Chapter 3- The Beginning

"So your most recent scans have told us that your tumor is over 5cm which means we would like to start you on neoadjuvant chemotherapy to shrink the tumor before we perform your double-mastectomy. Then we will give you radiation followed by more chemotherapy to get rid of any residual cancer cells. This will reduce the odds of reoccurrence and make sure no cancerous cells are left behind"

Donna just sat there. All the things the doctor was saying felt like a weight being put on her. The treatment seemed so aggressive and rigorous. A sign that Donna knew was bad as it meant that her cancer had progressed quite a lot. She knew that this would be tough but now she had been told about her treatment it seemed all too real. The only thing keeping her grounded right now was that Harvey's hand was gripping her hand tight. It distracted her so her brain didn't keep skipping to worse case scenarios all the time. She hadn't even got around to telling everyone yet; it was all happening way to fast. How could she cope? It seemed she would be fighting a never ending battle.

"Okay so when will the chemotherapy start then?" she was expecting an answer of at least two weeks. Hospitals always took time getting around to things right. She could take a few days to decide how to tell everyone and then prepare them as well as herself for the treatments that followed. She assumed she had at least a few weeks. She was wrong.

"Well we want to start the chemotherapy as soon as possible so your cancer does not progress any further and so we can start the surgery sooner rather than later so we will want to start within the next few days"

"Oh, okay that's um… um… quick" She was sure she would have more time. She was Donna she was always right.

"Donna, this is good it means that you can start getting better" Harvey tried to reassure her

"I know it's just still haven't told everyone and I just thought I would have more time that's all"

"I know this is very scary Miss Paulsen but it is important we get started with treatment as soon as possible and so I think it is necessary to see you in a few days to start chemotherapy right away"

"Yeh I know, I guess I'll see you soon… I have to go now." Donna mumbled "I don't have time" Donna stood and collected her bag from under her chair and left rather frantically. By the time Harvey had stood Donna was already out the room. Harvey gave the doctor a small smile and thanked him before he quickened his pace to catch up to Donna. She was not okay he could tell and it broke his heart.

"Hey" he held her arm to stop her from walking off "slow down" he said as she mumbled something about having to go tell Rachel. "Donna just take a minute" Harvey held both of her shoulders so that she could focus on him. She concentrated on her breathing for a minute before resting her head on his chest. His heartbeat always calmed her down so they stood for a few minutes.

"I'm okay" Donna whispered "I'm good now"

"Okay" Harvey replied.

"I think I need to tell everyone today" Donna said much more calmly and rationally this time.

"Okay" Harvey repeated

"Will you help me…? Please"

"Of course I will, do you want to go tell Rachel first while I'll tell Mike and then we will both tell Jessica and Lewis together"

"And Gretchen" Donna added "we should tell Gretchen too"

"Okay let's go to the office then"

30 minutes later Harvey and Donna arrived at the office and Donna immediately left to go to Rachel's office. She stood by the door for a moment preparing herself for the conversation she was about to have with her best friend. She knocked much more gently than she usually would which was something Rachel didn't pick up on but Donna couldn't help but think Harvey would have noticed. He was becoming much more aware of Donna's movements, observing her actions and analysing them much more closely.

"Hey Rach do you have a second"

"Yeh sure hang on one second" Rachel put down the coffee she had been drinking and moved some files to the side of her desk "what can I help you with?"

"Well there is something I need to tell you and you have to promise me you won't break down on me because you're going to want to and I need you to not. Okay?"

Oh no something is wrong Rachel thought immediately "Okay Donna what is it? Talk to me" She had never seen Donna this worked up before. Not even when the whole Liberty Rail incident blew up in her face.

"Okay" here we go. Donna had thought about how to tell Rachel. She couldn't just blurt it out like she did with Harvey. She recalled that not going to well, something about a panic attack in the ladies toilets. This time she would build up to it and hey maybe if she led Rachel right to it she wouldn't even have to say it.

"Recently I went to the doctor I was worried that I might be sick. I was in the shower one morning and I felt something. A kind of lump on the breast. I was suspicious that it could be something bad…"

Rachel knew exactly where this was going now. Donna was struggling to say it but she knew by her facial expression that she had it. She had cancer. Rachel didn't know what to say so Donna continued

"Anyway a few days later I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer"

"Donna" Donna was starting to well up. Rachel had to do something she couldn't bear to see her in such a state. "I'm so sorry" she whispered. Rachel got up from her desk and wrapped her arm around Donna's shoulder as Donna remained seated. Donna had been acting strange but for the last few days but Rachel was too busy to even ask her about it. She assumed it was nothing when Donna never spoke to her about it. How could she have missed this, Donna was going through the worse time of her life and she was too busy being happy with Mike to even notice it.

