Dr Murakami (Click, tape recording day 16) you're smiling all of a sudden. Why does this topic give you such an infectious happiness?

Sayu Yagami: (Looks lovingly at fiancé) It was one of the most important steps in my healing. I learned to love myself again because it's impossible to allow someone else to love you if you don't love yourself first. Meeting him again felt like the first time. Well not at first but once we got to get to know each other, we realised that we weren't as different as I'd initially thought and there was still so much we needed to learn about each other. I think I helped him find his light too just as much as he helped me. Love has a way of blessing others through you, you know..."

Chapter 3: Never Again Campaign

I refused. Every fibre of my being was fighting for me to protest. I just sat there shaking my head at how spiteful the universe was. The one thing that I was always running away from found a way to catch up to me, always. Just the thought of having to interact with someone else affiliated with that investigation was too much to handle.

"Can't believe this actually," breathed Touta Matsuda taken aback and staring at me for the longest time as if I was a new species from another planet. He shook his head at me wide eyed and confused when a quick knock and entering officer walked in rudely.

"Where's Fujiwara-san?" he demanded, "I've brought her comm. service number. Took long enough for her to land up here." He said not looking at Matsuda but eyeing me up and down like a creature from hell. It shut me up for a moment as I stared back at him in disgust and anger.

"This is bullshit," I said to Matsuda, "I won't do this! I'm not going to work with someone like you! This whole thing makes me sick-"

The other officer looked around the corner for any incoming authority then came at me when the coast was clear. He grabbed my arm and pulled me up, giving me his own sickened look.

"Listen here you little bitch, you're lucky that we're not locking you up like you deserve. You have no choices here just like your brother never gave us. So, if you don't cooperate, you'll end up in one of these shit holes waiting for the news that your mother's body was found in some drain because she had nothing more to live for. Is that what you want?"

I looked into his hateful eyes and scowled at him before sucking out saliva from my salivary ducts and spat in his face. I didn't even know I had it in me to be that crude. He grabbed the collar of my jacket and just before he was about to pounce on me, he was grabbed from the shoulders and pulled away.

"Hey! Take your hands off her. Relax" yelled Matsuda pulling me and the officer away from each other. He then pulled the officer outside. I watched them both through the gap in the door as I smoothed my jacket.

"What the hell do you think you're doing? Are you trying to get yourself suspended again?" I overheard Matsuda enraged.

"Are you kidding me? That stupid mistake and her Kira brother are the whole reason this prison and justice system's fucked up. Now we have to clean up the shit he left behind. 'Protection of Prisoner's Rights Act', what a bunch of bullshit. Do you know how much fucking harder it is for prisoners to be processed now that they're being protected? We're talking about rapists, murders, child traffickers and the most hardened criminal psychopaths. What kind of justice is that?" he vented.

"That has nothing to do with her, besides she's here for this community service and nothing else."

The other officer exhaled and pressed a frustrated hand on his forehead then slapped the same hand on his hip. "Community service, are you kidding me! Community service? That's all?"

"That's all." said Matsuda definitively.

He threw his hands in the air in surrender and walked away. "I don't know what I'm fighting for anymore anyway." he said.

I heard Matsuda give his own sigh, kicking the corner of the door that made me jump slightly. I lowered my head feeling defeated and more ashamed than I ever was. It just wasn't the time or place to let go of my feelings. Especially not in front of someone who worked on the Kira case, to see how it's affected me. It was too embarrassing.

"Sorry about that, he's a little dramatic. Okay, well I don't know I landed up being your supervising officer but it's done. I'll be overseeing your community service work, do you understand?"

"You mean he is disillusioned. The other officer, I mean, he's disillusioned not dramatic." I said unable to keep it in and wondering how he could be so formal to pretend he didn't even know me. I sensed that he didn't want to talk to me directly and informally to keep his distance. He gave a shrug of indifference.

"Anyway, do you understand what I said? Excuse me, but you have to look up at me and respond when I give you an explanation so I know you heard me. It's just formalities"

I didn't even flinch; I continued to stare at the ground fiercely.

"Hey, hey...Ms Ya-S-Sayu, please don't make this difficult" he said frustrated.

I finally looked up at him but not because he asked...but because he'd said my name. That was certainly not a formality. I looked at the sheet of paper in his hands and the way he'd placed it down. I understood. He didn't want to say my surname. It was a painful reminder.

"Are you supposed to call me by my first name? What happened to my last name?" I cheeked him.

