Vivian

I made a good excuse to Father Petersburg to go visit the Wikes. He informed my absence to the abbess before I departed. Again I covered myself with my gloves and veil. Along the long walk, it gave me some time to think.

Oh God bless Mrs. Wikes' soul in heaven..But I don't think I can keep her promise. I just need to hear the problem first before agreeing to anything. I am terribly curious about this Scarlett and even overwhelmed of how I resemble so much like her. I couldn't possibly have the exact features like her, some part of me could be different from hers.

How absurd that I have this..this doppelganger. But also a pity of how much her husband suffered after her death. What a wonder it is of their marriage? What caused her death? Why does it take me to bring this man back to reality?

I finally arrived at the Wikes' house. I slowly walked toward the door and knocked. Mr. Wikes answered and let me in. Inside, the house is quiet and it appears no one is home except Mr. Wikes. He gestured his hand to the sofa.

"I can't stay long, Mr. Wikes."

"But please, still take a seat."

I nodded and did as I was told. He slowly took a seat on the armchair that was in front of me. He lowered his arms on his knee, his hands folded together.

"I take it no one is home."

"No, I sent my sisters to town with my son. I need to discuss this with you alone."

"Please proceed. Again I don't have much time."

He gulped and slowly started. "...What is your name?"

"Sister Winston."

He shook his head. "I mean your full name."

"Vivian, Vivian Winston."

"How old are you?"

"I'm twenty eight."

He nodded and looked down at his folded hands. "How long have you been in the convent?"

"For seven years."

A tear drop fell down his eyes. He curved a sad smile. "You're the exact age as Scarlet."

"Please tell me about her, Mr. Wikes. I need to know about her."

He paused for a moment before he spoke. He told me everything about this Scarlet O'Hara. He told me from the beginning of her life in her family's plantation in Tara, her soft and also unpleasant character, her unfortunate marriages, and her death.

"She has a child?"

He nodded. "Yes. Bonnie. That's a nickname Rhett gave her the day she was born. She's a beautiful child. Melly told me that Mammy kept her in her room ever since her mother died, poor Bonnie never dared to bother her father."

"Mammy? And who is Mammy again."

"Mammy was Scarlett's nanny. She loved Scarlett very much and raised her as her own since the day she was born." He chuckled softly. "Poor Mammy, she risked protecting Scarlett from all the other boys who chased after her."

"She seemed quite charming..and forgive me for saying this, a bit stubborn as well. Was she always like that?"

"I don't agree with that, but yes."

"Doesn't Captain Butler care for his own daughter? The poor girl needs a father to care for her and remind her she still has a parent left."

"I'm sure Rhett is aware of that, but Scarlett's death was a great shock to him, he just can't seem to unravel himself from grief."

I sighed and nodded. "...Did they get along when they were married? They known each other for twelve years, that's quite a long time."

"No they had a bit of trouble in their marriage. You see, Scarlett was from the beginning a charming young lady, but men just went after her like bees gathering around a beehive. Scarlett didn't mind from the time she was single. But when she was married to Rhett, someone told him that she was cheating on him with...with me. Rhett seemed to believe it and later there was a scandal that he has a mistress he visits to..I hate to say her name, so I wish not to say it."

"I understand. What a drastic marriage? Was Captain Butler devastated after he accidentally pushed her down the stairs?"

Mr. Wikes nodded. "Yes..My wife was there, she saw him crying for the first time, worried sick over his wife's condition."

A tear drop fell down my cheek. This Captain Butler seems to be a bit horrific but loving and patient with his wife. "The sound of him scares me a little."

"He's not dangerous, sister..Well, as long as he's not drunk or mad. Frankly, he and Scarlett both had quite a temper."

The room fell silent and it was awkward for a while. But I broke the silence. "So what is it that I have to do?"

"I think you know very well of what you have to do." He avoided his eyes from me as he slowly said that.

I wanted to get up and run out the door. But part of me wanted to stay and say something. "Mr. Wikes I can't. I am dearly sorry but I can't."

