How To: Laugh In A Serious Situation

The next night, and Carter was asleep in her bed, her door cracked open ever so slightly. The entire day had been spent filled with research. At this point, Carter had the feeling that whatever she was missing was painstakingly obvious and that she just kept missing it. She had fallen asleep with her laptop open next to her, and headphones plugged in as she listened to a Spotify playlist on her phone.

Around one a.m., and Carter began to stir. She licked her lips and coughed. Her throat was dry. Groaning, Carter rolled off of the bed, nearly falling to the ground but she managed to steady herself. She rubbed her eyes as she shuffled into her kitchen. Yawning, she poured herself a glass of water, blinking to try and clear her vision.

And then she froze, body tense.

Breath caught in her throat, Carter slowly turned around to face her couch. The mug in her hand fell to the ground, spilling the water across her bare feet. She backed up, her hands clutching her counter.

There, staring back at her, was fucking Batman.

And that other vigilante she had noticed on the news a couple of times. But Carter was mostly focused on fucking Batman.

"Um, hi?"

Carter could kick herself. Really? Faced with a superhero who just scared the goddamn daylights out of you, and the best you can think of is 'um, hi'?

"Carter Logan."

His voice was deep and raspy and really good at scaring Carter even more. Although, since she was thinking about it, Carter came to the realization that she didn't need to be scared. Batman protected civilians like her. Like, come on. Carter wasn't a criminal. She didn't steal, or kill, or any of that other messed up that the people Batman went up against did.

Wait.

Hacking.

This made sense now.

Maybe she shouldn't have taken such an obvious job.

"Um, she's not here right now. Can I take a message?"

Carter was pretty sure the other vigilante had laughed, but was distracted by the glare she could practically feel radiating off of Batman.

"You think this is a joke? You find this funny?" he growled.

"Um, no, I just - I'm - I, uh… I use humor as a, uh, a defense mechanism, so…."

Carter was rather certain she heard Batman sigh, but decided not to focus on that.

"Um… yeah. I'm - I'm Carter. Carter Logan. That's me. Uh, why… why are you here?"

Yes. Act clueless. Good.

"You hacked into Wayne Enterprises."

Carter laughed nervously. "Uh, no. I didn't. I don't even know how to write computer code."

"I would suggest being more honest, Carter Logan. I received your messages."

Have you ever had such a sense of dread that it feels like you're sinking and that you can't breathe? Because that is exactly what Carter probably should have felt.

And yet…

Instead, as soon as Batman had finished his sentence, everything had fallen into place. She had found the final puzzle piece.

"Holy shit," she breathed. "You're Bruce Wayne."

Going off of the sudden intensity in the vigilantes' stances, Carter had a feeling that she probably shouldn't have said that.

Dick stared.

How the hell had she figured it out?

Five seconds earlier, she had seemed scared and nervous and had been a really bad liar. But when the name 'Bruce Wayne' fell from her lips, she had been absolutely certain. There was no doubt in her words. No question in her statement. She wasn't lying. She knew exactly what she was saying.

Turning towards Batman, Dick tilted his head. Only slightly so it wouldn't be obvious to someone who wasn't trained to notice any and all body language, but just enough for Batman to see.

Dick watched as Bruce shook his head. Just barely, so that Carter Logan wouldn't see it, but Dick understood. The Batman didn't want him to say a damn word.

But it was Carter Logan they were dealing with, and Dick had picked up early on that it wouldn't stay quiet for long. He just hoped that she didn't make him laugh again. The Batman hadn't exactly been pleased.

"I mean… I'm right, aren't I? Y - you said that you had 'received my messages'. I sent those to a specific IP address that I cross wired to a location at Wayne Manor. If you specifically received my messages, that means that you were at Wayne Manor. Oh god, I get it now."

"How so?" Batman pushed.

"I - I mean, that hack. It was way too clean and well done to be from some security guard at Wayne Enterprises. Hell, you made it past my first protective software. I mean, Code Guarddog stopped you, but that code can stop anyone. Unless you know how to get to the backdoor but nobody knows that but me, so that doesn't matter. Look, I know it may seem like I'm rambling, but I know I'm right."

Dick was admittedly thrown off. Seconds before Carter had been rambling and a bit awkward. But all it took was a breath of air and mention of computer code for Carter to say every word with purpose. She stood up straight, staring the Batman in the face, seemingly fearless, if it hadn't been for her biting her cheek and the drumming of her fingertips against her side.

And then Dick nearly choked on his breath.

The Batman had reached up and pulled his cowl back. Bruce sighed before saying, "You are right. Very clever Miss Logan."

"Uh, da - um… wh - wha… what?"

"Go on, Nightwing. I'm sure she'd figure it out in a matter of minutes. Why the hassle?"

Dick was in complete shock as he pulled off his mask. Which he had been asked to do. With a civilian in front of him. By Bruce. What the fuck was happening?

"I assume you know who this is?" Bruce asked, turning back towards the blonde.

Carter, in the meantime, was staring at Dick. It had taken her about five seconds to figure out just who Dick Grayson was. Or, rather, how exactly she knew him.

"Yeah," she said. "What I don't know is why you are here."

Bruce chuckled. "Yes you do. You just confessed to hacking into my home."

"Technically, you hacked me first."

"Why did you hack into my company, Miss Logan?"

Carter sighed, peeling away from the counter. "Give me a second," she said, disappearing down the hall. "I'll show you."

Dick didn't bother to wait before turning onto his father. "Bruce. What the fuck?"

"She had it figured out, Dick. Why try and keep the lie alive? Besides. I have the feeling that being candor will benefit us more than if we weren't."

Carter reappeared, now clutching her laptop. She slipped between the vigilantes, taking a seat on her couch. She opened it, beginning to type. Dick moved behind her, watching carefully… just in case.

