Chapter Three

"I'd like to try to repay that kindness, if you would let me." Simon's voice was gentle, and his eyes held hers. Automatically, Inara assessed his body-language... entirely open, a little nervous but sincere.

"It's not..." Inara's denial died half-spoken as her suddenly breaking voice betrayed her. "I just... you wouldn't understand."

"I think I might, actually." Simon fiddled with her pillow-case. "I have known other Companions, remember, and I know what an incredible investment of time and... and passion is involved in completing Companion training. Much more than in becoming a surgeon."

"But you gave that up." She looked away. The temptation to confide in him was suddenly strong. Simon wouldn't scold her for her weakness, the way her sister Companions would. "Do you understand why I'm doing this?"

"Well, no. Not exactly. I understand the dilemma, but not why you've chosen the path you have." She could see him fumbling for the right words. "I mean, it's not that I think you've made the wrong choice, or anything. I just don't know what motivated you to make the choice now, or what the influencing factors were."

"It was Nandi. She showed me that I'd left the decision for far too long." Inara bit the inside of her mouth, trying to suppress the tears that thoughts of Nandi still brought.

He nodded slowly. "I do see that a decision has to be made, and I'm sorry for my part in it. River and I have made this ship even less reputable than it was before. There's only so long that you can continue your association with thieves and smugglers before your own reputation is tarnished, quite aside from the issues of... emotional attachment."

"It's not your fault." The urge to comfort him was automatic and she laid her hand on his arm. Then she looked away. "It's... getting too attached is dangerous. To a place, to a group of people... it makes you dependent on them. A Companion is never a permanent member of any group, and she must remember that for her own safety. I fear I've left my going far too late."

"If you want to avoid having your heart broken one way or the other then yes, I think you have." Simon nodded, sounding bizarrely, reassuringly professional. Just so might Doctor Tam have laid out the uncomfortable truth for a sickly patient. "It's... well, it's a choice. Either way, you'll have to make sacrifices."

Inara bit her lip. "Like you did."

"Like I did."

"But it's not the same." Inara's voice trembled, and she hated the loss of control even as she blessed the good fortune that only Simon would see it. "You knew that River was in pain, that she needed you. You knew that only you could help her. I wouldn't hesitate for a moment if that was what hung in the balance, but..."

"That did make it easier." Simon shrugged, an endearingly embarrassed look on his face, as if heroism was somehow too forward. "But it still wasn't easy. And whatever you choose, there will be times when you resent being forced to make the choice. I..." He took a deep breath, meeting her eyes again. "I have moments when I think about everything I gave up, and I almost resent River for making me spend the rest of my life living from criminal enterprise to criminal enterprise, my skills atrophying as I stitch knife-wounds and pull bullets out of the same limbs over and over." A self-deprecating smile curled his lips. "I hate myself for feeling that way. I'm ashamed of thinking for an instant that my sister isn't worth every single thing I gave up for her, but occasionally I do, just for a moment. No matter how dearly I love her, I sometimes wish I didn't have to suffer for her. No matter what you choose, you'll have regrets."

"That's not exactly comforting." She'd always admired Simon's courage, but now that she was facing a similar decision she couldn't imagine how this gentle, sheltered, utterly unprepared young man had forced himself to throw away everything he possessed, very nearly including his life, for the one person he loved most. Inara could have died for Mal... or Kaylee, or Wash... without a moment's hesitation. The thought of giving up her life made her nearly sick with terror. "I don't know what to do, Simon."

"I know. And I can't help with that." Simon reached out, cupping his hand around the point of her shoulder just the same way he did with River, holding her steady. "I just... for what it's worth, Inara, while I have my moments of weakness, I don't regret the decision I made. I heard a lot of the same speeches from my parents that I imagine you would from the Guild - the failure in my responsibilities, the throwing away of my potential, my certain poverty and disgrace - but in the end, it was a matter of making the choice I, myself, could live with."