Mr. Wikes nodded. "I know, sister. I didn't expect you to agree on this..It's completely unfair to you after all."

I wanted to say something else, but my eyes caught the clock that hung on the wall. "I'm sorry I must leave now...Thank you for telling me this. I appreciate it."

"Not at all. But before you leave, can I show you something?"

"Of course, what is it?"

He slipped something out of his pocket and handed it to me. "It's a painting of Scarlett."

It's a small picture frame that held the painting of Scarlett inside the transparent glass in the center. I gasped how exact our faces looked. Oh dear Heavens, no wonder Mr. and Mrs. Wikes reacted that way when they saw me. Its like..Its like looking through a mirror. "My Lord, she looks just like me. But how is that possible?"

"I do not know. At first I had this crazy intention that you must be her twin sister, but I known the O'Haras for years, and it's impossible that there was another child born in that family."

"...I can't believe this." I handed the picture frame back to him."

"Neither do I."

He escorted me to the door. "Mr. Wikes, I...I hope there will be a way to help Captain Butler. And forgive me, it is against my will to help him."

He nodded sadly and opened the door for me. "I'm sure time will heal him."

I know he's lying. Hearing of this one man from the pass twenty minutes proves enough that it'll take a God given miracle to motivate him back to himself. I nodded. "Hopefully, yes. Goodbye, Mr. Wikes."

"Goodbye, Sister Winston."

I stepped outside and left to the church.

~ When I walked across the aisle in the church, I went straight to the confessional. Father Petersburg must be in there by now. I slid the door open and walked inside. I bend down on my knees before he started from the other side of the booth.

"Tell me your sins, child?"

"Father, I am close to fall against God all because of a promise I made to a dead woman."

He gasped. "Sister Winston? Is that you?"

I hushed him. "Hush, father. You're not suppose to say my name."

"Of course...it's just that you..well I never seen you in the confessional before."

I swallowed hard and continued. "I need to tell you this. I am need of advice other than confessing my sins."

"Then I suggest for you to meet me outside right this moment. Discussing something private here is not the best place."

"Yes, father."

"Go now."

I stood up and left the booth. I walked slowly across the aisle and stepped outside of the church. Father Petersburg came out after a while. He took me by the arm and walked far away to the well. He looked around in case anyone was watching before speaking. "Vivian, what is the matter? Is this possibly about Mrs. Wikes?"

I nodded. "Yes, father."

I told him quickly about the whole situation. He was in great shock of the last part I told him, the promise Mrs. Wikes begged me to fulfill before her death. "Vivian, you know that is out of the question. It is too dangerous for you expose yourself anywhere outside the church. I cannot protect you if you're anywhere further from here."

"I know, father. I know that very well that he's still chasing after me...But how can I ever reject such a promise? Dear father, she begged me in her deathbed! That is not something I can take lightly."

"Vivian. I know you take pity for her but if Andrew catches you here, you'll be leading yourself to your death."

"Father, you don't know if Andrew is here. I haven't heard from him for seven years."

"Vivian I said no."

Andrew. Oh Andrew was a complete nightmare. After I was married, my husband and I lived in his family's plantation. When my husband was drafted, his brother came home wounded. I remember how I nursed him back to health, and after a few months he was able to walk again. He was such a good man, he treated me like a little sister after all that time I was worried sick for my husband's life. But one day, I discovered a deep darkness in him, when my husband returned alive, Andrew was not happy at all. Three weeks after, it was the end of my life as a wife.

Nightfall fell, I was in my room, already dressed in my nightgown. John was taking a bath in Andrew's room; he was so embarrassed of the idea of me giving him a sponge bath. Since he's still unwell, I let it go. I sat on our bed and slowly brushed every strand of my hair, carefully trying not to straighten the curls.

There was a knock on the door.

"Come in!"

The door opened. Its Andrew. I smiled as he came closer to me. He's dressed comfortable in his night shirt, a blue robe wrapped around him. "Why aren't you with John?"

