STAY WITH ME

Chapter Three: Take Me Back to the Start

Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be so hard.
Oh, take me back to the start.

People thought marathons were hard work. Athletes trained hard for triathlons where they run for hours, swim against the waves of the ocean all followed by a competitive bike ride, exhausting every muscle within their body until it screams for a break. But as Caroline watched the surgeons operate, however, she realized that even the longest marathon in the world was nothing compared to the effort it took to operate on a body.

It was kind of the same, she reasoned. It was still a race - a race against time, a race against infection and to save the failing organs that lay in a mess in her torso. It was a race that could take hours, hours and hours, and they didn't know whether they were going to win or when it was going to end. It was like running a race without knowing where the finishing line lay. In reality, time was the big decider on whether or not she would pull through.

The doctors and surgeons had been staring down at her body for 3 hours and 48 minutes, Caroline calculated as she looked at the clock that hung on the far wall. And judging by the conversation they shared sporadically, they still had a lot longer to go. They were currently working on her punctured lung - the right of her body was exposed while the rest was covered with green material. Tubes stuck out of her body everywhere - a couple allowing air through her ribs and draining blood, one down her throat, and one out her arm. Her eyes were taped shut and her makeup wiped clean from her face, and Caroline was left to wonder whether they were worried she would suddenly awaken or something from her slumber. Judging by the incisions over her body and the tubes choking her though, she didn't think she wanted to wake.

The medical team had been standing still for hours, working silently and exchanging small talk every now and then. "What do you want to listen to?" A man asked who stood at the top of her head.

Another replied saying they didn't care, and he simply switched on the radio so some mindless tunes filled the empty silence.

Caroline had never been too fond of the sight of torn flesh or blood - even when Elena scraped her knee falling off a bike when they were eight, Caroline averted her gaze and didn't help her friend, the sight and smell turning her stomach. Instead, she ran away from her crying friend and getting Miranda Gilbert, leaving Elena's mother to deal with the blood. But now, she couldn't tear her eyes away from the delicate work of the doctors as they repaired the puncture, draining out excess blood and fluid as they worked. So much blood was being drained that she was surprised she still had any left in her body, especially with the amount that smeared the sides of their aprons and bloodied the gloves of their hands a bright red. The scene looked more like Hannibal dissecting a body rather than some people trying everything in their power to save it.

Of all the people in the theatre however, the person who looked the most mentally drained was the person who stood above her head. He had a mask and glasses on, but Caroline could see his gaze was one of pure focus. He was fixated on her face, even though she swore she looked like she was lifeless and unable to move a single muscle. He was keeping tabs on the screen next to her, listing her heart rate and a dozen other things she didn't even remotely understand. She wondered how they could keep focus so sharply and she applauded them for it.

The solitude and silence that was much needed over the last 4 and a half hours, however, finally gave Caroline the opportunity to assess the situation she found herself in.

She was watching her body in surgery - her heart rate was resting at around 70 bpm. It was definitely her - same blonde hair, same star tattoo on her ankle - so she was definitely alive. She was not a ghost... or was she? Perhaps she was a ghost, and her body was going to die; it was just waiting for the right moment to do so. Maybe there was something she had to do first.

She decided to test the theory, when the door next to her swung open and hit her blankly in the arm. "Ow!" She rubbed her elbow hastily, frowning - the theatre nurse didn't even notice she was there, but the pain surging through her told her otherwise.

She let a moment pass and stared at the door. If she was a ghost, things would pass through her. The pain in her elbow was test one; test two was opening said door. She extended her hand, concentrating on her manicured fingers as the cool metal off the door pressed against them. She braced her muscles as she pushed forward, the door opening with her hand. She held it, turning around to look at the surgeons and nurses. None were even sparing a glance to the open door, or who was opening it for that matter. In a moment of clarity she realized that whatever she did, whatever she said, whatever she touched, no one heard or saw - she was simply a passenger to this world, in between, simply watching the world unfold. Neither dead nor alive, she wasn't on 'the other side', or whatever it was called. Otherwise, Elena and her mother would be there with her. But instead, she was completely and utterly alone.