He kept quiet and busied himself with the computer.

"So, I'm not allowed to asked questions that get answers?"

"Not yet. And sarcasm doesn't help either. Now do you understand what I said?"

I nodded my head begrudgingly like a child.

"Great. Well continuing with where I left off, you will perform a mandatory five hundred hours of service until your hours are completed" he said holding a paper up in front of me, "This is your sheet that I'll be filling in according to how you carry out your duties and how you will score depending on how satisfactorily you carry out your tasks, I don't know if Fujiwara- sama stated this, but good behaviour could include me reporting to your lawyer and presiding judge who could let go before finishing your hours. Do you understand?"

I nodded my head.

"Good. Now you're here for..." he trailed off reading my papers, he appeared to be shocked. My reddening face couldn't stand the embarrassment and shame of having someone from the Kira case knowing what I had done. I'd pleaded innocent and hoped they'd all believed me.

"You're here for aggravated assault, assault to do grievous bodily harm and emotional damage to...Ms. Takada..." he trailed off.

His eyes lit up in a way I'd never seen before. I'd involuntarily looked up too quickly and caught Matsuda's shocked gaze. It was a flash before it disappeared. I couldn't tell whether his shock was perhaps because he knew Yuko or something about her or that I'd assaulted someone. I hadn't seen Matsuda since my father's funeral a little over two years ago where I didn't even speak to him. He knew me, the person I was, that I wasn't involved in any of the crimes Kira carried out. Now I could see he didn't know what to believe knowing how I'd assaulted someone so viciously. But why did I care that he remembered me for who he knew me as anyway, times had changed and so had I.

He cleared his throat. "Let's see what we have for you to do here..." he said typing on Fujiwara-san's computer.

"Nothing in garbage collecting, highway fixing, paving, hmmm. Guess we don't have anything here yet but you get the idea of what you're likely to do right? Something nasty, grimy, hard labour, something like that. Your lawyer will receive a letter when we're ready for you, then we go from there. Any questions?"

"Yes. Why are you going through with this?"

"Because it's my job" he said simply.

"That's not what I mean and you know it! You and I know each other; you shouldn't even be allowed to be my supervising officer. That's a conflict of interest"

"It doesn't qualify anymore. I haven't seen you in a while."

"You're lying! That's not a real rule. I'm gonna squeal like a bird and tell your bosses of your corruption." I threatened.

"Listen, I'm prepared to take you because I might be the only person in this entire precinct that doesn't have anything against you! But if you prefer the other hostile officer then go ahead. What do you think someone like him would do behind closed doors when no one's watching? Do you think for one second that he wouldn't break the law and do something harmful to you if he had the chance, and who'll believe you over an officer? Especially after your offence."

"My offence? So now that's proof of my criminality?"

"Nobody knows the truth Sayu; people are still afraid and act in fear or hatred. Especially police, we're still dealing with the messy repercussions of two years ago and the irrevocable damage it did to the police force's morale, psyche and numbers. Now if you want to stay safe, keep quiet and do what you have to do."

He ran his fingers in his unkempt hair distractedly. That's when I took a closer look at Matsuda. I saw the deep bags under his eyes. Dark circle under dark circle under dark circle made prominent by his eyebrows drawn together. His bony fingers were as skeletal as the rest of his body. I could see: He'd lost weight, which was astonishing since he'd never had a lot of weight to begin with. I saw his thinning unkempt hair and just underneath, small patches of no hair at all. It wasn't hair loss from old age as he was just over a decade older than me...it was hair pulled out.

I knew it when I saw it; he was distraught, and it was too visible. The curiosity was burning in me; I wondered how he had been coping or the lack thereof for the past two years since the Kira investigation. I noticed that his demeanour had also changed. Matsuda had been somewhat of the comic relief of his police team back in the day, as I remember dad saying to mom. Even I'd remembered him as being charming, funny and carefree. But now he was far more serious, straight faced, formal and snappy. The jokes were over. His funny was gone.

"Well, if there's nothing more, that's it for now. You can leave and we'll contact your lawyer when we have something for you." he said snapping me back into the moment.

I got up to leave but his jaded and weary appearance and condition kept bugging my mind. "Erm Matsuda-san?" I said fidgeting by twirling my fingers together.

His eyes swiftly darted towards me lifting his dark eyebrows questioningly before fixing back onto his computer.

"Never mind."

