Disclaimer: I do not own the 100 or its characters. I own only the plots/ideas/situations that I have placed the characters in and my OCs.

The Traveler's Blessing
Chapter 3: A fate worse than Death

Clarke

She should be asleep but after being woken up by the guards because Zoran had heard Octavia start hyperventilating and then returning to Lexa's room, sleep was proving to be elusive for her. Her mind won't stop replaying her brush with death, with loosing Lexa. But the worst part was that it was her fault. She almost got Lexa killed for the arkers. Why is it a knee-jerk reaction to defend my people? Why is always us or them? Its not like the grounders aren't people, they have families, hopes, and dreams too. And apparently their first commander was from Polaris station. Which is a whole other can of worms.

"Klark," The click of the K was even more pronounced than normal as Lexa was half-asleep. "if your questions are preventing you fro-"

"Shh..." She hushed Lexa, hoping that the commander would go back to sleep. She had meant what she said earlier; they we're not talking about anything tonight. "My questions can wait. Go back to sleep, beja."

The only response she got from Lexa was a content sigh and a head placed on her shoulder. It wasn't long before the commander's breathing deepened as she drifted off. Clarke was glad that at least one of them would get to sleep. Her mind simply refused to allow her that luxury; it never could when Lexa was involved, whether she wanted to dwell on the commander or not.

Her thoughts were tormenting her with how horribly she'd reacted to the massacre of the Trikru army by asking Lexa to ignore it, to not wipe out her people. When she'd made sense of what she was seeing on that field, it was like she'd just walked into the dinning hall of mount weather after she irradiated level 5. And just like then, she blamed herself for those dead warriors; her people, her responsibility. But the ungrateful bastards just kept making things worse. Its a wonder why Lexa hasn't just declared war like Titus wants her too.

With great reluctance she carefully extricated herself from Lexa, who didn't so much as twitch, and climbed off the bed. Whatever that was, it took a lot out of her and only makes me want to gut Titus even more for causing it. Hypocrite much, Clarke; its okay to kill every grounder but even one of your people and its a deal breaker.

She let out a tired sigh and went about cleaning the immediate area around the bed of shredded parchment, pieces of wood, and the dozen or so candles scattered about. It was slow going but it served as a useful distraction from her thoughts. Before moving on to the rest of the room, she moved the two short swords and the black bow off of the floor; it was only as she placed the bow down that she recognized it, it belonged to Gustus.

Unbeknownst to Clarke, Lexa was watching her from the bed and the commander was in awe at how gently Clarke had handled the mementos that she kept of her family. She spoke the moment that Clarke had placed the second braid down alongside Anya's, "Tris was my half-sister as well as Anya's."

"I-I'm so, so sorry." Her voice shook and Lexa was quite thrown by Clarke's reaction. Until she wasn't, "Out of everyone that I couldn't save when we first landed, the girl that Anya abducted me to heal has haunted me the most. Now I know why."

Lexa was across the room and just about wrapping Clarke in her arms but stilled when she stepped away. "Don't Lex, everyone dies around me. Wanheda is a well deserved title and I'm sure that my own people have started calling me the angel of death too."

And for once the commander ignored Clarke's wishes as she pulls her into an embrace. "Then I will happily call death mine. Do you want to know why Okteivia has my gratitude for saving my life?"

That earned her a huff of annoyance from Clarke. "She saved you and you are my life, Klark. You were the moment you walked into my war tent."

She was not expecting laughter but it lifted an unseen weight off of her shoulders when Clarke pulled back and she saw the twinkle of mirth in those sky blue eyes. "Who knew that the ruthless commander of 13 clans, is actually a giant sap."

Her brow furrowed at the mention of 'sap', the skaikru expressions were odd. But her confusion was driven firmly from her mind when Clarke leaned forward and kissed her cheek. "You're adorable when your confused."

"And you have questions that are keeping you awake, ask them." Lexa said before letting go of Clarke, as much as she did not want to, and guided her to the couch.

"You have questions too." Clarke shot back as she pulled the commander down onto the couch, when it looked like Lexa was going to sit at the other end of the couch, and proceeded to snuggle into her side. "So why don't we both take turns asking them."

"Very well but you will go first." Another huff from Clarke greeted her words.

