NCIS
Unprepared
A/N: I apologise if this isn't the best chapter. I can see it all in my head but sometimes you just can't get it down right. I tried. Hope you enjoy.
Disclaimer: I do not own nor am I affiliated with NCIS in anyway. The lyrics are owned by Beth Orton. It's one of my favourite songs in the world. While the rest of the song might not fit, this quote does.
Chapter Three: Where Tony Breathes His Last
"And I wanted so desperately to prove
You were still breathing but you wouldn't move
Okay, okay what a thing to choose
This one's gonna bruise."
'This One's Gonna Bruise.' Beth Orton.
November, 2018.
If I had of known that that morning with Ziva would be my last, I would have stayed in bed longer. I would have reached out and run my fingers through her silky hair. I would have kissed her a thousand times, over and over. I would have kissed her until our lips were bruised and our mouths wouldn't move anymore. I would have lain her down with me one last time until I realised I couldn't stave off the inevitable any longer. Then and only then would I have gotten out of bed, dressed, eaten, told my wife and children I loved them before driving away from my home and closer to my inevitable death.
If I had of known that that morning would be our last, I would have stayed in bed longer. I would have run my hands through his short, spiky hair. I would have kissed him until I couldn't breathe. I would have placed my palm on his chest and felt his heart beating ever so reliably under my hand. And when the time came when we both knew he couldn't stave off the inevitable any longer, I still would have tried. I would have clung to him until my hands were frozen shut, until it was impossible to remove his body without taking my hands too. I would have kept him in my grasp and in our bed, far away from his inevitable death.
It was a typical morning in the DiNozzo household. Ava and Ethan were begging to go to the park even though it was freezing outside. Knowing there were only a few more weeks where they could play outside before snow covered every surface and the cold became too much, Ziva had agreed to take them after lunch. The sun would be higher then and would hopefully shine a little warmth on them.
Tony came downstairs. His shirt was half-unbuttoned and he carried his socks in his mouth. He dropped them onto the kitchen bench and grinned at Ziva.
"I'm running late," he said.
"You are always running late," she replied. "I wish you didn't have to work this weekend."
"We're on the tip line so chances are we'll sit around the office doing paperwork," he shrugged. He reached over and took a bowl of oatmeal off Ziva. She placed a packed lunch on bench in front of him. He swallowed his mouthful. "Thanks."
"Never say I don't look after you," she winked. "Ava, if you toss that oatmeal at Ethan you had better make sure you do not miss. You will be cleaning the entire kitchen if you do."
"I wasn't going to do it, Mama," Ava sighed.
"I didn't hear you get up for a run this morning," Tony said. He had almost scoffed his breakfast down.
"Too cold," she admitted. "I would have stayed in bed longer except these bozos had their cartoons up way too loud."
"Daddy has to get up early anyway," Ethan pointed out. "Hey Daddy?"
"Yeah, champ," Tony answered. He was pulling his socks on and thanking God that they matched. As if they wouldn't. Ziva ran a tight ship.
"If Gibbs lets you go home early can Uncle Tim come home with you?" he asked. "But not Emmeline and Lainey because they have boys germs. And not Jethro because he's just a baby. Aunty Abby can come. She's cool."
In the future, Ethan and Jethro McGee would become inseperable but a five-year age difference wasn't as easy at six and one as it is at twenty and twenty-five.
"I think you mean they have girls germs," Tony corrected him.
"No, Daddy. They have boys germs because they give us germs," Ethan disagreed. He sighed and shook his head at his father's stupidity.
"He's your son," Tony said looking at Ziva.
"And you are going to be even later if you do not leave right now," she pointed out.
"Crap," Tony groaned. He reached over and ruffled Ethan's hair. "I'll talk to Uncle Tim but he's probably going to bring Aunty Abby and the gang with him."
"Fine," Ethan sighed.
"Can I have a hug?" Tony asked.
"Fine," Ethan sighed again. He begrudgingly got up and walked around to his father. Tony squeezed him tight as the first feelings that something bad was going to happen hit him.
"My turn, Daddy," Ava cried when Tony had released Ethan.
