The last few days had been busy and intense, reminding Kian of his time as an Apostle, when he had gathered information about people that needed assassination. He had planned missions with the resistance before, but the atmosphere had never been this serious. Both him and Likho were determined to find the Azadi involved in the attack, and especially find out who ordered it. They were sure that it had been Vamon, but they still needed proof. Not because they were concerned with whether or not he was innocent in it, but in case it had been someone else they wanted to find and make them pay too.

At least Enu's condition had stabilized and Na'ane was positive that she would make it after all. And Bip had woken up too, even if he was still confined to his bed, so this had helped to lighten their mood a little bit. But it was still a tense mood, and their conversations held nothing of the easy bantering they had started during their time on the cloudship.

Kian heard the sound of wings coming closer, and then Crow who, much to his displeasure, had been assigned watch duty, landed on the map that showed the Azadi barracks near the tower, that him and Likho had been pouring over, while trying to decide on the best way inside of the place on the next day. They were hoping to find some people there who knew more about the attack, or maybe had even been involved.

"There's an unknown redhead approaching in a boat," Crow reported. "Want me to let her through or do you want to send some people down there that could actually stop her? I could try yelling insults, but I don't think this would stop any intruders."

"Long red hair? Hood?" Kian asked, his focus already halfway back on the map.

"Yes. So you know her? She can pass?"

"That's Anna, you can let her through," Kian said unenthusiastically. He was grateful for her letting Na'ane out, so that she could have healed Enu and the others that had been still alive, but he also didn't look back to their last meeting with fondness.

He had been in a rush to get to Ge'en when they had last spoken, and hadn't been able to properly reply when she had revealed who she was, along with telling him that she loved him. But by now he had come to the decision that they needed to talk the next time he saw her, and that he needed to explain some things to her. He had to make it clear to her that he would never be able to return her feelings. Not doing so wouldn't be fair to her, but he also had the feeling that it wouldn't go over well. He also didn't enjoy discussing personal things with people he barely knew, even if she seemed to know a great deal about him. Which was also something that didn't exactly endear her to him. How long and how much had she been watching him? Apparently not enough to notice that he had never been with a woman, but judging by her behaviour, she might have just misinterpreted that into believing that he returned her feelings and that that was the reason he showed no interest in other women.

Kian sighed inwardly, barely hearing Crow's "Oh Anna, I heard about her. That's the woman who showed up in time to let Na'ane out, right? Was wondering where she was."

It might be best to just get it over with, and talk to Anna immediately, no matter how much he was not in the mood for it. She only showed up when she wanted something and then disappeared for days or weeks again, so he didn't know when he would have the next chance to talk to her.

He heard footsteps coming up the stairs and stood up, determined to get it over with, but also not looking forward to the conversation in the slightest.

"Kian!" Anna had reached the top of the stairs and immediately spotted him. "Nice to see you made it back in one piece. Of course I didn't doubt that, you've always been good at coming out of dangerous situations unharmed. Even escaped your execution after all. Must feel good to always have luck on your side like that. But I'm still glad to see you of course."

Anna had reached Kian and stepped up to him, leaning in as if she wanted to kiss him again. Kian grabbed her shoulders and pushed her back, not forcefully but firmly. "Don't."

Anna looked as if she might get angry for a moment, but then her expression changed into a grin. "Ah, not in front of everyone. I understand that, you've always been a private person."

"That's not…" Kian broke off. He didn't want to have that conversation in the middle of the main hall. "Anna, we need to talk."

"Oh, you want to talk, that's rare. And no need to look at me like that, was just teasing. So sure, let's talk." Anna looked at him expectantly.

"Not here, let's talk somewhere more private."

"Ooh I see. Your room then." Anna smiled at him, then turned around and started to walk into the direction of the hallways leading to the bedrooms. Kian followed in a slower pace.

When he walked past the table he had been sitting at, he saw Likho looking at him with a frown. Kian shortly considered explaining what the whole scene had been about, but then decided against it. Later. For now he had to make it clear to Anna that there was nothing between them and that there never would be.