Caroline continued walking out the open door - the surgeons looked nowhere near finished, and she had other concerns on her mind. She wasn't dead, but she wasn't alive, and she was free to roam and find whatever it was she had to look for and do. She need not worry for Stefan, but she did have Tyler to worry about. Even if she wasn't so sure she wanted to find him.

XOXOXOX

"I cannot believe it. We. Are. All. HERE! WE ARE ALL HERE!" Caroline squealed at her group of friends that surrounded her.

They all donned matching burgundy red gowns with caps to match. Matt squinted as he flicked a yellow tassel out of his eye and Stefan matched his expression at hearing Caroline's high pitched squeal.

"We are all here, together!" She continued, smiling brightly. Elena stood next to Stefan, squeezing his hand and leaning into his shoulder. They had been together almost a year and Caroline could tell that her best friends were meant to be. Epic, she often called them. Seeing them together with Bonnie and Matt as well, the people she had grown up loving and cherishing were all standing together, about to graduate high school. No one was off studying, no one was off with a boyfriend or girlfriend - they were all about to celebrate an iconic moment together, ready to leave another behind. To start college; to start fresh. It was safe to say that Caroline was more excited than anyone about the ordeal. They made it.

"Shouldn't Tyler be here, as well?" Matt chimed in, looking over his shoulder for his friend.

Caroline frowned - she hadn't thought about him. She had been far too distracted about seeing her best friends in their graduation get up and running three prom committees. "I think he was speaking to his mom about something. You know, how she doesn't want him leaving Mystic Falls behind to go to college and would rather he stay here for Mayor Duties, blah blah blah."

She laughed it off awkwardly, even though she would have preferred Tyler to be by her side. They had been dating, for lack choice of words, as long as Stefan and Elena had. But their relationship was nothing like that of her friends - it was like comparing an adult relationship with a teenage relationship. The way Stefan looked at Elena, Caroline hadn't seen that from Tyler. It was as if there were years between their relationships. But still, things had still been looking up. She simply had to work hard, like in all relationships, and travel between college and Mystic Falls to see Tyler. She didn't mind too much - it gave her a chance to visit her mother. She would be back there to live anyway, to grow up with Tyler, help her mom, and help run the cheerleading squad and plan annual events in Mystic Falls. Her relationship with Tyler was all part of the plan she had been preparing herself for as long as she could remember.

But when she looked at Stefan, and how he kissed Elena's temple at his side and she nuzzled his shoulder in response, she wondered if relationships were meant to be THIS hard.

Caroline got distracted from her thoughts when she heard a sniffle coming from next to her. "Bonnie Bennett, are you crying?"

The brunette wiped her eye with the back of her hand. "It's the last time we're together before you all go off to college."

"Before WE go off to college!" She corrected and let out a gasp. "We are all going to be roommates! We could - we could get a triple room!"

Caroline let out a squeal again and they all pulled a face. Bonnie flashed a smile. "I'm happy we're all here." She said, rubbing her eyes again.

Caroline wanted to remember this moment - where everyone was happy. A time where they all were about to rub their slates clean, ready for a new start. Their future was a wide open door and they were all ready to embrace it - together.

"GROUP HUG!" She announced, jumping up and down.

"Ah, I don't, I don't hug-" Stefan interjected as he felt arms push around him.

"Oh, get over yourself," Caroline laughed as they all wrapped their arms around their small circle, foreheads touching and caps bumping, giggles escaping them.

Shortly after, the ceremony commenced and all the students, parents and teachers took their seats in front of the stage. The banner reading 'CONGRATULATIONS SENIOR MYSTIC FALLS HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS' blew gently in the breeze, framing the stage as students gradually got up to accept their diplomas. Caroline watched as Bonnie walked up the stairs before her, clapping her hands together excitedly.

"Caroline Forbes."

She looked up expectantly and walked up the staircase upon hearing her name, a smile plastered upon her face. Her red gown swished around her as she walked and she moved the tassel on her graduation cap out of her face. She accepted the handshake from the principal, quickly walking back down the stairs and taking her allocated seat, clapping excitedly for her peers. Elena accepted her award, and Caroline took a moment to brush her hair out of her face when she heard a familiar name.