She squealed as was expected when Tony swung her off the ground and around in an arc.
"You're getting to big for that, Ave," he laughed.
"Am not," she said, swatting him.
"Are too," he retorted. He kissed her on the cheek and set her back on the ground.
"My turn, Daddy," Ziva said in a high-pitched voice.
"I'll give you your turn," he grumbled in a low-voice. He moved towards her but she dodged him.
"Silly boy," she chuckled.
"I'll get you back," he said. He kissed her on the lips quickly. "I'd better go. Gibbs will kill me."
"I am not stopping you," she joked but she wished he would stay. She always wished he would stay. "Have a good day at work."
"Sure. Paperwork and making digital copies of evidence. Thrilling stuff," he said. He turned his attention back to the table. "Bye guys. Be good for Mama."
"Bye Daddy. Have fun at work," Ethan replied.
"I love you," Ava added.
"I love you more!" Ethan cried.
"I love you both more," he said. He touched Ziva's hair. "I love you most of all."
"I love you the mostest," she responded. He kissed her one more time and she groaned. "Get out of here. I need you around so it would suit me better if Gibbs didn't kill you."
Famous. Last. Words.
Work was boring. Even Tony who normally had piles of paperwork was almost done. McGee was sorting out different sized staplers and putting them into the right boxes. Gibbs was drinking his coffee and reading over something. And then the phone rang.
"Gear up," Gibbs said after he hung-up the phone. He and McGee quickly grabbed their SIGs and made their way to the elevator. Tony was paused, his hand hovering his drawer. "You waiting for an invitation, DiNozzo?"
"I just have a bad feeling about this," he answered.
"We don't have time for bad feelings," Gibbs snapped. "Grab your damn gear and lets go."
So Tony grabbed his gun, slammed the drawer shut and followed his boss.
It was supposed to be a clear-cut mission. A Marine wife who had been abducted in the early hours of the morning had been spotted in the back of a car heading towards an abandoned factory. The mission was clear. Get in, get the girl and arrest the bad-guys. They did it all the time. It was what they were good at. But fate wasn't on their side that day.
Gibbs and Tony entered the building, guns drawn, while McGee covered the front door. The woman had dark hair, olive skin and dark eyes. She was small and petite but it was obvious she could be feisty. She was sitting upright in a chair, her body bound in knots that Ziva would have undone in a second. But as much as she reminded Tony of her, this woman wasn't Ziva. She was Ainslee Cook, a mother, a housewife and a PTA member.
"I can't see anyone around," Tony whispered.
"Get the girl. I'll cover you," Gibbs ordered.
Tony crept towards Ainslee and began untying the knots.
"Ainslee, I'm Special Agent DiNozzo," he said as he worked on the rope. "I'm here to help you."
"He's behind you," she croaked, her eyes wide and full of fear. They were red and bloodshot from crying.
"That's Special Agent Gibbs," Tony explained. "He's my boss."
The final knot was untied and Ainslee was freed.
"He's behind you," she repeated.
"Tony, get down!" Gibbs yelled as he spotted the dark figure in the mezzanine. He pointed his gun at the man. "Federal agents, drop your weapon!"
"Let her go and I will," the raspy voice came.
"Can I take him down, boss?" Tony asked. He was standing in front of Ainslee, his gun aimed in the same direction as Gibbs.
But Gibbs didn't have time to answer. The kidnapper fired at Tony twice. One bullet slammed into his shoulder but the other shot straight though his back. Tony was vaguely aware of Gibbs firing back, of Ainslee screaming and of the door being flown open. But that's not what Tony saw.
May, 2008. (After Recoil).
"Tony, what are you doing here?' she asked. Her eyes were bleary with sleep as she blinked up at him.
"Thought you could use a friend," he shrugged.
"What I could use is a good night's sleep," she disagreed. "Thank you for your concern. I will see you in the morning."
She went to close the door but he threw out his hand and stopped it.
"You know, we've shared a bed before," he replied.
"Fine," she said with a sigh. She let him push the door open and stood to the side as he stepped in.
