Author Note: Here we are again- Chapter 3 is here! I am ecstatic with the response to this story. You guys are the best! *Gives everyone a hug*

More darkness ensues for this chapter but worry not, it gets lighter in tone after this.

Warnings again for themes of suicide and bullying.

Disclaimer: I still don't own Marvel or S.H.I.E.L.D :P

August 31, 2008

Jemma Simmons blew out the candles on her 'Birthday Cake', which was really a piece of toast with Nutella and banana slices in the shape of the number 18. She wasn't even going to celebrate but her sisters (aged 6, twin 3 year olds and and 18 month old) had insisted that she have something, forcing their au pair to wake up at 3.30am to prepare it for her. The four girls and their nanny sang her happy birthday and told her to make a wish. I wish my parents were here… she thought bitterly. Then again, they miss everything: birthdays, her graduation, most christmases. With her mother being a hospital doctor trying to gain her paediatric fellowship and her father working mostly in France for a mobile phone company, their absence was something she had become familiar with. Like her four sisters, she had practically been raised by nannies and boarding schools, yet she loved her parents no less and would give anything to have their approve and time. She knew that they loved all of their daughters unconditionally and tried to give them everything. The only problem was they loved their work more, and for that Jemma resented them.

Well that was a waste of a wish. She thought. Could she do over? It was her 18th birthday, she was about to leave the country on her own and she was celebrating with a lone piece of toast in the middle of the night. I DESERVE a do over… I wish that my time at the SHIELD academy will be better. Better that high school, better than uni. I wish for friends, scratch that, a friend will do. I just want to be accepted there…." Suddenly a car horn sounded.

"Do you think you could eat your toast on the run? I think that's your cab," the au pair Laurie asked sympathetically. She was only 20 but had become somewhat close to Jemma over the last few months since she had graduated. If nothing else, she would miss the younger girl's help keeping the children entertained and in line.

"That fine." Jemma said picking up the 'cake' in a napkin and looking down to her sisters.

"Okay, you must behave for Laurie like good girls, yes?" the girls nodded. "I shall miss you all very much munchkins" she bend down and swept them all up into a hug, trying to avoid getting them sticky from the toast.

"Do you have to go Demma?" her youngest sister Maggie asked, tears welling up in her eyes. Jemma looked at the girls and her heart broke. She hated leaving them, being like their parents. But they had it better than she had, they had each other.

"Hey, no tears honey. I am going to America to study some more. I have to go because they want me for a special adventure but don't worry, I'll be home before you even know I'm gone and I'll call you whenever I can. Besides, mummy might be getting a new job soon that means she'll be home more often so you won't even miss me" Jemma comforted, whilst trying to hide the tears in her own eyes.

She picked up the handle of her suitcase and turned to the door.

The au pair turned to the children, picking up the still crying Maggie. "Alright girls, say bye bye to your sister"

"Bye Jemma" they chorused, all waving. Jemma gave them a smile and said goodbye, before turning her back so they wouldn't see the tears that had fallen.

"Manchester Airport" Jemma told the driver as she sat back and prepared herself for the 44 mile drive from her Sheffield home.

The flight had not been too unpleasant. Jemma had no one sitting next to her so she was able to comfortably read and even take a nap. The drive to the academy had been fairly pleasant also. Her cab driver being quite chatty, allowed her to regain her nerve and prepare herself for the next chapter of her life.

The problems started at the academy.

Her dorm room was smaller than anything she had previously lived in, the smallest on the hall. To top that off there were no freshmen in her corridor, only seniors, who did not seem to like the posh English girl that was set to be the prodigy of SciOps. But worst of all was her schedule. She had no freshman classes. Even the compulsory "History of Shield" with Professor Vaughn clashed with advanced physiology meaning she had to catch up online and hope for the best.

It was also academy protocol that no freshmen could chose their class in the first month, as Shield wanted to see how well they were adjusted to the desired disciplines before taking up any others.

This had been a tremendous disappointment to Jemma. Shield was clearly in demand for doctors, as all of her classes were medical and surgery based. Jemma was a biochemist. Her phD was on the practical application of organic polymers for pharmaceutical delivery. Whilst certain aspects of physiology interested her, she had been much more interested in classes such as Composition of Bioweapons and The Evolution of Foreign Lifeforms. This particularly bothered her as the rumours circulated that even though there was the option to change course after the first month, it was frowned up and rarely done.