"Tyler Lockwood." She watched as he climbed the stairs, adjusting his gown and quickly shaking the principal's hand.

He sauntered down the stairs, taking his seat behind her. "Where were you?" She hissed, cutting to the chase in true Caroline Forbes style.

"I'm sorry Care," he whispered into her ear from behind as she looked ahead."I got caught up with my mom. But I'm here now."

She let out a little huff and pretended to be annoyed, not sparing a glance back at him. He kissed the side of her head gently. "I'll always be here for you."

With that one line and the warmth of his breath on her temple, Caroline felt her annoyance dissipate and she smiled, feeling her cheeks warm. Her worry for their future together seemed to lower and the simple reminder of how much he did care for her, even when at times it seemed like he didn't.

They were going to work out. She was never one to give up, after all.

XOXOXOX

Caroline sat on the floor outside the surgery, just near the waiting room. The hospital was huge, and she had no idea where to start looking if she wanted to find Tyler. Instead, she simply stared at her bare feet. She concentrated on the gray star tattoo on her left foot, the image of seeing her feet from afar bloodied and missing a shoe scarred into her memory, replaying over and over.

Part of her loved Tyler. She wasn't sure if she was speaking in past or present tense, but regardless, they had far too much history for her to ignore. Even though she found herself in recent years falling for the charms of another man, she had ended up choosing Tyler. Even though she knew in her heart it wasn't what she wanted, she knew in her mind that it was right. She was 24 - while still young, she was getting to a point where it was time to start growing up and working on a future for herself. He fit into her plan. She had to focus on that or she would drive herself insane thinking about the nights spent with a man which ended up being some of her favorite moments of her life.

She felt awfully guilty for even thinking about it when she wasn't sure where Tyler was.

Caroline smoothed down her blue dress, getting up off the floor. Now was not the time to dwell or think about the past - the present was the most important, and she had to remember that she was not dead, but still very much alive. She wanted - no, needed - to see what state Tyler was in. If he was in surgery, if he was as injured as she. Was he conscious? She couldn't stand the lurking worries much longer, she just had to find him and make sure he was, in simple terms, okay.

She looked up the hall when a door swung open and two people dressed in blue scrubs wheeled a bed out into her sight. She knew it came from the surgery she was located in and she quickly moved towards it instinctively, as if she didn't want her body to leave her too long; as though she may not be able to return to it.

Caroline padded after them as they turned a few corners into the ICU and wheeling her into place, hitting up the brakes. She had her own room, and didn't share with one or three other people like most did. She realized that if she was on her own, she needed more attention and care than she thought. That was never a good sign.

One of the nurses got out a clipboard and another approached the end of the bed. She was young, not much older than Caroline, but she had the eyes of an older soul, one which had seen and experienced far more beyond her years. Her brown hair was long and tied into a ponytail, and she wore no makeup but had such natural beauty that she didn't need a thing. Even after what she was assuming was a long shift, she still looked revitalized and awake.

"Hi, Meredith," the nurse in scrubs greeted the girl, gripping the handlebar on the end of the bed near her feet.

Caroline watched from a few feet away as the nurses changed over, exchanging vital details and showing each other clipboards of paper with squiggly lines. She took the moment upon herself to inspect her body - she wasn't sure what she was expecting to see, but it was worse than she thought.

A tube gagged her mouth, white tape strapped above and below her lips to keep the tube in place. Bruises were starting to appear on her face in swollen lumps, and her right arm was bandaged from scrapes. While she had a blanket covering her body, various tubes came out the side of the bed, draining blood and other fluids. It made her feel sick just thinking about how many holes and objects were stuck into her body which she could not do a thing about. For someone with a fear of even needles, Caroline had trouble watching the cannula drain fluid in her arm and didn't want to even look at the damage to her torso and legs. A machine beeped regularly next to her with her heartbeat.

Caroline edged closer and stood next to the nurses, listening in on their conversation.

