Hi all, this chapter has driven me nuts for a couple of days but I'm finally happy enough to share it with you all. Thank you for all your support so far for this story, means a great deal and I really hope you like the next instalment. It is Rose turn to talk for a bit and hate to tell you this, but shes had things nearly as bad as Bella. They will all be happy in the end I promise :) Thank you for reading and returning once again, Abbie
Three
Rose
She was mulling over everything that had happened at the group and the lovely people that she had met today when her foster father pulled up around the corner from the ice-cream parlour. It hadn't been long since she'd called and she was a little surprised that he had arrived that quickly but she was soon distracted from this train of thought as her body automatically tensed up. She hated herself for it but it was an involuntary reaction. It annoyed her greatly that she was still nervous around him, despite all his attempts to help her. Thankfully, he was an understanding man and never allowed her hesitation or fear to prevent his attempt to build a good relationship with her. She was more than grateful for this and hoped one day she would have the strength to let him in. With a well-practised manoeuvre, he parked the car and hopped out of the driver's side to help her with Henry. He smiled brightly when he greeted her as she stood by the store front, clutching the handle of the pram just a little too tightly.
"Hi Rose," he greeted, "Did you have a good day?"
She nodded and responded simply but politely, "Yes, thank you."
His expression dropped a little and she could tell he was disappointed that he was still receiving only polite replies. She really didn't want to let her past affect her future but it was difficult to let go of a trauma so deeply embedded within her. She began disassembling Henry's car seat from the prams frame and handed it over to her foster father. As he clipped her son into the back seat, she folded down the frame and stowed it away in the trunk.
A few moments later, she climbed into the front seat and he retook his seat beside her. Without thinking, she instinctively moved an inch or two closer to the door. She internally cursed her actions, he had been nothing but kind to her, she reminded herself, she didn't need to act this way around him, he wasn't her step-father. In spite of her move away from him, he showed yet further understanding and ignored the movement and instead asked.
"So did you met anyone interesting?"
Rose smiled then at the thought, "Yes actually, I met two other girls; Alice and Bella. They both have daughters."
He seemed geuniely please when he replied, "That's wonderful news, I bet it was good to talk to other girls."
"It was," she said simply. In all honesty, it had been wonderful to spend time with other girls that were like her, especially given Bella's mention of a history in foster care. She was intrigued to know more about it but she would never ask.
"Well, Esme, will be thrilled to hear all about it, I'm sure."
Rose found herself smiling at his reply and the thought of Esme. She was such a lovely women and had been an amazing help through a very difficult time. The best thing about Esme, however, was that she was delightfully crazy. Well, she reasoned with herself, not crazy, maybe free spirited or eccentric. She could picture her now, preparing something for dinner and prancing around the kitchen to some new track that took her fancy. She changed her mind frequently about which genre of music she preferred.
Her attention was drawn back to her foster father for the remained of the journey as he chatted away to her, trying to put her at ease. She responded as best as she could but never relaxed fully until they were pulling up onto the driveway. By then, she was glad to be back. She wasn't as afraid of him when Esme was around them both. Having another woman present made her feel safe somehow.
However, something strange occurred when they entered the house. It was the usual time where Esme would prepare dinner but there was no music playing but yet the smell of food cooking was heavy in the air.
"Esme?" he called out to his wife as they stood in the hallway, looking slightly confused. Esme very rarely differed her routine.
She appeared around the doorway a few seconds after he called out to her. Her caramel hair was scraped up into messy pigtails and her smile was nothing short of radiant.
"Oh, Carlisle!" she cried, running over to him, "Guess who's come to see us?"
Her foster father frowned at the guessing game.
"Who?" he questioned.
Esme scoffed, "You're supposed to guess."
Carlisle laughed lightly, "Ok, well, I suppose the only person who would make you happy if they dropped by unannounced is Edward."
Esme beamed at her husband and nodded. She looked ecstatic.
At their conversation, Rose understood who was here. It made her suddenly nervous to meet the nephew that Esme had gushingly told her about not long after she had been placed here. Esme had told her the story of their nephew, Edward, and his time in foster care as the explanation for why she took in other foster placements now. The system had helped him find his family when his parents had died suddenly, and so, Esme had wanted to give something back and found that actually, she loved being a foster mother to so many in need. As she remembered their conversation about Edward, she found herself more than a little apprehensive to meet the man that she had heard so much about already.