When he reached the hallway, Anna was nowhere to be seen. Following a hunch, he went directly to his room, and sure enough, Anna was inside, looking at his books. Of course Anna had known which room was his, he wasn't even surprised by that.

"Nice room you have. Bit small, and lacking a personal touch, but I guess it suits you." Anna turned around. "So, what do you want to talk about? If it's even really talking you want to do..."

Kian ignored Anna's last comment. "There seems to be a..." Kian started and broke off again. He had thought about what he wanted to say after deciding that he needed to talk to her. He didn't want to be rude, but she needed to understand that he wouldn't be able to return her feelings. So he started again, with his rehearsed words: "While I'm... flattered by your feelings for me, I won't be able to return them. You are a beautiful woman, but I have no interest in-"

"Wait," Anna interrupted him. "Is this the part where you tell me that you're too busy to have a relationship, that your duty is more important? Because I respected that when you were still an Apostle, and had your strong faith and Azadi duties, but you're not bound by that anymore. I know you have no experience with any of that, but I'm patient and I can show you. You need more time? I can respect that and I'll give you time. But you need to understand that you're free of whatever vows you took as an Apostle. You can enjoy the pleasures of life now."

"I know that I'm not bound to that anymore. I was trying to say that I have no interest in women."

"Yes, that's part of it. You're not interested in relationships because you never thought you could have one. You're still getting used to not having to follow all those rules now. But give it time, and you'll realise-"

"Anna!" Kian interrupted her, losing his patience at last. "I'm interested in men, not women!"

"Oh." Anna fell silent for a few moments. Then: "Are you sure?"

"Quite."

"But I never saw you… No wait, I did. When you were still a soldier. That friend of yours…"

"Yes." That had been a long time ago. He had always cared more about his duties, but he had had one serious relationship before. It had ended when the other man had decided to start a family, and Kian himself had been promoted to the Apostle rank shortly after. But that Anna knew about that at all… "How much have you been watching me?"

"Not all the time. But I was… You saved me, gave me a much better life by introducing me to Mother Utana, and her letting me stay. You were my hero, and I felt indebted to you, so I just wanted to know what you were doing. If I had known… No, it wouldn't have changed anything, I still would have loved you. This is… I never would have expected this. Are you really sure? Maybe it's just because there haven't been many women in your life, and you were always surrounded by soldiers…"

"I am sure. I'm sorry Anna, but there will never be anything between us."

"I just… I need to be alone." Anna turned around and fled the room, leaving the door open.

Kian ran a hand over his head, then sat down on his bed. This had gone more or less how he had expected, a bit better even. He didn't like that he'd had to upset her, but he supposed that couldn't have been avoided. And she had taken things too far, with all the watching and following him around, without him even having been aware of it, but now this hopefully would end.

Kian stretched out his legs and looked up at the ceiling, still deep in thought, and not really feeling like returning to the hall to continue with the planning of their next mission.

He sat like this for a few minutes, until he heard a voice from the open door: "What did you do to Anna? She just came running through the hall, looking upset, then when she saw me she stopped, and looked at me for a moment like she had never seen me before. Then her expression turned murderous and she started to move again and ran down the stairs."

Kian looked up and saw Likho leaning in the doorway, arms crossed, but looking mildly amused. "I've been trying not to upset her." And he had tried to be polite about it, so he didn't blame himself for that. "I saved Anna when we were younger, and she developed feelings for me because of it. I told her that I have no interest in women and that I'm not able to return her feelings," he explained.

"And she didn't take that too well. But what did that have to do with me? Did you say something about me to her?"

"No, I didn't. Maybe she sees you as competition now."

"Competition?" Likho raised an eyebrow.

Kian shrugged. "She has this habit of watching me. So I suppose she saw us going on a lot of missions together, and maybe drew her conclusions from that."

"Maybe..." Likho said slowly. "And I'm the only man here you interact with on a regular basis."

Kian felt the sudden urge to protest, to say that it wasn't just because of that, but he didn't even know why, and how to put that in context, so he just stayed silent. As did Likho, and for a moment there was this tense atmosphere between them again, before Likho asked: "Did you say she follows you?"

