Chapter 3

I Don't Want To Feel This Way

I can't wait until he leaves, the sooner the better…Welcome home Speedy, for now.

Inside the tower

Starfire's POV

I do not know what overcame me to grab Speedy and pull him inside with me. After all the Titans went inside and to the common room, I did not feel at ease and decided to go to my room and rest. I advised friend Raven where I would be but perhaps she was not listening since she was talking to friend Aqualad. I chose not to disrupt them anymore so I left the room.

When I reached my destination I walked to my circular bad and laid down. Thoughts were swimming around in my head that I could not understand since they seemed to be many speaking to me at once. But one sounded clear and was saying something that I could almost not understand. It sounded like it was saying, 'You love him.' But I am almost certain that was not it.

After a few minutes of silence I had the strange feeling in the pit of my stomach that felt familiar but strange. It was beautiful yet terrifying. I believe I know the word for it but I have forgotten it although I am certain I will remember in a while.

'Love.' said the voice that I heard not many moments ago. I sat upright in my bed very quickly that I believe I had gotten the "head rush" but that did not matter at the moment. Did the voice say the word love? I understand what it means but I do not understand why it chose that word.

'You are in the love with him Starfire. Remember that.'

"Who is there?" Of course no one had answered me but I was hoping this was the joke. I do not know what the voice was saying. I know I love Robin, I have since the first day I've met him but the voice had made it sound as though it was someone else. Who else could I have the feelings for? No one! I shook away the thoughts knowing that I was doing the overreacting. Yet I could not wonder if there were two different meanings to that statement.

Three knocks echoed through my room as I heard a voice saying, "Starfire? Are you in there?" That voice I recognized but sounded muffled. Perhaps that is because my steel door was closed. Forcing myself to get up and walk over to the door, I opened it and was a little disappointed but did not show it on my face. That would be most rude.

"Hello friend Speedy. I trust you are enjoying your stay?" I could see he had a small suitcase that was the color of red and had a 'S' on the side.

"Uh kinda. No one's shown me to my room and I want to unpack. I tried asking Cyborg but Bee gave me a look that said 'Don't even think about coming over here.' And when I asked Beastboy he was too busy staring at Aqualad and Raven talking. I was coming over to Raven but she looked at me and said 'No.' before I even opened my mouth. Robin still wasn't there so I came looking for you. I saw your door, knocked, and now here we are."

"Oh! I am sorry for their rudeness. Come, I will show you to your new room for the duration of your stay." I led Speedy to the empty room that was next to mine because it was closer and because I had gotten the feeling that he should stay there.

"Here we are!"

"This is it? Don't take it the wrong way, I just thought I would sleep with the rest of my team."

"Oh, well do you wish to share a room with one of them?"

"No! I'm with them all the time and my room's on the same level as theirs. Compared to my old room, this will be heaven. Thanks Star." He gave me a smile that seemed most kind yet seemed…flirtatious? Either way I could not stop myself from blushing lightly.

"Umm, you're the most welcome. Would you like to know your password to opening the door?"

"Of course, I don't know how I would get in without it." There is another one of his smiles thrown at me and I cannot resist from blushing. I also mentally slapped my forehead because I felt and acted very of the stupid around him. This will become the long day.

This time, I gave him a smile of mine that was apologetic and said, "I am sorry. I believe I am the 'out of it'. You're code is 2837." I typed in the code for him and stepped to the side for him to see it. Then the door swung open and I entered with Speedy following me.

"Is this room to your liking friend?"

"Uh, yeah! This room looks great and a lot bigger than my one back at Steel City! Thanks again Star." He gave me a brief stare with a small grin that gave me the flies of butter in my stomach. He seemed as if he were about to lean in and do something but then decided against it and walked to his bed to sit down. Speedy casually threw his suitcase on his bed and sat next its left.

"You can sit if you want to." Speedy patted the empty space next to him on the bed and I felt as though I was not in the control of my body because I felt my legs start walking towards him. My grebnacks all of the sudden felt something soft hit against them and when I looked down I saw my legs bent at a 90 degree angle and I was sitting on the edge of a bed. To my side was Speedy who was turned to me but because of his mask I could not tell if he was looking at something else. I had the feeling he was not looking at my eyes but something else on my body.

"Umm…did you wish to say something to me friend?"

His head tilted upwards slightly so that we were now face-to-face. "I wanted to do something but I'm not sure anymore."

"Please tell me what you wished to do."

"Promise you won't hate me?"

"I could never hate a friend of mine." I smiled at him and he returned the gesture.

"Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you... Well, I wanted to do this." His face was slowly reaching mine inching its way over to my mouth. I was starting to close my eyes and leaned in too, knowing what he originally intended to do. As we were mere inches away from each other I could feel something inside of me yelling at me to kiss him but another part of me was calmly telling me 'You are in love with him Starfire. Remember that.' As Speedy closed the distance between us I could feel his lips pushed against mine but I could not feel passion. I was going to return the kiss when someone's image appeared in my mind. It was Robin's face.

My eyes flew wide open and I pulled away from him as fast as I could. I saw Speedy looking astonished yet glad. I knew I had to go out of that room quickly, away from him and away from the memory.

"I am sorry but I must leave now." I did not give him a chance to speak as I flew out of his room, typed in my code, entered and shut the door behind me. My back and head were leaned against the cool, hard, metal door and I slid down it until my grebnacks felt the floor.

Tears were beginning to form in my eyes as I replayed what had just occurred. How could I have kissed him when I knew I had feelings for Robin! But for a split second it felt as though it was right to kiss him. My heart was feeling the pain but my stomach still had the flies of butter as if it was pleased with what just happened.

I do not know how to feel, my heart is telling me that this is wrong but my mind is saying this is right. Perhaps I no longer have the feelings for Robin. He has been an amazing friend but if he truly loved me like how friend Raven once said to me, then he would have told me long ago. I understand that I have just met friend Speedy not long ago but I already feel as though I have known him for a long time.

There is a chance that I now have feelings for Speedy but still harbor feelings for Robin. No, I do not have the feelings for Speedy but only for Robin. This is merely an attraction, a small crush if you choose, but I do have feelings for Speedy. No! I meant I do not have feelings for Speedy!

I decided to get up and made my way to the bed and laid there, with my feet on my pillow and my head hanging off of the edge of my mattress. As I looked up at the ceiling thinking, I realized that I could not fool myself and I do have feelings for Speedy. Luckily, his visit will soon come to an end and everything will be as it was. But as for now, I will have to do the sucking up and attempt to act the normal. If X'hal wishes, I will not see or speak to Speedy for the rest of his stay here. That may be difficult considering the fact he is in the room next to mine but I shall endure it.

I can only hope so much that nothing bad will happen to anyone's friendship. I can only hope that Robin will not know about Speedy and I. I can only hope Speedy will act as though nothing has happened. I can only hope that everything will be fine and my feelings for Speedy will disappear. Oh, how I do not wish to feel this way!

Third chapter done and I know it was a short chapter so please don't get mad or anything. I would have put this chapter up yesterday but something weird happened and I couldn't but I am now! And I don't know if grebnacks actually means her butt but that's what it means in this chapter. Please review, follow, and all that other good stuff (it'll help me out a lot)! And in case you're wondering, I might put a new chapter up every couple of days. But it all depends on if I know what I'm going to write. I don't own anything!

Always yours,

light is in the dark