Part Three:
Calliope,
That's such a beautiful name. Why such shame in it?
It's pretty chaotic here at the moment. The chief has just announced he is merging with another hospital to save money. Stupid Money! So now everyone is killing themselves, each other or patients to try and save their jobs and mistakes are happening. Luckily in Peds, the mistakes haven't killed anyone but its still crazy insane and can you tell? I've had a bad day today. I'm not going to bore you about it. But I don't have any inane babble for you because the hospital truly has sucked me in like a maniac and hasn't eased up yet.
When do you come home?
I want to take you for a drink.
Take care of yourself,
Arizona
Callie frowned as she read the short note. She ignored the jeers from the soldiers playing soccer as she sat down on the chair to write back.
Arizona,
I hate my name but I forgive you for using it. Is your job secure? You seem to be holding out on me. Tell me about your day, good or bad. I don't mind. I like hearing from you and everything you have to say. As you once said I might as well witness all of you. And I want all of you.
Now, that sounded dirty. You can ponder that.
I extended my tour a few months ago, because I had nothing to come home to. I know that sounds depressing. But I had just gotten out of a really bad relationship. Not my ex-husband but the one that came after that. It was confusing and became messy and I screwed up and became lost. I enlisted as a medic to escape life. It was selfish I know, because I am surrounded by honourable men and women. But I was falling apart, almost losing my job, my mind even. Now I am here, I wasn't ready to leave when my tour was finished so I stayed. I love the guys I work with. They're sexist, chauvinistic and crude, but at the same time sweet, considerate and they always have my back. And I have theirs. I can't leave them. But when this tour is up, I will come home. And you can take me for that drink. You're buying.
So a battleship… much better than the state. A good conversation starter too. Much better than having a mother obsessed with Greek mythology.
When I was kid, was this really geeky kid. I was the girl that chewed my hair. Anyway, and the other kids would pick on me, and so I would come home crying. I'd tell my mother about it and she always told me that they were jealous because I was named after Homer's muse. I'm pretty sure the other kids didn't give a damn about the Odyssey and the Iliad. And I told my mother just as much. So she told me this story about how Calliope was the daughter of Zeus, but was forgotten about because she wasn't all lightning bolt throwing and wave crashing like the other Gods, but when all hell broke loose and the those Gods caused chaos and heartache, Calliope would hide in a tree or a cloud and sing to block out the noise. Anyway, everyone would stop and listen because she had this beautiful voice, and as such she became the muse for poetry and verse. She was loved and lived happily ever after. And Calliope means beautifully-voiced. I rather think I have a sexy voice though.
Now you get honour and nobility and battleship for your name which is quite hardcore and I get soppiness for mine and I like being hardcore, hence the Callie and not the Calliope. I'm hardcore. A rock-star surgeon.
I don't know why I told you that story but I haven't thought of that in a really long time. And I know that my mother adapted the myth to make me feel better and weirdly, it worked.
Okay, before I tell you any further embarrassing stories about myself I'm going to end this letter.
As you said I am your letter-friend… hell, I am your friend. I'm there.
Callie
xxxx
The blonde smiled as she lay in bed reading the letter. She had a long day and just wanted to sleep but she couldn't wait to read this letter. She snuggled further into the sheets, feeling small against the large bed. The room only dimly lit by the night-stand lamp. She was exhausted before she started reading and now had a new sense of energy to write.
Dear Calliope,
So you want all of me. Hmmm. I am pondering that.
I'm okay now. I've made the residents see that I am not a walk-over. I had this resident latch onto peds because she thought it was an easy way to save her job. Now she is talented and all but she hates kids. She lied to me but I know why she did it. Desperate to keep her job. My job is safe. This resident had a point; no one gets rid of the doctor who saves the tiny people.
I loved that story about your name. It's full of warmth and joy whilst I was named after the battleship my grandfather was killed on. Actually, I wouldn't change it for the world. He died after saving nineteen men. How can one not feel honoured to be named after such a man? But my dad is not a man of fluffiness and warmth. Less so now. My mom is though. Thank God! In fact, I think it's my mom that is the colonel of our family. She is the decision maker in the house. But she makes my father a better man. He bends for those he love. Which as you probably know is not easy for an army man to accept a lesbian as a daughter. So I think my mom had something to do with that. I speak to them everyday which some people find really sad, but I think it's lucky. To have that sort of relationship with your family where you can talk to them everyday. How many people can say they have that? Are you close with your family?
I figure now that we have moved from letter-friend to friend I can ask these questions.
The merger has happened. And they put the new doctors in orange scrubs. Way to segregate. Everyone here is doing the 'I hate the enemy dance' but I actually like most of them. They're doctors and they're in it for the same reasons we are.