"He wants me to leave him until he's done. He said he can manage on his own."

"Oh that man is so shy, even in front of you."

He sat down beside me. "I don't see why he's so embarrassed. If I were him I would want you to give me a bath anytime." He kissed my cheek.

I giggled at his joke. "Ha ha, very funny, Andrew...So I was thinking about a party for John."

"A party?"

"Yes, the man deserves a welcome party of his victory. I already have a list of his friends to invite. We can have the party in here and decorate the whole place up. Will you help me?"

He nodded.

"Good...We should go to town to buy what we need. Oh I am so excited to see the look on John's face when we surprise him with this grand party."

"Did you plan out what you're going to wear?"

"Of course, I did silly. Do you want to see it?"

"Alright."

I took his hand and pulled ourselves up. I excitingly led him to the wardrobe and opened it. I released his hand searched for the new dress I recently bought. But I can't seem to find it. "Oh, this stupid small wardrobe! I can't find it."

He stepped closer to me and embraced his arms around my waist. "I'm sure I can just imagine you wearing a breathtaking dress."

I smiled and took his wrists. "Stop fooling around, Andrew." When I was trying pull his arms off me, he still refused.

I tried again, but he wrapped his arms tighter around my waist. He made me jump when he pressed his lips on the back of my neck. "Andrew this isn't funny. Stop."

He breathed in to my scent and kissed me on the neck again. "Who said I was fooling around."

This time I took both his arms and tried to break myself free, but he was too strong. I felt angry and frightened as his hands started to rub hard against me. I kicked my legs and punched him with my elbows, but he still held onto me. I tried again and this time I bit him on his arm. He finally released me. I took this chance and ran out the door. But before I went straight down the stairway, I remembered John was still here. I ran to Andrew's room and shut the doors shut. I locked it and went inside looking for him. "John! John! John where are you?!...Darling, where are you?!"

The bath tub was far beside the bed. I rushed over to it. "Oh John, you won't believe what just happened. Your brother..."

I froze and instantly fell down on my knees. My throat immediately screamed the life out of them. My hands trembled and quickly blocked my eyes from the sight. John is dead. Murdered. Stabbed with a knife through the forehead.

I can here Andrew's footsteps coming closer. Oh dear, he's coming this way. That damn no good murderer! How could he kill his own brother?! His own family! My husband!..My darling husband...

Andrew pounded on the door loudly. "Vivian! Vivian open up! Vivian!"

I crawled away from the bathtub. There is no time to cry and grief, I must get out of here. I brushed away the tears quickly and looked around to find anyway I can escape to. The window! I quickly pulled myself up and ran to the window. I pulled it up and looked down. I can't simply jump out from it, the height is to high from ground. Andrew shook the door, and now I'm aware that he's close to breaking it down. I ran to the bed and grabbed the sheets. I tied the sheets to the curtains and prayed to God that the handles of the drapes will be able to carry my weight. I removed the bed covers and tied that too. After tightening the knots, I tossed it outside the window. The length is not perfect, but I can easily jump off. The door shook again, and this time it opened. Andrew walked in like a mad man.

I gripped both hands on the knotted sheets and wrapped my legs around it before jumping off. As I got off, my back painfully got hit hard on the wall. I grimaced but pushed myself to continue. I used my feet to walk against the wall, as my back arched as a curve and my hands worked its way down. Andrew quickly looked out the window, when he saw me trying to get down, he left the room and headed to the stairs.

Breathlessly, as I was close to the ground, I released the sheets and jumped. Thankfully, I landed on my feet and ran to the stables. Without bothering to patch the horse, I quick got on it without the reins and galloped away. Fortunately, Andrew didn't catch up with me on time. I hid somewhere, leaving the horse in the middle of nowhere and walked on foot to a church.

The church was dark, but there was dim a light in one of the windows. I ran toward the door and pounded the doors with my fists. "Help! Help! Please open up! Please!"

Someone quickly opened the door and let me inside. It was a priest. He wrapped an arm around me and took me to the fireplace. I sunk down on the chair he offered me and rubbed my hands close to the fire.

