October 2004

"Come on, Cosima, we're going to be late."

The brunette looked into the mirror, applying her eyeliner. "Hold on, just a sec."

Delphine came out of the bathroom, her hair done up, pulled nicely behind her head, her makeup perfect, as she stood in a little black dress.

Cosima eyed her and felt her heart start to pound out of her chest. She looked gorgeous. Her neck was exposed, and Cosima couldn't help but let her eyes drift downward toward her collarbones, sending a jolt through her body.

"You ready?" Delphine asked, startling Cosima.

"Uh, yeah, yeah," she responded, catching her breath and shaking the thoughts from her mind.

"Ok, good, Paul is waiting."

Cosima turned and rolled her eyes, making sure Delphine couldn't see. She still couldn't get over the fact that Delphine took him back after what had happened. He had pulled some grand romantic gesture, showing up with flowers and begging Delphine to take him back. It made Cosima sick. As far as she knew, he hadn't pressured her to have sex since that night, but Cosima didn't trust him. Delphine seemed happy, so Cosima tried to let it go, even though she couldn't completely ignore the gnawing jealousy she felt whenever he touched her.

Cosima nodded to Delphine, heading for the door. "Yeah, yeah, Scott is waiting for me, too," she laughed. He totally had a crush on her and she had agreed to go to the dance with him, making it extremely clear that they were going as friends. She had come out to him soon after she told Delphine, and by now, half the school knew. She hadn't exactly planned for everyone to know, but it got out when she heard Ferdinand call Shay a dyke in the lunch line. Cosima had stepped in, and he proceeded to call her a dyke as well. She responded, saying he was just jealous because he knew both of them would never be interested in a guy like him.

She had felt pretty proud of herself (for standing up for herself, but also because Ferdinand was the biggest asshole in the school), and Shay had smiled at her in a way she wasn't expecting.

They arrived at the dance and immediately, Delphine was pulled away by Paul. Cosima sighed, looking around. She turned and saw Scott's familiar goofy grin.

"Hey there, Scotty," she said, rather unenthusiastically.

"Hi, Cosima, w...wow, you look, um, wow," he stuttered.

Cosima waved her hand. "Yeah, yeah, come on, let's get some punch."

They ended up dancing and laughing as Cosima watched Delphine move next to Paul out of the corner of her eye. As the music turned to a slow song, Scott moved in toward her and she shook her head. "Uh uh, Scotty, sorry," she told him and he pouted.

Just as she was about to move off the dance floor, she felt a tap on her shoulder, turning to see Shay right behind her, looking at her nervously. "H...hey," the petite blonde said.

"Oh, hey," Cosima replied, looking at her curiously.

"I was just wondering if you'd want to dance," Shay asked.

"Oh, um," Cosima started. Did she want to dance with Shay? She hadn't really thought about Shay in that way. She saw Delphine out of the corner of her eye, Paul's body pressed against hers. Cosima felt a wave of anger and jealousy bubble up and she turned back to Shay. "Sure, why not?" She grabbed the blonde into her arms as she tried to catch Delphine's eye. She thought maybe, just maybe, it would make the taller woman jealous. She knew it was stupid and she didn't like her in that way, but she wasn't thinking rationally at the time.

Shay smiled up at her, placing her arms around Cosima as the brunette held her at her waist. Cosima moved them closer to Delphine and Paul, and when she knew Delphine was looking, she leaned in closer to Shay, pressing her body against hers.

She had never been so close to a woman before. Even though she had never thought about Shay in that way, she found her body responding to the touch. Her breath hitched as she pulled Shay's hips closer, swaying them gently.

Shay looked up at her, smiling. "I...um...you're really cute," she told Cosima.

Cosima looked into Shay's eyes, extremely nervous all of a sudden. "Um...thanks...uh…" she mumbled as she searched for what to say. She had never been in this situation before. It had always been theoretical. She never thought about what she would do in a situation where a girl actually liked her. "You're...uh...cute, too."

Shay grinned and moved her face closer. "I've really wanted to kiss you for a while," she whispered, moving her hand to the back of Cosima's neck.

Cosima inhaled a shaky breath, thinking her heart might pound right out of her chest. This was it. Her chance to kiss a girl for the first time. She wasn't about to pass it up. She leaned in, letting her body do the talking, and pressed her lips to Shay's.

