Fire Emblem: Revenge of the Dan

By DarthMarth

Chapter the Third-Mixed Vegetables

Nergal couldn't have been more satisfied with his new evil plot. He's ensnared the most angry spirits of the dead from all over Elibe like a carnivorous plant drawing in its meals and fashioned them into morphs with superhuman abilities powered by pure hatred, unlike the emotionless, blindly obedient morphs he'd used earlier. He paced back and forth, addressing his newest and greatest creation. "Whom do you serve?"

"You." The morph said in a low voice.

"Wrong-o!" Nergal gave the morph a quick snap of dark magic. "Whom do you serve?"

"Lord Nergal."

"Better. Why have I created you?"

"So seek revenge on those who made my life living agony."

"And...?"

"To fetch your snacks." The morph handed Nergal a bag of chips, which he immediately started wolfing down.

"Munch...chomp...mm, what will you do to accomplish this?"

"Kill them all," the morph said, a sadistic smile heard on its voice.

"And one last thing...what is my favorite color?" The morph remained silent. "Oh, I forgot to tell you. It's purple. Now...go and fulfill your mission...kill those wandering fools to stop their meddling once and for all!"

The morph raised its hooded head, revealing a face identical to the late Tactician's with gleaming yellow eyes and a pale complexion. "Gladly." It turned and walked away, then levitated off, its black cloak billowing behind it like the wings of an enormous bat. Those fools had no idea what they were in for. Soon...they would all die.

"Oh, you're all gonna die!" Wil yelled, laughing his head off as he, "Hector," Rebecca, and Heath played some kind of four-player pinball on an ingenious wooden contraption created by "Erk." "My score is, like, through the roof!"

"What roof? Tee hee hee hee!" "Hector" giggled extremely uncharacteristically at his lame joke.

"This is gonna take some getting used to," Rebecca groaned.

Meanwhile, Florina continued to struggle in her tent, attempting to lift at least one end of the Durandel.

"This is hopeless..." she sniffled, wondering how she would ever save the world if she couldn't even lift her weapon.

As if to answer her, Lyn entered the tent, looking upbeat. "Florina, I know you're worried about being the heroine of Lycia and all, but I have good news!"

"...you saved a lot of gold on your horse insurance?" Florina ventured.

"Of course not, silly! I found three people who can help train you! Come on in!"

Three more people filed into the tent as Lyn said their names.

"For helping to train your strength...Dart!" The muscle-bound Berserker walked in carrying his enormous Killer Axe. Florina flinched; the idea of working out with him was less than pleasant. Hopefully the other two people would be women.

"Next, for general physical fitness, Wallace!" The armor-covered General lumbered into the tent, taking up even more space than Dart. Florina gasped. Not only was she afraid of Wallace, but Sain, Kent, and Wil had all told horror stories about the incredibly difficult training sessions he gave. At least things couldn't get any worse...

The third person Lyn called in proved her wrong. "And for training your swordsmanship...Karel!" The psychotic Swordmaster walked in quietly, staring at Florina maniacally. She tried to hide from him behind Lyn, trembling uncontrollably.

He spoke quietly but with total authority. "Somehow, sooner or later...I will kill you." She whimpered.

"I have a good feeling about this!" Lyn said, mostly to herself.

Florina's training with Dart and Wallace was disastrous. Dart's training had consisted of having her attempt to lift increasingly light objects. She felt exhausted after doing several hundred lifts with a Steel Lance, and weaker than ever since she had watched Dart actually bench-press Wallace in full armor with his amazing 30 strength the whole time. Her session with the armor-clad General had been even worse if possible; she was so used to riding on her Pegasus that she couldn't keep up with him even when wearing several hundred pounds less of armor. Unfortunately, Wallace didn't allow her to leave until her 300 laps around the camp were complete, by which time night was beginning to fall.

"That was a great training, Florina!" Wallace called as she stumbled away, almost too tired to walk, as if she had performed perfectly. "I'll see you at 0400 hours!" She felt slightly better; 400 hours of respite would give her a week or two to recover.

