three

It's been some time since I last wrote. Of course, to you, it won't really matter because you'll get to read your letter all in one go. I have been dying to continue, Harry. I really have but after that little episode with Lily and Sirius, it felt a bit awkward to bring it out once again so soon, do you know what I mean?

The thing is, kiddo, while I was watching some- what was it again- Vellytision? Whatever. That's completely beside the point anyway. The point is, during my watching of that wretched thing, I began to think about my letter to you and it occurred to me that eventually, I'm going to have to explain myself.

After all, people don't just suddenly assume they're going to die and begin writing letters to their progeny, now, do they?

I did say a bit about it last I wrote. Remember- about the attacks? You must have thought you had a crackpot dad. If you did, I don't blame you. Mum does tell me quite often that I'm not right in the head. Yet again the downside of being a buffoon shows itself but, honestly, would I really be where I am now if I was- how should I put it… loopy? Of course not! You'll give your dad a bit of credit, won't you, Harry? Mum tells me that, if anything, I received too much glory at Hogwarts and it all went to my head. She's right, naturally. Still… I received my bit of glory for a reason, didn't I? After all, people don't just dish out their attention for free.

Well it seems I've gone slightly off course. I was about to confess. Yes, well it's rather difficult to know where to start. I suppose I should begin from the Order. You'll know about the Order, I'm sure. Mum's in it after all. So am I, at present.

Since the Order's about trying to eradicate Voldemort and his followers, you can probably imagine it isn't the safest occupation. Nor is it the easiest. That's what I meant when I was talking about attacks, Harry. They are taking place all over Britain. People are dying left and right and we- the Order- are trying to stop them. I won't go into much detail about the attacks. I think you may have enough to worry about without hearing bad news from my part. Even if it won't actually affect you.

Being so dangerous, I wouldn't be surprised if I got killed during one of the deatheaters' forays- that's just a fancy word for attacks, by the way- but I never really realized the reality of it all before my encounter with You-Know-Who himself almost a year ago.

It's really different when you read about it in the Daily Prophet or hear it from someone else. It's… unsettling then but when your there in person and you look at him and see what he is really like, there is a sense of urgency to all that you do. You think that you have to make it out alive at first and then all you think about is doing what you came to do before you die.

I was lucky then, kiddo. Very lucky at that. It plagues you- the truth of it all. It makes you aware of that ever-present possibility of your death. Scary, don't you think? You might die but you don't know when. But that is how it is with everyone. I've come to appreciate everything that I used to take for granted before. We all take life for granted. That, Harry, is sad.

What I would give to know what you're thinking at the moment, Harry. While you're reading my letter. I wish I could just hear your voice. I wish lots of things, though. I wish I could grow up with you and do everything fathers are supposed to do. I wish I could be around if you ever needed me and wanted to talk to me. If you're reading this, my wishes probably didn't come true.

Dying is a part of life, even if we don't want to die. Sacrifices are a part of life as well. We usually dote on our sacrifices, feeling sorry for ourselves and feeling that we've been wronged and what not. That only leads to anger. Sacrificed should be accepted. Everyone has to make sacrifices. You do. I do. Whether we choose to or not. I mean, for all we know, our sacrifices have meanings and they happened for a reason. Do you follow me?

Here, let me give you an example. Just think. If I hadn't died, what do you think would have happened? Things would be different, would they not? You might think they would have been better but what if one day I woke up and decided to take you and Mum out and on the way something happened. It doesn't matter what. Anything. Maybe an attack took place or maybe we had an accident and crashed the car. Anyway, suppose in this accident you died? Now that I'm dead none of this can happen. I'm not around to cause anything.

My dying may have made way for something better for you. Something that would not have been possible, were I alive. Perhaps my dying made it possible for something greater than me to happen. Something of more importance.

That's worth the sacrifice, isn't it? I think it is.

Now, you might think that I'm just theorizing here. I might be completely wrong and am on the verge of insanity. That could be true. But then I could be right too. All I'm saying is that we can't control everything that happens to us. We can control some things but not everything so instead of being mad about it and feeling sorry for ourselves we should take it in stride. What else can we do?

The only thing I can think of doing is writing this letter. It's the next best thing, the first being alive and there for you for the whole of your life. Maybe that will happen. I don't know. Who knows?

Anyway, I think I might have gotten just the slightest bit carried away with my confession. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being an overemotional lunatic, kiddo, considering you're father is one. Mum's calling me for supper now. I don't want to take this with me only to discover you were unable to read it because of a load of gravy stains. Speak to you soon, Harry.

right, well, i'm afraid this chapter doesn't agree with me. still... thank you so much for your reviews, ggyy, roniloveu and aki and tenshi. i am enternally in your debt!