Inara's eyes were full of tears and she looked down at her hands to find them twisting themselves nervously together. "But I don't know what that is," she whispered. "I have to choose between giving up my family or... or myself, everything that I am."

"No, you don't. You have to choose between leaving one of your families and giving up what you have been." His other hand cupped her other shoulder and he gave her a gentle little shake, smiling just a bit when she looked up again to meet his eyes. "I know what you mean, I said the same things to myself, but they weren't true. You won't give up yourself, no matter what you decide. You are your own, and you can't be given away. I am still Simon Tam. I am still a gifted surgeon. I am still me, even if I'm stitching knife-wounds and bullet-holes on a ship held together with prayers and insulation tape. And you will still be Inara Serra, no matter what path you choose. It's important that you know that. It's... so much less frightening when you know that."

A little sob escaped her as the tears escaped her lashes to trickle down her cheeks. "But I don't know what to do. I want to stay, but I'd have to give up everything and I don't want to!"

"I know... shhh, biao mei, I know..." Simon murmured, and the kindly, respectful endearment all but broke her heart. She leaned against him, and his arms slid around her just as if she were River, as if she had every right to weep on his shoulder and beg him to advise her. "I wish I could make this easier."

"You do." Inara's face was buried against his shoulder. "Oh, Simon, it hurts me so..."

"I know. Shhh, it's all right, let it out..." He stroked her hair gently while she cried, rocking her just a little.

After far too long - though only a few minutes - she managed to get her sobs under control and sniffled pathetically. "I'm sorry for falling apart like this."

"You know, I sort of like it." She looked up in surprise at that, but the smug satisfaction of a man comforting a vulnerable woman was absent from his face. A shy smile was there instead. "I've been a big brother for most of my life," he explained, producing a clean handkerchief and drying her cheeks as if she were a child. "It's the only thing besides medicine that I'm really confident that I'm good at. I like being able to... to help. To give advice, and lend a shoulder to cry on, and offer to hit the young man in question even if he is significantly larger than I am."

Inara squashed a fresh wave of tears that threatened to erupt at that tender gesture. She had never wanted or even imagined having a brother, but she envied River fiercely now. "That is perhaps the very sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me," she said truthfully, managing a watery smile. "You're a unique and very special person, biao xiong. River is lucky to have you." He already had a sister, and Inara wouldn't trespass on that kinship, but if he could call her cousin, she could return it.

Simon blushed. "I...Thank you, really. I will hit him for you if you want me to, although I don't think it would help much."

"No, it wouldn't. But it's sweet of you to offer." Inara smiled shakily. "I just... Simon, I don't know if I can bear to sacrifice my dignity to become as dreadful a cliché as a Companion who leaves her profession for a man."

"Then don't. Ignore him entirely." Simon handed her the handkerchief. "Here. Wipe your nose."

Never in her adult life had a man indicated to Inara that her nose was less than perfect and immaculate. Never since she was nine had it been other than perfect and immaculate in a man's presence save in situations of life or death. Inara wiped her nose, feeling unreasonably comforted.

"Ignore him," Simon repeated, his face grave. "River is... she's my sister. She's a part of me. If I'd turned my back on her when she needed me, I could never have forgiven myself. I know that." He met her eyes squarely. "Your sisters in House Madrassa love you, I know they do. But you have a sister here who loves you just as much, in Kaylee... and you're more a part of the family on this ship than I am, though I'd like you for an honorary part of mine as well. You have two families who love you, and two paths you can take. It's not a matter of... of duty or romance or fiscal security. What matters is that you make a decision that is right for you, that you can live with."

"Either way I'll lose the people I love." Inara trembled. "The life I love."

"I know." He hugged her again, tucking her head against his shoulder and rocking her slightly. "And I'm sorry. I'm sorry this hurts you so much, and I wish I could fix it."

