He woke up. But it wasn't so easy.
Allen found himself in the luxurious train the next morning with Lavi and Kanda. He shifted uncomfortably, liking it better when the numbness had taken over and he hadn't felt anything. Now he felt anxious, and there was an uncomfortable tension in the air. Kanda hadn't forgotten what Allen said the day before, and he was pointedly ignoring Allen.
Meanwhile, Allen was too ashamed to bring up the incident with Tyki with his two friends and lovers. How would they react? How did you go about telling them something like that? As he closed his eyes, he could still remember Tyki's skilled but repulsive touch, and he shuddered.
Kanda's touch had always been rough and forceful, but he did care for him, Allen knew. Lavi had almost always been gentle, and Allen knew that Lavi cared for him too. But... He knew they would demand explanations sooner or later. Could he...No. No, he couldn't.
Allen stood, getting away from the stifling atmosphere. It was too much. Allen strode to the compartment door, ignoring Lavi's gaze as he stepped outside. He closed the door behind him, and walked over to another one of the empty compartments.
The Order had two rooms on this train, bought especially for the order's use. He had found out about it when him and Lenalee had to room in different compartments for the night.
He closed the door, slumping down in the room. He looked at his hand to see clench marks, and blood. He hadn't even realized he was clenching his hand. It must've reopened the wound, he supposed. The bandages were stained dark red, indicating it had reopened, and it was time to re-bandage it. He was tempted to leave it as is, but his bruised rubs from yesterday reminded him of Lenalee; meaning it wasn't time for him to go back into a depression.
He stood again, and left the compartment. Kanda and Lavi knew where he was, he decided. Time to see if there was anything unusual on the train, and maybe gather information.
***
"Hey, Yu. Y'think we oughta check on Allen? He still didn't seem well..." Kanda ignored him, meaning he was still angry.
"C'mon Yu." Kanda knew when he was deliberately saying his first name on purpose. It wouldn't get him to pay attention but it did piss him off.
"Fine then. I'll go." Lavi said, a little annoyed.
***
Allen looked around, no seeing anything unusual. His eye caught a black cloaked figure.
Black coat. Black tux. Black hair. Dark skin.
Allen's eyes widened, and he paled.
Allen couldn't breathe.
Allen couldn't speak.
He could only look at the figure silently, horrified, his limbs refusing to move. The details from that night came more vividly than ever, he felt a nauseous feeling.
Don't look here.
Don't see me.
Not again.
He felt someone grab him, and he struck out.
"Whoa, whoa. Calm down Allen!" Lavi shouted.
Lavi saw Allen's eyes opened wide, fear making his grey eyes huge. What happened to Allen to make him so terrified? It took a moment for the recognition slowly cross his face.
"Lavi." With that, Lavi saw the faint recognition in his eyes, and Allen's composure seemingly, slowly returned. "Where.. No. Sorry, Did I make a scene?" Lavi glanced around, seeing all eyes riveted to them.
"No.." Allen didn't even seem to notice all the stares. He walked shakily over to the bathroom, while Lavi was left there, shocked.
."Shit. I gotta get Kanda here." Lavi sped towards the compartment, wanting to hurry back to Allen.
***
Allen was leaning over the sink, retching, giving soundless heaves, and sobs. He didn't notice if other passengers were there, which thankfully, there weren't.
His hand was shaking, and he lingered there for how long he didn't know, but it must've only been moments before Kanda and Lavi burst in.
Lavi. Kanda. Why are they..? I'm so tired. So tired.
Allen felt the numbness wash over him again.
"Oi, Moyashi. What the hell happened?" Kanda demanded, wanting an answer. But when Allen lifted his eyes to Kanda's, it was void of any expression overall.
"Allen..?" Allen turned towards Lavi, and Lavi found it a little frightening to see Allen so calm and composed.
"Why don't we head back to the compartment?" Allen turned to leave the bathroom, while leaving Lavi (again) and Kanda behind.
"I would ask, what's wrong with him. Seriously, I want to, and kick your ass for dragging me here.I wouldn't even think there's something wrong but.." It was a rare moment for Kanda to care. "There was just an emptiness in those eyes that really, freakin, creeped me out."
"Don't think that you're the only one." Lavi said, his own mind still reeling.
***
"There's something seriously wrong with Allen."
"Do you think?" Kanda glared at Lavi, while Lavi merely looked concerned.
