Chapter 3
The knock on the door woke Daniel out of a weird dream. Something about camaflouge and water and lots and lots of skin. He mumbled that he'd be right there, but it must have been too quiet for anyone to hear through the door. The knocking sounded again.
When he checked the time, he found it was already midnight. He fell asleep after retreating into his room, no longer able to concentrate on work. Seeing Vala and Carolyn had certainly confused him more than explained things. He opened the door. There was Vala, dressed appropriately for once, and looking quite innocent. She smiled at Daniel's rumpled hair and clothes. Vala took advantage of his drowsiness, using a single palm to push him backwards into his room. She shut the door with her foot.
She smiled up at him.
"Can I help you?" he said groggily. He frowned at her in return.
"Darling, do you know anyone who likes girls?"
"Huh? What are you talking about?"
"Someone who likes girls. Like a girl who likes girls. That sort of thing."
"Wha… uhhh, I don't know. No, not really." He assumed she wasn't referring to herself, otherwise she wouldn't ask.
"Hmm." Vala sat on his bed. His eyes followed her, finding that she did nothing inappropriate nor overtly sexual as she moved. He almost expected her to, but he reminded himself that things were a little different now. His old assumptions didn't hold true anymore.
"I ask again: what do you want?"
"Well, I'm trying to figure out whether or not it is acceptable for a girl to be interested in another girl in a… let's say… sexual manner. On Earth, I mean. It's certainly a mixed bag out there." She gestured into the air, referring to the galaxy at large. "In some places you'd be killed for it. In others, it's as if you're nothing special. What is it like here?"
Daniel let out a small sigh and sat next to her. "You know I'd accept you no matter what, right?" He patted her knee.
She beamed. "Would you?"
Daniel shrugged. He was too sleepy to be dealing with a sexually confused space pirate. "Sure. You're still you."
"Am I? You wouldn't be the least bit disappointed if I were… you know."
"Ahrm… no," he said after thinking about it. He only half-believed his answer.
She leaned her shoulder into his. "Not even a teensy bit?"
"Why are we having this conversation?"
"I'm just trying to figure things out."
Daniel sighed. "Okay. Here on Earth being a lesbian is also a mixed bag. It depends on who you talk to and where you are. In some locales, for instance…"
"Ugh. Stop. I don't need a cultural lesson." Vala got up. "Thanks, Darling."
He grabbed her hand before she was half a step away. "Wait a minute. That's it?"
"Yep."
"You don't wanna talk about it?"
"I just did."
"Vala, this is serious. If you're ready to tell everyone that you're a…"
"Daniel." She stepped back and pinched his cheeks with an adoring smile. "Where do you get such silly ideas?" He couldn't reply with her hands squeezing his face. "Haven't I shown you enough how much I like men? Including you?"
He pulled her hands down. "Then what was that in your room earlier?"
"My personal experiment. I told you."
"No, you didn't. Explain. Now." Vala sighed as she sat back down, only this time leaning against the pillows and plopping her legs on top of Daniel's lap. He didn't remove them and settled for staring sternly at her, awaiting an answer.
Vala went over the whole business of making the combat bikini for the mission, the rest of the base learning about it, and requests flying in from certain other women to get custom bikinis of their own. Soon it had turned into a full-time operation that required all her time to take measurements, collect cash and capital, and to actually make the products she would be selling.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"It's only a side business. I didn't expect you to care too much. And besides, I wasn't exactly sure Landry would approve."
"And somehow you expected all your clients, potential or otherwise, to keep their mouths shut?"
"What use would it be to bring up my bikini business in a briefing?"
Daniel shrugged. He'd give her that. "Well, regardless of how General Landry might feel about it, you could have told me." Secret relief flooded him at her revelation.
"Why?"
"Because…" Though he was wide awake by now, he tried to hide it by yawning. Maybe he wouldn't have to explain.
But she insisted. "Hmm?" Vala prompted.
He waited a beat, then said, "Cam and I were just starting to wonder."
"Wonder what?"
"Nothing."
"You thought I was a lesbian," she deadpanned.
"Only for a few hours!" he exclaimed, hoping not to offend her. "You gotta admit, it was a little weird seeing Carolyn in there with you."
"They're just swim suits, Darling! Why is everyone on this planet so shy to wear swim suits?"
"We work together! I should not be seeing my co-workers half-naked while I am at work."
"What if you're a porn star?" she said innocently.
"Arrggh." Vala grinned. He fell back in frustration, creating a perpendicular intersection of legs on the bed. "I don't even want to know how you know about porn," he muttered.
"Since you're commenting it must mean that you actually want to know."
"No, I don't."
"Oh yes, you do. I'll tell you. It all started when an airman knocked on my door…"
"Vala!"
"Yes?"
"Can we talk about something else?"
"No. So, as I was saying…" Daniel jumped up, scooped her into his arms, opened the door, and dumped her in the hall. She fell onto her bottom, hands splayed out behind her. From the floor, she looked up to see the door click shut. "Was it something I said?"