"I know." She snuggled against him for a moment and then straightened up, wiping her eyes. "But you're right. I can't let Mal be the deciding factor in this. It's not that simple." She managed a small smile. "How is it you can be so eloquent when you talk to me, and yet you can't get two sentences out without tangling them irretrievably when you talk to Kaylee?"

Simon blushed. "Because I talked to you the way I'd talk to River, if she was able to hold this long a coherent conversation. It's... I'm good at being a brother. It comes easily. Kaylee is... I want her to like me, and thus I can't even speak to her without insulting her. She thinks I'm a complete idiot, not that I blame her."

"You are a complete idiot around her." Inara wiped her eyes with his handkerchief again. "You instantly swallow both your feet whenever you're anywhere near her. It's sweet, in a rather pitiful sort of way."

Simon winced, rubbing the back of his neck. "It's stupid. I'm a grown man, I should be able to tell a girl she has pretty eyes without making her cry."

"Well, yes, you should." Inara actually laughed, feeling better than she had in weeks. "But it's one of the great constants of the universe and it happens to everyone. The first time you really fall in love it makes you do all sorts of idiotic things."

"Like fleeing Serenity?"

She blinked. "Simon, you said to ignore him."

"I know, but I'm not sure if you can." Simon smiled at her. "But... yes. I care... very much for Kaylee. I just don't think... She deserves more than I can give her. River takes up so much of my time, and even though she's getting better..."

"I know. I wish I could argue with you, because I know Kaylee cares for you, but..." Inara straightened his collar, disarranged by her embarrassing outburst. It had a little lipstick on it, too. "But River's getting so much better. Maybe soon you will have time for something for yourself."

"Maybe." He smiled at her, but he looked sad. "Er...Would you like some time alone to think about this?"

"I really would, actually." She kissed his cheek lightly for his thoughtfulness. "Thank you. Some time to... to really think, instead of just fretting over one very annoying man, would probably be a very good idea."

He blushed again, and then to her surprise he turned the tables by kissing her lightly on the forehead. "Then I'll stop by later to see if you need anything. Take care of yourself, biao mei."

Simon emerged from the shuttle feeling very pleased with himself. Finally he'd done something right. Finally he'd actually helped to - well, not fix a problem, but at least ease it. Finally he -

Had been caught emerging from Inara's shuttle by Malcolm Reynolds. Simon smiled what he just knew was a nervous and guilty-looking smile. Mal glared at him, spinning on his heel and stalking away without saying a word. "Ta ma de," Simon groaned. Of all the times to be caught leaving Inara's shuttle...

"You have lipstick on your cheek. And your collar." River was sitting on a railing, grinning at him. "The Captain doesn't like that shade on you."

Simon buried his face in his hands. "Ritual suicide. It's the only solution."

"Only if he doesn't kill you first."

"That's very comforting, mei mei."

"It should be. He's killed people before and he knows how to do it. You've never committed ritual suicide, and you'd probably bungle it."

"Thanks." Simon wiped at his cheek again. "Were you... listening?"

"I heard Inara's sadness and confusion, and how happy it made you to comfort her." River slid down off the railing and looped her arms around Simon's waist, resting her head on the same shoulder Inara had. "You're a good brother. The very best."

"I try, mei mei." Simon hugged her back. "Thank you."

River made a happy noise, cuddling against him. "I won't let the captain kill you. Beat you up a little, maybe, but not kill you."

"Your generosity is boundless." He kissed the top of her head. "Now go let me change my shirt before Kaylee sees me and solves the Captain's problem and yours by hitting me on the head with a wrench."

River wriggled uncomfortably in her seat, eating her dinner slowly and trying to ignore the roiling of tension in her stomach.

Mal was tense, eating his food as if it had done him a personal injury. He would break a chopstick if he wasn't careful. Inside he was all seething anger and hurt, wanting to hit Simon but knowing that he had no right to do so. That he had no rights over her, and never had.