I fast walked out of his office throwing my hood over my head and allowing the long sleeves of my oversized jacket to hang over my hands as I left the Police Department. I couldn't believe it; I'd actually encountered someone from a previous life. Someone who seemed to be suffering as much as I was.

On the way to the train station, I was dragged out of my thoughts by a demonstration of people. A young woman holding a large cardboard heart painted bright pink with a large line going down the middle to show a broken cracked heart, stood at the centre of the Tokyo crossing holding a megaphone and walked down the street with a crowd of about sixty other people also carrying signs, handing out flyers and wearing prisoners' uniforms.

"Never again shall we allow one person in power to dictate what justice is!

Never again shall we allow a human being to rule over us absolutely and act as our god!

Never again shall we allow evil and fear to take over rationality!

Never again shall we allow our society to become dehumanised and desensitised to our other fellow human beings. Prisoners are humans too! They deserve fair trial and judgement! Never again! Support the families and friends of Kira's victims!"

One volunteer handed me a pamphlet as the demonstration passed me with continued fervour handing pamphlets to other people as they yelled "Never again campaign! Never again Campaign!"

Suddenly out of nowhere the demonstrators stopped walking a few miles from me when several people began chanting out in contest:

"KIRA! KIRA! KIRA!"

Someone from the crowd made the bold move to step in front of the demonstrators to have his say. "Why would you ignoramuses fight for people who infringe on the rights of others? Why would you help prisoners who are murderers, molesters and government corrupters? Kira was justice! He finally brought peace of mind to our rotten society!" he yelled to which Kira supporters applauded him.

"Because they deserve a fair trial to prove their innocence! Also because criminals should be placed in prison and not killed! They deserve a second chance!" yelled the anti-Kira protesters.

Things began to escalate to rowdiness as people started becoming physical. Luckily the police began swooping in as the two crowds clashed together. Before I could witness the looming bloodbath of the pro-Kira vs anti-Kira protesters, I rushed off to the train station reading the Never Again Campaign's pamphlet that they'd given me.

"Did you know that more than half of prisoners awaiting trial are innocent? Did you know many prisoners killed by Kira had shown remorse, do you know that violent criminals make up just 2% of criminals in Japan yet mass murderer Kira wiped out nearly 70% of the prison population in the Kanto region alone, excluding police officers and those who opposed him? Did you know that 20% of people killed by Kira were involved in petty crimes and people he considered 'immoral'.

For more information visit our website.

I had to admit that although demonstrators were annoying as they cause traffic jams and inconveniences, this group had me curious. Their passion and zeal was unmistakeable.

When I finally got home, I made sure to visit their website almost immediately, hoping to understand their cause. Their main website read:

Never Again Campaign is a non-profit organisation aimed at supporting the people who were drastically and detrimentally affected by the Kira massacre- you can get involved.

I clicked on their main headline:

It's hard to believe that it's been nearly two years since the Kira mass murder incident took place in our lovely country and affected the whole world. This is none more truly than the people who were directly affected by Kira and his INJUSTICE. The organisation aims to help those who are in financial need, emotional support or just need to get their lives back in order by restoring their hope. The victims of Kira were the loved ones of many people regardless of their criminality or not. You would be doing a great service for the people of Japan and this community... click HERE to find out more.

I didn't click on the link to find out more as of yet because something clicked inside of me when I read the main article. Service. This, helping the victims of Kira and those left behind without proper government compensation. That had to be the service I was meant to do. It couldn't be a coincidence that the police dept. couldn't find any grunt work for me to do. This opportunity has been calling my name.

The excitement that pulsated through my body at the idea of this made my heart race. It was a chance to help people like me and also clear my name in the process, show people that I'm as remorseful as they are and regret what had happened even though I wasn't directly involved.

The next day as I headed back to the police station I was somehow cheerful because, I had an idea. The police station wasn't expecting me yet since they hadn't contacted me but I'd thought about it all night. I knew what my community service was going to be, if I had my persuasion skills on par. It was easy enough for me to sneak my way into the hall I knew too well.

"Hey Fujiwara-san I just had an idea," I said bursting into his office where Matsuda was also present. "What if-

"Miss Yagami, didn't Matsuda tell you that we'd contact you when work was made available?" he asked at my jumpiness and looking up at his subordinate whereas Matsuda looked straight at me.

