You know I can't love you
So I think its best we both forget before we dwell on it
The way you held me so tight
All through the night
Til it was near morning
.
Blair awoke the morning of her birthday, surprisingly, not alone.
Her head was nestled into the crook of a neck that wasn't Nate's and surprisingly again, she didn't care.
Chuck and Blair's limbs were tangled intimately under Blair's silk comforter, but with a peek under the covers she noted how they were both still fully dressed.
.
Her lips hit Chuck's before he could utter another word. Not for her mother, or Nate. For her. She needed the comfort of his strong hands on her waist and pulled herself closer and closer until she almost feared they'd never be separated.
But regretfully he pulled away, desire still rampant in his dark eyes, "I thought you wanted a date before we got... intimate, again."
With a small whimper she kissed him again, torturously dragging her tongue along his lip. She pulled back just a millimetre, "Maybe I changed my mind."
Chuck allowed himself to be pushed back onto the luxurious bed as Blair climbed on top of him. But as she leaned in to kiss him again he noted the glisten of tears still obvious in her eyes.
"Blair," He whispered, turning his head to one side. She looked hurt, heartbroken even, "You have no idea how much I want this. Seriously." Chuck told her honestly, feeling the strain in his pants back up his words.
"So have me," Blair offered. All she wanted was to forget, to lose herself like she had that night at Victrola. Besides, sleeping with Chuck Bass was a better therapy than emptying her dinner into the ensuite.
He knew there was something bigger going on here than a drunken hook up. Despite himself Chuck sat up and pulled Blair off of him, taking a deep steadying breath, "Not like this. Not whilst you're still thinking about your ex-boyfriend."
But it was Eleanor's face in Blair's eyes when she thought about her problems. All her worries, her lack of control of her situation stemmed from her mother's need to use Blair to do her dirty work. Literally. Perhaps this was for the best, Blair considered, it was unlikely Chuck would still agree to their date once he'd got what he wanted and sealed the deal.
Blair nodded, going along with Chucks assumptions. She quietly crawled under her comforter and rested her head on the feather pillow, staring up at the intricate patterns on her ceiling.
Chuck got up to leave, flicking the light switch as he went.
"Stay."
Blair convinced herself that this was a twisted attempt to weasel her way further into Chuck's heart, so she could exploit him for his father's money. But truly she just didn't want to be alone.
.
She wondered what time the party had ended. Her and Chuck had stepped away from the festivities hours before the typical UES party would end, so she expected the penthouse to be in ruins.
"Good morning, Waldorf."
He was awake. Blair's heart raced at the sound of his scratchy morning voice and felt the tiniest of his movements all over her body where they still lay intertwined.
She attempted to compose herself but couldn't quite break free, "Morning, Bass."
"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you…" He half sang, tunelessly. He smirked at how undone and un-Waldorf she looked with bedhead and smudged makeup, but still more exquisite than any girl he knew.
Blair pulled away enough so she could hit him with a pillow. Right, it was her birthday. How had she forgotten?
BEEP
Blair untangled her limbs and rolled her to retrieve her phone, expecting a full Gossip Girl article on the previous night's activities. Instead it was a message from her mother.
Is Charles staying for breakfast?
She felt exposed and disgusting, imagining Eleanor's beaming smirk as she watched her sleep next to Chuck. Her phone went off again.
Good work, Blair. We shall have the backing soon enough.
Blair blanched. With shaking fingers she deleted both messages and slammed her phone back onto her bedside cabinet.
Chuck watched her with interest, "Who was that?"
"Serena wondering why I left the party so early last night. I told her I didn't feel well," Blair brushed off breezily, rising to cover herself with a robe. She didn't even look at the boy in her bed, "You should go now."
Why did she feel so guilty about using Chuck Bass? He basically wrote the playbook on using others for his own gain, plus he was getting sex with her out of the bargain. It was a win-win situation, wasn't it?
Chuck stood up quickly and retrieved his suit jacket from the floor. This was probably the first time he'd gone to bed with a girl and not ended up sleeping with her, and it didn't feel quite as bad as he'd expected. In fact waking up with her in his arms had multiplied the butterflies coursing through his stomach.
He approached her slowly and placed a hand on her flushed cheek, "Have an amazing birthday. I'll see you later." And with a swift kiss on the cheek he was gone, dodging Eleanor's requests for him to join the family breakfast and sneaking out of the service entrance. Blair didn't need this all over Gossip Girl on her birthday.
Once he'd left Blair had a hollow feeling open in her chest. To appease her pain she turned to the pile of gifts still waiting for her at the end of her bed, and the large black box sitting square at the top. She opened it slowly to reveal the Erickson Beamon necklace she'd reserved at the jewellers. It was beautiful and shimmering and had a diamond heart in the centre which just added to her feelings of emptiness. When she reserved this piece it had been more of a wish fulfilment, in an alternate world where she had a boyfriend that loved her and wanted to spend a small fortune on a birthday present.