"Who was with the victim at the time?" Her new nurse asked as they finished swapping details of her state.

"It was four friends, all about the same age. T-boned in an SUV. One female, deceased at the scene. One male is in recovery. One male passed from his injuries in the ambulance on the way to emergency."

"Wait, what?" Caroline interjected, walking up close to the nurses.

One shook her head as if to say 'what a shame', but in a way like it was something they had grown accustomed to in that part of the hospital, and they quickly said their goodbyes before the theatre nurse turned away.

"No, you can't just walk away!" Caroline shouted, "Who passed away?"

The lady walked away without a second glance, looking at her clock as she had other places to be. But Caroline wasn't having any of it. She approached the young nurse, shouting right into her face. "Is it Tyler? Is Tyler alive?"

The girl looked at her sleeping form sympathetically, standing on the side of the bed and touching her wrist. "You're going to be okay," she said quietly as she looked at her nurses' watch and timed her pulse. "Even though two people you love aren't here, you are. And you're strong. Given what you've been through, I can already tell."

"Two people..." Caroline whispered, barely listening to the nurses comforting words. One female died at the scene - Elena. One male died on the way to the hospital. She had already seen Stefan, so that left only one person...

Caroline backed away as though it was getting hard to breathe in the tiny room, running her hands through her hair. "Tyler..."

Realization struck her as hard as a blow to the chest.

He will never get to celebrate another birthday. He wouldn't get to have children, and see them grow, or have a son who loves to draw as much as his daddy. He won't grow old, or reach an age where he needs glasses to read. He will never be able to take on what his family had planned for him and become the next Mayor of Mystic Falls. He won't be able to study or do teaching like he was considering, or even make another decision regarding his wide open future. He won't be able to see her walk down the aisle.

He won't be able to buy another tux to wear to the wedding - the next one he would wear would be to his funeral.

Caroline felt her heart constrict, a pain resurfacing that she felt before upon seeing Elena a few short hours ago. This was a different type of pain, however - the pain with Elena was the pain of losing a best friend, like a part of her childhood and lifeline was ripped apart and only shreds remained. The pain that engulfed her now with the realization that Tyler was dead was made up of not only grief and disbelief, but complete guilt and shame.

She wanted to go out to dinner on a double date. She wanted to find a reason to celebrate, to push past the obstacles she had created in her mind, to convince herself she was excited to be marrying him, her first real love. She wanted to drive them home. If she hadn't done any of that, if she hadn't tried to convince herself for her own selfish reasons, if she maybe drove them home, they would be at their apartment, asleep in their beds. The Lockwoods wouldn't have lost a son; the Gilberts wouldn't be torn apart. She wouldn't be alone and neither would Stefan.

Tyler was dead, and it was all her fault.

Caroline felt her chest rise and fall rapidly and clutched it, tears starting to fall. She sat on the floor in her room, bringing her knees to her chest and hugging them, wails escaping her throat. A mixture of guilt and grief consumed her and she soon found herself wishing desperately to swap places with either of them.

So it has been a long time since I updated this! I've been busy and forgot about it. But since I have it all planned out and this was already mostly written, I thought I'd update it still.

So Tyler and Elena are dead, and Stefan is very much alive. Caroline is alive, but just. It's been a few hours since the accident, and most of Tyler/Caroline's story is explained. Basically, she loved him once but circumstances changed over the years. If you're still confused, we are going to visit more flashbacks where I will introduce how she met Klaus, and how he changed things for her. How he changed her plans, her hopes and dreams. But I needed to get Tyler out of the way first! (Wow that sounds awful XD)

So chapter 5 - you will meet Klaus! Next chapter - we will see how Stefan is doing, and visit another flashback with Steroline and their awesome bromance! A planned proposal and preparing to meet one of Stefan's work colleagues ;)

Let me know what you think and trust me, your patience with Klaroline will be worth it! I promise! Any questions and confusion, ask and I'll try to clear it up!

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- Hayley xo

- 'The Scientist' belongs to Coldplay. 'If I Stay' belongs to Gayle Foreman.