However, my favourite scrub nurse was fired today which really sucks because she was a single mom supporting her kids alone and also she synchronised with me. I really hate this merger. No one is happy. This is the first night this week I've slept in my own bed. My apartment looks more like a hotel which is actually making me consider moving into a hotel. Because at least that way I get food cooked for me. My cooking skills are rather limited. I can make spaghetti and eggs, though rarely together. Now I am hungry. I was all set to sleep a while ago and now I want food.
Am in my kitchen eating pop-tarts. I've put the stereo on and think I may have woken the entire neighbourhood. Stupid volume switch. I personally blame the Casper the friendly ghost. He must have done that. Not very friendly I might add. It is currently playing Gomez. What music do you like?
I get moving away from relationships. I did it when I came here. It wasn't that it was a bad relationship. It just went in different directions and my direction was not her direction. It made me the bad guy in the end because I did the ending, and so I lost friends as well. That's the worse thing about ending relationships, friends choose sides. So I ate a lot of donuts and moved to Seattle. It was a good decision in the end.
I think I may drop dead from exhaustion now.
Take care Calliope,
Arizona
xxxx
Callie pulled the envelope out of her pocket. It had bloody fingerprints on it. Her bloody fingerprints on it. It was a difficult morning and the letter had been forgotten in the chaos. She gingerly pulled out the letter and couldn't help but let the tears fall as she read the familiar hand-writing.
Dear Arizona,
I miss pop tarts. I miss food. And I can't believe you can't cook. I so need to teach you how to cook. In fact I will cook for you. Chicken Piccata. Anything but spaghetti though I really would love eggs. Little Pieces is a good track. I love music that I can dance to. Must be the Latina in me but I love to dance.
My father is definitely the head of the household. He makes all the decisions but he does it for his family. He gives us everything we could ever want or need. When I told him I had enlisted he hit the roof. Went completely nuts. Banged on about how it was a man's job. When he finally realised I wasn't changing my mind he then proceeded to find bodyguards for me. I mean the man is overbearing sometimes but he is my father. It took the army to talk him out of the bodyguards.
Families are a strange bunch.
We lost three soldiers this morning. I get my father's fear. I knew one of the soldiers. He was a friend. He drank with me and would tell me about the girl he was going to marry and the carpentry shop he was going to open. I lost my friend this morning.
I'm sorry for being so… we're all morale boosters here.
So you've been in Seattle for a while now, why aren't you dating? And don't say the hours because I know the hours. Then again I have yet to have a successful relationship.
Gee, this is a cheerful letter.
I really want a bubble bath. It's the little things. And today's little thing is a bubble bath.
Callie
xxxx
Arizona watched the bath fill with water, watching the bubbles hit the top of the bath. She skimmed her fingers over the top of the bubbles before resting her glass of white wine on the side. She slipped of her robe and slid into the bath, sighing as the warmth of the water engulfed her. She closed her eyes.
Dear Calliope,
I am so sorry to hear about friend. I really wish I knew what to say or do. I found the flaw in being letter-friends. I can't comfort you. I hate to think you sad so I am going to tell you a joke my patient told me today.
A bacon and a sausage were put into a frying pan. The sausage looks at the bacon and says "It's hot in here". The bacon thinks "Oh my God, it's a talking sausage."
Okay that one was a bad one. But he was five. Yesterday's joke was
What's brown and sticky?
A stick
And the one before that was
What's the difference between snot and broccoli?
Kids don't eat broccoli
Tell me one of them made you smile or I am so firing my joke-master. He is a sweet kid though. Am hoping to discharge him soon. I wish I could say that for all my patients. There was a hotel fire last night, and this teenager got really badly burned. He was in town looking at colleges. It's the worse type of case and you never can escape it. It's when you have to really be the doctor and not the person. Ignore the smell and the screams and find ways of convincing this person to fight on. He is still battling on and I really think he will make it, but you don't forget those cases. You don't forget any of the cases. It's when you do start forgetting them that you need to stop being a doctor. When it stops affecting you, you need to step away. I know you have those days but that's what makes you the great doctor you are.
I worry about you now. I didn't when we first started writing but now I worry about you. I don't watch the news because I just can't. I can't know what is happening there. But I really do think what you do is awesome. It's incredibly awesome. I am bad at this morale boosting thing.
If you cook dinner I will cook eggs for breakfast. How was that for subtle conversation change?
When I was a second year resident, I had this patient. Really good kid. She was about eleven, and was an up and coming gymnast. She loved it but she got tumours in her bones. She would never be able to do gymnastics again. She would never be able to do what she loved and it was horrible having to tell her this. So we told her and do you know what she said. She said that it was okay because she could still do it in her mind. She is the reason why I got into peds. That sort of immeasurable strength and undying hope. My point is this. No matter how screwed up life gets and unbearable days become, in our minds we can do anything, be anything. I don't think I am saying this right, but when you are feeling bad and you have no donuts just be where you want to be in your mind.