"I know but I wanted to ask you something. Would it be permissible for me to suggest my own community service work? There's this charity organisation that goes by the name of the 'Never Again Campaign' and they're seeking volunteers to help them with their mission to help and support the families of Kira's victims. They raise funds for financial support, and start support groups where people group talk with a counsellor present to mediate and other things too."

He scanned the pamphlet I handed him with Matsuda also reading over his shoulder with doubt. If I didn't persuade them soon, all my long lost enthusiasm would be dead forever.

"I admire your originality but there's nothing that I can do about this. It would have to be approved by the department and we'd have to sign an agreement with this organisation." said Fujiwara-san.

I took a breath to calm my burgeoning frustration before I could allow myself to sink back into hopelessness...I had to play all my cards.

"Fujiwara-san, times have changed. This is the post-Kira Japan," I campaigned dramatically; "Community service doesn't have to encompass cleaning streets; we already have some of the cleanest streets in the word. What we really need is a way to serve the community for a long term effect. Remember the prisoner you talked to everyday, who was killed," I said softly looking him in the eyes and he finally stopped to look at me, "Do you know whether he had a family he left behind?"

He nodded looking over to a picture on his shelf. "His partner and son. She cut ties with him when he went to prison and disallowed their only son to see him, saying he was no role model. The one wish he'd always wanted was for his son to see him."

"Well did you ever think what could become of that son right now? What if they're not managing? What if that very son lands up in here because he has a skewed angry view of life and no male role models?" We have a chance to make a real difference. We could reach out to him, you could tell him what kind of man his father really was, not just a prisoner but a flawed human being just like the rest of us. Give him something to be proud of, some dignity, some justice."

Matsuda gave me a knowing look that I recognised as caution. Clearly over the years as he'd worked on the Kira investigation team, a solid definition of justice had been misconstrued so he probably didn't know how to process my words. However, Fujiwara-san seemed convinced and genuinely moved.

"I'll speak to the head of my division. In the meantime you have to approach this organisation and inform them of your plans for this to work." he said.

"Wait, you're going ahead with this?" asked Matsuda bemused.

"It's a noble cause and a great way to devilify the humans we work with everyday Matsuda." said Fujiwara-san.

"Fujiwara-san, do you mind if I talk to erm, her for a moment?" asked Matsuda referring to me and clearly avoiding to say my taboo name.

I walked out the office with him, feeling surprised and not knowing what to expect. He turned me around, placing his hands on my shoulders and stared dead straight at me.

"Okay where are you going with this? What are you planning?" he asked bluntly.

"Planning? I'm just doing something to help people; it's the least I can do to make amends—

"Amends for what? You didn't do anything, what happened was not your fault," he said shaking his unkempt hair. "You don't owe anybody anything. It's not your duty, or your calling, you are not 'the chosen one' who is the only person who can help these people-

"I never said I was Matsuda," I said defensively and taken aback by his conviction, "I'm just trying to help society."

"That's a little difficult to believe considering that I've heard those words before from someone who thought they were actually doing something good and which I believed for a while." he snapped at me.

His words stung me to the core. As much as I wanted to be more angry than hurt, I couldn't; it brought tears to my eyes. Only then did he realise what he'd done to me, he softened his gaze. I swung my hand at him but he blocked me.

"I'm sorry, that's not what I meant-

"How dare you Matsuda! "I whispered teary eyed, "How dare you think that I was like him! You think that I have an ulterior sinister motive for doing something good?" I cried.

"I'm sorry; I just don't know what to think anymore. I don't know who to trust. Look Sayu," he added when I was about to walk away, "What I said was out of fear and uncertainty. We've all been through hell these past few years and our suspicions and paranoia are at an all-time high."

The sincerity and honesty in his intense brown eyes calmed my fire down.

"Look, I'm your supervising officer, so if you go ahead with this community service then I'll support you wholeheartedly. Is that okay?"

I thought about it for a while then nodded my head. Admittedly I still felt extremely offended by what he'd said, but at least, I would have someone on board with me.

A few days later when I finally had the confidence to go downtown to the base of the Never Again Campaign's headquarters, it took me three attempts to walk inside fearing the absolute worst. This time though, Matsuda had to accompany me.

Matsuda shook his head of unkempt hair while giving a side scowl. I hadn't even considered what kind of effect this would have on him. It could reopen old wounds that weren't healing.

"Thanks for coming with me." I said appreciatively.

"Anytime, well as long as it's kind of my job actually," he said in his dry humour but added, "But hey, this seems important to you somehow so I'm happy to be here."