"Were the swords Costia's?" She regretted asking the question as soon as she heard Lexa's sharp intake of breath.

"Yes, they were." She could hear how Lexa struggled to keep her voice even. So she tightened her grip on the commander and waited for her to continue. "She danced with them and she was very skilled. Blade dancers perform in the four major festivals that are held in Polis every year; Polis being the only neutral city among the clans and being the home of the commanders. The dancers would compete against each other and the first to draw blood, lost. In her first festival, she won every single match and I couldn't take my eyes off of her the entire night. Anya teased me mercilessly about it for the next couple of months."

The sheer amount of warmth in the commander's voice as she spoke of Costia and her mentor, wasn't enough to mask the tinge of sorrow nor the little shudder-y breaths that Clarke heard. "I wish I could have met Costia, she sounds amazing and I also wish I could've have gotten to know Anya better when she wasn't trying to kill me. Or saw what would've have happened if her and Raven got to meet properly. Probably would've been entertaining to see."

"Kostia would have loved you and Anya..." She didn't like the undertones of amusement in Lexa's voice, "well the closer that she let you get, the more she tries to kill you. It was one of many dangers of friendship with her."

"She was shot by your people, wasn't she?" Lexa inquired softly, not accusing or angry just soft.

But it still felt like Clarke had been kicked in the stomach by a horse. Her heart beat painfully in her chest as she had resolved to carry that to her grave but in the end she said,"Yes."

"Thank you for speaking true, Klark. It was your eyes that gave it away as you handed over the braid. The fact that you knew to collect it surprised me."

"I watched Anya do it for Tris." She said as the memories from their first few weeks on the ground flashed across her mind. And as soon as she managed to stem those memories she knew what her next question had to be but she really didn't want to ask it. "I don't want to do this but I have to know, why did you send Anya to kill us? Considering that you must have known we were the first commander's people."

"The messengers came in the night. Ordinarily something like an object fallen from the skai would be brought directly to my attention however Titus intercepted them. After they gave their reports, he had them killed and he fed me lies. I trusted his word. He tampered with the written reports that Anya sent to Polis. He made your people out to be a trick by Maun-de to weaken the Trikru. He convinced me to remove the problem before I marched on the Maungedakru with the largest army in the history of our people." Lexa had slipped into her 'Heda' voice and Clarke shivered at the quiet fury it contained.

She instantly pulled away from Lexa, got off the couch, and started pacing trying to keep the unstoppable force of her wrath at bay. She avoided even glancing in the commander's direction as she wasn't sure what she would do to her, if she met piercing green. She gestured for her to continue.

"It wasn't until after my return from the mountain that I made the connection between skaikru and the first commander. Its why I planned to make skaikru the 13th clan. Something Titus opposed greatly." She could practically feel Lexa's eyes burning into her skin as she paced.

"He also tried to kill me to get you to declare war on us." Blue eyes met green, she almost didn't catch the flash of guilt in them, almost.

"I would have if the skaikru hadn't attacked that village."

"The blockade..." Her eyes went wide as her mind connected the dots. "that was your plan all along." She breathed out incredulously. "But...why?"

"The skaikru have proved to be very difficult to kill off and during the war with the mountain, I witnessed what war with the skaikru could be. When you returned to Arkadia to gather information about what happened, Indra and I spoke at length about the massacre. If just ten skaikru could kill an army of three hundred...your suggestion of not attacking bought me enough time to think of the best plan and it gave me the opportunity to test how the coalition would react to a break from tradition." Lexa sighed, "The attack on the village allowed for me to implement the plan; to contain the conflict to a small area and keep casualties low."

"I don't know whether I should be angry that you're making my people do your dirty work for you or impressed that you found a plan that keeps the most people alive." She shook her head and returned to the couch. As she settled next to the commander again, she said, "Thank you for protecting my people even though we don't deserve it."

"My decision to leave your people at the mountain helped create this mess with Pike. If your people had not been concerned with defending their camp from us, they could've found Pike and the other survivors long before Azgeda." It was a simple statement, not an apology or an attempt to excuse her betrayal, but one that finally shreds the last of Clarke's doubt about trusting Lexa completely.