"But he said he wasn't coming for a fortnight," Carlisle replied to Esme's expression of confirmation.
"I did say that," an unfamiliar voice spoke then, the figure of a nearly six foot man following the voice and appearing in the doorway, Rose shrank back just a little, "but a friend of mine was travelling back this way and offered a lift so I thought why not? Saves paying for a flight."
"You still haven't told me about this 'friend'?" Esme pried, "I'll have to thank her for bringing you home early."
"Him," Edward corrected gently, "Yes you can thank him if you want, he'll be back in a fortnight so we can drive back again."
Esme smiled up at him but since her expressions were usually so vivid, it was obvious that there was a hint of disappointment behind her smile. Her disappointment was wiped from her face as quickly as it had appeared when she spotted Rose.
"Hi darling," she greeted, "how did it go today?"
Sensing the beginning of a conversation, Carlisle motioned for Edward to head into the kitchen as she replied.
"It went really well actually," Rose replied.
Esme was intrigued, "did you make any friends?"
Rose nodded, "Yeah I think so."
"You'll have to tell me all about it," She gushed before she spotted Henry in the car seat hanging from her arm.
"But first, let's get this little man ready for the evening," Esme instructed gently, "It's nearly six o'clock."
Rose nodded and went upstairs with her foster mom. Esme truly was brilliant, at first she had been really hands on with Henry, showing Rose what to do and how to care for him but now she mostly just stayed with her while she built her confidence up. It was a scary thing, being in charge of a little life when she didn't feel old enough to care for herself at times.
It didn't take long to prepare Henry for bed, Esme fed him while Rose ran a warm bath. After this, all it took was a fresh diaper and a clean sleepsuit for him to start drifting off as she laid him in the basket. It made her chest ache a little to walk away from her sleeping child but she knew that the monitor was on and they would hear even the slightest noise he made. Still he was only a couple of months old and she found leaving him painful.
"Come on, love," Esme encouraged, "Tell me all about your day."
Rose obliged and shared the story of her two new potential friends as they headed from the room and towards the kitchen. She told her about Alice and Ellie and Bella and Beth but the topic had been exhausted by the time they reached the kitchen. Carlisle and Edward were plating up dinner as they entered. Rose felt her nerves creeping up over her as he turned and looked at her. The nephew was pretty good looking, tall with a strong jaw but she wasn't able to look at him in that way. The only way she viewed men was as a potential threat to her. She had been this way for a while and even though he smiled kindly at her, she dipped her gaze and tried to make herself small. Unfortunately, she was aware that she was beautiful, it was her beauty that made her a target for abuse. She hated herself for her looks and usually tried to hide her face when men appraised her.
"Hey," he spoke gently, seeming concerned, "You alright?"
She kept her gaze on the floor as her heart rate increased. He glanced over at Esme unbeknown to her and Esme thankfully spoke up for her.
"It's okay, she's just a bit shy, Edward," Esme explained, "Come on, Rose, you can sit by me."
She looked up then and gladly took a seat beside Esme at the dining table. She felt safer around women, women couldn't hurt her like men could. She sat quietly throughout dinner and just listened to her foster family discussing what they had all been up too since Edward had returned to college after the holidays in September. Due to Rose and Henry arriving into their lives, Edward had spent the Christmas holidays with his grandparents. His reasoning was that he probably didn't have many more left with them but, Rose had a suspicion that he'd stayed away because of her.
Once she had eaten, she excused herself and allowed them space to spend the evening together, she didn't feel it was right for her to stay when they had so much to catch up on. At least, that was the excuse that she told herself as she did so. She headed upstairs and settled herself on her bed for the evening. Even though, she was being home schooled for the moment, she still tried her best to keep up-to-date with her studies and since Henry was busy sleeping she loaded up her laptop and got on with the work for next week.
It was around an hour later that she had done all she could with work and had contented herself with reading a book, when a tap at the door put her on high alert. She climbed up off her bed slowly and walked over to the door. It was probably Esme but she was cautious all the same. She didn't like letting people into her bedroom. She pulled open the door, her hesitance obvious.