000
Their next mission brought them into contact with an SG team that had been offworld for some time. It was SG-1's job to check on the team and see if they needed anything. Under the blanket of night in a wooded area far off from the gate, the teams made contact. They kept moving as SG-1 received SG-17's report. Mitchell walked ahead of the group with the other team's leader. Daniel, Teal'c and Vala each paired up with a member from the other team as they walked. The idea was for everyone to share in case only one of them could make it back home to report.
The woman paired up with Vala was Captain York. "I heard you started a small business back home," she stated casually. Her eyes continuously scanned the trees.
"Yes. How'd you hear?" Vala kept a tight grip on her P-90 as she listened for any suspicious sounds.
"Met up with SG-4 two weeks ago. Deana mentioned it."
"Ahh. She was one of my first customers. She ordered a carbon copy of my camaflouge bikini."
The girls whirled at the sound of sticks breaking. Both their weapons aimed at the head of someone approaching. Their small flashlights revealed Teal'c and his partner. They sighed and waved the boys on ahead. Soon, they continued walking again.
"She loves the bikini you made her. She said her boyfriend loved it, too," York said with a sly smile.
"So I heard. She thought she got pregnant for a minute there."
York laughed aloud. Two flashlights shined in their faces. They belonged to Daniel and his partner. Major Caffrey from York's team shushed her. She looked appropriately chagrined but flashed Vala a wicked smile.
"What do you charge?"
"Depends on the request. Average going rate is $50."
"That's it?"
"A steal, I know."
Daniel cut in. "We're supposed to be discussing SG-17's mission," he sing-songed.
"We did," Vala responded. "Girl talk now. Bye, Darling." She pushed him off in the direction his partner was waiting.
York leaned in closer as they paced. "If you've got time, I'd like one, too. I'm off to Maui as soon as I get off this hell hole."
"I understand you've got two more weeks to spend here."
"Yep, is that enough time? I can pay you when I get back."
"Oh sure, sure." They continued on discussing York's size and how she was very similar to another major who was currently stationed on base. Vala agreed to use that person as a model.
Behind them, Daniel and Major Caffrey watched them with strange looks. "What in the Hell are they talkin' 'bout?"
"Vala's side business."
"She has a business?"
"Ye-ah…" Daniel said with a roll of his eyes.
"What's she sellin'?"
"You don't want to know."
Caffrey thought for a moment. Then his eyes lit up. "Say, I heard about that hot little number she wore on a mission last month. What was it… combat bikini!"
Daniel shook his head. How did a team this far away from home hear about that?
"Heard it was the talk of the base. I'll bet you had a hell of a time with it," he said, chuckling. The Major clapped him on the back.
"You don't even know the half of it."
A slight pause. "You two an item?"
"What? No."
"Why not?"
"Caffrey, we work together. We're on the same team."
"Bull. Y'all are civilians. It don't matter," he said matter-of-factly.
"Whatever."
"She's holdin' out for you, man." Daniel gave him a doubtful look. "I'm tellin' ya. Don't waste a golden opportunity. If she looks as hot as they say she does in a bikini with a gun in her hands…" The major let his comment fade so Daniel could mentally fill in the rest.
He was saved from having to reply when Mitchell called them back to the gate. Even from far off, they could see that the others had already arrived. Teal'c stood, looking thoughtful, as he watched Vala speak amicably with York. Mitchell was shaking his head at them and then continued chatting with the other two members of SG-17. Caffrey whispered as they approached, "Come on… look at that smile. She's beautiful, Jackson."
"That I'll admit, but I doubt that she's holding out for anybody. Vala's her own woman."
"Then you wouldn't mind if I took a crack at her?" Daniel leveled a glare that would cut the man to pieces if his eyes were made of lasers. Caffrey visibly shrunk back and took the comment back. "Whoa, I'm just kidding. She's all yours." Without saying another word, Daniel moved ahead. Behind him, Caffrey let out a breath and grinned.
The sounds of conversation floated closer as the pair got closer to the gate. "I wanted something pink, but not too pink. Maybe a little sparkle or some sort of design."
"Hmm, I might have some fabric that you'd like. How do you feel about stripes?"
York paused. "Actually, that might not be too bad. Could you make the shape of the top more like this?" She gestured toward her breasts, but none of the boys could make out what she meant. Vala, however, seemed to understand perfectly and nodded. "There was something else, too. Damn, I wish I could see a sample so I could explain better."
Teal'c took a step closer. "Perhaps there would be a way for Vala Mal Doran to share her designs in the future." Both women gazed at Teal'c. "Does Daniel Jackson not possess a digital camera?"
Realization dawned on Vala's face. Her smile grew slowly as the wheels and cogs began turning in her head.
"Uh oh," Mitchell muttered.
Daniel heard what Teal'c said and stopped in his tracks. Caffrey almost bumped into him.
"Darling," Vala sing-songed, calling out to him. They were still a good twenty feet apart.
While Vala began to harrass Daniel about the use of his camera, Mitchell tapped on Teal'c's shoulder. "Do you have to encourage her, Teal'c?"
The Jaffa stood straight up. "It is healthy for each of us to have a hobby. That is a lesson learned from my fifty years on the Odyssey that I am happy to share," he announced.
