in advance for your consideration.
Russia/CALLAHAN
(spoken)Bohze moi, it's scented.
Three months ago, I would have recycled this. Make sure to put it on file.
Lithuania/EMMETT
Guess she got a chip on her shoulder
Maybe some wise man told her
With the chance we've been given
We gotta be driven as hell
She was something to see there
I'm just happy I could be there
First big test and she aced it
She's so close she can taste it
She got a chip on her shoulder
Guess you never can te-e-ell . . .
With little Miss Woods comma Elle!
GIRLS
Elle Woods
Woods comma Elle
Chip on her shoulder
Elle Woods
Woods comma Elle
Chip on her shoulder
Lithuania/EMMETT
No you never can tell
GIRLS
Elle Woods
Woods comma Elle
Chip on her shoulder
ALL
With little Miss Woods comma Elle
So Much Better
Poland/Elle:
All of this time,
I've been so patient, and,
You would love me again.
You'd come to respect my mind,
And at last you'd find,
You could love me again.
And I have turned my whole world
Upside down,
Trying not to let you go...
Watching you walk away
Is like a fatal blow.
WHOA!
Is that my name up on that list?
Does someone know that I exist?
Is this a mistake?
Am I even Awake?
Pinch me now to make sure...
OW!
Yes that's my name in black and white
Maybe I'm doing something right
WOW! I feel so much better
Than before!
WARNER!
Sorry I've been a pest
But I guess my best
Was not working with you
But looks like i've found a cure
And I so look forward to working with you
Hey remember when we spent spring break
In the hot tub every night
As if nothing else
Could ever feel so right
Well this might!
Seeing my name up on that list
That beats the first time that we kissed
You thought I was dumb
But I think that somebody's judgement was poor
Seeing my name in black and white
It's like making love with you all night
NO WAIT!
It feels so much better
Hello much better
It's oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Much better
'cause I am so much better than before
Maybe she's what you prefer
But hey last year I was her
Maybe you will change your mind
But you might look up to find
I've gone on to better things
Better jobs or bigger rings
I don't have the time to cry
I'm too busy loving my name up on that list
Kind of a cool ironic twist
Who else can I tell?
Oh Wait where's my cell?
Call my mom on the phone
HEY MOM!
Look at my name in black and white
Your daughter's doing something right
I feel so much better
I'll be there on monday nine o'clock
And we will see who walks the walk
NO NO I CAN'T WAIT!
I will be there at eight
When they unlock the door
OH OH
I'll even dress in black at white
See I have not begun to fight
And you'll go OH much better and
OH much better
and soon we'll all know so much better
I am so much better
I am so much better
I am so much better
than before!
Whipped Into Shape
Ukraine/BROOKE
(spoken) Hi, I'm Brooke Windham and welcome back
to the Windham Workout Disk 2 Challenge and our daily commitment to being
the best that we can be!
So grab your Cardio Whip 5000,
cause if you want to get ripped, you've gotta get whipped.
(sung) Do you want an easy miracle?
Do you want to lose a pound or two?
Then you can turn this off right now
My workout's not for you
I'm talking to the woman who wants it all
Gotta pay for what you get
Cause size 2 clothes don't come to those
Too lazy to sweat
I want you whipped into shape
When I say jump, say "How high?"
You'll know you're doing it right
When you start to cry
If you don't look like you should
You've got to whip it, whip it, whip it good
I'm sorry, ladies, no escape
Til you're whipped into shape!
(spoken) Come on, Sabrina, you heifer! Work it out!
Moldova/SABRINA
(spoken) I hate you, Brooke! And I love you for it!
Whipped into sh-
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) Hey, why'd you pause it?
Russia/CALLAHAN
(spoken) We have a lot to cover.
(sung) Meet our brand new client, Brooke
You can laugh, but she's made tons
Off her DVDs and book
"Whip Your Way to Tighter Buns"
Happily married, so she swears
To her sixty-year-old stud
Til stepdaughter came downstairs
And found Brooke all covered in his blood
If Brooke took a plea
I'd have her out in 3 to 4
But she claims she did not kill him
Austria/WARNER
Did she?