"Hindsight is 20/20." She mumbled under her breath before speaking her thoughts out loud, "We need something to tell the ambassadors that explains my presence, along with Octavia's, and why you haven't killed us."

"I'll tell them you're both under my protection-"

"Yeah and that worked out so well last time." She spat sarcastically. Then she grinned, "Actually let me tell them that, after you explain your plan."

Octavia

She was undeniably disgruntled as she was escorted by Lexa's personal guards to the throne room. What could be so important that we have to delay our departure to tell a bunch of backstabbing ass-hats that we're leaving? Her first instinct was to rake Clarke over the coals when the blonde told her that over breakfast. But she managed to hold her tongue as she vividly recalled the flat toneless announcement of Clarke's death, though how she missed the emptiness in Lexa's voice was anyone's guess, and simply continued eating. When she entered she quickly realized that Clarke and Lexa were the only other people there. "So why exactly are we wasting time with this meeting again?"

"Octavia," The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end at the warning in Clarke's voice. She instantly straightened and wiped her face of any emotion. "I need you to trust me."

Before she could say anything the other ambassadors started arriving and then several guards rushed at her and Clarke. Her hands itched to reached for her sword as her anger swelled up, it was only the frantic head shake from Clarke, and seeing that none of the guards moved to attack them that stayed her hand.

"Ambassadors late last night the fleimkeipa attempted to assassinate Wanheda in a bid to get me to declare war on the skaikru." Octavia shivered, and was just a tad turned on, at how fiercely the commander stared down the whole room. "And since none of you carry the flame and can't foresee how disastrous, not to mention costly, open war with the skaikru would be. I am forced to waste my time, better spent on more pressing issues, this morning to explain my plan."

Octavia choked on her laughter and convincingly turned it into a cough. Her mirth transformed into utter awe as the commander succinctly summed up her plan, the reasoning behind it, and reiterated that she was surrounded by idiots. But that was nothing compared to what happened next. She watched as the commander gestured for her guards to let Clarke ascend the steps in front of the throne.

"Octavia and I are here under the commander's protection, the first commander, as the skaikru are Becca Pramheda's people. Commander Lexa has tasked us with keeping the blockade informed of any attacks that Pike has planned and if necessary, this is why Octavia is here, to help a small gonakru infiltrate Arkadia to kill the skaikru responsible for the massacre of the Trikru army and the attack on the Trikru village." Stunned silence greeted Clarke's words as she lifted her palm and revealed a distinctive, and a very old, scar in the center of it; it was an infinity symbol.

It wasn't long after that that they left Polis and despite their swift departure it was still a two day journey from Polis to Arkadia. She had to push back her mounting frustration when the commander stopped them for the night. But her frustration vanished altogether when she heard Clarke's sounds of distress. She honestly didn't know what was worse knowing that they were too late to save Lincoln or listening to Clarke beg for Lexa not to leave, in whatever nightmare she was having. And every time Clarke whimpered loud enough to be heard, she saw how much Lexa wanted to comfort her but the commander never did.

"You'll be able to calm her if you run your fingers through her hair, Heda. And if you're worried about waking her you won't." She said once she'd grown tired of watching Clarke suffer, after all, the future she came from was full of it.

"You seem very assured of that." Lexa's voice was quiet as she started to do as Octavia suggested and was surprised to see how quickly Clarke began to settle.

Octavia swallowed her chuckle at detecting the touch of jealousy in the commander's tone. "I did it when she got that nasty blood fever that that scary general infected Murphy with. She was lucky that I was immune and could take care of her as no one else could."

"Anya set the fever on you?" Lexa asked and Octavia was delighted to see how affected the commander was by her words.

"Yeah and if we weren't deathly afraid of getting shish-kabobed with spears every time we left camp...we could have saved more of the delinquents with blood transfusions. At least that was Clarke's theory anyway." Belatedly she realized what she was doing but shrugged and continued to watch the dying embers of the fire in between them. Old habits die hard.

"Delinquents?"