Take care Calliope,
Arizona
xxxx
P.S. I never got to ask. Calliope means beautifully-voiced. Can you sing?
Callie smiled as she put the letter back in the envelope and slid it into her pack with the others. She rolled over on the cot and having found a cool spot on her pillow, she closed her eyes thinking about where she wanted to be. She couldn't help smile as her thoughts drifted there.
Dear Arizona,
Your letters always makes me feel better. Donuts? Really?
You're a mysterious woman with heeleys, donuts and a penchant for the word awesome. Not usually my type so you better be hot.
I am involved in building a clinic for women here. Just basic female healthcare but it feels good to do it. It feels that we're finally getting somewhere. I am just teaching the nurses here and they are so eager to learn. Kind of reminds me of interns in their first week before we stamp on their spirit and crush them. But these women despite everything, they're learning. They're doing something they never were able to do before. Something we take for granted. It's pretty amazing to be a part of that.
I did a tour with the Peace Corps in Botswana. That is what got me into medicine. And it was the polio cases that got me into Ortho. I had a case years ago with this Indian guy. He had severe polio and I promised him that I could make him walk again… and because I am a rock-star I did. I actually miss those cases. Those crazy ass nearly impossible cases. Here, it's fast and you don't see the results, because we bandage them up and send them to bases in Europe or back to the States.
So you're going to make me breakfast… oh the implications! Better be great chicken piccata.
I really miss food, and a soft bed and air conditioning, and real coffee. And sex. I miss sex. Really miss sex. And I miss grass and trees.
The jokes were terrible. I shared them with everyone here and they didn't go down well. Well except, Trader, but he has the mentality of an eight year old boy sometimes, so I guess that would be why. Seriously, he has one of the most dangerous jobs here and he finds snot jokes hilarious. He disarms explosives. He has requested more, so you can keep your jokemaster.
Callie
xxxx
P.S. Are you hoping I serenade you with song one day?
Arizona blushed as she read the letter. It was not a good idea to read the letter in the viewing gallery. She ducked her head and was relieved that the surgery was distracting heads from her. She shoved the letter back into her coat pocket that rested on the chair next to her. She took a few deep breaths as she tried to regain her composure ignoring the raised eyebrows from one of her colleague.
Dear Calliope,
Don't mock the donuts! They're loyal friends in times of need.
It's weird that you talk about those nearly impossible cases because we've had a few lately. The other week, one of our technicians Isaac had a tumour embedded in his spine. An impossible surgery one would say, in fact that's what we all said, but Derek Shepherd a.k.a McDreamy believed it could be done. He even went rogue to operate on it, getting us all to cover for him. I even yelled at the chief and told him to stop being a bully. I stood up to the chief which is scary considering I have authority issues. Darn my father! Of course I cried afterwards, but I was so proud of myself. He did it. Removed the tumour without even cutting the cord. It was incredible. I think the clinic sounds great, and it's true we do take it for granted, the simple things. To think if we had been born in another country we would not be writing these letters.
You're full of surprises. Botswana? That sounds awesome. I've never done anything like that. What made you do it? I travelled a lot though. Joys of being an army brat. I love to travel but I don't like doing it alone. I haven't had the chance to do anything like that is what seems like forever.
I went into medicine because when I was little I got sick. I was in hospital for a long time and I loved it. How wrong does that sound? But I loved the toys, the instruments, the doctors, the nurses… I knew this was where I was going to end up. Speaking of which I have rounds to make, tiny people to save.
Oh I nearly forgot. For your friend Trader, a joke:
What do you get if you cross a pig with a naked person?
A streaky bacon.
Our joke-master has since been discharged but I will start auditioning for another one. Got to keep you popular. My mother wants me home for Christmas but I don't want to go. Does that sound wrong? You won't be home for Christmas, will you? Will home still be Miami? Which hospital do you work at? And look at me with the thousand questions.
Take care of yourself Calliope,
Arizona
xxxx
P.S. I've never been serenaded before.
The brunette lay in the sand staring at the stars. She had shoved the letter in her shorts and left the tents. She wanted to be on her own.
Dear Arizona,
I hadn't even thought of Christmas. I guess I won't be back until next year. It's weird but when I enlisted, holidays, birthdays and such occasions never came into my mind. If I were home, I'd be in the Torres household with all the relatives. That's 36 cousins, 13 second cousins, 9 aunts and 7 uncles and their better halves and my grandmother. It's chaotic and there's always a fight. And every year I tell myself never again, but I am a glutton for punishment.