Russia/CALLAHAN
Let's watch some more
Ukraine/BROOKE
But it's more than just a workout
It's a defensive weapon too
Simply wrap it round your assailant's neck
And pull til he turns blue
You can also use the patented handle grip
To shatter your attacker's spine
And all for three small payments of
$19.99!
You'll have him whipped into shape
When you get grief from a guy
Just work him over with this
Til he starts to cry
If he don't act like he should
You've got to whip it, whip it, whip it good
It gets you out of any scrape
It gets you whipped into shape
(spoken) Come on, people!
(sung) Whipped into shape!
(spoken) What does not kill us makes us hotter!
Russia/CALLAHAN
(spoken) Hands? Who thinks she's guilty?
(sung) Okay, now here is where you kids come in
Brooke has trouble trusting me
I'm her only chance to win
But I don't speak MTV
Though Brooke won't help her own defense
She may listen to her peers
Go and place a little sense
In the space between her ears
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) I'm a Delta N-
Russia/CALLAHAN
(spoken) Not now.
(sung)I want her whipped into shape
If there's a brain in that hair
Tell it that I am the key
It's a plea or the chair
See when I talk to her I
Get neither plea nor plan nor alibi
To quote from our defendant's tape
I want her whipped into shape
(spoken) TO THE JAIL!
Ukraine/BROOKE
(spoken) Ladies,
just because we're at Boston Women's Correctional Facility does not mean
we can't become the best that we can be! HERE WE GO!
Circle! Circle! Under! Over! Through! Around! Again! Good!
Circle! Circle! Under! Over! Through!
Around! All right, ladies, we can't break out of here, but we sure can break a sweat!
Left! Right! Left! Right! Good!
Left! Right! Left! Right! Left! Right!
WORK IT OUT!
(sung) I want you whipped into shape
When I say jump, say "How high?"
You know you're doing it right
When you start to cry
If you don't look like you should
You've got to whip it, whip it, whip it good
Like prison, ladies, no escape
Til you're whipped into shape!
Whip it! Whip it!
Whipped into shape
Whip it! Whip it!
Swipe it! Swipe it! Swipe it through! Check it out! Double jump!
Swipe it! Swipe it! Swipe it through! Check it out! Double jump!
That's right! YOU'VE GOT IT!
Whip it!
Whip it!
Whip it!
Get whipped into shape!
Delta Nu Nu Nu
Poland/ELLE:
Who, who is the girl
with loyal friends and true
*snap snap*
Ukraine/BROOKE:
Who who?
*snap snap*
Poland/ELLE:
Who who has a bond
as strong as crazy glue
*snap snap*
Ukraine/BROOKE:
Who who?
*snap snap*
Poland/
Who can soud the call
and sisters all come through
Ukraine/BROOKE:
*snap* Who
BOTH:
*snap* Who
*snap, snap*
Delta Nu Nu Nu
Delta Nu Nu Nu
You are a Delta Nu
*snap snap*
Delta Nu Nu Nu
Delta Nu Nu Nu
You are a Delta Nu!
Take It Like A Man
(Talking)
Lithuania/Emmett:
What is this place?
Poland/Elle:
It's called a Department Store.
Lithuania/Emmett:
It's…It's beautiful.
Poland/Elle:
Shhh…
(singing)
Poland/Elle:
First a deep breath
Take it all in
Feel all those halogens warming your skin
Smell how they pump in pure oxygen.
See they care.
(talking)
Romania/Lady:
Love?
Lithuania/Emmett:
Excuse me?
Romania/Lady:
Love, the fragrance from Chanel.
Lithuania/Emmett:
Oh. No thank you.
(singing)
Poland/Elle:
Don't be afraid
You're here with me
You can have anything here that you see
I'm gonna treat you like royalty.
So prepare, cause something's in the air.
(talking)
Lithuania/Emmett:
I think its love
Poland/Elle:
Exactly!
