Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or the songs. All rights belong to Stephenie Meyer and Taylor Swift.

I want to say a huge thank you to everyone who added me to their favourites/ alerts and too the brilliant people that reviewed chapter 2: whitegurl2013, lilianyas, ANGEL FALLEN FROM HEAVEN, twilightlvr4vr, AnnabethnAliceLuvr, littlelizruth, E Cullen1901, edwardsgirly4eva, Maestro4EvarMore, mmc13 and Miss Sophie J L Cullen.

Hi everyone I finally have the next chapter for you! Beware there is a lot of angst in this chapter.

Chapter 3: Based on the song 'Back to December'.

Bella POV:

Ever wondered how life could change in the blink of an eye? I never used to believe that someone could love me... But then I met Edward Cullen.

He changed my life in more than one way; he is the reason I sit here cursing myself for being so stupid! It all began in the simple month of December; I started closing my heart as I was afraid that I would get hurt. That's when everything changed and I lost Edward...

It was now March and my thoughts often rolled back to December. Edward had finally agreed to meet me; I had so many questions I wanted to ask which included the desperate questions. Like how's life? And how is your family? I needed those answers like I needed air to breathe.

I'm so glad you made time to see me...
How's life? Tell me, how's your family?
I haven't seen them in a while...

So that's why I am sitting here in Starbucks waiting for Edward to join me. It had been a little over three months since I last saw him.

You've been good, busier than ever.
We small talk, work and the weather.
Your guard is up, and I know why...

Gossip led me to believe that he had been happy and busier than ever. Newspapers printed headlines like 'Small town boy on the way to becoming a Doctor' and I couldn't be more proud. I remember the last time I saw him. It wasn't a very long conversation to say the least; we only talked about work and the weather for a total of twenty-two minutes before he had to leave. His guard had been up throughout the whole conversation which bought me back to my memories of that dreaded December.

Because the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind...
You gave me roses, and I left them there to die...

Flash back –December.

Cold bitter air was blowing past my skin, making me shiver. This had to be one of the worst times of year as the weather got worse each and every day in this small town of Forks. You name it, we've had it! Snow, hale, rain and let's not forgot the all most reliable storms.

I was going to meet my best friend Edward; I couldn't wait to see him. We were planning on going for a meal and catching a movie. I know that sounds like something a boyfriend and girlfriend would do but it wasn't like that for me and Edward. We were just friends and that's the way we liked it... Or so I thought.

It wasn't until I saw Edward standing by the cinema with a bunch of roses in his right hand that I started to panic. I couldn't do this! I needed to run before it was too late and I guess that's what I did. I ran faster than I ever have in my life until I was safely home.

Of course Edward came looking for me but I ignored the frantic knocks on door until he finally gave in. That night he left the most beautiful roses on my doorstep but no matter how hard I tried, I never seemed to be able to work up the courage to pick them up. So I left them there to die.

End of Flashback.

So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night...
And I go back to December all the time...

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you...
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine...
I go back to December, turn around and make it alright.
I go back to December all the time...

The cruellest part of the situation was that I cared so deeply for Edward and because of one moment of weakness he would never care for me again in return. That's why I tried to meet him today so that I could swallow my pride and take a chance on love.

I wanted to do this face to face in hope that maybe I would be able to convince him that I was worth the time. I was going to explain how sorry I was for that one December night that ruined everything. The months had been nothing but pain without Edward, I thought freedom was the best way but I have learnt that that freedom is nothing but missing him. I wish I realized that I could still be myself and open my heart to him like I always dreamed of doing.

But instead I ran and I lost his heart in the process! December is my hell and if I was given the chance I would turn around and run straight into Edward's arms.

These days, I haven't been sleeping
Staying up, playing back myself leaving...
When your birthday passed, and I didn't call...

Then I think about summer, all the beautiful times...
I watched you laughing from the passenger side...
And realized I loved you in the fall...

