I have never felt so ripped apart. 2 days ago, my twin sister and my boyfriend went to the capitol for the hunger games. I know only one of them are coming out- but which one? I distract myself every day. I have more things to do now, with Katniss gone. I go hunting with Gale before and after school, I help mom cook food, I try my best to repair clothes of prims that are ripped, but I don't succeed mostly. With Peeta gone, I try my best to cover his shifts at the family bakery. In exchange, the Mellarks play a big part in supplying my family with food, some days it is our only meal. Our only lifeline. But I try my best. That's all I can do. Doing all of this, it doesn't give me time to think. I fear that if I do think, I will break down. That's why for the first time, I am really trying hard at school. It keeps my mind of things, as well as all the other things.
Today they should arrive. The tribute chariots are tonight. It is their first real chance to make an impression. And the first time that I get to see them since I went to say goodbye. Yet, I see them all the time. Because everything I do, it just reminds me of them. Of the times that we spent together. But, I don't have time to cry. I can't. I can't because... because I need to stay strong for Prim. And mom.
I can't do anything but think about them. I don't know why. Well, I guess I do. Because I will only ever see one of them again. I will see one of them. I know that for a fact. But it's the fact that it's only going to be one of them.
Half of the time, I think about the one I need the most. You know, way up the pros and cons. All I want to do is run into Peeta's arms, hear his soothing voice telling me that it's all going to be okay. But, yet, at night I just want to wake up knowing that I will see Katniss lying in the bed next to me, with Prim in the middle.
Sometimes, I blame it on them. I blame it on Katniss, because someone else would of volunteered. Everyone loves Prim. I could see Stacy Kettal, Prim's best friends sister, getting ready to volunteer. And then I blame Peeta for not letting me volunteer. If he didn't say no, then I would be there, with him. I could save him. Katniss would still be here, looking after Prim and Mom, just like she always have done.
As I walk through town, I twist the right on my finger and I smile a little. Peeta wanted for us to spend forever together. He said, ages ago, that he'd love me forever. I think this over and over when I realized something, and I run to the bakery.
I go right to Peeta's room and look under his made bed covers. The book. Our book. The book we wrote songs in. We wrote one when we were just about to turn 12. We called it- If I die young ((A/N- By the band perry)). This is what it went like:
If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
Uh oh, uh oh
Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my sisters
They'll know I'm safe with you when they stands under my colors, oh,
And life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain't even eighteen, but they bury their sister
The sharp knife of a short life, oh well
I've had just enough time
If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
The sharp knife of a short life, oh well
I've had just enough time
And I'll be wearing white, when I come into your kingdom
I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger,
I've never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holdin' my hand,
There's a boy here in town, says he'll love me forever,
Who would have thought forever could be severed by...
...the sharp knife of a short life, oh well?
I've had just enough time
So put on your best, boys, and I'll wear my pearls
What I never did is done
A penny for my thoughts, oh, no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'
If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
Uh oh (uh, oh)
The ballad of a dove (oh, uh)
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save 'em for a time when you're really gonna need 'em, oh
The sharp knife of a short life, oh well
I've had just enough time
So put on your best, boys, and I'll wear my pearls.
Tears roll down my cheek as I read it, remembering when we wrote it. And, I must keep my word, because Peeta would of kept his if he had the chance.
Rye must of heard me and he comes in. He sees me and must of been noticing that i've been crying. He sits on Peeta's bed with me and hugs me. And finally, I cry.
Hey, so, it's really short but I will post another chapter today. I KNOW- I DONT KNOW WHATS WRONG WITH ME EITHER! I told my mum I would do it and she was like ' 2 chapters in one day? You barely manage 2 chapters in 4 months'. I know a lot of you may feel the same, but I really am trying! Please check out my other stories! I need to update them soon :/
Please review!
LOVE YOU ALL!
ELZY XOXO