(singing)
Poland/Elle:
Here you'll become what your suppose to be
You think you can't but you can.
Think of the guy you want most to be.
Here's your chance to make it
So take it like a man.
Lithuania/Emmett:
What does she want?
Not really sure-
Why can't we leave things the way that they were?
Why can I never say no to her?
What's that smell?
(talking)
Belarus/Lady:
Subtext, by Calvin Klein.
(singing)
Lithuania/Emmett:
Those I don't like,
That's kind of neat.
Guys who wear that get beat up on my street.
Still I've come this far, I can't retreat.
In my shell, okay than what the hell…
I'm with Elle!
Both:
Here you'll become what your suppose to be
You think you can't but you can.
Think of the guy you want most to be.
Here's your chance to make it
So take it like a man.
Poland/Elle:
God, I love shopping for guys!
Lithuania/Emmett:
This is very strange.
Poland/Elle:
Watching them change right before my eyes.
Lithuania/Emmett:
Don't watch me change.
Poland/Elle:
Look at you striking a pose.
Your confidence grows.
You bloom like a rose.
Lithuania/Emmett:
It's just clothes
Poland/Elle:
God I love shopping for men.
Lithuania/Emmett:
Okay, this is nice.
Poland/Elle:
They walk in a two that walk out a ten
Lithuania/Emmett:
Is this the price?
Poland/Elle:
Don't worry this is my treat,
There's someone I'd like you to meet.
(talking)
Both:
Whoa.
Lithuania/Emmett:
I look like Warner.
Poland/Elle:
Yeah.
Lithuania/Emmett:
But it's just me.
(singing)
Poland/Elle:
That's the best part
The outside is new.
But now it reflects, what's already in you.
Couldn't change that if I wanted to
And I…do not.
(talking)
Lithuania/Emmett:
Thank You
Poland/Elle:
Thank You.
(singing)
Poland/Elle:
This is no gift,
It's payment in kind,
Cause you saw behind all the blonde to my mind
Oh, we've got to buy this,
What are you blind?
You look hot….
Is he not hot?…?
Background:
Here you'll become what your suppose to be
You think you can't but you can.
Think of the guy you want most to be.
Lithuania/Emmett:
Not quite the guy I'd have chose to be
But when she's standing so close to me
I think I like her plan
Poland/Elle:
Here's your chance to make it(Your chance to make it)
So take it like…(So take it like)
Everyone:
A man!
A man!
A man!
Bend and Snap
Finland/Serena:
Look at my ass
Look at my thighs
I'm cat nip to the guys
They chase my tail
They drool and pant
Wanna touch this
But they can't
(All)
NO!
Finland/Serena:
All the boys wanna come and play
Snap my fingers and they obey
Why do they follow me 'round all day?
Watch me while I walk away
(All)
I bend and snap
Finland/Serena:
Feel how hot it's gettin'
(All)
Bend and snap
Finland/Serena:
And when you got them sweatin'
(All)
Spring the trap
They cheer and clap
(Finland/Serena)
No tight end
Can defend
Against the bend and snap
(Britain/Paulette)
Oh, that's easy for you to say
(Latvia/Margot)
And you
Girl, if you wanna make the team
Then fake some self-esteem
(Estonia/Pilar)
The more you jump around and scream
Then the sexier you seem
(Britain/Paulette)
Please
Sorry girls, that ain't how I play
This wouldn't work if I tried all day
I gotta go get my asthma spray
Watch me while I walk away
(Latvia/Margot)
No wait before you walk away
Just...
(All)
Bend and snap
(Britain/Paulette)
OW!
(Latvia/Margot)
Look how good you're getting
(All)
Bend and snap
(Estonia/Pilar)
I'ma bet right now you sweatin'
(All)
Spring the trap
They cheer and clap
(Finland/Serena)
So depend
On your friend
Called the...
(All)
Bend...
