Inside the Series: Bleach

This is Inoue Orihime Part I. I only own Charles Tolle. Here I go.

Inoue Orihime, as we know, is not quite the sharpest knife in the drawer, but we also know we'd like to knife her drawer, if you know what I mean. Right? This is her on the show. Sadly, her character is smarter than her actor, and Orihime must find ways to make do. When I disguised myself as an employee in a convenience store, I knew I was in for a treat as she walked in. Here is the conversation as recorded by the security cam and our cameras.

Orihime- Hi, I'd like to buy everything that's in the bag.

Charles- Everything in the bag. Could you please open the bag and pour out its contents so that I may know how much to charge?

Orihime- What?

Charles- Could you please empty the bag on the counter?

Orihime- Oh, I thought you wanted me to stick the cash register up my butt. That's a little weird.

Charles- Yes, it is. May I see what's in the bag, ma'am?

Orihime- Yes. (reaches into bag and pulls out bananas, leeks, bean paste, sour cream, chives, two potatoes, a loaf of pumpernickel, salt, flour, and tartar sauce.) It's all for dinner tonight.

Charles- All for dinner tonight? Interesting food combo. (rings stuff up) What are you planning to make?

Orihime- It's a secret.

Charles- I won't tell. Scout's honor.

Orihime- Okay, I'm going to make soup today. With everything you see here. Part of the secret recipe is to not boil the water but instead to chill it.

Charles- No offense, but that doesn't sound very delicious.

Orihime- But I like it anyway.

Charles- Okay. I'll take your word for it. I'll have to. If you don't mind me asking, are you expecting?

Orihime- Oh, no, I never take the bus. It can never arrive when you expect it to.

Charles- No, I meant are you pregnant?

Orihime- Oh. No. But I've missed my last six periods.

Charles- The way you're stacked, you're baby's growing in your rack instead of your uterus.

Orihime- What's a uterus?

Charles- You don't know what your uterus is?

Orihime- Do boys have them too?

Charles- I know a few who might, but I don't.

Orihime- Is that supposed to be a joke?

Charles- In a way. Well, now that you're all rung up, let me tell you something. I am Charles Tolle, owner of Titan Nerd Studios, and our entire conversation has been recorded on our cameras and will be used on Inside the Series. How does that make you feel?

Orihime- I just hope my vagina isn't sticking out like it did last time the camera was on me. (looks down) Crap, it's sticking out again.

Charles- Uh, yeah. Tune in sometime next time for more!

And so that is the footage we secured. Orihime was surprisingly a rather good sport about it. Tatsuki, on the other hand, felt it was necessary to beat my ass. Joke's on her, though, I'm going to fight her today and I made sure that I'm wearing Lady Speed Stick and a thong. That should distract her long enough for me to escape unless I have to kill her. Tune in next week when I bring Kuchiki Rukia into the studio for a session with the audience.

I'll say it now. The next one won't be like the interview with Ichigo, but it will be patterned after the presidential debate on SNL. Till then, this was Inside the Series, I'm Charles Tolle, and I want you to tell me what you thought.