Instead she had a Bass with enough money in his trust fund to buy her the necklace, in exchange for the sex she'd give up after their date.
At least, that's what she kept telling herself. But the look in his eye when she'd thrown him out this morning haunted her, it was almost as though he had real feelings for her.
.
"Happy birthday Miss Blair!" Dorota called out as the birthday girl finally decided to come downstairs. The remnants of last night's party had already been swept away and now stylish bunting and birthday banners strung artfully around the penthouse.
Blair grinned happily, "Thank you Dorota." She settled herself at the lavish breakfast table where her mother was already sat, flicking through some papers.
"Why was Nathanial here last night?" Eleanor asked without looking up, her words passively angry.
Not even a happy birthday? What a surprise.
"He just brought me a birthday gift," Blair explained. The emphasis she put on the word birthday garnered a little of her mother's attention.
She raised an eyebrow, "Oh yes, and happy birthday dear." Eleanor's gaze lingered on the necklace around Blair's neck, "I saw the Archibald ring he left behind. Don't worry, I took the liberty of sending it back to him; that necklace is much more suitable."
So that's where the offending piece of jewellery had gone, relief coursed through her that she wouldn't have to see it again. Blair allowed herself the liberty of having a birthday croissant, no matter the glares Eleanor shot her. She needed something to dispel all the guilty thoughts she was having about Chuck. And Nate of course, she added as an afterthought.
"It is rather stunning," she commented wistfully, twirling the diamond heart between two fingers. "I think I'll wear it tonight."
The younger Waldorf felt a thrill of pleasure when her mother's face broke into a smile and she actually looked her daughter in the eye.
"Ah yes, today's the day of your date with Charles. Isn't it?" Eleanor asked with a self-assured smile. Of course she knew the date was tonight, she'd all but set it up herself. "I hope you have something flattering to wear?"
Flattering. The word fell cold on Blair's ears and she was reminded that clothing always outshone her rather than the other way around. Like Serena, who shone no matter what she wore. Chuck wouldn't think that… It was true that a certain Bass always had an appreciation for Blair's looks and physique. If anything he'd compliment her more sincerely than even her previous boyfriend – even if it was followed by a lecherous comment.
"I'm sure I can find something that'll work," Blair responded airily, dropping the uneaten half of her croissant onto her plate.
She imagined the way Chuck's gaze would trail libidinously up and down her form that evening. He wouldn't notice the extra calories she'd consumed through stress, he wouldn't even care. But, Blair considered a little sadly, she wanted someone to care. Someone to look at her and see her, not an overweight daughter or a sexual plaything. Even Nate had only seen her as a way to appease his parents.
Blair quickly excused herself and hastily locked herself in the bathroom. The traitorous toilet taunted her with its evil memories of nights spent releasing her dinner into its depths. Now was not the time for that kind of control. She turned her face away, running a deep, hot bath and filling it with sweet smelling bubbles.
As Blair plunged herself into the water, her phone rang.
"Happy birthday, B!"
Serena's loud, over cheerful voice echoed in the cavernous bathroom.
"Hey, thanks S," Blair attempted to reemit even half of Serena's enthusiasm.
"Have you opened my present?"
The box in question was still buried somewhere amongst the gifts piled in the corner of Blair's room, very much untouched.
"No, not yet," She admitted, rubbing soothing lotions into her skin. She imagined the creamy liquid dissolving all the fat under her skin and it running into the steamy water.
There was a pause.
"Oh good! I was thinking I could come over and we could open it together. You know, have a girly day with all that's going on."
Blair hesitated before giving in, "Sure, S. But only for a bit, I have this… thing, later on."
"What thing?" Serena asked inquisitively. Without a boyfriend she couldn't imagine what Blair would be doing that Serena wasn't invited to.
She winced. There was no way she could tell Serena what was going on, she'd just talk her out of it and Eleanor would hate her more than ever.
"Just a date," Blair said with fake breeziness that even she could tell was fake.
"A date?" Serena's cheeriness faltered with confusion, "But you and Nate aren't-"
"No!" Blair cut in skittishly, splashing the water around her legs. She frowned at herself, "I'll let you know who with if and when it's over."
"Okay…"
Blair could tell Serena wanted to know more, but was holding herself back. She thanked the lord for her consideration.
"Well I'll see you in a bit then," Blair brought the conversation to a close. Serena told her she'd be there in 20 and they ceased communication.
With a deep, steadying breath Blair sunk into the sweltering waters, feeling relief as the warmth soaked over her head until she was fully submerged
.
Back at the Archibald family home, Nate was staring wide eyed at the returned gift in his hand. Blair didn't want the ring? Being inducted into the exclusive Archibald family had been all she'd talked about since they turned old enough to understand what it meant.
"What's that, Nathanial?"
Nate quickly hid the velvet box in his pocket as Ann Archibald approached, an apprehensive look in her eye.
"Nothing!" He assured her, determined to get that ring on Blair's finger as soon as he could.