Simon would have been happy, but the captain's obvious fury bothered him, and he hardly dared to smile at Inara - who was, in turn, doing her best to ignore the captain and focusing most of her attention on Kaylee. Kaylee obviously didn't know what was going on, but she tried gamely to keep the conversation going, with help from Wash and Book. Zoe was no help at all, most of her attention being on Mal and trying to figure out what was wrong with him.

And Jayne ate, occasionally making a crude and inappropriate joke. River was watching him very carefully. Jayne had a positive genius for ferreting out the exact wrong thing to say and then saying it very loudly. Sure enough, by the time the meal was half over, he was looking back and forth between Mal and Simon and frowning. "Hey, what -" he started.

River kicked him under the table. "Don't talk with your mouth full!"

"Don't kick me!" He tried to kick her back, but missed. "I'll talk however I damn well want."

"Jayne, leave the girl alone," Mal growled.

"Me? What'd I do? She's the one kicked me!"

"Jayne, I am in no mood for this. Shut your mouth."

River stuck her tongue out at Jayne. "I'm the good one."

"You shut it too, River. And don't stick your tongue out at the table."

"Jayne started it."

"You kicked me!"

"You made me look at your chewed food!"

"Both of you, shut up," Mal roared.

There was a moment of absolute silence.

"Am I the only one waiting for him to say 'if you two don't behave I'm turning this ship around and taking you home right now'?" Wash said, grinning as he danced along the edge of danger with levity to keep him from falling.

"I was more inclined towards 'if you can't eat like civilized people you can both go to your rooms without supper'," Book said, completely deadpan.

"How about 'eat quietly, children, Daddy's had a rough day?" Wash suggested.

"Wash..." Mal groaned, dropping his head into his hands as everyone started to laugh. For a moment it seemed he would explode, and then his lips twitched behind the screen of his hands in reluctant amusement. "Jayne, River... what they said."

Jayne look outraged. "But Mal - "

"Do you want to be allowed off the ship when we get to Paquin?"

Jayne blinked. "Eatin' quietly. Sure."

"I'm not going to be allowed off the ship on Paquin anyway. I have no motivation to eat quietly." River chewed up a mouthful of food, waited until Jayne looked at her, and opened her mouth wide. "Ahhh!"

"If you think that bothers me, xiao gui..."

"River, if you can't eat like a civilized person you can go to your room without supper," Simon said, his lips twitching.

River swallowed so she could speak clearly. "I want motivation superior to that of exile. Jayne gets a privilege if he's good. I want one too."

"If you're good I'll brush your hair for you before bed," Kaylee offered, grinning.

"That is acceptable," River said as grandly as she could, which made everyone laugh again. The tension at the table had eased noticeably. Unfortunately, the tension directly across from her had now increased. Jayne did not like being laughed at, and he blamed her for it. Reasonably so.

After Kaylee had brushed her hair, River followed Jayne's cloud of sulk to the hold, where he was working with his free weights again. "I'm sorry I kicked you," she said, and smiled when it came out right. It was getting easier and easier to talk straight around Jayne - his thoughts were so linear.

"So?"

"You were about to ignite the tension at the table. If I hadn't defused the situation Inara would certainly never reconsider leaving, the captain would probably have thrown Simon and I off Serenity, and you would have been confined to the ship for at least a week."

"Oh." Jayne's expression didn't change, but his resentment faded somewhat. "So what bug's up the captain's pigu?"

"He thinks Simon had sex with Inara."

Jayne choked a bit, then grinned. Jayne loved gossip. "So did he?"

River rolled her eyes. "No."

"So why's the captain think he did?"

"He was talking to her in her shuttle and the captain saw him coming out." River decided that a little subterfuge was acceptable in the interest of maintaining friendly relations with Jayne, and leaned close. "Inara is deeply emotionally conflicted. If you tell her you will miss her, and maybe pay her a nice compliment, she may be so overcome as to hug you."

Jayne's eyebrows went right up. "Really?"

