The Price of Heroism

When you can't sleep, the last thing you should do is toss and turn. The more you move about, the more awake your body will become. You'd be much better off just staying still and trying not to think about not being able to sleep.

Speedy knew this. He knew it and yet, every ten seconds or so, he would change his body's position on the bed. He would turn over, so that he was facing left, instead of right. He'd try changing the shape of his pillow; folding it in half, turning it vertical etc. Heck, he'd even tried sleeping upside-down, with his feet on the pillow and his head under the blanket. But nothing worked.

Finally, with a sigh, Speedy sat upright. He was just going to have to accept the fact that he wasn't going to get any sleep tonight. He rested his chin in his hand; and his elbow on his knee.

Speedy wasn't the type of person who found it hard to relax. In fact, those who knew him would say that he was usually pretty laid-back. This did not mean that he was lazy. He worked just as hard as any other Titan. He'd just always felt that; rather than letting a problem overwhelm you and possibly cause you to make a mistake; it was sometimes better to step back, take a break and then look at it again with a fresh mind. You may just spot something that you hadn't seen before.

However, there were some things that even Speedy couldn't step back from. Some things… some memories just stayed with you. And the harder you tried not to think of them, the clearer they'd appear in your mind's eye. It was one of these memories that was keeping Speedy awake at two in the morning.

"Come on, man." The masked archer mumbled to himself. "It was months ago. You gotta move on."

There had been some points where he'd thought he had. Days would go by when he didn't even think of it at all. Then suddenly, bam! There it was; back in his head.

Another sigh escaped Speedy's mouth. This must be the price of heroism. When you're in the crime-fighting business, you have to expect to see some pretty weird things. Especially with the sort of villains the Titans faced.

Sometimes it wasn't so bad. You'd see things that; although they may have seemed creepy or even disturbing at the time; you and your friends would have a good laugh about afterwards. But that? There was no laughing about that! Looking back on it, all Speedy could ever think of was the complete wrongness of it. Jeez! Physically, such a thing shouldn't even have been possible! How do you get so much… into so little… and the way it-

An involuntary shudder ran through Speedy's body, breaking his chain of thought. He shook his head and kicked the blanket off of his legs. He had to get out of the room; maybe go for a walk around the tower. Something to take his mind off of…it.

He aimlessly wandered the halls for a while, watching his feet to give him something to look at. It wasn't working. He still felt restless. Finally he decided to head for the main conference room. He could make some hot cocoa in the kitchen. Maybe that would relax him enough to allow him to get a few hours sleep.

Speedy pressed the panel next to the double doors and they slid open silently. He took a step into the room, and stopped.

Aqualad, Bumblebee, Mas and Menos were all seated around the meeting table. Each of them had a steaming mug before him or her and, from the tired looks on their faces; it was evident that they'd all been awake for quite some time.

Speedy just looked at his team mates; one foot still in the hallway. The other Titans East members, for their part, just looked back. Finally, Aqualad broke the silence,

"Control Freak in Starfire's uniform?"

Speedy remained still for a few seconds, then slowly nodded his head. Bee reached over and pulled out a chair for him, and the twins passed a ready-made mug of cocoa. The redhead nodded a 'thank you' as he sat down.

The Titans all sat in silence; each mulling over their own thoughts. Suddenly, a unanimous shudder ran through the whole team. So much so, that the table shook a little.

For the third time that night, Speedy let out a heartfelt sigh. The price of heroism was indeed a high one.