He went over to the mantel and looked at the photos. There was one of her smiling, her hair loose and the sun shining down on her face. She was accompanied by a man he recognised as Director David and two versions of herself, one older, one younger. Her mother and Tali, he assumed. There was a photo of the team at Ziva's birthday dinner taken by an obliging waiter. Again she was smiling. Tony flanked her on her right while McGee was to her left. Jenny, Ducky, Abby and Gibbs crowded in behind them. She looked happier than he had ever seen her before.
"You look beautiful in this picture, you know," he told her.
She had taken a seat on the couch and was mutely watching him. His eyes traversed across a few random photos of family and friends back in Israel and then he spotted a lone photo of Ari tucked away behind the others. He reached for it but then he pulled his fingers back.
"I know he was a bad person but he was still my brother," Ziva called from across the room.
"Ziva," Tony said, turning around to face her. "My father disinherited me when I was twelve because I didn't go for his baseball team. I haven't spoken to him in ten years but I still have a pair of cuff-links I stole from him. He's an arse but he's still my father. I'm the last to judge people for their relatives."
"Are you going to tell me why you are really here?" she asked.
"I already told you. I thought you could use a friend," he replied. "And I wanted to tell you that I think you're the bravest person I know and that you should never question your judgement again."
"You were not almost killed," she said cooly.
"No, not this time. But I have been shot at before and I'll probably be shot at again. You shot-back, Ziva," he continued. "You moved when you could and you shot-back. You aren't dead. Celebrate that."
"Honestly, I am too tired to celebrate," she admitted.
"You weren't too tired to celebrate with Locke," he said, trying not to spit the name out with disdain.
"So you really were jealous?" she asked, keeping her voice even.
"Yeah, I was really jealous," he replied. He went over and sat on the coffee-table in front of her. "I wanted to be there for you but you wouldn't let me."
"I have wanted you to be there for me so many times but you never are," she said. "So forgive me for not rushing straight into your arms."
"What? I've always been there for you, Ziva," he said, genuinely confused.
"Not the way I wanted you to be," she explained. She looked up at him boldly. "You think I would not have rather slept with you? Of course I would have but I did not. I cannot change that."
"No but we can deal with it," he replied. He placed his hand on her leg and implored her with his eyes. "Ziva, I..."
"Am ready for bed?" she asked. She yawned and he frowned at her in concern. She stood-up and held out her hand to him. "Come. Let's sleep. I promise we will talk in the morning."
She crawled into bed as he undressed down to his boxers. He slipped into bed next to her and tapped her on the shoulder.
"Yes, Tony?" she asked. She rolled over.
"I couldn't let you go to sleep without telling you something," he replied. He leaned over and gave her a soft kiss, the first of many. "Good night, Ziva."
"Good night, Tony," she whispered back as her eyes fluttered closed.
"Tony!" McGee cried. He looked at Gibbs. "I've called an ambulance."
"Good. Get her out of here," Gibbs said, pointing to Ainslee. He was kneeling next to Tony trying to put pressure on both wounds.
"I'm not leaving him," McGee shot-back. He squatted down next to Gibbs and pressed his hands against the whole in Tony's chest. "The bloods pumping through quickly. The ambulance better get here soon."
Tony's eyes fluttered and he gasped for air.
"Ziva," he whispered.
"Save your breath," Gibbs said.
"McGee, look after her. Look after Ziva," he whimpered. "And Gibbs. Both of you."
"DiNozzo, save your breath," Gibbs ordered. "McGee, keep pressure on the wound."
As if McGee was letting go.
"And my kids. Look after my kids..."
"You can look after them yourself, right boss?" McGee asked. He was being so brave. Tony wanted to cry. Wanted to have a few extra minutes to tell him. To tell his friend how proud of him he was. To tell him how good he'd grown-up. To tell him he was his best friend. To tell him so many things.
"He sure can," Gibbs answered.
"It's true," he gasped. "Your life really does flash before your eyes before you die."
"You are not dying," Gibbs said. The sirens were close now. Help was on it's way.
"I am, boss," he said. His eyes were closing and his breaths were getting shallower. "Love you guys. Tell Ziva..."