The feeling was...interesting. She caught Delphine's eye right before she had leaned in, and she closed her eyes, picturing that she was kissing Delphine instead. She felt a shiver run through her body as Shay pulled her even tighter. Shay opened her lips and Cosima mirrored her, all of a sudden feeling Shay's tongue hit hers. She gasped, pulling tighter, kissing deeper, before she pulled back, trying to catch her breath.

Delphine watched as Cosima kissed Shay and she felt something she was not expecting. Paul grinded up against her, pulling her closer and she responded, but couldn't help but feel a twinge of something in her chest. She wasn't quite sure what it was but it felt a little like anger and sadness. She shook her head, confused as to why she would be feeling that. Her best friend was having her first kiss. She should be happy for her. She was happy for her. She smiled outwardly, and Paul took that as an invitation to kiss her, his tongue immediately shoved into her mouth. She let him, as usual, and pulled him in closer, trying to erase the sight of Cosima and Shay's bodies pressed against each other.

February 2005

"Cos?"

"Yeah, Del?" Cosima sat up in her bed, her heart still pounding from her phone startling her. "What time is it? Are you okay?" she said into the phone.

"Sorry, sorry, I just...I needed to talk to you...it's late...I'm sorry," Delphine stumbled.

"No, no, it's ok," Cosima told her, pulling herself back to lean up against the headboard. "Is everything okay?"

Delphine sat on the edge of her own bed, Paul having just left. She had so many feelings running through her, not sure where to start, but wanting to talk to someone about them.

"I...um...Paul and I...we…" she trailed off.

"Oh," Cosima replied, knowing what she was going to say and feeling a sinking feeling in her stomach when she thought about him touching her in that way.

"Sorry, I just needed to tell you," Delphine said, not exactly sure why. "You know, we tell each other everything."

"Totally, wow, Delphine, um, are you ok? Was it ok?" the brunette asked, her heart fluttering nervously.

"It was...I don't know...it was fast...like, I feel like I barely knew what was happening," she explained, "Not exactly how I expected it would be. He was sweet though."

"Yeah, totally, I hear you," Cosima responded. "About the unexpected part."

"Wait, have you...you never told me," Delphine replied, feeling a tinge of sadness in her chest that Cosima would've kept something like that from her.

"Oh, um, yeah, I mean, Shay and I have been together for months now...I thought you'd just assume," she muttered.

"Oh, no, I...um, never thought," Delphine answered, "I thought you would've told me."

"Oh, I'm sorry, it's just, you're always busy with Paul, I didn't really want to bother you or anything," she told her. "Are you mad?"

Delphine sighed, confused by all the feelings she had running through her. She had just had sex for the first time, with a guy she claimed to love, and it was good. She thought it was good, but she had nothing to compare it to. Hearing Cosima tell her she's had sex with Shay was not something she had thought about, and she felt a strange possessiveness come over her at the idea of Cosima being with the girl. She shrugged it off, knowing she should be happy for her best friend.

"No, no, Cosima, I'm not mad. That is wonderful," she said, pushing down the feelings she couldn't quite make sense of.

"Del, you alright? I'm sorry, but I'm so tired. Can we talk more tomorrow?" Cosima asked.

"Yes, of course," Delphine answered. "Thank you, for being there."

"Yeah, totally, no problem," Cosima replied.

"I love you."

"Love you too, Del."

Cosima flopped back onto her bed, feeling tears come to her eyes. It was so stupid. Why did she feel this way? She had a girlfriend now. A girlfriend who she liked a lot. She couldn't get the image of Paul touching Delphine out of her mind. He didn't deserve her. He was just some stupid jock. She deserved someone as smart as she was, as passionate about life as she was, someone...someone like her. Cosima rolled over, her tears flowing down her cheeks as she buried the thought, knowing Delphine could never, would never, feel that way about her.

August 2005

Cosima lounged in her favorite armchair, her legs swung over the side, her head buried in a book when her phone buzzed.

Can you come over?

She looked at the text from Delphine and responded.

Sure, what's up?

I just need you right now.

Cosima was out the door before Delphine could say anything else. Her heart pounded out of her chest. She drove to Delphine's house, ringing her doorbell to find her mother standing there. She said hello and Mrs. Cormier pointed Cosima up to Delphine's room, where the blonde had apparently been since she came home a few hours earlier.

