Title: Family bliss – the problem with Yazoo
Author: Enide Dear
Pairing: Valenwind, featuring the Remnants
Rating: cute, but LOTS of innuendoes
Muse: Fanfic Tropes - innuendoes
**
One would have thought, Vincent mused, that of the three Remnant brothers, Yazoo would be the one easiest to deal with. After all, Kadaj could still go from vicious and insane to heartbreakingly childish in less than ten minutes if he wanted, and Loz still had some problems with things being a lot more fragile than he expected, but Yazoo….Yazoo just seemed calm and easy going.
Not so.
Vincent knew that Cid had swallowed the entire wide-eyed, innocent act and he knew he should talk to his husband about it, but damn it, it was just so funny….
"Captain Highwind, may I ask you something?" Yazoo picked daintily at his food. The entire household was gathered for dinner.
"Yeah, sure thing, kid. What is it?"
"Well, you are a fighting man, right? You've been in real fights?" The Remnant plopped a cherry tomato into his mouth thoughtfully.
"Yeah?" Cid was still stuffing himself with potatoes – it was that or see them all vanish on Loz's plate.
"I was just wondering, if a military man like you, a soldier, could you give a man a lethal blow?" He said with those huge, sweet eyes.
Kadaj made a small, strangled sound as he choked on his laughter. Loz snorted milk through his nose.
"Sneezed," he explained breathlessly as he grabbed for the napkin.
Cid gave him an odd glance, but answered Yazoo's question unfazed, apparently missing the double meaning.
"If I was forced to, I could. If it was absolutely necessary, like he was attacking me."
"If he was coming, really hard?" Vincent had to hand it to Yazoo, the Remnant didn't even blush. His brothers at the other hand were biting their lips.
"Yeah, if my life was in danger, yeah." Cid didn't seem to pick up the way the mood had suddenly turned very apprehensive.
"Do you imagine doing it face to face, or could you take a man from behind?" Yazoo was meticulously picking at a chicken bone.
At this point Kadaj had to excuse himself from the dinner and run into the bathroom. Demon-hearing revealed uncontrollable giggles coming from inside. Loz grabbed on to the table very hard and tried to breathe normally. Vincent felt his inner demons go into a sniggering fit that threatened to engulf him as well.
Cid shrugged.
"Either way I guess. But I'd prefer ta look him in the eye."
"But you could take a man from behind?"
"Yeah."
Loz did pointedly not look at Vincent, and Kadaj, who had just returned, had to excuse himself again. Vincent shook his head.
"What the hell is wrong here?" Cid scowled at the Remnants, all three of which were very red- faced from trying so hard not to laugh and clutching at the table. "Hey, if something is wrong with ya, just say so. It's my ass on the line, and I don't want a cock-up!"
Loz couldn't take it anymore; he burst out laughing so hard he accidentally slipped off the chair. Kadaj looked like he would explode from keeping calm and even Yazoo was shaking with pent up mirth. Vincent decided it was high time to intervene.
"Chief….didn't you noticed the innuendoes?"
"In –yer-endoes?"
That did it for Kadaj, he joined his brother on the floor as he fell over in helpless laughter whiles Vincent slowly explained to Cid, trying very hard not to join the Remnants in laughing till he cried. Cid's face got more and more red as he realised how he'd been played.
Finally he rose up and roared at the helplessly laughing Remnants:
"Yer're all nuts if ya think ya could jest slide in a very hard, long stretch of innuendo like that! Tryin' ta force in a messy statement that is jest hollow and slippery to grasp!"
And then Vincent couldn't take it either.
**
Next ch: Showers. Five males. One shower. Oh so much shampoo....