"T-Thank you, father..."

Two nuns came in and looked shocked when they saw me. The priest turned to them. "Sisters, bring me some blankets and a glass of water."

They nodded and quickly left. The priest came closer to me and took my hand. "What is the matter child? Tell me."

I opened my eyes and looked at the kind old man. I gasped when I saw his face. "F-F-Father Petersburg?"

"Vivian..Is that you?"

I quickly embraced my arms around him. He was shocked by my reaction and awkwardly padded my back. I don't blame him. The man hasn't seen me since the day he married John and I off. "Oh I am so glad to see you, father...Oh I can't believe this day. My dear John...My dear John is dead."

Father Petersburg took my arms and slowly pulled them off him. He took both my hands and looked deeply into my eyes. "Dead? What do you mean dead?"

"Murdered. Murdered by his own brother...Oh father it was such a shock for me..I had no idea. I thought he was fine. But when I went to the room, he was in the bathtub with..with a knife stabbed in his forehead! Oh father, it was such a pitiful sight!" Tears poured endlessly down from my eyes. My body start to shake madly.

After a long time, I felt a little comforted from the blanket the nuns kindly gave me. Father Petersburg wrapped an arm around my shoulders and let me lean my head on his shoulder as he rocked me side to side. "I cannot believe how mad Andrew has become. He was such a good boy..But what has become of him?"

"Oh father, what do I do now?"

"Well, you certainly can't go back to that house. You must be protected. You are welcomed here, of course. If you stay here, I can provide you my protection. You'll be safe here."

I stopped him and looked at his face. "Father I can't stay here...If I stay here than I would have to get involved with the church."

"Well, my dear Vivian, do you think you can bear the life here?"

I gasped. "You mean as a nun? Are you crazy, father?"

"There is no place that is safe for you now. If you go outside these doors, Andrew will be after you. There is no one to trust right now. But if you stay here, you'll be unknown and considered officially dead out there."

"But father..."

"Vivian this is the only way."

"Huh...Can I just stay for a few years? He might give up on me. Can you arrange for me to drop out of the convent when that time comes?"

"I promise."

I nodded. "Alright...Alright I'll accept your offer. Thank you, father."

"Father...I know my danger quite well. I thank you for your protection..Forgive me for saying this, but I think I must think things through, don't forget I never wanted to be what I am today."

"Vivian."

"This Church taught me to speak the truth..Well, father, I do not like living so quiet here. I feel safe yet unhappy. I miss my husband. I miss my life as a wife and the home I always treasured when it was all mine...But they're all gone. I know ever since my years of being God's servant passed, you taught me that sins must be forgiven and then forgotten. To be frank, father, I cannot forgive and forget what that monster did to my life. How can I forgive him of murdering my husband and then wanting me now for his own? How in the world..How can anyone forget the great fear he cast upon me?...Although I haven't had nightmares of him for years, but inside me I can almost feel him looking for him. His mind full of torturous things when he gets his hands on me. How pitiful and painful my husband is now? Oh father..Oh father I just…"

He sighed and refused to look at me. "Are you giving this promise Mrs. Wikes begged a second thought?"

"Yes."

"Vivian, do you have any idea how shameful it is for a nun to leave the convent?..I know I have promised you such an arrangement, but its been so many years that you accepted this life."

"I know very well, father..But think about it, is it not more shameful for a person like me to use the church to protect myself from a dangerous man?..I been living like a hypocrite for years. I pray to God like a good nun. I say blessings to strangers and pray for them and care for them..But all that is a mask. I'm just doing what I have to do to cover my identity."

"Vivian."

I took his hands and gave it a kiss. "I am not making an official agreement...I just have to think things through. Believe me; I am frightened of the idea of continuing to pretend someone I'm not again - a wife who died recently. I'm aware of the consequences. I am gathering of all the bad and good things out of the matter. For now I will think first, and I'll return to you with my decision later."

"Vivian, please."

"Excuse me, father. I must return."