(Poland/Elle)
It's not the time to overthink
Just try it once, he'll buy you a drink
(Norway/Random girl)
Excuse me, would you teach me that
I am tired of living alone with my cat
(Poland/Elle)
Sure
(France/Hair stylist)
Now a days I do dye jobs and curls
But here's how we did it in the Laker girls
Come on, Paulette
(Latvia/Margot)
Doesn't this look fun
(Estonia/Pilar)
Works everytime
(Finland/Serena)
Look, do it and we'll go away
(Britain/Paulette)
Okay, okay, okay, okay
(All)
Bend and snap
(Guys)
Damn!
(Britain/Paulette)
Hey wait a second
When I beckoned
Look how the guys came running
Like I'm...'
(Guys)
Kickin'
(Britain/Paulette)
Finger...'
(Guys)
Lickin'
(Britain/Paulette)
Like I'm
(Britain and guys/Paulette and guys)
friggin', wicked stunnin'
(Britain/Paulette)
Will you pay for stuff I buy
(Guys)
Yes
(Britain/Paulette)
And bake me cake and pie
(Guys)
Yes
(Britain/Paulette)
And hold me when I cry
(Guys)
Yes
(Britain/Paulette)
And I will tell you why
I'm too rockin' to walk away
All the boys come and gawk away
Droppin' jaws from a block away
Watchin' how I walk away
(Guys)
We love to watch her walk away
(Britain/Paulette)
I bend...
(All)
and snap
(Britain/Paulette)
Now look how hot it's gettin'
Bend and...
(All)
and snap
(Britain/Paulette)
I'ma bet right now your sweatin'
(All)
Spring the trap
They cheer and clap
(Britain/Paulette)
I depend on my friend
(All)
Go Paulette, Go Paulette
(Britain/Paulette)
I depend on my friend
(All)
Go, go, go Paulette
(Britain/Paulette)
I depend on my friend
Called the bend and snap
Riffing
(Everyone)
Bend and snap
Bend and snap
Bend and snap
Bend and snap
Bend and snap
Bend and snap
Bend and snap
(Britain/Paulette)
I'm goona step aside
I'm goona get me some...KYLE!
(America/Kyle)
Paulette, Did I leave my stylis?
(Everyone)
Bend and snap...
(Britain/Paulette)
Aghhh...Oh CRAP!
There! Right There!
Poland/Elle:
There! Right There!
Look at that tan, that tinted skin.
Look at the killer shape he's in.
Look at that slightly stubbly chin.
Oh Please he's gay, totally gay.
Russia/Callahan:
I'm not about to celebrate.
Every trait could indicate the totally straight expatriate.
This guy's not gay, I say not gay.
All:
That is the elephant in the room.
Well is it relevant to assume
that a man who wears perfume
is automatically radically fey?
Lithuania/Emmett:
But look at his coiffed and crispy locks.
Poland/Elle:
Look at his silk translucent socks.
Russia/Callahan:
There's the eternal paradox.
Look what we're seeing.
Poland/Elle:
What do we see?
Russia/Callahan:
Is he gay?
Poland/Elle:
Of course he's gay.
Russia/Callahan:
Or European?
All:
Ohhhhhh.
Gay or European?
It's hard to guarantee
Is he gay or European?
Austria/Warner:
Well, hey don't look at me.
Hungary/Vivian:
You see they bring their boys up different in those charming foreign ports.
They play peculiar sports.
All:
In shiny shirts and tiny shorts.
Gay or foreign fella?
The answer could take weeks.
They will say things like "ciao bella"
while they kiss you on both cheeks.
Poland/Elle:
Oh please.
All:
Gay or European?
So many shades of gray.
Austria/Warner:
Depending on the time of day, the French go either way.
All:
Is he gay or European?
or
Bulgaria/Enid:
There! Right There!
Look at that condescending smirk.
Seen it on every guy at work.
That is a metro hetero jerk.
That guy's not gay, I say no way.
All:
That is the elephant in the room.
