The first thing of which I am aware is the smell that surrounds me.
The second thing of which I am aware is that I am still breathing.

I glance around me and do not recognize the environment in which I am resting. I am on my back in a foreign bed, crisp yellow walls surrounding me. They are almost buttercup in hue, somewhat blinding in my waking moment, and I blink. I can smell antiseptic and something else; it takes a moment for it to register within my mind. Vampires. I cringe slightly, trying to shift my body upright; I feel intoxicated, weighed down. They've drugged me. Every possible situation crosses my mind, fearing that they have taken me to punish my family, to punish my tribe, to punish Sam.

The door opens and I bristle. A smiling face appears and I snarl in response; though in my lethargic state, my ability to transform has apparently waned. I watch steadily as Carlisle approaches me, his smile never fading despite my feral snarls. I suppose he has nothing to fear when I am incapable of returning to my more suitable form for battle. "Leah," he breathes, his voice ringing gaily like church bells. I am stunned for a moment, freezing and silent. As though like a god he moves to me, floating toward me, glowing radiantly. I simply nod, unable to find my tongue. "Esme found you," he states then, as though it would explain everything. "She called me to your side, you were in quite a state indeed." He is silent, watching me. He pauses before moving to a chair beside my bed; a chair that, until now, I had not noticed. "Is it so terrible?" he asks then, studying me. "I asked Edward not to tell me the thoughts on your mind, I am left to my own devices. Is it so terrible?"

His voice is tender, yet I cannot fight the anger that burns within me. He is what made me become this monster – because of him and his clan, I have lost everything that matters. My life, my father, Sam. I snarl again, though weaker than before; trying not to breathe in the burning smell of his existence. "I don't know what you're talking about," I hiss coolly, struggling against the sleep aid he had given to me earlier. "I need to go home," I add casually; acting as though I am not terrified when, in truth, I am.

His smile weakens slightly. "I know what it's like to be a monster," he murmurs. "It is not what we become, Leah, but what we make of ourselves that defines our purpose." The words are uttered so simply and I simply stare at him. Such audacity!

He looks as though he may continue, but I rudely interrupt. "I believe I had but no choice in becoming a monster," I growl at him. "I became what I am because of you. I lost my father, I lost my normal life, I lost the one to whom I would devote my life – all because of you!" I am enraged now, suddenly realizing my arms are restrained, permitting me to do nothing. "You think I want to die because of that flaw which I cannot change? It is not the monster that kills me, but the consequences of being one. I have nothing for which to live without Sam. Nobody could love a… werewolf." I am more subdued now; a wave of relaxation pouring over me. I am oblivious to Jasper, perched in the doorway, soothing me with his 'gift.'

"It is not easy, Leah; to face the consequences of the choices we make combined with our fate," he agrees softly and though I want to argue, I cannot. "But ending your life will solve nothing. Your family needs you. Your pack needs you. It would break your mother to lose her husband and daughter so soon – and your brother?" He leaves these words to hang in the air and I am embraced by guilt.

My mother; she must be worried by now. I do not even know how many days have passed. "I need to see her," I whisper softly, swallowing the lump within my throat.

He nods. "She knows you are here. She believes you have taken ill – I could not bear to tell her how we had found you," he admits and he looks ashamed to speak of such lack of verity. I want to scoff, I long to snarl and hiss; I can find nothing. I am torn: angry that he did not let me die, yet grateful he has saved me from hurting my family. I do not believe Sam or the pack would miss me… but as my mother's face flashes within my mind, I am resolute. I must care for her…

Carlisle unravels the bandage from my right arm and smiles approvingly. "Such a gift," he states, marveling over my arm that bears not even a trace of a scar. "You were bleeding so profusely when Esme found you; now you have no physical reminders." He needs not to elaborate, for I comprehend the meaning well. I will never escape this within my mind, but I will bear no scars for others to notice. "The muscle relaxer will wear off soon," he continues, "I do hope you understand, we could take no chances. I did not wish to engage a snarling wolf upon your waking." His smile is somehow soothing and I roll my eyes, shrugging in response.

I feel guilty for what I have done and my heart is aching. I will not give him the satisfaction of kindness, for it is so estranged from me since Sam's departure. But I muster up some graciousness. "Thank you."

I drifted to sleep – I am unsure for how long. I awoke to find my hands unbound, a note beside the bedside table. iDear Leah, I hope you will take what I said to heart. You are beautiful, inside and out; a treasure whose loss would be deeply mourned. Let no one hold you back – let your actions define you, rather than the 'monster' you feel yourself to be. You will always be welcomed as an ally and a friend to this house. Best, Carlisle./i I stare at the note for a moment, emotions fluttering in a hurricane of confusion and I am oddly touched. I crumble the note in my palm, but tuck it into my pocket, before I get to my feet and glance at the door.

The glance lasted two seconds before I had bolted, leaping from the second story window onto the soft ground below me. I hear Emmett calling to Edward and Carlisle about my 'escape' but none attempts to catch me. I growl inwardly. i While you're in there, Edward, erase Sam from memory./i I find myself chuckling as I realize what I have actually permitted myself to portray to him, continuing forth into the woods.

Despite my earlier desires to die, running along the path toward home makes me feel… free.