"Hey," a male voice spoke as she did so, "Didn't mean to disturb you, but Esme suggested playing a game and she wanted to know if you would like to join us?"
Her body language must have portrayed how much this situation was difficult for her because he mistook her fear of him being near her bedroom to mean she didn't want to join then, and quickly added, "You don't have too but, the offers there."
His voice was gentle and she fought with herself for a few moments but she still couldn't look at him. She didn't need time to think it over, she knew her answer and her response was automatic.
"Maybe another time," she replied timidly. Her fear holding her back as always.
Edward just nodded, displaying the same understanding and kindness as his uncle always did, "no worries, we'll be downstairs if you change your mind."
Once he had disappeared down the corridor, she slowly closed the door and as she did so, she felt the sting of tears in her eyes. Her anxiety, fuelled by fear, brought up thoughts of him as she closed the door. She shook them off as much as she could and just felt angry with herself. It wouldn't have been so bad to join them, she knew that but she just couldn't let go. It infuriated her, he wasn't here anymore, and she was safe so why couldn't she just let it go?
She reasoned with herself then, she had spent so long being hurt and mistreated, it would take a long time to change her mind set. She knew this but it didn't stop her from slowing descending into sobs. She only just managed to control the volume of her sobs to prevent Henry from stirring. Whenever she gave in to the tears, she would remember him and relive things all over again. At first, he had seemed like a nice normal man but Royce King was anything but.
She couldn't deny that he had been a relatively handsome man and she had understood why her mother was infatuated with him. He had seemed nice enough to her then. But what they didn't know was that her step-father had been a monster just waiting for darkness to fall. The most surprising thing of all to Rose though, was that her mother's strong infatuation outweighed her love for her child. To this day, she refused to believe that her daughter had been telling the truth about her husband. It didn't matter that Henry's DNA had proven that Royce had fathered him, she wouldn't accept it. It didn't matter to Rose though, her mother had let her down long ago in an irredeemable way long ago…
Two years ago…
"Rose, honey," her mother called through her bedroom door. She lay awake in her bed, hiding beneath her covers as if the thick fabric could shield her for all that had transpired last night.
"It's time to get up."
In that moment, she didn't think she was capable of movement and laid still. Her body was in a state of shock and she didn't know how to regain control over her limbs. She stayed silent and hoped her mom would leave her alone for a little longer. In that moment, she knew she should say something, but she felt frozen. Suspended in the trauma that she had suffered only hours before.
"Are you awake?"
Rose began to panic then. If she didn't say something then her mother would likely come in to wake her but, her brain refused to cooperate. The door opened slowly and her whole body tensed.
"Sweetie," her mother cooed down at the bundle of covers, "it's time to get up. You'll miss the bus."
Gripping the covers to her body like a lifeline she felt her mother tug at them. Slowly, her grip began to slacken and her mom was peering down at her huddled form.
"Rosie, what's wrong?"
The concern in her mother's voice was enough to let her break free for just a moment. She looked up, and flinching slightly, she forced herself upright. It was then that she felt the tears stream down her face.
"Oh sweetie," She gushed, "Are you not feeling well? You don't have to go to school today, it's okay. I'll get the doctor out if you need it."
Rose shook her head and tried to get the words out. She knew as she stared up at her mothers kind face that it was now or never. She needed to tell her mother while they were alone, she needed to be brave. The words 'he hurt me' were on the tip of her tongue when her mother called out.
"Royce!"
Rose tensed up at the mention of his name. In that moment all Rose felt was betrayal but her mother couldn't have known. Before she could attempt to speak, he appeared in her room. Her blood ran cold and her mouth clamped shut.
"You called?" his demeanour was bright and friendly.
She felt sick right down into the pit of stomach. This man had abused her and he stood in her room, smiling, as if nothing untoward had happened the previous night. The feel of his hand clamped over her mouth was etched onto her brain. His fingers reaching down towards underwear and how it made her heart stop with a crippling fear. Until last night, she had always believed that you couldn't have been 'raped' if you didn't fit back. That was what she had been made to believe anyway but it was complete nonsense. She knew that now.
"I don't want to hurt you, Rosie."