Well is it relevant to presume
that a hottie in that costume
Poland/Elle:
Is automatically-radically
Russia/Callahan:
Ironically chronically
Hungary/Vivian:
Certainly pertin'tly
Austria/Warner:
Genetically medically
All:
GAY!
OFFICIALLY GAY!
OFFICIALLY GAY GAY GAY GAY
DAMNIT!
Gay or European?
Russia/Callahan
So stylish and relaxed.
All:
Is he gay or European?
Russia/Callahan
I think his chest is waxed.
Hungary/Vivian:
But they bring their boys up different there.
It's culturally diverse.
It's not a fashion curse.
All:
If he wears a kilt or bears a purse.
Gay or just exotic?
I still can't crack the code.
Ukraine/Brooke:
Yet his accent is hypnotic
but his shoes are pointy toed.
All:
Huh.
Gay or European?
So many shades of gray.
Wy/Judge:
But if he turns out straight I'm free at eight on Saturday.
All:
Is he gay or European?
gay or european?
Gay or Euro-
Lithuania/Emmett:
Wait a minute!
Give me a chance to crack this guy.
I have an idea I'd like to try.
Russia/Callahan:
The floor is yours.
Lithuania/Emmett:
So Mr. R.G Tacos...
This alleged affair with Ms. Wyndam has been going on for...?
Spain/Nikos:
2 years.
Lithuania/Emmett:
And your first name again is...?
Spain/Nikos:
Nikos.
Lithuania/Emmett:
And your boyfriend's name is...?
Spain/Nikos:
Carlos.
I'm sorry! I misunderstand. You say boyfriend.
I thought you say best friend. Carlos is my best friend.
Romano/Carlos:
You bastard!
You lying bastard!
That's it.
I no cover for you, no more!
Peoples.
I have a big announcement.
This man is Gay and European!
you've got to stop your being
a completely closet case.
No matter what he say.
I swear he never ever ever swing the other way.
You are so gay.
You big parfait!
You flaming boy band cabaret.
Spain/Nikos:
I'm straight!
Romano/Carlos:
You were not yesterday.
So if I may, I'm proud to say,
He's gay!
All:
And European!
Romano/Carlos:
He's gay!
All:
And European!
Romano/Carlos:
He's gay!
All:
And European and Gay!
Spain/Nikos:
Fine okay I'm gay!
All:
Hooray!
Spanamo/Nikos and Carlos:
Fine. Okay. We're gay!
Legally Blonde
Poland/ELLE
Take back the books and pack up the clothes
Clear out the room and drop off the key
Leave with what's left of my dignity
Get in the car and just go
Chalk it all up to experience
They said I'd fail but I disagreed
Who could say then where my path would lead?
Well, now I know
Back to the sun
Back to the shore
Back to what I was before
Back where I'm known
Back in my own
Very small pond
Laugh with my friends
When I arrive
We'll drop the top and just drive
That's fine with me
Just let me be
Legally Blonde
Thanks for your help and for all you've done
Thank you for treating me decently
Lithuania/EMMETT
(spoken) What's wrong?
Poland/ELLE
Maybe someday you can visit me
Give me a call, say hello
Lithuania/EMMETT
Wait, where are you going?
Poland/ELLE
Sorry I'm letting down everyone
Lithuania/EMMETT
What brought on this?
Poland/ELLE
You did your best with a hopeless case
Lithuania/EMMETT
That's ludicrous
BOTH
You are the best thing about this place
Lithuania/EMMETT
Elle, you should know...
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) Callahan hit on me.
Lithuania/EMMETT
(spoken) He what?
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) He kissed me. He fired me. There's no reason for me to stay.
Lithuania/EMMETT
What about love?
I never mentioned love
The timing's bad, I know
But perhaps if I made it more clear
That you belong right here
You wouldn't have to go
Cause you know that I'm so much in love...