"Worked for Simon."

"Awright." Jayne smirked. "Compliments, huh?"

"Nothing obscene. Say something nice about how much class she brought to Serenity."

Jayne's eyes narrowed. "And you're helping me maybe get up close to Inara... why?"

"Because I'm sorry I kicked you. I offer penitence." She tilted her head, grinning at him. "And because it will make the captain very annoyed. He's being a boob."

Jayne thought that over, and nodded. "Okay. You're forgiven for kickin' me."

"Good." River leaned over impulsively to kiss his forehead, the way Simon had with Inara. "I still like you."

"So you want me to get killed by every gorram male on this ship? Gerroff." He pushed her away, but she could tell he was pleased underneath the bluster. "Shoo. Go to bed."

"Oh, Inara..." Kaylee sniffled, hugging her tightly. "I'm gonna miss you so much... you gotta write me, you promised."

"I will, sweetie." Inara hugged Kaylee tightly, wondering again that this sweet-faced, grubby girl had so easily become more dear to her than the sisters and aunts she'd grown up with in the Training House. It was her transparent honesty that had won Inara's heart... a Companion could feign regard as easily as passion, but Kaylee loved and hated as openly and honestly as a child. "I promise."

"Okay." Kaylee snuffled, and gave her one more squeeze before letting go. As Inara turned away, she saw Simon surreptitiously pass Kaylee a handkerchief and smiled inwardly. He was getting better.

"Now, you take care of yourself. Don't let yourself skip meals, or sleep. And don't overdo the fancy food - you're used to protein now and it'll upset your stomach." Wash hugged her so tightly that her feet left the floor for a moment.

Inara returned the hug, biting her lip. She would miss Wash's light-hearted warmth almost as much as Kaylee's sweetness. "I will. Don't you sit up all night playing with your dinosaurs. A sleepy pilot is an inattentive pilot."

"I'll keep an eye on him." Zoe wasn't the hugging sort, but she clasped Inara's hands and smiled down at her. "You stay in touch, now."

"I will, I promise." Inara nodded, and turned to Book. "Take care of them, Shepherd. Try to keep the bickering from getting out of hand."

"I will do my best, my dear, but I can never hope to replace you." They clasped hands, and Book smiled reassuringly. "I'll remember you in my prayers."

"And I you, in mine." Inara turned to Jayne, who was slouching against a crate. She'd been a little surprised that he'd turned up at all - Jayne usually avoided emotional scenes like the plague. "Take care, Jayne."

"Always do." He shrugged. "You ever need some shootin' done, you call us."

"I will." He hadn't even mentioned payment. For Jayne, this was a positively tender farewell. On impulse, Inara stood on tiptoe to kiss his cheek lightly. "Try not to get into too much trouble."

He looked startled, then grinned widely. It took so little to make him happy, bless him. "I won't. Bye, 'Nara. Enjoy the whorin' school."

"I'm sure I will." Before he could get any ideas - or say something crude, which by his standards he hadn't yet - Inara turned to River, who was looking even more like a solemn little owl than usual. "Goodbye, sweetie. You take good care of yourself, all right?"

"A dilemma's horns generally look sharper than they are. When impalement is done, certainty replaces fear." River reached up to pat Inara's cheek gently. "Be good."

"I will. Thank you." More than a little shaken, Inara turned away. River seemed to be looking right into her heart, and much more coherently than usual.

Simon was the last, and he took her hands gravely. "I hope you will be happy," he said gently, and Inara could barely restrain the tears. Leaving their new, still-blossoming friendship hurt terribly, and reminded her again why she'd thought she'd have to leave. "Look after yourself, and remember what I told you about the vitamin D supplements."

That little bit of practicality made her smile, easing the desire to cry slightly. "I'll remember. Skeletal health is for life."

"Exactly." He squeezed her hands again and let go, stepping back to stand beside Kaylee, who was now sobbing on Wash's shoulder. "Call us if you need us."

