OWNER'S MANUAL AND GUIDE Chapter 3: Nynaeve Unit, a wheel of time fanfic

A/N: This is not mine. It belongs to those kind enough to lend it to me. i.e. Robert Jordan and Theresa Green. Any more questions?

CONGRATULATIONS!

You are now the proud owner of our brand new NYNAEVE© unit (by the people that brought you the RAND, MAT, ARAGORN, and BOROMIR© units)! In order to obtain top performance from your NYNAEVE© unit, please follow the procedures detailed in this manual to use your new Wisdom to her full potential.

Your NYNAEVE© unit should arrive fully assembled. Please check that you have all her accessories (see specially chosen list below). Currently there is only one version of this new creation (though more may be produced in the future):

NYNAEVE© v. 1.1 (Copyright Robert Jordan, 1990)

NOTE: As this is one of our first female models, please follow the instructions carefully. This model is primarily recommended for females with easygoing temperaments (see Troubleshooting).

TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS

Name: Nynaeve al'Meara

Type: Human

Manufacturers: Emond's Field & Co.

Date of Manufacture:1984

Description: black hair, braided; small – about 5'2". Approximately 26 years old.

ACCESSORIES

Your NYNAEVE© will arrive in an authentic wool dress in a crate shaped like a house. She should arrive with the following accessories.

Chest of Assorted Silk Dresses

Extra Braids

Rope

Your NYNAEVE© unit will arrive in her condition of spic n' span. It is recommended that you activate her and allow her to bathe herself, as this will keep her in pristine working condition.

CAUTION: Do NOT attempt to bathe the NYNAEVE© unit even before activation, as we have discovered in testing that your model has the extraordinary ability to activate herself, and will swiftly bodily throw you against the wall, resulting in possible injury/death. This company is not responsible for hospital fees due to this attempt.

OPERATING PROCEDURE

Your NYNAEVE© has been designed to be user friendly, which means that her temper has been toned down some. Her controls are voice activated. Please state your instructions clearly in English.

IMPORTANT WARNING: This product is potentially dangerous and will sometimes spontaneously attack. Your NYNAEVE© unit has been equipped with a warning system. If she begins to tug her braid, move safely out of a 100 feet radius, and/or hide under a bush, couch cushion, or nearest LAN WARDER© unit.

You might have your own ideas about the services that you would like your NYNAEVE© to provide and the location in which such procedures should be carried out, but we recommend that you NOT, under any circumstances, use your model for anything other than the intended purposes, unless you happen to be one of the last Malkieri and be named Lan. However, she can be utilized in a few capacities about the house:

Nurse

Are your children injured or suffering from bruises and/or comas? No matter what your ailment, our NYNAEVE© can cure it with her abilities with saidar. Some of our NYNAEVE© models may only enable this feature when they are extremely angry, so do not be concerned if your unit throws a temper tantrum prior to caring for your children.

Note: Your NYNAEVE© unit is not as versatile for household uses as your other models you may have used in the past, including ERIK™ and MAT©. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO USE THIS MODEL FOR OTHER USES LISTED FOR DIFFERENT MODELS.

COMPATIBILITY WITH OTHER MODELS

Your NYNAEVE© unit is not compatible with most units, except for our LAN and EGWENE units, and occasionally our RAND© and ELAYNE© model. However, use of the MAT©, MOIRAINE© or other AES SEDAI© models is not recommended under any circumstance.

PRECAUTIONS

Do not expose your NYNAEVE© to fire, strong magnetic fields, electricity, or excessive humidity.

If you wish to moderate the temper of your NYNAEVE© unit, you may wish to purchase a LAN WARDER© unit, though this may also result in your units ignoring you completely – though the household will be much quieter.

CLEANING

NYNAEVE© does not appreciate being washed UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS PROCEDURE UNLESS YOU HOPE TO SUFFER BODILY DISCOMFORT. She will keep herself clean without any help, so do not worry about her hygiene. You may need to show her how to use the shower, but then she will be able to handle it by herself.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Q: My NYNAEVE© model has suddenly begun muttering about taking revenge and shooting me nasty glances. What is going on?

A: Look at the enclosed photo. Do you resemble any of the attached persons (including Moghedien and Moiraine). If so, you may wish to return your model as swiftly as possible for either a refund or your choice of a new model, as these characters are set as Enemies in Nynaeve's programming.

Q: My NYNAEVE© has been spending less and less time with me and more in the basement. What's wrong?

A: Has she come in contact with any LAN WARDER© units? If so, she is probably mooning over him, out of sight. Leave her alone and let this romance run its course, or simply dispose of the LAN© unit as quietly as possibly. If not, you may have been sent a Moghedien model by mistake. SEND HER BACK AT ONCE. This model is a flawed edition and possibly dangerous.

Q: My Nynaeve has fangs! What is the matter with her?

A: SEND YOUR MODEL BACK, IMMEDIATELY. Due to the unfortunate temper of the NYNAEVE© unit, there have been some mutant models with a tendency for spontaneous violence and vampire-esque habits. If you note missing pets and/or children, CALL OUR HOTLINE IMMEDIATELY, after locking the model firmly in an enclosed space.

TROUBLESHOOTING

Solution: Do nothing, and send for a full refund. Some models go to extreme measures for true love.

Problem: My husband/wife/partner is in the hospital with a coma, due to her NYNAEVE unit, and said unit is broken. They got in a fight over whether MAT© or LAN© units were hotter. Can I get a refund?

Solution: Unfortunately, no. Due to the NYNAEVE© unit's violent tendencies, we do not allow refunds. However, we will note that your wife may be better off with one of our milder models, such as MAT©, or PERRIN©. NYNAEVE© is recommended only for those completely lacking in tempers or those able to control NYNAEVE's© strong temperament.

Solution: In the case of an uncontrollable NYNAEVE©, you may use the enclosed rope to secure your unit before deactivation.

FINAL NOTE

Unfortunately, your NYNAEVE© unit has no guarantee, due to this new models unreliability. If this is not satisfactory, or if for any reason you are not satisfied, please send your NYNAEVE©'s receipt of purchase WITH A WRITTEN LETTER OF YOUR PROBLEM via Alaska Airlines to:

COMPLAINTS OFFICE

P.O. Box 700

Randland, Norway

Or call at 1-866-375-WOT-COMP ext. NYKILL