Poland/ELLE
Back to the sun
Back to the shore
Back to what I was before
Lithuania/EMMETT
Please will you open the door
Poland/ELLE
Lie on the beach
Dream within reach
Don't stray beyond
Lithuania/EMMETT
We both know you're worth so much more
Poland/ELLE
Some girls fight hard
Some face the trial
Some girls were just meant to smile
Lithuania/EMMETT
If you can hear, can I just say
How much I want you to stay
Poland/ELLE
It's not up to me
Just let me be
Legally Blonde
Lithuania/EMMETT
I need you to stay...
Poland/ELLE
It's not up to me
Just let me be
Legally Blonde
Legally Blonde Remix
Hungary/VIVIENNE,
(Spoken) Maybe Warner saw a blonde who was sleeping her way to the top,
but I see a woman who doesn't have to.
(Sung) I used to pray for the day you'd leave
Swore up and down
You would not belong
But when I am wrong
I say I'm wrong
and I was wrong about you
So listen up!
I see no end to what you'll achieve
That's only if you don't turn and run
You proved it to me
Now show everyone what you can do
And you look great in dark blue!
Get back in the game
Back on the case
Take a good look at my face
I'm not a fool
And it's a rule
I do not bond!
But I see a star
You're my new muse
You've got the best freakin' shoes!
And you lit a fuse
So go show them who's
Legally Blonde!
CHORUS,
Sha la la la la la
Hungary/VIVIENNE
Yes, you lit a fuse
So go show them who's
Legally ...
Poland/ELLE
(Spoken) Sorry Vivienne, but I'm never wearing that again.
Britain/PAULETTE
(Spoken) Elle, Honey, you're in the supply closet!
Poland/ELLE
(Spoken) I know! I said I'm never wearing that again...I'm wearing THIS!
(Sung) Back in the game
CHORUS,
Yes!
Poland/ELLE,
Back to the trial
CHORUS,
Yes!
Poland/ELLE,
But I'm going back in my style
CHORUS,
Back in her style!
Poland/ELLE,
'Cause it's a fact
CHORUS,
Yes!
Poland/ELLE,
When you're attacked
CHORUS,
Yes!
Poland/ELLE,
You've got to respond
CHORUS,
Got to got to got to got to respond!
Poland/ELLE,
Hand me my dog!
CHORUS,
Dog!
Poland/ELLE,
Hand me my bag
CHORUS,
Bag!
Poland/ELLE,
And that American flag!
CHORUS,
Got to be American!
Poland/ELLE,
Cause nobody screws
CHORUS,
No!
Poland/ELLE,
Somebody who's
CHORUS,
Who?
Poland/ELLE,
Legally Blonde
CHORUS,
Get on your feet
Cause she's legally blonde
Kicked to the street
Cause she's legally blonde
There's no retreat cause you're
Legally Blonde
Yeah!
Don't be afraid to be
Legally Blonde
Join the parade cause she's
Rome/ELLE'S MOTHER,
(Spoken) Honey look!
She's leading a parade!
Poland/ELLE,
(Spoken) Mom and Dad!
Rome/ELLE'S MOTHER,
(Spoken) Get a picture!
Germania/ELLE'S DAD,
(SPOKEN) Just one more please cause she's
CHORUS,
Legally Blonde
Germania/ELLE'S DAD,
(Spoken) Everyone say cheese!
Rome/ELLE MOTHER,
(Spoken) No say legally blonde!
CHORUS,
Legally Blonde!
Cause she's legally blonde...
Cause she's legally blonde...
Cause she's legally blonde!
Finland, Latvia and Estonia/ SERENA, MARGOT, PILAR
(Spoken) Omigod Elle!
Poland/ELLE,
(Spoken) Thanks Greek Chorus
but I don't need voices in my head today.
Finland, Latvia and Estonia/SERENA, MARGOT, PILAR
Honey it's us!
The girls from Delta Nu!
We came to see
Our president be
Legally Blonde
CHORUS,
Jump on your feet
Cause she's legally blonde
You've got a right to be legally blonde
You've got a right to be
Legally Blonde
America/KYLE,
(Spoken) Paulette, I've got another package...
Britain/PAULETTE,
(Spoken) Thanks... Kyle B. O'Boyle. What does the 'B' stand for?