Cosima ran up the stairs, knocking on Delphine's door.

"Hey, Del, it's me," she said.

She heard the clicking of the lock and the door swung open.

Delphine looked like a complete mess. Her eyes were red and watery, tears streaming down her face, her curly hair tangled in a sloppy mess on top of her head. She flopped back on the bed immediately after opening the door, curling up in a ball.

Cosima walked in and shut the door, her face painted in worry. She sat on the edge of the bed. "Del? Holy shit, what happened?"

Delphine let out a sob before answering. "He broke up with me," she cried, her body shaking.

Cosima felt her heart break at the sight of Delphine so upset. "Oh, hey, I'm so sorry," she whispered. She climbed into the bed behind the blonde, spooning her and wrapping her arm around her body.

Delphine grabbed her hand immediately and held it to her chest, crying even harder. "He's such a jerk. He told me he loved me but then he said he didn't want to be together when he left for college."

"Ugh, he doesn't know what he had, Del. He doesn't deserve you," Cosima told her, squeezing her tightly. Her body was buzzing from being this close to her best friend and she shook her head, thinking about the fact that this was the most inappropriate time to be thinking those thoughts about the blonde.

"Cosima…" Delphine sniffled, turning in the embrace to face the brunette, burying her face into her neck.

Cosima rubbed her back gently. "You're going to be okay," she soothed, "I know it hurts right now, but it will get better. I'm here for you."

Delphine nodded into Cosima's skin, her tears drenching the brunette's shirt. She grasped at Cosima's sides, pulling her closer and Cosima hoped she couldn't feel her heart pounding out of her chest.

November 2005

"Cosima? What's wrong?

Cosima stormed past Delphine, rushing into her house and running up to her room.

"Cosima!" the blonde called out, running after her, getting to Cosima's room to find her pacing the floor angrily.

"That fucking bitch. She's such a fucking bitch!" Cosima yelled, hitting the top of her desk with her flat palm.

"Whoa, Cosima, calm down, please, slow down," Delphine attempted, but Cosima was not listening.

"How could she do this? God, I fucking hate her," the brunette continued as she opened the desk drawer hastily, pulling out a stack of papers and ripping them up.

"Hey, what's going on? Tell me what happened," Delphine said, "Those are from Shay. What are you doing?"

"I don't care. I hate her. I hate her," Cosima repeated, continuing to tear up the letters and throw them in the trash as tears started to flow down her cheeks.

Delphine ran over and threw her arms around her best friend, gripping her tightly. "Come on, calm down. Come sit down. It's ok, it's ok," she soothed, still not quite sure what had happened, but Cosima was in pain. That much was clear and Delphine would do anything to ease it.

Cosima allowed Delphine to sit her down on the bed as she sobbed into her shoulder. The blonde let her hands run over Cosima's back as she held her close. "It's ok. Tell me what happened," she whispered.

Cosima backed away, wiping her tears with her fingers. "She fucking cheated. She's been sleeping with that girl who works at the movie theater. For months. Fucking months," she cried.

Delphine shook her head. "What a bitch is right," she agreed.

Cosima sniffled and let a small chuckle come through. "Fuck her," she said.

Delphine put her hands on both sides of Cosima's face, wanting nothing more than to hold her close and make all of her pain go away. "Hey," she replied, looking into Cosima's eyes, "You don't need her. We've got each other. This is our senior year and we don't need anyone else."

Cosima nodded. "She's still a bitch," she stated.

Delphine laughed. "Yes, we've established this. What did you say to me when Paul broke up with me? He didn't deserve me. Well, she doesn't deserve you. You're so smart and beautiful and if she didn't see that, she is a fucking idiot."

"Delphine! Such language!" Cosima teased, giving her a small smile. "You must be serious if you're pulling out those words."

"I am fucking serious," Delphine half-joked. "We're going to have a great senior year, together. Okay?"

"Okay," Cosima whispered, feeling that her heartache was lessened greatly by the gorgeous blonde in front of her. She pulled her into a tight hug. "You're the fucking best," she whispered.

"Language, Cosima!"

January 2006

"Come on, it's your turn, Delphine!" Felix called out.

