We spend the rest of the day ignoring our schedules and hanging out. We've made a silent agreement to never get separated again. Splitting up landed me in the Capitol and her in District 13, both of us worrying about the other. But absence really does make the heart grow fonder. She seems to have a better understanding of her feelings for me now than she did during the Quarter Quell.
It's hard to believe that she actually cares for me, that she may even love me. She broke my heart once, but part of it was my fault. I shouldn't have forced the romance thing on her, and I shouldn't have gotten upset when she told me it was all for the Games. She saved my life. I will always be grateful to her for not killing me when she had the chance.
What really makes me happy is that Katniss is so willing to help me. We are coming up with our own way to communicate, our own language. She notices the little things I do and tries to figure me out. Like how I flick my wrist when I'm nervous. She pays close attention to my facial expressions and tries to understand them.
When night falls, Katniss and I crawl into bed. It's nice to feel close to someone again, and it's so easy to fall asleep when she is in my arms.
We are forced to get up bright and early to star in a propaganda video. Coin wants to use me in order to show the districts how cruel the Capitol is. I don't mind much, but Katniss is furious.
"You can't threaten Peeta's life one moment and then use him the next chance you get! I won't let you show his pain to all of Panem!" she shouts.
"It's not your decision," Coin replies calmly. "It's ours. Mr. Mellark needs to make himself useful if he expects to live here."
It's obvious that she thinks I'm useless without my tongue. Katniss seems to realize this as well, which only serves to fuel her anger. "Are you saying he's useless?"
"That's exactly what I'm saying, Ms. Everdeen. Would you rather we treat him like a traitor?" She crosses her arms and looks directly at me. "Or we could treat him like an avox."
Ouch. That avox comment hurt. It reminds me of all the ones I saw in the Capitol. So miserable, so lonely. I feel sorry for them.
"Don't you dare." Katniss lunges at Coin, but I catch her wrist before she can do anything. She quickly returns to her senses. "Peeta..."
I shake my head. Violence isn't the answer. It won't change anyone's opinion of me.
"He isn't useless," she insists.
Coin sighs heavily. "Then let us film him. And Ms. Everdeen, you need to learn some discipline. You and Mr. Mellark are to train as soldiers for the rebellion from now on."
Me, a soldier? Me? I can't gun down people as if they are nothing more than obstacles. I can't wield a gun at all, let alone use it to kill someone.
"Fine," Katniss says, sounding defeated. "I made things worse for us, Peeta."
I shrug to let her know it's okay.
"Don't act like I did nothing wrong. It's my fault-" she stops mid-sentence and stares at me. "Did I just understand you?"
I stare back at her, amazed. Katniss understood what I was trying to get across without me having to write it down. I nod my head enthusiastically.
"I knew it." She reaches up to touch my face, tears in her eyes. "You and I really can survive anything together."
My condition must have caused her great distress, but she never made her feelings known to me. Was she afraid that things wouldn't be the same between us? She never acted like she had any doubts.
Coin coughs to remind us that she is there. "If you two are finished, can we please get started?"
I sit in a chair as a makeup artist makes my face look bruised and disfigured. She messes up my hair and tears my clothes. "All you have to do is look like you're in pain," she tells me.
The cameramen begin filming Katniss, who is angrily pacing the set. "You think the Capitol cares about the average, innocent citizen? I'm sorry to inform you that they don't. You are as disposable as trash to them. They won't hesitate to punish you for no good reason. Just look at what they've done to Peeta!" She spins around to face me.
I make myself look as miserable as possible before opening my mouth.
"He didn't do anything wrong! The Capitol captured him, tortured him, and cut out his tongue in order to hurt me. Punishing him was only a means to an end. This is what the Capitol does." Katniss looks directly at the camera. "Snow, you're a coward for harming someone I care about. You think you're hurting me? Well, you're wrong. Peeta and I are strong enough to overcome anything you throw at us! But if you even think of touching him again, I'll take you down myself!"
The video is complete, and everyone starts applauding Katniss' performance. She truly was amazing on the set. Her anger was very believable.
'Nice acting,' I write.
She blushes and averts her gaze. "I wasn't acting."
"Well done," Coin says as she approaches us. "We should let you go off script more often."
Katniss doesn't meet her gaze. "Can we go now?"
"Make sure to show up for training," she says to us. "If you are absent, I will find something else for Mr. Mellark to do."
Katniss drags me into the hallway. "Don't you see what she's doing? She is using you to keep me in line! Just like Snow was using you to hurt me!"
That's true. Coin threatened to make me an Avox if Katniss doesn't obey her commands. I grab my notepad and put my thoughts in writing. 'I'm sorry if I caused you any trouble.'
"No, Peeta. That's not what I meant." I watch as she studies her hands for a long time. She must be thinking hard about what to say next. "Coin isn't treating you like a person."
'Because I can't speak,' I conclude.
When Katniss doesn't answer, I know that my assumption is correct. I'm nothing without my words. No one wants to wait for me to jot down my thoughts on paper. It takes too long for me to write them and for them to be read. Speaking is so much more convenient, but it is a luxury I no longer have.
We walk to the training area in silence. I'm too wrapped up in my own sorrow to converse with her, and she seems to recognize my need to wallow in misery for awhile. I deserve at least that much after being tortured by the Capitol.
She stops suddenly and turns to face me. Her intense, angry expression softens. "Peeta, I want you to know that it doesn't matter to me if you can't talk. I missed you so much when you were captured." She reaches into her pocket and pulls out something that I can't see. She opens her hand, revealing a pearl.
My breath catches in my throat. She kept the pearl I gave her during the Quarter Quell. Our eyes meet, and I'm suddenly overwhelmed with joy.
"This kept me sane when you were in the Capitol. I would hold it close if I started to miss you. I wanted you back." She cradles it in her hand.
It's so unlike Katniss to share her personal thoughts and emotions; she usually avoids talking about herself. But she knows that I desperately need to hear this. I need to hear that my life matters to at least one person.
"And now that you're back, I couldn't be happier." She carefully places the pearl back in her pocket. "So don't worry. We're in this together."