I stopped walking to look directly at him and he at me. There had to be some kind of indication of disingenuousness. He couldn't've really meant that could he? There was no way he actually cared after what he'd said to me the other way I did appreciate it.

"Thanks Matsuda," I said. He gave me a thumbs up.

"It's nice not to feel so alone for once." I added in the moment.

Once again, he looked at me for a long time taking in what I'd said and nodded. "Me too" he whispered pulling the hood off my head. For some reason it made my face burn up in the stingy winter air.

Matsuda and I stepped into the building of the headquarters of the Never Again Campaign to the reception area.

"Good morning, I'm here to speak to Komiya-chan. Is she here?" I asked the woman wearing a bright orange t-shirt with the campaign's logo.

"You're talking to her. How can I help you two?" she said giving a smile.

"Erm, well I saw your website and I'm interested in getting involved in helping the families of Kira's victims."

"Wonderful, thank you so much...We do fundraisers for families, raise awareness and hold support group meetings for those who need to talk about their experiences. May I ask your reason for joining?"

"I actually have court ordered mandatory community service to do. This here is my supervising officer," I said referring to Matsuda who gave a quick wave of his hand. "I was hoping for a merger or a syncing between the Department of Correctional Services and this campaign for me to do my five hundred hours here."

"Oh," she said trying as best as she could to hide her disappointment, "So you're here on a forced duty. Well we help is help at the end of the day-

"No, don't think of it like that, I...I'm," my hesitation chickened me out, telling this woman who I was, was far too intimidating. "I really wanted to do this because I know it can have a long impact and that's why I came to you. I want to do my hours in a very worthwhile cause instead of doing something that'll go unappreciated."

"Sure, I guess you're right. You could be of some help even if it's just to clean up the vandalism done by the Kira support groups to our facilities."

"Why would they do that?" asked Matsuda.

"Well naturally the whole Kira massacre has divided public opinion and debate. Many people don't like the idea of protecting and aiding people affiliated with prisoners who've mostly committed inhumane acts. And I don't blame them; it's easier for government to make villains out of prisoners just to take the focus off of their own shortcomings. Kira is justice for the public in a way that the police and criminal courts can never be. No offense cop."

"None taken" said Matsuda.

I shut out any thoughts that threatened to dwell in my head. "May I ask why you started this organisation?"

"It started out as a casual conversation between me and a friend. It's been two years since the end of the Kira terrorism yet the response from government and the private sector has been slow. Also because of the misconception that criminals are unwanted, uncared for, bloodthirsty monsters when many of them had families and loved ones too who were dependant on them for a livelihood."

"And erm did you lose anyone?" I asked wanting to steer the conversation onto a different path.

"My mother," she whispered curling her lip. "She was a drug addict and drug mule my whole, life until she was arrested trying to smuggle narcotics from Bali three years ago. I just ask myself all the time, what that young man could've gone through in his life to have done this, unleashed fear to control people. Who brainwashed him? My mom was no criminal, she just needed help."

I shifted uncomfortably at what she'd said. She stopped me before I could walk out of the building.

"Anyway, you should come to our training session this Thursday to learn about what you can do for us then report it back to your officer." She said referring to Matsuda.

The training mainly consisted of going to group meeting to find out about their objectives of helping those families financially affected since breadwinners were killed and the proper conduct of how to interview victims and sensitivity training. Feeling guilty and terrified always stiffened me as I was overly paranoid that someone would find out who I was. Matsuda was unable to accompany me this time but somewhere far inside me wished that Matsuda had accompanied me so I wouldn't have to feel so alone. He was the only person who knew exactly how I felt.

When I got back home that Thursday, my mother Sachiko was reading a book for some escapism when she noticed me looking at her from the door of my room.

"I erm, my community service hours will be completed by joining a campaign to help the families of Kira's victims. It's my way of paying back the debt we owe to society." I said handing her the pamphlet.

She glossed over it multiple times at the eye catching orange and black theme. "Does that include us?" she whispered. I couldn't help being taken aback because it wasn't something that'd even crossed my mind.

I walked back into my room to phone my gaijin friend to tell her of the news, something I was actually excited about for the first time in forever, but something in her tone of voice told me that she didn't share my sentiments. Her anger at me was evident in the way she almost broke down the front door to meet me at my house.

"Why are you doing this?" Meghan asked outraged as she bolted to my room and shut the door promptly.

