Chapter 3
It had been raining in torrents for five days now.
They were confined in their cottage for five long, endless days.
"Hey"
"Hey" she mimicked him "Can you say more than just that, hey?"
He turned in her direction trying to guess the reason for her attitude.
"I am fed up! Five days! Five damn, endless days of rain!" she started to walk back and forth impatiently "I want to get out of here! I want to leave."
She stopped in front of him, she grabbed him by the shoulders almost screaming "It's like being in jail!"
He smiled slightly, took her hands and held them clasped between his. He took a deep breath and brought her hands to his lips, but did not have time to kiss them because she struggled.
"Do not you dare Auggie! I do not want that! I do not want you to treat me like a child who broke a new toy! I want to ... I NEED to get out, to walk, to run, to jump, to drink."
"Tash..."
"Stop it!" she shouted "I cannot bear that you treat me like that!"
Auggie stood up from his chair and walked to the door of the cottage, out on the patio.
Better leave her alone, at times like these.
The air was cool and moist. He concentrated on the noise that was the rain beating on the pavement. He breathed deeply, enjoying the intense fragrance of wet earth. Five providential rainy days, at that time of year when the weather in Indonesia was rather dry. For him, at last, meant five days off.
He leaned against the wall, he closed his eyes and mentally he went over the last two years of his life. Two years. At least, what were five days compared to two years?
He did not understand itch to live of Natasha. Since he had left the CIA, Auggie and Natasha had traveled the world far and wide, diping into their savings.
They had never stopped in one place for more than a month or two. Just enough time to recover from jet-lag. When they were short of money, they worked part-time or seasonal, just enough to scrape together a little money and departed.
Auggie was beginning to want to stop, to put down roots. Maybe back in America.
Life almost reckless, as they were doing, was disorienting him beyond measure for him, but Natasha did not seem to get enough.
It was no doubt that the explosion of the building in Grozny, where they had almost lost their lives, had marked them both deeply, even though, he realized now, in very different ways.
The first months he had enjoyed meeting new people and, tasting new foods so different. They visited museums and art galleries of all sorts where there were three-dimensional reproductions of the most famous paintings so that even a blind person could see them. Natasha wanted to do things unimaginable and dangerous: she started with rock climbing, bungee jumping, base jumping, base-climbing ... not counting the long nights spent wandering among the most renowned locals, drinking and getting drunk until it hurts.
"I want to feel alive, Auggie" she had answered one day
"But you ARE alive, Tash"
"No Auggie. Spending the day in the sun or just visiting museums is killing me. I might as well have died in that explosion. I want to feel the rush of adrenaline that runs through my veins"
Initially Auggie had followed her in these city tours. But then he started to get bored. Basically there was little that a blind man could do in an overcrowded dance floor and, of course, he could not follow Tash in extreme sports without jeopardizing his safety and that of those who accompanied him. The mess of people and music baffled him so much that he was physically ill. When he said that to Tash she answered annoyed "Well, stay here in the hotel. I'll go there alone" Auggie said nothing and, as in a flash, a thought came up to his mind."Annie never did that" but he banished the thought, shaking his head.
When she came back from her dangerous trips and told him what she had done, Natasha's voice was full of excitement.
"You have to try it" she said to him "so you can understand what it means to be alive."
"Tash, I AM alive. I have you and this makes me feel more alive than ever"
"You don't want to understand Auggie. You don't even try, to under stand."and with that she closed the conversation.
Every day Tash had something to do, she must have something to do. The adrenaline that raged in her body each time, had become her drug.
Instead, by the explosion, he had learned to enjoy the tranquility of rainy days, reading a good book, the wind, a walk on the beach.
Yes, the explosion had irremediably left its mark on them. But so completely different from each other.
After a few months, Auggie began to feel a bit put aside, he felt that his blindness was becoming a burden to his partner. But he never said how she made him feel. He loved her and would put up with this. After all he had already done it for Annie, long ago. He had always helped and covered her in each of her missions as well as her mistakes. He was her handler, he had to. He wanted to do it
Annie...
He was still leaning against the wall of the patio, with eyes closed savoring the smell of rain. His mind still wandered in the memories of those months spent with Natasha when he realized that more and more often he involuntarily compared her, Annie, to Tash. There was a chasm between them.
Maybe Annie would never have intentionally left him alone to do extreme sports or to dance and get drunk.
In what seemed a very long time, Auggie saw the five years spent working side by side with Annie. He saw mentally every single mission, when, as her handler, he was in constantly in touch with her. He thought of the smile he heard in her voice and, her steps. He found himself thinking about how, after everything, he missed his life at the Agency.
He opened his eyes slowly, continuing to think of Annie. He had not heard from her since then, two years ago, when he went to tell her of his decision to leave the CIA.
"What are you doing now, Annie?" he thought leaning forward on the railing "Where are you?"
Tash's voice behind him startled him, almost making him feel guilty of thinking of another woman
"Are you deaf as well as blind?" She said annoyed "Your phone has been ringing for a while"
"Thanks, Tash" Auggie answered, but she'd already went back in the cottage.
Auggie touched the display and a tiny voice announced "unknown number"
Who could look for him at this hour of the morning? He answered the call
"Hello?"
"Good evening Auggie, or should I say good morning? I do not know what time it is where you are. Nor do I know where you are, in fact "
"Joan?" he asked surprised
"Yeah. Nice to hear from after such a long time "