"I'm a hacker," Carter said. "I'm pretty damn sure you've already picked up on that. I've been doing it for years. When I was eighteen, I decided to put it to use. People began to hire me to hack for them. Or really just do anything computer related. I've made websites, I've created security systems like Guarddog. My laptop even has it's own software. That what's most of my jobs are. Easy stuff. I like to say that I'm a 'freelance IT girl'.

"But, every now and then, someone will want me to do something like the Wayne Enterprises Job. I've helped people disappear, I've helped give people new identities. Stuff that, I will say, isn't exactly legal. But, again, I'm good at what I do. I research every job I'm given. I question my employer and make sure that there's nothing fucked up about the situation I'm getting myself into.

"Then there was the Wayne Enterprise Job. I'll admit that I don't know who asked me to do the job. I didn't really see the point in taking an entire day to track them down when all they wanted was for me to use a flashdrive, that they mailed to me, to send a message. I looked through it first of course. All it was was an encrypted file that would spread through the company's computers. There wasn't a virus or anything like that on it, so I didn't see why I shouldn't do it. The one thing I wasn't exactly thrilled about was the fact that they wanted the hack to be noticeable. Not exactly like me. That's why I entered the building. That's why I used the flashdrive. I could have done what they wanted from right here, and had never been caught. But even then. That hack… I covered my tracks. I was careful.

"Then again, I didn't really expect Batman to be the one hunting me down."

"Why do it?" Dick asked. "You had to have known the risk. So… why?"

Carter looked up at him, smiling a bit. "I needed the challenge. Everything else has gotten boring. Here's the email, by the way."

Bruce and Dick both leant forward, scanning the words on the screen. Whoever had sent the email had been very careful to use objective language. Everything revolved around the job. Carter's name never even appeared in the email. It was systematic and cold.

"Would you be able to track them down?" Bruce asked.

"Yeah, definitely. It shouldn't take me that long. And if for some strange reason I can't find them, I could find out where they are."

"Good," Bruce said, pulling his cowl back on. "Do so."

"Wait, what?"

"Track them down. Then contact me once you've found them. I'm sure that shouldn't be a problem for you."

"Of course not, don't be offensive. However, still somewhat lost. You. You want me to hack. For you."

"Yes."

"Um… I probably shouldn't bring this back up, but… I mean, hacking is like… against the law. And like, that's kind of like, the exact opposite… of what I would expect from you. Because you're, you know, 'The Batman.'"

"Sometimes you have to do something against the rules in order to help better the world. And I'm sure you wouldn't want to screw up this second chance. I doubt we'd get along as well if I discovered that you were doing some that you'd expect me to not approve of."

Carter stared as the vigilante disappeared into the night. "The window. Really? The window. Why the window? There's a door. I'm sure none of the neighbors would question Batman just casually leaving my apartment in the middle of the night. Who the fuck am I kidding? None of the neighbors are awake, and would be too lazy to care."

Dick snorted.

"Oh god!" Carter's laptop nearly fell from it's resting place on her legs. "You're still here?!"

"Indeed I am," Dick said. He sat on the coffee table in front of Carter, smiling at her. She was sitting there, legs crossed and hair still a mess from recently waking up. Her fingers were drumming against the laptop as looked at him.

"So… he just does that?"

"Gotta be a bit more specific. Because the revealing the whole 'secret identity' thing is a new one."

"I was going with the whole 'leaving out the window' thing, but good to know I'm special."

"Definitely."

Silence fell between the two, shockingly comfortable for a vigilante and the civilian whose house he had technically broken into.

"I have a question," Dick said suddenly. Carter looked up at him. "Why the laptop?"

"What do you mean?"

"It's so old."

"It's a classic!"

Dick laughed, half in astonishment and half at what she said. The laptop in question was old and clunky. It wasn't exactly ancient, but Dick had a feeling it was pretty close. And from what he could see, a few keys were missing.

"Alright. Well. I'll leave you be, Carter Logan. Sleep well."

By the time Carter responded, Dick was already out on the fire escape, mask back in place as he waited to see if she said anything. "Oh! Uh, um, you too..."

"And, just so you know, you are a terrible liar."

"Wh - hey!"

"Wh - hey!"

Carter stared a bit, before laughing slightly at the vigilante.

Carter wasn't exactly sure what just happened. In less than an hour, she had discovered the biggest secret in Gotham, met the cute guy from the day before once again, and was somehow recruited to hack for Batman.

Because that made sense.

Carter blinked and rubbed her eyes. She placed the laptop on the coffee table, going to clean up the water she had spilled. Wringing the rag out over the sink, Carter wondered to herself.

Could I get away with telling Evangeline?

Evangeline Roux and Carter Logan had been best friends since elementary school. It had been the typical story of one person getting into a fight and the other saving their ass. Well. Kind of.

Carter had gotten into a fight with bully of the playground, Eddie Shaw. It had been verbal at first because Eddie had been making fun of her clothes. Carter had decided to take it a step forward. She had punched him in the face.

Evangeline had seen and, being the curious girl that she was, had rushed over to her. Eddie had shoved Carter to the ground, and Evangeline was quick to help her up. And then Eddie had decided that it would be a good idea to make fun of the rich girl of the school. So, flipping her long, brown hair over her shoulder, Evangeline had kicked the school bully where the sun doesn't shine.

It was one of Carter's more favored memories.

Ever since that day, and the detention following it, Carter and Evangeline had been best friends. They knew everything there was to know about each other, and they never kept secrets. The other would find out eventually, so there was really no point in doing so. This time, however….

This time, Carter had a feeling that the Batman wouldn't be exactly pleased to find that Carter had told her best friend just what had happened that night.

Carter yawned, running a hand through her hair.

She'd think about this tomorrow.