Slowly Rachel returned to her seat "How long have you known?"

"Not too long a couple of weeks maybe" Donna was really hoping that this wouldn't be a problem but something told her that Rachel was going to be annoyed that she didn't tell her

"I'm so sorry Donna, I haven't been available recently and I should have been there for you. Mike got out and I was just so caught up in that that I didn't realize you needed me" Rachel had always prided herself on being there for her friends but now she had failed Donna when she needed her the most. She was never around to talk to, no wonder Donna didn't come to her sooner.

"No I'm sorry Rach, I should have told you sooner. You've been through so much recently and you have been so strong I thought that by not telling you could give you a break. I think we all needed a break"

"Donna you have nothing to apologize for and I am so sorry you are going through this but just know no matter how much I have been through I always want to be there for you. This isn't about me it's about you and you needed me and I will always be there for you" Rachel held her hand for a second but didn't continue. It was like she didn't know what to say. She had a million questions but none of them seemed appropriate to ask right now.

"Thank you Rachel, you really are the best" Donna smiled a single tear rolling down her face as she held the hand of her best friend

"Is it okay if I ask a few questions, I understand if you are not up for it" To tread lightly was probably the best thing for Donna. Rachel didn't want to push her if she was not ready to talk.

"It's fine, what do you want to know. I warn you though I am still wrapping my head around the whole thing"

Rachel smiled but it was underlined with pity, something Donna had not wanted, although right now it was appropriate "Does anyone else know"

"Just Harvey" Donna knew that it might hurt Rachel that she had told Harvey but she was also hopeful that she would understand "and he is telling Mike for me now"

"Okay that's good; no one should do any of this alone. It's good that he knew"

"Yeh I think it was good and I'm really glad you know too I should have told you sooner"

"Why did you tell me now" Rachel was curious, was it all getting too much or was something about to happen

"Truthfully?" Donna paused for a moment. It sounded awful but the reason she was telling her now was because she was starting treatments in a few days so it would be kind of hard to miss in a couple of days "The doctor told me today that I need to start treatment as soon as possible and I thought that would have more time to wrap my head around it but it turns out I don't so I wanted to tell you before you found out any other way"

This stung Rachel. The only reason she was finding out was because Donna kind of had to tell her. She wondered if she hadn't got the news today if she would still be kept in the dark. She would never tell Donna this but it hurt her a little "So you are starting treatments, so that's good right. Now you will start getting better?"

"That's the idea, although I think it might be a very long road. I have a while to go." Somehow talking it through with Rachel, although is exhausting, actually helped Donna's brain to process it all. She hadn't really talked it through with anyone she was close with. Of course the Doctor had gone through everything and Harvey helped but Harvey was never much of a talker.

Meanwhile Harvey had called Mike into his office to break the news. He poured himself and Mike two generous glasses of scotch and sat down on his couch. This let Mike new that Harvey was going to talk about something that had nothing to do with work. Last time they talked like this was after Harvey had a panic attack and if he was not careful he might have another one.

"What's up Harvey?" Mike was still standing holding a few files. He had been very busy that day so just wanted to get back to work at this point, he wasn't fully comprehending what Harvey was about to do.

"Mike sit down I need to tell you something" Slowly Mike placed his files on the coffee table and proceeded to take a seat next to Harvey. Harvey picked up Mikes scotch and held it in front of him so that he could take a sip. Alcohol always made these types of conversations just that little bit more bearable for Harvey but this one was going to be hard no matter what they drank.

"Harvey what's going on?" A creased formed between Mikes eye brows as confusion spread across his whole face.

"Donna has breast cancer" Harvey had opted for a much more blunt approach than Donna. Harvey was always a straight talker he hated when people dodged around something. He felt it was way better to just spit it out so that everyone knows where they stand.

"WHAT" Mike almost screamed. He had always been a fan of the over dramatics "she's going to be okay though right?" Mike begged

"I don't know" whispered Harvey as he took another sip of his scotch and lowered his head between his legs "I really don't know" he was a broken man and Mike could see that as clear as day.

"Harvey are you okay?" Mike knew that Harvey loved her, even before he realised it himself, so he knew how hard this type of news would hit Harvey.