So she ploughed through her first week of classes. Then her second week. She had made absolutely no friends. It seemed like the academy was no different to any other institution she'd studied at previously- most people ignored her, save for trying to beg for or down right copy her answers. Then there was always the group of people who hated her for being cleverer than them. Do they think I chose to be like this. Yes I study hard and do all the extra reading, but that's because I'm making the most of what I have. Don't they see that if I don't ace every class, I really will be a nobody?

They didn't understand. The name calling started pretty quickly. All the normal stuff (nerd, geek, loser) the 'think they're being original but I've heard a million times' stuff (Hermione, Matilda) and then the offensive stuff (freak, little genius freak, invalid). Jemma wanted to say that it hurt less with every time, but somehow it hurt more.

What really made her miserable was her results. She had taken a test in every class in the first week. She had thought most of them had gone well, until she received her first progress check:

'5 fails, 3 passes. If the cadet does not improve these grades, he/she may be asked to leave Scientific Operations division of the S.H.I.E.L.D academy. Any cadet can fail no more than one class'

Five fails! I found Surgical Procedure hard and I took the test for Diagnostics the day I arrived so I was jet lagged, but the rest went fine. So I thought. I've never failed a class in my life… What will I tell my parents? I don't know if I can work any harder but I have to turn FOUR classes around by midterms or I'll get kicked out. Oh god…

Jemma felt sick to her stomach. The teasing graduated to full ton bullying over the next week. Name calling changed from 'genius' to 'freud', 'poser'.

"I bet you cheated your way into the academy, or slept your way in because you certainly didn't earn it" One of the most nasty girls on her floor, Lili, jeered right into her ear as she tried to return to her dorm room. Jemma collapsed on her bed and cried. I really thought I could do this. I guess I am just as big an idiot as they all say I am. She knew she had to pull up her Diagnostics grade in the mock exam next week if she had any hope of proving herself here.

The chances of that happening felt like they were dashed when Jemma returned to her room the next day. She saw that the door was slightly ajar and she had a feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach. When she entered she was horrified. All of her notes for next week's test we scattered across her floor and defaced in black sharpie. Words such as 'Failure' and 'Entitled Little Whore' were just some of the insults scrawled in handwriting she knew to be Lili's over Every. Single. Page.

She pulled all nighters the next four days until the test desperately trying to revise AND make new notes. When she sat it she was sure she had improved on last time's fail. Alas, when she went to collect her paper, she saw 89% and the red stamp that she knew meant 'fail'. Her lecturer looked up at her with sympathetic eyes.

"I'm sorry Cadet Simmons, you were one percent away. I scoured the paper looking for another mark but it just wasn't there. Your pass mark for this paper was 90% so I had to fail you…"

"Its alright sir, I should have studied harder." She replied in monotone, avoiding his gaze to stop herself from sobbing.

As Jemma walked out of the classroom, she could not hide her paper fast enough before Lili saw the red stamp.

"Another fail Jenna" She said in a mocking mumsy voice. She had intended to use her first name to be more condescending, not realising she had gotten it wrong. Jemma tried to keep her face blank to the group of older cadets now gathered round, but her bottom lip couldn't help quivering.

"You really should be crying-" the girl continued, her voice now cold and poisonous "- couldn't even get 60%? Christ, even Green got 64 and he's been high as a kite since semester started" She gesture to the boy on her left who did indeed look spaced out. 60%?! She said sixty twice. Professor Harrison told me that pass mark was 90! No… he told me my pass mark was 90. This is why I'm failing all of my classes, they're failing me on purpose! Jemma felt confused and betrayed. Without giving the groups of bullies surrounding her another thought she pushed pass them and ignored the jeers that followed. "Oh loooook, you made the poor kid cry" one of them called.

Tears of anger now streamed down her face. She let out a physical scream of frustration as her fingerprint would not let her back into her dorm block. Is this some kind of joke? I suppose 'do over' wishes really don't count. Either that or some make-believe deity is having a great time torturing me because these last three weeks have been the worst of my life. Desperate to get out of the courtyard before anyone saw the tearstained mess screaming outside their dorm room, Jemma ran to one place she knew she would have access to and could be alone- block 32. If any cadet rang the buzzer to room 22b (unoccupied) a hack in the software would let them in after a minute or two. This was the genius idea of a senior several years ago to ensure everyone had access to 'pleasure toilets'. Eventually she heard the click signalling her entry had been approved. She hoped to god that the toilets would be empty at 10.45am on a Wednesday.

When she got there and took in her disgusting surroundings, she chose the end cubicle to be the least vile and locked herself in. Noticing the good reception, she went out on a whim and called home for the first time since she arrived.