America/KYLE,
(Spoken) Brendan...
(MOTHERFUCKING AWESOME PRUSSIAN-IRISH DANCE BREAK)
CHORUS,
Oh!
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Hey!
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
back in the game
Back in the fray
Bulgaria/ENID,
Back the hell outta the way!
Ukraine/BROOKE,
Mr. you're fired
Russia/CALLAHAN,
(Spoken) what?!
Ukraine/BROOKE,
Guess who I hired?
CHORUS,
(Spoken) Who?
Ukraine/BROOKE,
to represent me
you gotta to be...
CHORUS,
yeah, you gotta be
Yeah, you gotta be
Yeah, you gotta be...
Ukraine/BROOKE,
Legally Blonde
ALL,
and she's legally blonde, oh yeah
and she's legally blonde, oh yeah
And she's legally blonde, oh yeah
Legally Blonde, oh yeah!
Find My Way/Finale
[Austria/Warner]
Elle, to think I didn't take you seriously. I was wrong.
[Poland/Elle]
Thanks, Warner.
[Austria/Warner]
We do belong together.
[Poland/Elle]
Oh, Warner. Vivienne dumped you, didn't she?
Poland/ELLE
Though I dreamed of this day long ago
Now my answer is thank you, but no
Look, I've barely begun, I'm hardly through
I was living in ignorant bliss
Til I learned I could be more than this
And you know, in a way I owe it all to you
I thought losing your love was a blow I could never withstand
Look how far I have come without anyone holding my hand
I had to find my way
They day you broke my heart
You handed me the chance
To make a brand new start
You helped me find my way
There's still so much to learn
So many dreams to earn
But even if I crash and burn ten times a day
I think I'm here to stay
I'm gonna find my way
Hungary/VIVIENNE
(spoken) William Shakespeare wrote
"To thine own self be true, and it must follow as the night the day,
thought cans't not then be false to any man."
I think this wise statement best applies to a woman-a blonde woman.
Over the past three years, she taught me and showed us
all that being true to yourself never goes out of style.
Ladies and gentlemen, our valedictorian:
ELLE WOODS!
Poland/ELLE
(spoken) Ladies and gentlemen of the class of...
Britain/PAULETTE
Here's the part where she gives her big speech
We're so proud, but Elle's not one to preach
So she said we can play "Where are they now?"
Here we go!
Bulgaria practices family law
Hungary's training for the peace corps
Austria quit, said he makes more modelling anyhow
Russia ran for governor, but was defeated of course
And his wife hired Lithuania to handle their messy divorce
And me, I think I'll find my way
And hey! I married America!
And now we have two kids
And one more on the way
And we live out in Worcester
I bought a new salon
We also feature dog grooming
Here! Take a couple cards!
Oops, sorry! Back to Elle . . .
Poland/ELLE
I thank you one and all
The ones who thought I'd fall
Who taught me how to fail
Who helped me to prevail
I'm standing here today
To help me find my way!
Oh, and if you could give one second before we all go
Emmett Forrest, please make the happiest woman I know
Lithuania/EMMETT
Omi-omi-omigod!
GIRLS
Omi-omi-omi-omi-omigod!
Omigod, omigod you guys!
Granted, not a complete surprise
But if there ever was a perfect couple
This one qualifies!
LietPol/ELLE and EMMETT
And now I found my love!
GIRLS
Migod!
LietPol/ELLE and EMMETT
I found my way to love!
GIRLS
You guys!
LietPol/ELLE and EMMETT
I finally found my prize
GIRLS
If there ever was a perfect couple
This one qualifies
Cause we love you guys
LietPol/ELLE and EMMETT
No we love you guys!
GIRLS
Omigod!
Poland/ELLE
Omigod!
ALL
Omigod, you guys!
OMIGOD!
*Sarcasm* Guest: It was deliberate. Now piss off before I force you to read SnapeXTeletubbies fanfics.
Review now, and send casting queries to me!
Next: Book of Mormon!