"I'm not the one with cancer Mike"

"I know" Mike picked up Harvey's scotch bottle and filled up his now empty glass for him "but I'm asking you anyway"

"I just need her to be okay and then I will be okay too" Harvey downed the scotch and stood up "now don't you have work to do"

Typical, Harvey doesn't want to talk about his emotions. That was okay though because if Harvey was telling him then Donna must be telling Rachel so he didn't need to gather all the details. He also knew if Harvey didn't want to talk it was useless trying to push him to. Harvey had to be the one who initiated things otherwise all you do is push him over the edge. Mike picked up the files he had entered the room with and decided to give Harvey some space. He was just starting out the window and when Harvey did that he needed to be alone (or be with Donna) neither of which required Mike.

Of course Mike had just had a bombshell dropped on him. He wasn't just going to forget it and start reading through meaningless papers again. How could be possibly work? When he reached the office of his finance he saw the familiar red head there too. Obviously Donna and Rachel were going into much more detail than Harvey and Mike had. Typical. Mike knocked quietly; he didn't want to be too intrusive.

"Mike" Rachel stated as she saw him stand in her door way. Rachel had been asking question after question trying to find out all the details but she knew Donna was starting to struggle with some of the answers. This made Mikes interruption a perfect way for Donna to leave and Rachel to stop with all the questions. Therefore it was welcomed by both.

"I can come back later if you two need some more time" all he really wanted to do was talk to Rachel so that his head didn't explode with this devastating news.

"no its fine, I actually need to go sort out some stuff" Donna rose from her seat and went to go stand by Mike at the door "We'll talk more later" Donna smiled a little at Rachel who mimicked the same half-hearted smile back. As she left Mike placed a comforting hand on her shoulder which slid of as she continued to walk away.

This day had turned out to be much more emotional than Donna had expected. But at least now Mike and Rachel knew she felt a little better. She decided to go see Harvey. See how Mike took it, he seemed okay when he appeared at the door so she assumed he didn't completely freak out but this was not easy news hear.

"Harvey" Donna caught Harvey's attention immediately when his head turned from the New York skyline so quickly she thought it was quite possible he could have some neck damage.

"Donna" Harvey responded. Both had water filled eyes but neither of them let themselves cry.

Harvey walked over to where Donna stood, pulling her into a tight hug like he never wanted to let go. Donna let herself fall into Harvey's strong arms. It felt so natural and comforting to be in his arms like this.

"We still need to tell Louis, Jessica and Gretchen" She was exhausted but she knew if she didn't do it now then she never would. She needed to rip off the band aid as her mother would say.

"I know" Harvey replied. He wanted to do this now even less than she did but he also knew it was something they needed to do. If not now when? "Do you want me to tell them all to come to Jessica's office and we can tell them together and get it over with"

"Yeh I think that would be easier but Harvey can you just wait a couple of hours I need a break to just not think" Donna was still gripping on to Harvey's waist so tight it was surprising he could still breath.

"Of course, I'll set it up for 5:00" It's amazing how Harvey even managed to turn this into a business arrangement. He was so used to meeting clients and setting up depositions that he had started to make this into one. I suppose it was his way of dealing with it all and Donna didn't mind. In fact it was kind of endearing that he didn't even realise he was doing it.

"Donna you okay" Rachel had only just got back to work when Donna appeared at her door once more.

"Well I have had a tough day and I think I am in need of some retail therapy. What do you say to you, me and Harvey's credit card taking a trip down to Barneys?"

"I say give me a second to grab my bag" Rachel's work load wasn't too heavy at the moment and she knew her friend could really do with some retail therapy. God she could really do with some retail therapy.

Just a couple of hours later, in which Donna managed to purchase two designer bags, a new set of earrings and stunning dress (which was extremely impressive even for a confessed shopaholic), Donna and Rachel returned to the office. Donna had barely thought about what she was going to say to Jessica, Louis and Gretchen. She had been far too busy admiring the new season line at Barneys but as she sat back at her desk it hit her. She was going to tell them soon then everyone would know. It doesn't get any easier with each person she told she thought to herself. This was the third (fourth if you count the over emotional phone call to her parents) time she was having to say it and she was dreading every second. But at least after this everyone will know.

"So what are we doing here Harvey" Jessica was a busy woman and it was not often she was summoned to her own office by one of her partners.

Harvey looked over to Donna. "Actually I wanted to speak to you" Donna interrupted before Harvey could reply. Perfect timing for her entrance as per usual.

"Oh well take it way" Jessica sat down on her couch and crossed her left leg over her right. After seeing Donna a week ago in the toilets she knew something was wrong so decided that maybe it would be better to sit down when receiving whatever news she had. It had bugged her that she couldn't figure it out but this was Donna, she would tell when she wanted.