"C'mon. Allen's got some sort of trauma. That's all I can think of." Lavi had seen too many victims, victims of war, and the earl, to not know what trauma was.
"He's turning off his emotions too. This is gonna be a problem, Yu." Kanda's eyes glazed over as he recalled Allen's emotionless, and blank gaze. And to boot, Allen had walked past him like it was nothing. Nothing.
"Why couldn't the brat ask us for help?" Kanda muttered, more to himself than to anyone else.
"It's gotta be something he didn't want to ask us about." Lavi looked at his foot for a moment. "Allen never like to burden anyone with anything. He thinks keeping it to himself, is keeping us not worried."
Lavi felt the urge to kick something. "Like hell. It makes us even more worried."
Kanda could only nod, sourly.
"What the hell are we waiting for? We gotta chase after him." Lvi and Kanda left the bathroom, and contemplating as they walked. Allen wasn't going anywhere, and in the privacy of the order's reserved rooms at the hotel, they would pry it out of Allen. Not that they could get anything out of Allen now.
***
Lenalee was walking with Miranda on her mission, just defeating a horde of Akuma. Miranda had kept the town safe from damages, in which Komui would probably be glad to pay less expenses.
However, with the sudden arrival of a strange, odd, door, Lenalee's eyes narrowed.
"Rhode Camelot."
***
Allen walked through the hotel, and Kanda noticed his eye wasn't reacting to anything. Good. No akuma to interupt their rendezvous.
Allen didn't seem to notice their gaze, nor the bystander's curious gazes, while he walked to their room. They were under strict orders to meet up with Lenalee and Miranda after investigating possible akuma and Noah's hideout in the area. They would storm the hideout together, especially with Lenalee's new boots and Allen's new sword.
Much good, it would be, with Allen in this condition, Kanda thought.
Allen turned around, only to run into Kanda and Lavi who were blocking the door.
"What do you want?" Allen's usual cockiness was gone, only emptiness. He was on automatic of a sort, to just finish it up.
Lavi knew Allen wouldn't be able to fight well in this condition. Sure, he would fight, but he couldn't best anyone in that condition but the stupidest akuma. The best thing about Allen was he cared about everyone, but with this gone, Allen wasn't Allen. He was just someone else.
Kanda che'd. Both didn't let Allen pass, and silence hung in the air.
"You two are in my way." Allen said.
Kanda lost it.
Lavi could only watch as Allen was shoved against the wall, all of it happening too quickly.
"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Kanda had grabbed the Allen's collar and was now pinning him against the wall.
Allen could only stare down at Kanda, and as he stared numbly down, pictures ran through his mind again. Kanda's voice was now heard in some far distance, it seemed as his vision blurred, and the sudden violence of Kanda's actions now seemed like Tyki's.
He could hear but didn't register as Lavi's voice was now intertwined with Kanda's and he saw but didn''t as Kanda and Lavi faded away.
Seeing Tyki, Allen struggled but iron clamps seemed to hold him, and as he struggled, becoming more and more tired. All of a sudden, he heard a loud, harsh voice. The voice broke through his struggle, and to his surprise, it was the voice of one of those he loved dearly.
"Moyashi, stop it!" Allen looked up to see Kanda. Kanda was holding him tightly, and Allen's face was buried in Kandas shoulder. He could see Lavi behind Kanda, and although he couldn't see Kanda, his tight embrace helped to comfort Allen.
Allen blinked, remembering the stuggle against Tyki but.. It hadn't been Tyki. He had been struggling against Kanda. Allen peeked a look at Kanda's face, and saw scratch marks that had undoubtedly been his fault.
"Allen.." Lavi took a step toward him, and hesitated.
Allen could see the effort it took for Lavi not to reach out, and regretted his actions. Lavi looked pained, and Kanda was silent, still holding him tightly.
"I'm o-okay. I t-think.." Allen said softly, while Kanda only held him more tightly.
"Allen, did someone take.." Lavi's sentence was unfinished. "I mean, you've never been like that.." Lavi's gaze store straight at Allen.
Allen knew the time of reckoning had come.
"Lavi.." He said, hoarsely.
His fists clenched more tightly in Kanda's shirt, he buried his head in the crook Kanda's shoulders, and nodded ever-so-slightly.
"Yes."
That single answer changed everything.
Sorry for the lack of updates lately. I'm trying to get to everything _;;