Sleep hasn't been on the cards for me much these days; I stay awake thinking of all the ways I could make it up to him, if he would allow it. When I did sleep nightmares plagued my mind, flashes of the day I left him flood my dreams.

Most of the nightmares revolve around when his birthday passed and I couldn't find the courage to make the simple call that would let him know that I did in fact care for him...

When I'm awake I think of the beautiful summer Edward and I spent together. Sure we were just friends but the way he laughed made me smile and it took all this for me to realize that I loved him.

And then the cold came, the dark days
When fear crept into my mind...
You gave me all your love, and all I gave you was goodbye...

So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night...
And I go back to December all the time...

December was a dark time for me... I could see that our relationship was slowly growing and that scared me more than I ever thought possible. I was so afraid to love Edward; he could have any girl he wanted. So why would he pick me? I knew I would die if he left so instead of showing my feelings, I said goodbye.

I was bought out of my thoughts as the coffee shop bell rang indicating that someone had just walked in. I hoped it was Edward. It seemed like he would never come and he was already running ten minutes late. Sadly, I know that Edward never runs late and dread was filling my heart once more as I thought that he would never know why I asked to meet him.

I wanted to shout and cry from the roof tops that I go back to December all the time.

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine...
I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind.
I go back to December all the time...

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile...
So good to me, so right...
And how you held me in your arms that September night,
The first time you ever saw me cry...

Freedom was nothing, I miss Edward so, so much and I wish I could tell him that. But another twenty minutes pass and I decide to go home as I was now sure that Edward wasn't coming.

Walking through the crisp cold air I think of all the ways I miss him. This equalled to quite a list! I miss the way he cared, his sweet crooked smile and his loving nature.

That's when one of my memories from September flashed past my eyes; it was one of those rare sunny days in Forks. It was also the first time he ever saw me cry. Renee had walked out and I was finding it really hard to cope but of course he was there... Comforting me...

Maybe this is wishful thinking,
Probably mindless dreaming...
But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right...

I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't.
So if the chain is on your door, I understand...

I promised myself that if he could ever learn to forgive and love me again, that I would welcome him with open arms, I would love and cherish Edward with all my being.

I yearned for the chance to go back to December so that I could change my mind. But sadly I can't... So that what now brings me to his door.

A gentle tap was all it took for my heart to pound in my chest. I feel like I can't breathe as the minutes pass and there is still no answer.

My mind always screamed that he wouldn't let me in. But for Edward not answer the door was like a nightmare directly from hell. If he at least yelled at me to go away I would find it in my heart to understand. But I guess this wasn't meant to be.

It felt like my life was being sucked out of my body as I gently pulled his coat from my shoulders. The cold air hit my skin but I couldn't find it in me to shiver as the sadness had taken over my body and I could hardly feel anything.

I tenderly tug the note, which I had written for Edward a few days before encase he didn't turn up. It explained my feelings and the reasons why I left him like that back In December.

My heart strings give one last pull as I brought my lips to kiss the paper that I hoped Edward would find. Tears ran down my cheeks as I slipped it into his coat and laid it on his door step before turning on my heels to leave.

This is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night...
And I go back to December...

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.
I go back to December, turn around and make it alright.
I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind.
I go back to December all the time, all the time...

I would never get the chance to make it right with Edward as I had hesitantly agreed to move to Jacksonville with my mother, Renee. This meant that I knew by the time Edward found that note I would be long gone... But at least he would know that I thought about December all the time and that I loved him with all my heart. That would never change!

A/N: Thank you to everyone who read this chapter, I would be grateful for a review.

A/N: I would like to say a huge thank you to my Beta (TheOneAndOnlyBellaCullen) for editing this new chapter for me.

Next chapter will be based on the song Enchanted by Taylor swift as it was requested by edwardsgirly4eva, if you have an idea of what song you would like to see in chapter 5 I would be happy to note it down love gem.

One last note please check out the contest which I am hosting called the (Trying For A Baby Contest ) and can be found on my profile xoxox.