.
Serena's present was everything she'd expect from her best friend. A framed photo of the pair at some charity gala and along with a gorgeous pair of Manolo strappy heels. It wasn't quite the Erickson Beaumont but it was lovely and acceptable so Blair hugged Serena considerately.
"But who got you that stunning necklace, B?" Serena asked awed, reaching out to trace her finger over the diamonds.
Blair attempted to force her grimace into a smile, "Just Chuck."
"Chuck? Chuck Bass? As in the guy who barely remembers our birthdays nonetheless spend fortunes on beautiful jewellery?" She said incredulously. Serena felt a little left out that her soon-to-be stepbrother had never gone to such lengths for her.
"Probably just a thank you for helping with the Victrola deal," Blair attempted to appear blasé, but even mentioning Victrola felt like giving away the whole game. She waved a hand, "Plus we've always been closer friends than he ever was with you."
She relished the sight of Serena's shocked face, getting one over on her best friend always made her day. And it wasn't even a lie; Chuck would definitely come up as her second best friend – first, even, if Serena didn't always take up so much of her time.
"O-okay, well it's beautiful nevertheless," Serena glossed over Blair's slightly hurtful words, giving her the benefit of the doubt because it was her birthday.
The pair continued their morning with Breakfast at Tiffany's and Blair opened the rest of her gifts, rating them on a scale of 1-10. 1 being give it to the needy (i.e. Dorota or Humphrey) and 10 being, well, Chuck's gift to her. Blair relaxed into the familiarity of a morning in with her best friend and almost forgot about her evening plans. Until her mother shouted up to her.
"Blair! You better start getting ready now if you want to look presentable for your date!"
Blair allowed Serena to stay and help her get ready. Her constant chatter about Dan helped to distract from the strange feeling in the pit of her stomach, like she felt the nerves and guilt which were pretty much standard at the moment, but also a fluttery nervousness. Not butterflies though, of course.
The blonde teased Blair's hair into soft waves, being allowed full reign of artistic license by the stoic girl, and painted her eyelids in smoky hues of gold and burnt auburn. This went perfectly with the form fitting maroon dress hanging in Blair's wardrobe and her new Manolos finished the look.
"Not bad," Blair commented, finally finding her words. In a bid to regain some control she applied some dark red lipstick, feeling a little more powerful at the action. The girl in the mirror seemed put together, at ease with the world and with herself. But Blair was terrified.
Serena smiled at the reflection of Blair, wondering who she could possibly be dating that would cause this influx of weirdness. The dress Blair wore was much more daring than anything she ever wore for Nate, and it didn't escape Serena's notice that Blair wore particularly seductive lingerie underneath. Well, to her knowledge Blair still had her V card tucked away in her purse, so who on earth would be seeing such expensive underwear?
"Are you okay?" She asked hesitantly. Blair turned to face her, her expression the picture of serenity.
"Of course."
Her cold tone told a whole different story, however, and Serena considered the possibility that she'd decided to become a call girl to help Eleanor pay the bills. That was ridiculous, of course, as if Blair Waldorf would ever stood so low as to exchange sex for money. Or a business deal…
"My date will be here soon," Blair informed Serena, in a way which clearly said get out.
But as Serena followed Blair out of her bedroom, the presence of a certain Bass downstairs brought movements to a standstill.
Eleanor walked out into view and looked up at Blair with a grin, "Ah, Blair darling. Charles is here."
Yes, that much was obvious. Blair took a deep breath and descended the stairs feeling her heart plummet with every step. Serena was one step behind her, hissing in her ear.
"Chuck? Why is he here, you're not going on a date with him are you? Are you? You can't be!"
Blair painted a wide smile on her face and kissed Chuck's cheek chastely, trying to pretend like this wasn't the strangest out-of-body experience she'd ever had. "You're early," She reprimanded, in a high pitched, warbling tone.
"Couldn't wait," He responded lecherously, before looking over Blair's shoulder at Serena. The blonde looked as if her eyes were about to fall out of her head with shock.
"Thank you for helping me get ready, S," Blair said monotonously, duly kissing both of her best friend's cheeks and leading her to the elevator.
Serena mouthed, "What is going on?" as the elevator doors closed in her face. Why is Blair with Chuck? Why did she said she had a date, and then he showed up here wearing a suit which matched her outfit perfectly? No way were those two going on a… date, were they? Questions surged through Serena's mind and she knew there was only one person she needed to talk to about this.
"Serena!" A confused voice called out as the Archibald door opened to reveal Nate, looking dishevelled and worn out, "To what do I owe the pleasure?"
Meanwhile Chuck and Blair stepped out into the busy New York street arm in arm, ready to face the barrage of camera phones streaming directly to Gossip Girl.
.
Well maybe I'm a crook for stealing your heart away
Yeah maybe I'm a crook for not caring for it
Yeah maybe I'm a bad, bad, bad, bad person
Well, baby I know
-Love, love, love by Of Monsters and Men