But he never finished his sentence. There was one last shuddering breath and then he closed his eyes.
"Open your eyes, Tony," McGee pleaded with his friend. "Tell Ziva what? Open your eyes."
"Tim," Gibbs said. He watched as his team-member began to perform CPR on Tony.
"Come on, Tony. Come on," McGee begged. "Don't give up."
His last thoughts were mostly of Ziva. The first time he met her. The last time he saw her. Every moment in-between. He saw a brief glimpse of his mother, an even smaller glimpse of his father and a few scattered, more prolonged glimpses of his NCIS family. But mostly, he saw Ziva.
April, 2009.
He saw her in white. He saw her walking down the aisle towards him, accompanied by Gibbs. He saw the smile on her face as Gibbs kissed her on the cheek and placed her hand in Tony's. He saw the look in her eyes when they finally locked eyes. He saw the happy tears fill her eyes even through his own tears. He saw her trembling slightly as she slipped the ring on his finger. He saw her giddily sign her name next to his on the wedding certificate. He saw her wink at him seconds before the kissed. He saw her grinning bashfully when they finally pulled apart. He saw her beam and the give the thumbs up to her bridesmaids.
He felt her hand slip into his as they walked back up the aisle. He felt her body pressed against him as they dance. He felt her eyelashes against his cheek as she gave him a butterfly kiss. He felt her soft, naked skin as they made love for the first time as husband and wife. He felt her press herself into him as they drifted off to sleep. He felt her head against his chest when he woke. He felt her soft hair under his lips. He felt her... He saw her... He loved her... His wife...
December, 2009.
It was Christmas day. Not only was it Ziva's first Christmas as a wife, it was her first Christmas ever. She had agreed to celebrate it only if Tony celebrated Hannukah with her. He had been jubilant. Eight days of presents. But that wasn't how it was done in the David family and it wouldn't be done like that in the DiNozzo family. It was one day of presents at the end, just like his Christmas.
They had awoken early and lay in bed. They weren't due at Gibbs place for hours. Ziva was lying on her stomach. She blew on his face and he turned his head away. She laughed at him and pulled his face back to meet hers.
"I have something to tell you," she said.
"I'm a-listening," he replied.
"It is kind of an early Christmas present," she said.
"It's not all I'm getting is it?" he asked.
"No, no," she chuckled. "You will get more."
"Well. Spill," he prodded. He ran his fingers down the side of her face. "Is it good news?"
"I think so, yes," she said with a nod. She beamed at him. "I am pregnant, Tony."
"Pregnant?" he asked. He sat-up straight and looked her over. He carefully looked at her stomach as if it would pop-put at any second. "As in we're having a baby?"
"That is generally what happens when someone is pregnant," she answered evenly. She was still smiling but her face had fallen a little bit.
"A baby, Ziva," he whistled. He leaned down to her and kissed her furiously. "That is amazing. I'm going to be a dad."
"So you are happy?" she asked. The smile had widened again and any trace of worry was gone.
"Happy? I'm ecstatic," he answered. He kissed her again until she laughed and pushed him away.
"I need to breathe, darling," she laughed. She patted her stomach and sighed blissfully. "What did I do to deserve all this?"
September, 2010.
"Isn't she the most beautiful thing you have ever seen?" Tony asked. He gently moved his as-yet-unnamed baby girl to his other arm and continued to stare down at her.
"What are you going to call her?" Abby asked. She was peering over Tony's shoulder.
"We have not decided yet," Ziva admitted. "There are a few ideas in the pipe."
"Pipeline," everybody chorused.
"That too," Ziva replied. She was giddy with happiness today. Nothing could bring her down.
The team left after a suitable amount of time. Ziva and Tony were alone with their teeny-tiny baby girl.
"She looks like you," Tony said.
"She looks like a baby," Ziva replied realistically.
"I have an idea for a name. How about 'Avigail'?" he suggested.
"Avigail," she said, rolling it around her tongue. "It is a lovely name."
"I want to name her after Abby but I know you had your heart set on a Hebrew name. I think it's a nice little compromise," he explained. "We could call her 'Ava' for short."