She was thrown by the confusion from Lexa. "Clarke didn't tell you much about our earlier days on the ground, did she?" Lexa shook her head, "It never came up." Octavia loosed a breath before jumping in. "The first hundred of us that were sent to the ground, we were all prisoners. On the ark every crime was punishable by death, everything from theft to having a second child; unless you were under 18 years old then they just locked you up, reviewed your crimes, and usually floated you anyway. I was a criminal from the moment I was born. Clarke committed treason but most of us were only locked up for small things like stealing medicine for a sick parent or making moonshine. And before you ask, Clarke's dad found a problem with our air supply and the council wanted him to keep it quiet; he disagreed and was going to tell everyone. Clarke agreed to help him do it but they caught him before he could and locked Clarke in solitary so she couldn't tell anyone in the sky box."

"What would force the skaikru to such an extreme?" There was something that unnerved her in the commander's tone.

"The ark was made up of 12 space stations. I remember Bellamy telling me in one of my lessons that the ark was the last and greatest feat of human engineering of the old world. A hundred years ago the people on the stations watched the earth burn and for a couple years after the bombs they just drifted in space separate from each other. Then one of the stations started talking to others and the scientists started planning how to bring the stations to together to better the last of humanity's chances of survival. It worked for the most part but resources were limited and they agreed that the only way that they'd survive was to make every crime punishable by death." She said hoping that the commander couldn't hear the sorrow in her words; her lessons with Bellamy were the best of her miserable childhood. That Bellamy is gone, get a grip.

But of course the commander heard it. "I can't spare him but I can make his death quick."

"No. H-He's," She paused for a moment and bottled up the grief, new and old, that Bellamy's death and future death would bring. "He sealed his fate by following Pike. Let our people have their justice."

The commander nodded and silence fell between them, interrupted only by the creak of swaying tree branches, after that. Neither the commander or herself got any sleep that night. As their minds were too full of worry for their loved ones to rest, let alone easily.

At sunrise they set off once more and for a few hours everything was okay. But as she rode behind Clarke's horse, a feeling of dread settled over her. The dread intensified the closer that they got to the blockade. I hope you're still alive Lincoln because if you're not...I can't loose you and my brother.

She was pulled from her thoughts when war cries filled the air and scouts fell from the trees to surround her and Clarke.

"Stand down." Immediately the scouts sheathed their weapons but remained where they were. "Wanheda and general Okteivia are with me, they are going to help us infiltrate the skaikru camp."

Never thought I'd want to have her calling me general again.

"But-" He was cut off as Zoran cuffed him on the ear and she glowered at him until the gona took a few hasty steps back.

"Attack them and you attack me." The scouts disappeared into the trees before the commander had finished speaking. They'd all heard the story of Quint and the pauna.

As they passed into the Trikru camp, Kane emerged from the trees on the other side. He was escorted by several large Trikru. A moment later and a small gonakru emerged behind them, they encircled a group of people that were chained together; her eyes instantly locked with Bellamy's and the betrayal in his eyes cut into her soul. She stared unflinchingly back until the gona behind him prodded him forward.

She was both relieved and horrified at seeing the situation was resolved. Relieved because she had hope that Lincoln could still be alive, and horrified that she'd have to watch Bellamy die again. Her knuckles were white as she gripped the reins hard enough to leave a mark. She promised herself that when it was her turn to cut Pike, she was going to make him scream.

Lexa

Uneasiness consumed her whole being as she saw Kane walk into the camp along with a gonakru who were dragging ten skaikru behind them. Her eyes intently swept over the prisoners, most of them were unknown to her but two of them stood out; Pike and Bellamy. It was too easy, and if there was one thing she learned during her reign as commander, it was that things were never this easy.

Its-...ugh fuck you then.

She suppressed the tired sigh that threatened to escape her as the echoes from the flame broke through to her surface thoughts. With practiced ease she dismounted and ignored the dull ache at the base of her neck. "Daxos find Indra and have her start the preparations for the executions. Then send messengers to the other sections of the blockade informing them of my arrival. They are also to shore up the defenses and set up a visible perimeter with regular patrols. The patrols are to capture and escort any skaikru to the nearest camp, they are to remain unharmed." The flare of heat was a warning and she braced for the next intrusion on her thoughts from the commanders.

Come on transmit. That's it, the gloves are coming off!