Several hours later, Florina approached Karel from behind, petrified with fear and wondering when her 400-hour break would be. He stood motionless in the woods, completely unreadable. She got right up behind him and, deciding not to tap his shoulder, prepared to say something. Before she could, he whipped around in the blink of an eye and drew his sword, aiming it directly at her neck, and yelled, "I KILL YOU!" She was too frightened to do anything, so she simply fainted on the spot.

Later, Florina woke up facing Karel, who had his blade directly over her neck and a maniacal smile on his face. She fainted again.

Much later, she woke up again. Much to her relief, Karel was nowhere in sight. She slowly got to her feet and looked around. As she did Karel leapt out of the bushes, looking even crazier than before and brandishing his sword. She fainted yet again.

Florina woke up and almost fainted. Luckily, she wasn't alone with the maniac this time. Lyn was simultaneously losing an intense swordfight with and giving a stern lecture to Karel about not being so hard on her friend.

"So I was saying..." Lyn grunted as she parried a lightning-quick slash from Karel. "...she needs special treatment! She's already-" She leapt back to avoid a powerful strike. "She's already terrified of men! If you keep being a psychopath..." Lyn and Karel locked their swords and tried to push each other's out of the way. "...you'll give her a heart attack or something!"

"Your point being?" Karel went crazy with more deadly slashes.

"Stop it!" Lyn said, sidestepping. "Or I'll let Serra loose on you!" Karel immediately stopped and became more respectful.

"Very well, woman. Your little friend is safe...for now."

"That'll do," Lyn said uneasily. She walked off, turning to intercept one more of Karel's attacks.

"All right, girl," Karel said in a low voice, through his teeth. "If you disobey me, you will die. If you complain, you will die. If you do not perform to my expectations, you will die. If you grow too powerful, you will die. If you ask questions, you will die. Any questions?"

Florina, too terrified by his morbid list to speak, simply shook her head.

"Smart," he muttered. "Now...defend yourself!" He drew his sword again in an instant and attacked, putting his sword to her neck yet again; she screamed.

"What are you doing?" Lyn yelled, running back.

"Oh, of course," Karel muttered. He drew a shorter sword from a scabbard on his back and tossed it to her; she leapt back to avoid the spinning blade, then quickly picked it up from the ground.

"That's not what I meant!" Lyn said. "Stop trying to kill her! Just...give her some basic training!"

"Very well..." Karel said, anger seething from his voice. "I hate basic..."

Two hours later, Florina had made little progress. After barely being able to swing even the short sword Karel had given her, he'd reduced her to attempting to perform basic slashes with a long stick.

"Wrong. You wound up too far. Perform to my expectations next time or I will kill you."

Florina flinched and whimpered. She was so terrified of the Swordmaster that even his completely empty threat held complete power over her.

"Wrong. You did not wind up enough. Perform to my expectations next time or I will kill you."

"Wrong. Your footing is uneven. Perform to my expectations next time or I will kill you."

"Wrong. You dropped the stick and hit me in the stomach. Perform up to my expectations next time or I will kill you..."

As night fell, a dark shape momentarily crossed the moon...

Wil the resurrected Dan kill our heroes with pure rage? Is Florina completely hopeless? Will she make it out of Karel's training alive? Who is brave enough to stand up to the threat of Serra? Where do I get one of those 4-player pinball machines? And how do I save a lot of gold on my horse insurance? Am I running out of ideas for chapter ideas?Find out all this or not...next chapter!

That's the third chapter! Everyone R&R!

Wil: Haha, I pwn all y'allz at this game!

No one cares. Go away.

Wil: Are there even any weddings?

Florina: I can't do anything right...

Aw, sure you an. You can...uh...der...okay, you really can't. Good luck saving the world.

Florina: sob

Legault: Rate and review, everyone!

Hey, where'd you come from?