"I will. Be well, Simon."

Inara had carefully avoided looking up as she made her farewells. She knew she should just turn and walk out of the ship. But she was powerless to resist the aching silence that drew her eyes upward to where Mal stood, watching, refusing to bid her goodbye.

Their eyes met, and Inara's throat tightened painfully. There was so much they hadn't said - so much that couldn't be said, not while they were what they were. She wanted to bid him a casual farewell, but she didn't trust her voice - all her training couldn't keep it steady now. So she nodded slightly and turned, walking out of Serenity - her home! - with her back straight and her head held high.

Sheydra was there to meet her, and they embraced fondly. "Inara, it's so good to see you again. You must be exhausted, dear."

"I am." Inara's voice broke, and her eyes filled with tears, as behind her she heard Serenity lifting off. Leaving her behind.

"Inara... why, what is it?" Sheydra gave her a concerned look. "You look positively heart-broken."

"I am." Inara sniffed. "Kaylee... she was such a sweet child, Sheydra, and so happy to have another girl on board. I'm going to miss her terribly. And Wash... he's the pilot, and he was always so kind to everyone - if he weren't happily married I probably would have thrown it all away for him, he's such a dear. I know I shouldn't have let myself get attached, but..." And she didn't dare mention Simon, so gentle of spirit, or Mal. Never, ever Mal.

"But you were together for a long time, and they became friends. I understand." Sheydra patted her arm gently. "Come and have a hot bath and a good cry. You'll feel better."

Inara sniffled and nodded. "Oh, I'm such a mess. I just don't know what to do."

"You just need rest, that's all." Sheydra had been visibly alarmed when the words 'I'm just not sure what I want for my life' had passed Inara's lips over the wave. Companions were not supposed to have those kinds of doubts. "You're overtired and strained. Everything will seem much clearer in the morning."

Jayne wasn't hiding, not exactly. Everyone knew where his weights were, and where Jayne was likely to be if he wasn't eating or in his bunk. So it wasn't hiding. It was just... sensibly being at the other end of the ship from the Captain, who was in a powerful sulk over Inara going. And taking it out on anyone who talked to him. Kaylee had already run off to the engine room in tears, Wash and Zoe were holed up in their bunk, and Book had decided he should help the doctor with his endless rounds of cleaning in the infirmary. It always looked plenty clean to Jayne, but maybe the doc just wanted something to do.

Jayne lifted weights until his arms burned, enjoying the simple, soothing motions, until a sudden bellow from the direction of the galley almost made him drop far too much weight onto his own rib-cage. "I don't want to hear another gorram word out of you! Out!"

Jayne got himself to a sitting position in time to see a flutter of brown hair and pink dress dart along the walkway and down the stairs, moving as light and soundless as a butterfly on small bare feet. He frowned. "River?"

She didn't stop, even when he spoke to her, and in an instant she was gone, vanishing down the stairs to the infirmary and the passenger quarters.

On impulse, he followed, almost walking into Book as the older man came out of the infirmary. The doc was already out, staring in bewilderment at a closed door. "River? Is something wrong?"

"Go away!"

"Cap'n yelled at her." Jayne shrugged as both men looked at him in surprise. "I heard it clear down in the hold. Told her to shut her mouth and get out."

"He shouted at her?" The doc looked prissily pissed off. "I know he's... distressed, but River can't help the things she says."

"Cap'n's all yu chun about Inara. She should probably just stay away from him for a while." They were looking at him funny, and Jayne scowled. "What? I don't want him pissing her off and making her take another crazy spell. Once with the carvin' knife was enough."

"Ah... yes. Of course. I'll suggest it to her." The doc nodded, still giving Jayne that look that said he wasn't sure how Jayne was smart enough to walk and talk at the same time. "Er... thank you."

Jayne shrugged and went back to his weights, a little pleased that Book followed him. At least someone around here didn't think he was too stupid to talk to. "Kid's fast. I ain't no slouch, but even Zoe can't run that fast."