"What do you mean? You're the one who got Yuko to allow me to do community service hours. Besides, I'm helping people." I said exasperated at her fury.

"Helping people? Helping people related to criminals? What is that? You're rewarding people who have sheltered monsters their whole lives and sending the message that it's okay to commit crimes because we're all human?" she said hysterical.

"These people had nothing to do with the crimes committed by family members-

"Oh yeah? Well did your precious organisation tell you that 64% of relatives of the criminals killed by Kira knew what their criminal family members were up to? They weren't like you; they intentionally hid the truth of crimes their relatives committed. You should really read the news once in a while...would you even reach out to the family of the man who hurt me?" her voice broke.

"You know I would never do that. If only the police-

"Oh right, the police, if only he was arrested and jailed with free meals, free shower and friends until he's released after a few lousy years, what a punishment. They were never going to arrest him. There was no evidence and I wasn't willing to step forward. What Kira did was to get rid of someone so he never does to other girls what he did to me."

I had no arguments, and I couldn't blame Meghan for being a silent Kira supporter.

"Meghan you need someone to talk to-

"You know I erm, I was supposed to go to with a student guide to Inari Shrine as a cultural excursion? But I decided against it, I almost got a perfect score on my Japanese proficiency test at home in the UK so it made me overconfident that I didn't need a guide. But when I got to the train station, I was so overwhelmed by the commotion and the kanji seemed to flow over my head, when a kind stranger offered to help take me there, I didn't question it. Next thing I'm unknowingly being led astray to some old abandoned arcade game warehouse."

Tears began to fall down her red cheeks. I walked up to the broken student to place my hands on her shoulders not knowing what else to do but she backed away from me.

"And now you're going to reward his family gifts of condolences to say sorry for the loss of income. Your relative was a human too who deserved respect." she whispered through her tears.

Shaking my head wouldn't suffice to convince her of what I'd planned to do but I couldn't think of anything else but I was also not going to quit the Never Again campaign before I'd begun. "Maybe you should come to the support groups and see what it's like, it could help you heal."

Meghan kept quiet and walked out of my room, my house without another word.

After several weeks of training, and once my request of doing my hours helping the Never again campaign, and Matsuda had finally finished signing my papers, handing me my numbers and everything approved when we decided to meet the first family in need of assistance due to the disruption caused by the Kira massacre. I also couldn't help but keep Meghan's words in my mind. There was no real way of finding out whether I was doing the right thing until I met these people. I also kept in mind what Komiya-chan had said. Find out what their story is first to humanise them and don't treat them as victims.

I still couldn't believe we were doing this, couldn't believe that Touta and I were walking down a busy street during the day of some far away neighbourhood hidden by a long highway and long overly rusted snaking train tracks. The street was full of unscrupulous looking people giving the both of us strange looks, like we were lost or something. There were many men loitering around on the streets, skater boys, making kissy faces at me when we walked by.

Matsuda walked closer to me and that's when I noticed him tuck away his police badge. "Stay close Sayu, we're almost there" he whispered.

We got to the white building heavily laden with graffiti, street art and colourful stickers. It was a great way to decorate the rather dull and dicey building on a corner road.

Finally after two flights of twisted steel stairs, and finding the right door number scribbled with black ink, we made it to the correct place.

Knock, Knock, Knock

Somewhere nearby a dog barked loudly at our presence and I could hear a baby crying from the inside. I felt a sense of uneasiness not knowing what to expect. Whoever was behind this door was just one of millions of people affected by the Kira Mass Murders. Who knows what kind of hell they would be living because a loved one was unjustly taken away from them.

"Coming, just give me a second." came someone from the other side.

I took a long held breath and looked down kicking my feet. It felt like we stood outside waiting forever.

"Hey don't worry," whispered Matsuda walking up to me and placing his hand under my chin, "chin up okay, no one else in the world could reach out to families of Kira's victims like you are, not even the police, you're braver than we are."

His dark eyes coloured in with fewer dark circles under them were as sincere as I'd ever seen them, these days anyway. He really felt it that we could affect positive change. A smile broke the surface of my face, and it surprised me how much his support was so comforting to me.

"Thanks Matsuda" I said unable to keep the smile off my face as I turned back to the door and buried my hands in my jacket pocket. He gave me a playful nudge with his elbow, my smile grew.

Finally a click, swoosh and a shuffle resulted in a woman opening the door. Here we go. There was no turning back now.