"So… I just wanted to tell you something and I want you not to worry" Donna was downplaying it a little but only Harvey, Rachel and Mike needed to know the whole truth. With Jessica, Lewis and Gretchen she felt it couldn't hurt to be a little more optimistic about it all.

"What is it Donna, you can tell us" Louis as usual couldn't wait for her to finish Harvey thought although Donna didn't seem to mind the interruption. It gave her time to think.

"I have been diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer, the doctors say that it is treatable and the odds are pretty good so I don't want you to worry but thought you all should know" Donna paused for a second waiting for a response but everyone just looked at her like she was supposed to carry on. She turned to face Jessica "and don't worry I will still work I might just need a few sick days if that is okay"

"Take as long as you need Donna, just take the time to get better we will work something out" Jessica kind of felt guilty that Donna had even thought about that in the moment. It was not necessary but Jessica knew that Donna was a very professional woman so was not in the least bit surprised that this is what she was thinking of. How she would have to take time off. Harvey, the firm, her whole work family had been the centre of her life for 12years.

"Hang on so who else knows?" Louis once again didn't focus on what was important. Though it was a question that she was prepared for as he had always been a little petty about these kinds of things.

"Well Harvey found out first and then Mike and Rachel found out earlier today but Louis it really doesn't matter who found out when. All that matters is you know now right?" Donna still had to work to diffuse Louis' anger but in this case it really wasn't that hard. She could handle Louis no problem. Louis was angry that Donna had cancer, not that he wasn't told about it first. He knew that.

"I think I need the day" Louis got up and left quickly.

"I think I better make sure he is alright" Gretchen gave Donna a weak smile "I'm really sorry Red" she said before exiting the office.

"Donna, are you okay?" this question Donna was not expecting. She thought Jessica would enquire about more specific things like when she would need time off and when did she find out and how long before she got better. This caught Donna off-guard

"I am doing okay. I think I am doing okay" Up until this point Harvey had not said a word. It was Donna's news and she needed to be the one to tell it. Now though with this question he quietly said "she is doing amazing, I don't know how but she is dealing with this ten times better than me" It was just about audible to both Donna and Jessica. It made Donna smile. She didn't know if it was because she had cancer or whether it was because he finally admitted his feelings for her but everything she did seemed to leave him amazed. It made her feel like she was strong enough to conquer anything life could throw at her. For that she was eternally grateful to him.

"I think if it's okay I am going to go back to my desk now" Donna turned to leave the managing partners office and both Harvey and Jessica simply nodded in response. This left just Harvey and Jessica alone in the office.

"So I assume this is what the whole bathroom situation the other week was about" Jessica's gaze fixated on Harvey "I thought it might have been something else by the way you two have been acting together lately" Despite everything Harvey smiled at this notion because it was in fact true. Not every piece of news at the moment was bad because it led him to find the balls to finally admit his feelings and be with the woman he has loved for 12years.

Harvey's smile said it all. "It took you long enough Harvey" Jessica now beamed but then her face went serious again "I'm really sorry though. That this is happening"

"It took me 12years to admit my feelings and it is tainted now by this terrible thing. It this for me to finally tell her how I feel" Harvey was staring at his shoes which told Jessica one thing, he was ashamed.

"Harvey everyone knew including you and Donna that you two were as in love as two people can be. Yes it took a disaster for you to finally take the plunge but you are with her now and that is what counts" Always the wise one was Jessica. She always knew exactly what to say to Harvey when he was feeling self-loathing.

"I know I just wish I could have said it sooner"

"Harvey everything you and Donna have been through has led to your relationship now. Never regret any of it as it made you the couple you are today and Harvey I can see that you two now that will last a lifetime" Jessica smiled as the corners of Harvey's mouth started to turn upwards. She was right, he knew that.

"I should probably get back to work, correction I should probably do some work since today I have literally not even logged on" Harvey realized he hadn't so much as opened his laptop never mind do any work whatsoever.

"Seriously Harvey are you okay" Jessica stood so that she was next to Harvey where they both leaned on her desk

"I think so, I think she's going to be okay" He looked down "She has to be right"

"Harvey go home with Donna right now and just relax you two have a long road ahead and you should enjoy every moment with her before he treatment starts which I assume starts soon"

"How did you kno…" Harvey registered what he was saying and to who "actually never mind" He pushed himself up from Jessica's desk and started to leave the room, stopping to mouth a thank you as he made his way into the halls. Going home with Donna now seemed like a great idea to him. All he wanted to do was hold her in his arms and tell her everything was going to be okay. Even it wasn't it didn't matter. He would tell her anyway because the idea that it wouldn't be just wasn't an option for him right now.