Delphine didn't know how she ended up playing spin the bottle at a party, but she was starting to regret it. She was not in the mood to have to kiss a stranger, let alone have them potentially shove their tongue down her throat in their drunken stupor. She reluctantly leaned forward, grasping the bottle in her hand and spinning it. It made a few rotations before it landed.

Delphine looked up to where the bottle was pointing and her eyes met her best friend.

"Spin again, you got a girl," Scott stated.

"So?" Felix butted in, "Cosima's gay, so who says it has to be someone of the opposite sex? I for one, would love to see these two go at it."

Delphine felt her face flush and she hoped Cosima couldn't see. The brunette was staring at her from across the circle, half-smiling, half looking terrified.

"Alright, I guess," Scott conceded. "It's you two. Rules are rules. Come on, kiss."

Delphine stood up, her heart suddenly pounding. Why was she so nervous to kiss Cosima? It was just a kiss. She was her best friend. What did it matter?

Cosima arose and met her in the middle of the circle.

"Guess we gotta do this, Cormier," she joked, feeling that her own palms were sweaty and trying to hide the fact that she was practically shaking.

Cosima moved in closer, having to stand on her toes to reach the blonde. She pressed her lips to her best friend's and her hands instinctively went to her hips. As soon as they touched, she grasped Delphine's sides tightly, pulling her in toward her, unable to control the rush flowing through her. She felt the electricity down to her toes.

Delphine couldn't believe how soft and warm Cosima's lips were. The moment they connected, she felt something she had not expected. Cosima was pulling her closer and it felt good...really good. This was not the kind of kiss you were supposed to have during this game. It felt like it lasted forever, though it must've only been a few seconds.

When she opened her eyes again, Delphine's gaze met the brunette's and she could barely hear the hooting and hollering from the guys in the room. Cosima was looking at her with something she couldn't quite place, and it scared her.

Delphine broke the eye contact and looked down at the floor, suddenly nervous as she moved for the door. "I have to go," she said quietly as she ran out.

Cosima went to say something but the blonde was out the door before she could. "Shit," she said out loud and ran after her.

"Del!" she shouted as she found her walking quickly down the sidewalk.

Delphine kept walking. She didn't want to turn around. She was scared, angry at herself, confused at what she was feeling, and not ready at all to face Cosima again.

Cosima saw that she wasn't stopping and ran after her, grabbing her arm. "Delphine," she stated, firmly.

Delphine finally stopped, turning around to meet Cosima's eyes.

"Hey, are you okay?" Cosima asked.

"Yes, yes, I'm fine," Delphine answered, flatly.

"You don't seem fine," Cosima accused, "You ran out of there. Del, I know you. Look, if this is about the kiss, I...it was just a stupid game. I didn't mean…" She didn't know what she meant. She had felt something amazing when she kissed Delphine, something she knew she would feel, something she had wanted to feel but was too scared to. But Delphine didn't want the same thing. She knew that. She had to make it clear that it was a silly mistake. She couldn't lose Delphine now.

Delphine shook her head. "It...it's okay...I...I...I don't know, Cosima," she stumbled. She didn't know what was happening in her brain. She felt sick to her stomach when she thought about what she had felt during that kiss. Cosima was her best friend, and a woman. She wasn't interested in women. She had no problem with Cosima being gay, but it was not something she had ever thought about, had ever even entertained. She did not want to be gay. The thought terrified her. Her parents would never accept her. They were way too traditional, and had instilled those traditional values in her, for herself, for her life.

"Hey, let's just forget about it, okay?" Cosima soothed. "Like I said, just a silly game. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I didn't mean to do that." She was looking at Delphine, pleading with her eyes, hoping she wouldn't shut her out. Cosima's heart was aching inside her chest, but she had to push past it, for Delphine.

Delphine took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves. "You are right. Just a silly game," she agreed.

Cosima gave her a half smile. "We good? Because I don't want anything to ruin our friendship, Del," she told her.

"Of course, Cosima, we are fine. You could never do anything to ruin this," Delphine assured.

Sure, Cosima thought, she could never do anything to ruin it, except maybe tell her straight best friend that she was absolutely in love with her.

Cosima exhaled deeply and linked her arm with Delphine's. "Let me walk you home?"

Delphine nodded and hoped Cosima couldn't feel how shaky she was.