"She was upset." Book shook his head, taking his place on the bench as Jayne swapped out the weights. The old man was in good shape, but he wasn't at Jayne's level by a long shot. "Perhaps I should have a quiet word with the captain. Taking out his obvious unhappiness on that child is neither constructive nor acceptable."

"You do and he'll have a quiet bludgeoning of your face." Long experience with Mal's fits of sulks talking here, and Jayne shrugged. "He gets this way sometimes. 's best to just leave him alone and find him a nice Alliance-friendly planet where he can pick a fight."

"This happens often?" Book gave Jayne an upside-down inquiring look.

"Not this bad, but yeah. Cap'n's got some issues." Jayne shrugged. "Just gotta wait it out."

"I wouldn't have thought you'd be so patient with another man's ill-temper." Book grunted a little as he started lifting.

"Yeah, well... he don't take to shootin' folk when he's pissed off, an' he don't do anything bad enough so's I gotta shoot him." Jayne had a short but iron-clad list of things that qualified as Shooting Offences, which was headed by 'trying to shoot me' and then went on to include things like 'molesting little kids' 'giggling too much when killin' folk' and 'being too creepy, like for example cutting body parts off or out of dead folk even when it ain't for a bounty'. "Mal can be a pain in the ass, but I've had worse bosses, y'know?"

"Yes." Book got a distracted look, so he was thinking about something else. "I know just what you mean."

Jayne wondered again what Book had done for a living before he got religion. He was pretty sure the old man had been some sort of soldier or lawman, probably Alliance - high-ranking, at that. Book knew weapons, but he knew them like a soldier, not a merc. He was better on the hi-tech than the cheap, simple stuff, so he was probably Alliance, being as the Browncoats - and before them, the Zi You Army and the Dissidents - had used everything from their teeth on up. Book was old enough that he might have retired before the Unification War, but then again, he might not have. The higher up a soldier got, the older he could be and still do his job, and Book had to have been reasonably high for his ID to get that kind of reaction on an Alliance ship. Still, mighta been he'd been some kinda Fed, not army as such. Jayne was curious, but not so much so as he'd pry. Book had showed a respectful disinclination to ask personal questions, and Jayne was inclined to return the favour. Made sense that he didn't want to talk about it, anyway, as screwy as Mal was inclined to get over anything Alliance.

"Ah, he'll get over it. Maybe you should explain to him that..." Jayne tried to remember. "That redirectin' energy thing you do so's you don't need women."

"That's more for the controlling of inappropriate urges. I don't know that it'd be especially effective against a broken heart." Book smiled a little. "Not that he'd ever admit that that's what it is."

"Whatever. Don't see no difference, myself."

"Between lust and love?"

"Love's just a pretty word for getting' all fixated on one person." Jayne shrugged. "Makes you stupid. Way I see it, that's more inappropriate'n a little quick sexin' where everyone comes out ahead."

Book shook his head, smiling, as he put the bar back on its stand and sat up. "You, young man, have never been in love."

"Nope. Plannin' to keep it that way."

"From my observation, Jayne, love isn't something you can plan for. If it happens, it happens."

"Well, if it tries to happen to me I'll just un-happen it." Jayne scowled. Talking about the squishy stuff always made him a little uncomfortable. He'd steered clear of it all his life - well, his family excepted - and he liked it that way.

"If it does, I rather hope I'm here to see you try." Book grinned. "It will be very... interesting, I'm sure."

xiao gui - little demon (affectionate term for a naughty child)

hai chong - injurious insect, pest

biao mei - female cousin

biao xiong - male cousin

mei mei - younger sister

yu chun - stupid

zi you - freedom, liberty

go se - crap, lit dog excrement

you zhi - childish

cu cao - crude, coarse

xiao zang gui - dirty little ghost (another term for a naughty child who has gotten very dirty)