"Zoran, Grath see Klark to the command tent. Ram take general Okteivia with you to collect Marcus Kane and bring him to the command tent as well." Never before did she have to put this much effort in keeping her mask in place when the flame did this. "I will join you shortly." She spared a glance for Klark and then strode confidently through the camp. As soon as she no longer felt the weight of those blue eyes on her, she ducked into the nearest tent and collapsed into a heap on the ground.

"Alright listen up-" The woman's voice didn't belong to any of the commanders, she could recognize them all by now. Her body was sluggish and every muscle felt like it was on fire but she managed to lash out and sweep the woman off her feet. "Of fucking course. I should have known it would be you."

"Reivon kom Skaikru?" Her confusion only grew when Reivon flashed her a wide grin, jumped up from the ground and said, "The one and only and holy shit it worked. I mean I'm me and it was totally possible but...damn I'm awesome."

"What worked?" She asked as she tried to make sense of what just happened.

"I was getting to that before you shot the messenger," She sent an un-amused glare at Reivon, "its code for turn around and meet your ancestor. She's the one who answered my S.O.S."

She was wary of turning her back on Reivon but in the end she did and only a sharp intake of breath gave any indication of her surprise. The woman standing behind her was on the other side of a white table and behind her was a row of windows filled with an ocean of black as far as the eye could see."Welcome to Polaris station, commander."

"Yu laik fos heda." Words unconsciously rushed out of her as she stared awestruck at Bekka Pramheda. Her ability to breath was gone. She couldn't believe one of her foolish childhood dreams had come true. She remembers the stories Titus would tell of the past commander's that got to meet the first but it had been many years since a commander had been honored like that; she had hoped to be a commander that received the honor.

"This is like the most emotional that I've seen her get. If I'd known that I would get to see commander heartless cry, actual, tears then I would have done an all night-er to pull her in here." Reivon's whisper was a rude reminder that she was somehow brought here. She instantly pushed everything she was feeling aside and focused on trying to get to the bottom of why she was pulled in. But before she could ask why, Bekka and Reivon started bickering.

"Raven be nice," She saw Reivon shoot Bekka an unimpressed look. "after all she is your only hope of passing on the message to Clarke and Octavia. Not to mention she holds the key to shutting Allie down for good."

"Bite me." Reivon shot back. "And who was it that found, breached, and then repaired your bio-computer; wirelessly might I add. All while I avoided detection from the demented bitch, Allie whom decided to kill off most of the planet a hundred years ago. Allie being the other computer system that you created. I will also remind you that commander heartless forced me to watch as Clarke killed Finn, the first boy I ever loved and who is the only reason I'm alive right now, and then she leaves us to die at the hands of those bastards in the mountain. She is lucky that she is my only chance because it was super tempting to fry her brain as I brought her here."

"Are you done?" Bekka said with fond exasperation in her voice, as if they were old friends.

"Oh I am just getting started but we don't have anymore time to waste on personal drama as the commander over there is doing that jaw flex thing that she does when she's about ready to blow her top." Reivon waved in her direction but stopped dead and turned to stare. "Why are you smiling?"

"Klark was right, a meeting between you and Anya would have been highly amusing." She chuckled at the slack-jawed shock that stole over Reivon.

"Perhaps, while Raven is picking her jaw up off the ground. I can fill you in on what's happening in Arkadia, why you are here, how you can help free Raven, and answer any other questions you have?"

"Yes, thank you." The smile she received form Bekka at that was unbearably sad, "You won't hold that sentiment long, Lexa."

Octavia

When she'd entered the tent an hour ago she had wanted to grill Kane on whether or not Lincoln was alive. But she inwardly cursed as she would've had to explain how she knew Pike had sentenced the grounders to death. However she did not regret saving Lexa and Clarke one bit because, and it took her a lot of soul searching to realize it, if anyone deserved to have a chance at happiness it was those two. Is this how Clarke felt when she learned about the missile? I have a ton of information but I risk looking crazy or making things ten times worse with telling them the impossible things that I know. This whole time crap isn't as cool anymore. I can't even tell people what's going to happen or that I knew Lexa would keep the blockade in place until the arkers destroyed the guns. I really wish Raven wasn't a chipped zombie...and how did everything get resolved so quickly?

Her breath caught in her throat and all the blood drained from her face as a horrifying thought struck her. Oh fucking hell...