When I get back I want to leave Miami. I love my family but they're incredibly overbearing and I don't think they get me anymore. I phone my family on Sunday and usually talk to my dad, but since the divorce I haven't really told him about my life. I think he is ashamed of me… he is Catholic, really Catholic and so divorce is a big no no. What I've learned here is that I need to be myself. I need to get away and grow up I guess. I am very protected. Even here I am protected. All they guys are watching my back.
We were playing some ball last week, and clumsy me fell over. And before I even hit the ground, the whole troop are there with their "oh shit" faces. Once they knew I was fine they teasing began. I went from one large family straight into another. Yeah, I am moving once I get back.
The surgery sounded really hardcore. And I am very glad you're facing your authority issues. What's that about anyway?
That joke was the worse one yet. Even Trader thought so. We're hoping for improvement on the joke front.
We need jokes around here. We had a reporter in the camp wanting to do a segment of some sort. I'd call her nice if she wasn't such an insensitive bitch. She doesn't agree with why we're here which is an opinion she is entitled to, but she felt the need to continuously to tell us this when she interviewed us. Made me really angry.
You've never been serenaded and I've never serenaded before. That could be a new experience for us both. I am not much of a wooer though. I have terrible lines. One of which was "Hi, you have nice braces" when I was fourteen. How I never lived that one down for the rest of high school. Even now I cringe when I think of it. As an adult not much better, my ex-husband walked in on me dancing around in my underwear and not seductively either.
Okay, I have to get back to work. Am in a fight for more supplies and am hoping today is the day they arrive.
Callie
xxxx
P.S. Hi, you have nice hand-writing
The blonde smiled softly as she read it. It was the first genuine smile for a few days and she was glad of it.
Dear Calliope,
I've had a few bad days. I had this kid, Wallace. He had short-gut syndrome and I had been with him since the beginning. His parents donated $25 million to the hospital because I kept him alive for several birthdays but I couldn't keep doing it. He got worse and I was pushed into doing another surgery on him… so much for standing up for myself. I should never have done it. He died because I am gutless. I'm sorry for spilling this onto you. I never meant to write about it, but I've got to say it to someone. I should have never done that surgery. The chief said the parents would have gotten the surgery in another hospital if I chose not to do it. That's probably true but I just wish I had stuck to my instincts. He was such a great kid. He's one of those you don't forget, one of those whose white coffin you can't help think about. He died on his birthday which was also my birthday and this resident who always means well threw me a surprise party and I just broke down. I broke down in front of my peers. How embarrassing and unprofessional and weak is that? I just broke.
I'm okay now. I know that Wallace was going to die but that doesn't make it any easier, does it?
I know I am supposed to be all light and happy and rainbow talking but I just needed to tell someone that. I like talking to you. I really like talking to you.
I get what you mean about taking things for granted. Trust me when I say I don't take what you do for granted. I get it, I really do. I think what you do is awesome. You make it possible for me to sleep safely. I could never take that for granted. Only because sleep makes me one happy woman. I am a cranky hag when I don't get sleep and end up depending on an overdose of caffeine which causes hyperactiveness and crashes on heeleys. I crashed into the board rep yesterday, making him spill his coffee… which between you and me I secretly enjoyed. He kisses ass so much that it makes me want to put a dirty diaper on his bald head. Now you have been introduced to my slightly psychotic streak. I should end this letter now…
I have no new joke-master. I'm sorry and I really am bad at remembering jokes. I am at home watching movies. I like the old movies. And just by chance there is one on TV. To Sir with Love. Now that's a classic. Do you like movies?
I am thinking of painting the apartment. I gave up the quest for a room-mate. When do I have time to even look? But I don't know what colour to paint it. Am thinking warm colours. I like warmth. My authority issues are from my father. He being high up in the marine corps, makes you somewhat hesitant to stand up to him. He is a good man, but I can honestly say that though I respect him and love him, I am still slightly scared of him.
You think are bad with lines. Try this for one. I never had a relationship until I reached college. I had no clue to approach girls. I had no experience. There was this girl I liked. Joanne. My brother told me just use the Robbins dimple charm but I was too shy for that. So I would just do that stalker/avoider thing. Anyway, I was cycling to class and I saw her and she saw me. She smiled at me and I just thought oh shoot she knows I am a stalker. So I thought Robbins dimple charm. I am so busy concentrating on my best smile that I cycled straight into the fountain. When she came to see if I was alright, my line… this is cringe-worthy. My line was "You owe me a new front tire."
Actually, it worked. We dated for about a year.
Okay, need sleep. Sidney Poitier is leaving the screen.
Take care of yourself, Calliope,
Arizona
xxxx
P.S. You should know that this hand-writing is just for you.
Callie chuckled and blushed slightly. She stroked the lettering softly, seeing a couple of stains that were once tears. She ignored the conversation as she closed her eyes, allowing herself to pretend she was closer than sheets of paper.