"I learned about that last time I saw her. Apparently she's been doing it ever since I saved her twenty years ago."

Likho raised an eyebrow again. "And you're... fine with that?"

Kian sighed. "No. No, of course not. I just didn't have the chance to talk with her since I learned about it. But hopefully it will stop, now that she knows that I'm not who she imagined me to be."

Likho made a noise in the back of his throat, that Kian wasn't sure if it was an agreement or scoff, then he turned around. "Come back to the hall, we have planning to finish. And you're the one who insisted to come up with an elaborate plan in the first place."

"Of course, let's continue." Kian stood up and followed Likho out into the hallway.

Later that night, Kian lay in bed, wide awake despite needing the sleep so he would be fully awake and alert at the mission tomorrow. The mission wasn't even the biggest thing on his mind at the moment, he had learned how to deal with being worried over a dangerous mission, and how to put it far enough to the back of his mind to still go to sleep the night before one. It was something he had lived with for many years, first as a soldier, than as an Apostle. So the things on his mind where of an entirely different nature.

One of the things on his mind were Enu and Bip. He had visited both of them after they had finished their planning, Enu hadn't been awake, but Bip had been, and seeing the boy, who had been so full of life, sitting in his bed, being quiet and serious, had stung. He had vowed to himself then to take better care of the boy from now on, and to make sure that something like this would never happen again. Kian didn't know how or when it had happened, but he felt responsible for Bip and, while he had never imagined having children, the thought of taking care of him from now on just felt like the right thing to do, and something he wanted to do.

Another thing that was on his mind was his conversation with Anna, and the following conversation with Likho. Anna seeing Likho as competition... He had suggested that because he thought it was the most likely explanation for her looking at Likho the way he had described, and he still thought that he was right there, but was she justified in seeing him like that?

Things had changed between him and Likho, and there were those moments of tension between them that seemed to happen more and more often. It had been a while since Kian had been with anyone, but he still knew what that meant. And by now it happened often enough that he couldn't just brush it off as a few weird and random moments that didn't mean anything. But what were his actual feelings towards Likho? Was it just a random attraction because he really was the only man he spent time with regularly, or was it because of Likho being Likho and he would still find himself attracted to him even if he wasn't the only one around? And what about Likho himself? Likho hated Kian, or had hated him, Kian wasn't sure how much of that was still there, so what were Likho's feelings in that matter?

But did it really matter where the tension and feelings of attraction had come from in he first place? There would be nothing coming from this because it would just end up complicating things, and besides, they had still hated each other not too long ago. So even if they had ended up with this odd attraction now, it would be best to just ignore it. They had other things to focus on, and while Anna was right and Kian wasn't bound to his life as an Apostle anymore, he still agreed with the notion that it would just create unnecessary distraction.

But still, when Kian had saved Likho from getting imprisoned, when he had turned against Hami… Likho had asked him why he had done it. And he still wasn't sure about it. Hormones clouding his judgement? Or because they had gotten to trust each other, and he had genuinely come to like the grumpy Dolmari? He had never thought he would be capable of turning against and actually attacking Hami. Hami had been one of the people he had trusted entirely, and the man had been like a father to him. But still, no matter how often he thought back on it, he still couldn't see himself making a different choice. Maybe he could have let them arrest Likho, and then later freed him from prison… But no, letting them arrest him would have destroyed the trust they had built up, and he knew how secure the Azadi prisons were, so getting him out might have been near impossible. And who knew if Likho would have even reached the prison, they might have just executed him without even bothering to send him there. He couldn't have risked it. Sure, when he had made the decision it had been more an instinctual action, there had been no time to think it through after all, and those justifications had been something he had come up with later. But he still might have thought about all those things subconsciously, with his years of training of making important decisions in the blink of an eye. Or had it really just been an emotional response because he liked Likho? But whatever it had been, he still should keep his distance. At least until the whole business with Vamon and the Azadi was over. If things were still the same between them by then, he could reconsider it again. Having come to this conclusion, he finally managed to fall asleep a few minutes later.