"Octavia you don't look so good. Are you okay?" She jumped away from the sound of his voice and knocked the table behind her over. Kane eyes bled concern and both Zoran and Grath shifted as if to go to her but remained by the entrance. She was starting to panic as even Clarke paused in her relentless pacing to look at her.

"I-I'm just worried about Lincoln and the other Trikru in Arkadia. Things with Pike were getting out of hand and I," She took a fortifying breath and pushed down the bubble of her despair. She tensed when Kane's hand landed on her shoulder and she knew her face said it all as Kane's gaze softened with sympathy; it was the same look he gave her after Bellamy was gone. "need him to be okay. He makes me feel like I can belong anywhere but only if he's there too."

Kane didn't say anything, he gave her shoulder a squeeze before offering her his hand. She took it and let him help her up."Lincoln is fine and is currently helping Abby see to the other Trikru in med bay."

And for the first time she breathed in a full breath as the unseen vice around her heart loosened. Then the true weight of what Kane had said hit her, he was alive. She didn't care how it would look to the guards or to the commander when she came back, and she wasn't even sure that she could stop her relieved tears if she tried. He's alive, he's alive, he's alive.

In the fog of relief and joy she had been unaware of Clarke wrapping her up in a tight hug. But when the hug penetrated the fog, she held onto the blonde just as hard. "He's alive Griff."

A commotion out side of the tent had the two hastily pulling apart as both Indra and the commander entered. The commander's eyes shifted from Clarke to her and back again a few times before, "It pleases me to hear that Lincoln and the other Trikru are unharmed. But we have much to discuss before the executions."

The occupants of the tent each adopted a more serious air than before and gave their undivided attention to the commander. "Kane it is good that you are here. You're people have earned the right to live by handing over Pike and his supporters. But it won't be enough to satisfy my concerns. Therefore in order for the Skaikru to re-join my coalition fully, there are two things that I require."

"I'm listening commander."

"The first requirement is that you are the chancellor. There will be no elections or voting and any dissension among your people over it, I will deal with personally. The second requirement is the destruction of all fayogon. The blockade will remain in place until these two conditions are met."

"On behalf of the Skaikru, I accept your terms. I will send word as soon as our guns are destroyed." He said and waited to see if there was anything else that the commander wanted from him.

"Return to Arkadia and inform Lincoln that I've rescinded the kill order on him temporarily, he will be allowed one cut for each day of his imprisonment under Pike's reign. You're presence will be mandatory for the Skaikru executions. The executions will take place tonight shortly after sunset. You may go." The commander waved him off and then addressed Indra, "Begin transferring the Skaikru prisoners to the posts."

After Indra had left she watched as the commander seemed to still be on high alert. Then she addressed her guards, "Leave us and see to it that our horses have been properly cared for."

The feeling of dread returned with a vengeance as she saw the apprehensive looks the guards shared before leaving the tent in haste, even more than usual. Then the commander went to the back wall of the tent and cut a hole into it. "Come," She gestured for her and Clarke to follow. "Reivon needs our help."

The bottom of her stomach vanished as those words, eerily similar to the last time she lived this, came out of the commander's mouth. Her thoughts raced as Clarke shot questions at Lexa as they stumbled out of the tent. No. No. This can't be happening, I was supposed to save Lexa by saving Clarke and then everything would be okay. This is even worse.

Her whole body had gone numb and nothing felt real as she climbed onto her horse, it was like she was no longer in her body. The sound of war cries and shouts of 'red fog' were distant but when she felt Clarke yank on her arm to prevent her from being thrown off her horse, she slammed back into her body and focused on following Clarke and the commander.

She doesn't know how long they rode in silence for until she couldn't take it anymore and she gave voice to the living nightmare that they were facing. "They're all chipped aren't they Heda, Arkadia and the whole blockade."

"Sha."

"Where are we going?"

"To find Sinclair, Miller, and Harper. They escaped before being forced to take the key and are working on a way to remove it from Reivon."

After that silence fell once more as the three rode deeper into the forest.

So a lot of shit goes down in this one...

Trigedaslang Translations:

Yu laik fos heda - You're the first commander. (I think...if someone who is actually learning and or writes with Trig a lot please feel free to correct me.