A/N: This chapter is not too long, but I wanted to post something as a big thank you to the people who are reviewing. The next chapter is almost finished.
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Chapter Two
Some days went by and it was as if they were acting a part. Both carefully hid their feelings, too concerned and scared to try to know what the other was thinking and feeling.
Serena finally answered the phone calls from Lily and Blair who hadn't stopped calling her. She assured them that she was fine and would be home soon.
Carter went back to work and Serena adjusted to his schedule. They were usually together when he was not working: they would order and stay in watching movies or they would go out or shopping for supplies. The conversations always revolved around safe topics, but many glances and telling silences were shared and there was always a reason for a touch like an arm around her waist as an excuse to guide her through the streets, or a caress on his hand when looking for support. They would both shiver inwardly and say nothing. None of them wanted to speak too honestly or act too fast risking bringing down that illusion of a compromise they had reached.
One night when Serena was getting ready to go to bed, she approached Carter who was standing on the balcony looking out over the dark. He didn't hear her moving behind him.
"Carter?" there's something about the way she says his name that makes his heart twist.
"Yes? Are you all right?" he turned around to ask her.
"Yes." She smiles. "Come to bed with me."
"What?" he asked surprised.
"It's not fair that you gave up your bed because of me. There's enough space for both of us and it's not like we haven't shared a bed before."
She reached for his hand. He closed the gap between them and took it.
When he woke up that morning he felt more well-rested than he had in days. He was in his bed, but he wasn't alone. The sight of her next to him made him sigh deeply. If there was one thing about him and Serena it was that they never had to hold back. And that was exactly what he had been doing lately; he wanted to tell her that he was glad she had come and how much he had missed her; he wanted to tell her that he wished he could hold her hand and reassure her everything would be all right; but most of all he wanted to tell her how sorry he was for leaving her the way he did.
He carefully propped himself up on his elbow to ask: "Serena, are you awake?"
"Not anymore."
"Serena, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I left, I'm sorry I didn't call and I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, but I am now."
"I know you are Carter. I wanted to hate you and I wanted to be angry at you, but I can't. You had the right to be disappointed at me because I didn't trust you when I should have. I'm sorry too."
"Let's not dwell on the past. We've both done things…" he stopped and slid in behind her, his arms wrapping around her middle and pulling her into his chest. Serena stiffened at his touch but said nothing. They laid there silently for a few minutes until Carter said in a quiet voice:
"This… this is happening; this is now and this is really happening…"
"It is…I know." Serena turned around to look at him. "Carter, we can't go on like this. Maybe coming to see you was a bad idea; I wasn't sure what to do, but now we're two who don't know what to do."
"I'm sorry if my reaction wasn't what you expected. I was shocked, I was; my life sucks, I can't promise you things, but I can promise that I'll be there for you and for the baby if that's what you want", he kept a tight hold of her waist as the words came out of his mouth.
"You ran away Carter, how can I trust you won't do the same again?" Serena tried to break free from his tight grip, but he didn't let her. He pulled her closer. "I won't." He cupped her face with his hand and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "I won't Serena. I told you I wanted to take responsibility for my actions. I know how much I hurt you, but it wasn't because I didn't..." he stopped, took a deep breath and looked away as if it was too painful for him to remember.
"I was missing you like crazy but the thought of doing something to prove that I'm not that person anymore, that you can trust me kept me going. If you knew how many times I wanted to call you..."
"Why didn't you?"
Biting his lip, he forced his eyes back up to her. "It wouldn't be the right thing to do after I left you. And because I would have run to you the minute I heard your voice."
"Would that be so bad? I thought we had something Carter, I didn't know what but there's a reason we keep coming back to each other. I wanted to find what that is, but you ran... Just like everybody..." Shaking her head, she broke free from him and stood up.
He too stood up and punched his hand on the wall in front of him. "I'm not him Serena! Don't compare me to him," Carter shook his head.
"Maybe I am, in a way, I don't know. But I don't want to be and you have to trust people Serena; not everybody will hurt you. Leaving you that day was the most difficult thing I've done all my life... But I had to because I couldn't stand the look in your eyes. But that wasn't all..."
He leaned his head against her door. He wanted nothing more than to go and comfort her, but he knew nothing would get resolved that way.
She approached him "What look Carter? The look of desperation? The look of hurt? The look of someone who cares so much for you? Is it so bad that I wanted to help, that I wanted to be with you?"
It felt nice to be wanted; especially when he knew that he had nothing but himself to offer. Carter had convinced himself that he was emotionally incapable of romantic attachment, but he could not deny what he felt for Serena. He tried to forget and immerse on his work, but when he saw her at the airport he awakened to the truth: he loved her.
Before Serena had fully registered what he was doing, he was kissing her. His lips were soft and pliant. He brought one hand up to stroke her cheek. She gripped the other tightly in her own hand and kissed him back. When they broke the kiss she searched his eyes for what he wasn't telling her.
"I was afraid I would disappoint you if I stayed...and I didn't want that. Not with you."
"You don't have to pretend with me Carter. You've never had before. We've acted like there was nothing between us for too long. We've pretended that we didn't really have those feelings for each other. But we do. I do."
"I'm sorry I didn't trust you and I pushed you away. I'm so sorry." Raising her face to his she captured his lips in a soft, soulful kiss. Carter slowly ran his tongue over her lower lip until she let him in and the kiss soon became much more. None of them wanted to stop, but Serena knew that they had to. Pushing against his chest and pulling her mouth away she broke all contact.
"What do you want Carter? I need to know what you really feel, what you really want...You want this baby, Carter?"