His words echoed through her mind. His voice hadn't sounded friendly then, it had been sadistic as if that was exactly what he wanted to do. She had gone almost completely paralyzed with fear and with her own reaction, she understood why women didn't always fight back. Fear did things to people that she had never understood before. If only she was still as naïve as she had been yesterday.
She couldn't understand it, her mind was in tatters. Her home was supposed to be the safest place for her to be. She had always believed that and it had been for a long time. Last night, however, had proved just no unsafe her home was. She had gone to bed last night a happy, healthy teenager and had begun today as a mere shadow of that person.
"Royce, can you call the doctor? Rosie, really doesn't look well."
Her mother's words broke through and panic set in. She felt his gaze on her then as her mother assessed her condition.
"Oh sweetie, you're shaking."
Her mother's comments drew her from her thoughts and in fear she pushed her mom's arm away from her.
"I'm fine," she told them, firmly, "I don't need a doctor."
It was then that he spoke up, making her recoil from her mother's touch further.
"I think she's alright," he commented, "She looks well enough to me."
Any words that she could think to say, hung at the back of her throat. She couldn't speak, not when he had just spoken. Her mom frowned down at her, still concerned.
"Well," she conceded, "If you feel at all unwell at school, just call and one of us will come and get you."
Her mom gave her a long look once more, before admitting defeat and leaving the room. Her step-father lingered for a moment longer. His stare burnt holes into her and she felt very much like she may throw up at any moment. He said nothing and left a few seconds later, leaving her with a fear burnt into her soul. Once he was gone and her door was closed behind him, she finally broke down in sobs…
Present day…
She wiped her eyes just as Henry began to stir and pulled herself up off her bed. For her son, she would be brave. She would always be brave for him. She would be the mother that he needed her to be even if it took a lifetime to achieve. His cries began just as she reached his basket.
"Hey," she cooed, "its okay, mommy's here."
She scooped him up into her arms and held him against her chest. He began to settle and so did she. With his small weight against her, she felt so much stronger. From the moment that she had known about his existence, Henry had given her a reason to keep going when she had felt so alone and afraid. He may have been conceived out of rape and abuse but he would certainly never know it through lack of love for him. He may one day know more than she would like but all that mattered to her was that he always knew that his mom loved him with all her being, regardless of how he was made.
A strength she didn't know she possessed began to form inside her as she held him. With her thoughts still burned from memories of her step-father, she found this sense of strength oddly comforting. It was unexpected but she was grateful for it.
She came to her decision then, a decision that was truly surprising. She got Henry changed and fighting herself with every step, she headed downstairs. The sounds of their laughter greeted her and she clung to Henry like a lifeline as she approached. Esme saw her first and her face lit up in delight. Rose returned her smile but her anxiety was still there, clinging to her like an invisible creature.
As Carlisle and Edward looked up at her entrance, the words she had been contemplating got stuck in her throat and she very nearly left as quickly as she had arrived. Thankfully, Esme noticed her discomfort and saved her from herself.
"Are you coming to join us?" she asked, adding, "You can help me if you like, I am losing badly."
Rose smiled at Esme, grateful beyond words. She nodded, placed Henry in his bouncer across from her and took the seat beside Esme. It was when she was settled beside her foster mom that she began to relax.
"What are you playing?" she questioned then, her tone still a little too quiet.
Esme continued to smile at her, looking just a little proud.
"Trivial Pursuit," Edward answered her question, "Carlisle chose it. Esme is rubbish at it."
"Hey, not anymore," Esme replied, patting Rose's hand gently, "I've got Rosie now. Bring it on."
Rose found herself laughing just lightly at Esme's comment. She really wasn't that smart.
"I think you overestimate me, Esme."
"Of course not," Esme responded, "You're fantastic, Rose. We're a team and we can't lose now."
The words 'we're a team' would stay with her for a long time. She felt the little creature ease its grip on her at hearing Esme's words. It was because of those three words and there effect on her that she was able to let go just a little more than she had expected too that evening.
She hadn't felt a sense of family in such a long time but as the evening passed by she began to feel as though just maybe she had a safe place to belong at last. The evening was filled with laughter and joyous conversation. Even though, she mostly did not join in with this particular aspect of their socialisation, she took comfort from seeing their interaction and from allowing herself to be a part of it. She couldn't help but think as she went to bed that night, that maybe, just maybe, there was hope for her yet.