"Abby would like that a lot," Ziva nodded. She didn't point out that 'Abigail' was actually a Hebrew name. The idea was sweet and he had obviously put a lot of thought into it. Nor did she need to ask why he wanted to name their daughter after Abby. She already knew. "Avigail DiNozzo. Ava DiNozzo. I like the sound of that. It sounds perfect."
They both smiled at each other for a job well-done. They had never been so happy or as proud of themselves as they were that day. And when Ethan was born two years later, they had felt it all over again.
Various moments filled his head.
Hearing Ziva sing in the shower. Gluing McGee's 'mug' to his desk. Throwing rubber-bands at Ziva to see how long it would take until she noticed. Being given a rib-crushing hug by Abby. Watching as Ziva folded the laundry. Having Gibbs chew him out over some stupid mistake he couldn't even remember. Feeling Ziva climb into bed next to him and wrap herself around him. Watching Ava twirl across a stage in a tutu when she was meant to be following the other girls. Ziva telling him she loved him. Cheering as Ethan kicked the winning goal. Eating dinner with Ziva late one night when the children were asleep. His mother buttoning his jacket and sending him off to school with a kiss. Kissing Ziva as he rushed out the door. His father patting him on top of the head, proud for once. Ziva... her eyes, her hair, her nose, her lips. Dancing with Ziva, eating with Ziva, reading next to Ziva, sleeping with Ziva, laughing with Ziva, crying with Ziva, cooking for Ziva, kissing Ziva, holding Ziva, touching Ziva...
And then nothing.
November, 2018.
"Tim," Gibbs said again. He gently moved McGee's hands off Tony's body.
"Couldn't save him. Tried but I couldn't save him," McGee muttered to himself. He looked over at Gibbs. "Gibbs, I couldn't save him."
"I couldn't either," Gibbs replied simply. He stood-up and forced himself to turn away from Tony's too-still body. He went over to Ainslee and knelt in front of her. "You alright?"
"That man got shot because of me," she whispered.
"Yeah, he did," Gibbs answered.
"I just want to go home. I want to see my husband. I just..." she said before she began to weep. She lowered her face into her hands and sobbed.
"We're going to take you home," Gibbs replied. He rubbed her back. "You're safe now."
"Does he have a wife?" Ainslee asked pointing to Tony. The paramedics had lain a white sheet over him.
"Yep. And two children," he answered. He heard McGee tell the paramedics to leave the body where it was. They didn't think it was a good idea. Gibbs intervened. "Take Mrs. Cook to Bethesda. We'll take care of..."
He couldn't say 'the body' because the body had a name. And he couldn't say 'Tony.' It was still too soon.
After a few minutes the paramedics had loaded Ainslee and were driving her off the hospital where she would be reunited with her family and kept in overnight for observation. Ducky drove up fifteen minutes later. With a heavy heart and no talking, he and Palmer loaded Tony's body into the back on the autopsy van.
"What happens next?" McGee asked as they watched the van disappear.
"We tell Ziva," Gibbs replied. They hopped into the car and drove wordlessly away.
"This isn't the way to Ziva's," McGee pointed out.
"We just have to make a stop first," he said. They stopped briefly at Gibbs house so he could into his Marine uniform as a sign of respect and then they went to deliver the news to Ziva.
"Hey boss?" McGee asked when they were back in the car.
"Yeah."
"What do you think Tony wanted us to tell Ziva?" he asked.
There was a long silence and then a short exhalation of breath.
"I don't know," Gibbs admitted.
"Hey boss?"
"Yeah, McGee," Gibbs replied slightly impatiently.
"I wish he wasn't dead."
It took McGee three months before he could talk to Ziva without apologising profusely. The point came where she wasn't sure whether to hit him or hug him. She hugged him and he broke-down. She let him cry and pour out his anger and frustration on her. He relived the moments of Tony's death for her when she asked. He told her what Tony said. He told her how Tony looked. He even told her how his last breath sounded. Then he told her how he tried to save him and Ziva smiled. She told him what Tony had wanted to say but couldn't. That she was proud of him, that he had grown-up well and that he had been Tony's best friend.