RING…RING…RI- "Hello" her mother's voice sounded slightly flustered from the other end. She was surprised anyone had picked up with it being on around 5.45 am UK time.

"Mum, its Jemma. Look I'm sorry to call at such an unusual time, but I've just been having the worst day… well week… well three weeks. Basically I've been miserable since I arrived. See the thing is I've made no friends, in fact the opposite. There's this group of older cadets who hate me and…" Jemma let a sob rack through her body. Something about saying it aloud, and to her mother, made everything seem so much worse and so much better at the same time.

"Don't worry, Jem.. you'll make friends" her mum replied absently.

"Its not just that mum. See, I'm failing five of my classes and-"

"What!? What do you mean five of your classes?! Jemma how could you let this happen? Oh my god, Robert… Jemma's failing five classes. I'm sure there's a reason for that Kate, did she say why? She doesn't have to, I can tell you. Let me have a go Jemma- you thought: new country away from the prying eyes of my parents, also I'm 18 so I'm an ADULT now. I'm just going to go out and get blind drunk and sleep with boys and not study anymore. I'm 18 now so I can just throw my life away, come home and live off mum and dad's money. I told you she was too young to go to America on her own-"

"Oh, did you notice I'm 18 now? You could have had me fooled considering the last birthday you were around for was my 14th! Do you honestly think that I would go and drink away this opportunity and then rely on you and dad for a bail out?!"

"How dare you play that card missy. You wouldn't even begin to know how hard it is for your father and I to miss big events in your life but WE HAVE TO WORK! Heidi understands that better than you do and she's six years old! Why don't you just grow up a bit Jemma. No Robert I will no calm down. Jemma do you know why I'm up this early, because Ellie has a fever of 102. Do you know how high that is for a 3 year old? You didn't think to ask about that did you?"

Jemma was shell shocked at her mother's reaction. She knew that she wouldn't take the failure lightly but she thought she would at least get a chance to explain herself and help her mother see her side. Obviously Ellie being ill wasn't helping her mother's temperament but to accuse her of acting childish and selfish when the academy had all but 'Ender's Game'd her was a slap in the face.

"Mum, I'm sorry, but I really need to talk to someone right now. Could you at least put dad on?" her dad would listen, her dad would understand.

"What so he can coddle you and tell you every things okay and then villainize me? I don't think so young lady. Kate let me talk to her…" Kate Simmons ignored her husband and continued, "You need to turn your grades around and stop wasting this opportunity. How about you call us when you've grown up a bit…."

Her mother had hung up the phone. More tears streamed down her face, silent tears turned to loud ones turned to full on sobbing. Never in her life had Jemma Simmons felt so alone. There was literally no one left to talk to, no one left to call. She didn't know what she was going to do. How could she keep up with the other students and the academy standard when they were setting her pass marks so high? How many of her other tests had she really passed? How high would they set her passes? If she started to consistently score 90s would it raise to 95? Jemma felt lost and confused and above all angry. She hated the other cadets, she hated the academy and right now she hated her mother. The only reason she wants me to succeed here is because its one less child to bother her. If you have no intention of giving your children time and attention, why have FIVE CHILDREN?!

Her head was absolutely splitting. She also felt a dull aching in her abdomen oh great, my period she thought resentfully. Reaching into her bag she pulled out one of two unopened boxes of pain killers. She had so many on her as the throbbing headaches were now her best friend. She popped two with some water and sat back. The pain was still really bad so she took another two. She hadn't woken up that morning feeling depressed. She hadn't felt depressed 30 minutes ago, but right now she thought back to her Clinical Psychology class (another that she was 'failing') I have all the tell tale signs of depression… perfect. She didn't want to die, per say. She also couldn't tell you that if she could go back in time she wouldn't make the same decision. All she knew what that sat down on that toilet seat at that time she felt like crap. Everything hurt and she couldn't do anything right, no matter how hard she worked and she was completely and utterly alone. So she took two more, then two more, then two more till the whole of both packets were gone. Before she could even put her phone in her bag, she felt herself fall forward. Her vision went black as it shattered to the floor.

Simmons :'(

Something important about this chapter is Simmons' motive for the overdose. She knew what she was doing, but it was more of an 'accidental overdose'. What I mean by this is that I researched suicide and it turns out that many cases are actually the result of a build up of events, and then an impulsive move to end the pain. She doesn't necessarily want to die, she just wants the pain to end.

If the theme of this chapter of how I handles it offended anyone I want apologise...

Sorry for the long note. Hope you enjoyed the chapter- feel free to R&R :) Next chapter on Monday...