Vala's eyes sparkled.
000
The team was seated at their usual table in the commissary. Everyone was munching away, talking casually. Soon, Vala brought up the latest news from her business. "So I borrowed Daniel's camera, and I must say, I'm not sure I'm satisfied with the results."
Cameron paused in his chewing. He looked up from his cereal. "Oh?"
"Here, take a look." Daniel wondered idly where she had hidden the digital camera. She pulled it out of nowhere. Cameron took the camera from across the table, but was hesitant to turn it on. He simply stared at it in his hands for a moment. Soon, Teal'c reached over and pushed the power button.
The display lit up. The camera was already in 'play' mode, and Cameron got a sneak peek at Vala's latest bikini before he was ready. "Whoa!" He put the camera face down. The surprise had come from the fact that Vala was in that bikini. "Woman, I swear you are gonna give me a heart attack and a stroke one of these days."
"See? I knew it was bad."
Cam's eyes went wide. "No no! You look… fine. I'm just saying that walking around with pictures like these are likely to get us in trouble."
Vala sighed and picked the camera up off the table. "Teal'c, what do you think?"
She handed it to him. He manipulated the controls and scrolled through the shots. "It would seem they are adequate for the purpose of cataloguing your obvious talent as a seamstress. However, I am not an expert on the advertisement of female undergarments on this planet. Perhaps Daniel Jackson would serve as a better consultant on local customs regarding this practice."
The man in question looked at Teal'c strangely.
Teal'c attempted to clarify. "Do not most advertisements feature people in settings that match the purpose of the clothing they are modeling?"
"You mean if it's a swim suit, then they're at the beach?" Daniel asked. Teal'c nodded.
Cam leaned over Teal'c's shoulder to look at the camera again. "You took these in your room, didn't you?"
"I didn't know where else to do it. Someone told me I can't walk around the base in my bikinis." Cam rolled his eyes.
Teal'c scrolled through the shots again. "These photos require better lighting."
"And for your head not to be cut off," Cam commented.
"Hey, I couldn't help it! I had to figure out how to make the camera flash on its own and then run to the wall so I could make the shot."
"You hi-jacked the Prometheus in ten minutes and you couldn't figure out my camera's time-delay feature?" Daniel teased. She hit his arm. "Ow!"
"The damn thing is more complicated than I thought."
"It would seem that you require assistance with this latest venture, Vala Mal Doran."
"Does that mean you'll take the pictures for me, Muscles?"
"No." Daniel and Cam laughed. Vala deflated a little. "But I can help you find someone who will." The boys stopped laughing and stared.
"There you go again with the encouraging!" Mitchell complained.
000
A plain manila envelope dropped on top of the book Daniel was studying. He looked up to find her standing in front of him, hands behind her back. She had appeared in his office without a sound, which surprised him. The look on her face was strange. She bit her lip. It was almost as if she was unsure of herself.
Daniel didn't say anything. He didn't complain that she had interupted his work or that she could have injured the very old text he was reading by dropping the envelope there. The woman had been MIA for the past couple days and he had been wondering what she was up to. It seemed he would soon find out the answer. He picked up the envelope and turned it over. It wasn't sealed. He glanced up at her to see if this is what she wanted. Her eyes were round as saucers in anticipation.
He pulled open the flap and slipped his hands inside. Smooth, flat paper. Daniel took out the sheets. They were photographs. Of Vala!
Daniel leaned forward. She was wearing nothing but the combat bikini. No gun this time. She was standing up, eyes looking off in the distance. Her two forefingers were slipped into the sides of her bikini bottoms. The background was some tropical landscape.
"Holy cow… Vala, this is…" He put the first photo aside and scanned the rest. The red bathing suit he had seen before was among them. "You made all these?" He continued staring at all the pictures. Each of them featured Vala in various poses and bikinis.
She nodded her head wordlessly.
Daniel held one closer to his face. "Did you use my camera?" He doubted that his device could take photos like these.
"No." She didn't explain further.
He wasn't expecting all this. He scrutinized a particularly provocative photo of Vala in a bright blue two-piece. Provocative because the shot was taken from behind, with her looking back and biting her fingernail. His voice dropped into a dangerous tone. "Who took these pictures?" he said, finally looking up.
She could tell he was a little mad. Vala smashed her lips together. He put the photos down carefully and gave her his most direct stare.
"I hired someone," she squeaked.
"Who?"
"Some guy named Sergei."
"What? How do you know him?"
"I don't. I met him on the internet."
Daniel's eyes bulged. He stood up, walked around the desk and put his hands on her shoulders. He started very patiently, "You're messing with me… right?"
She nodded her head no.
"Vala! Do you know how dangerous that is! He could have been anyone. I mean anyone!" She cringed at his outburst. "With you wearing, wearing…" he pointed at the photos on his desk, "wearing that, he could have gotten the wrong idea! Wait a minute… did he hurt you?"
"No! He was perfectly professional."
Daniel looked at her doubtfully. "Are you sure?"
"Yes, of course, I'm sure. Or else Muscles would have flattened him. He was there, too, you know."
Daniel sighed in relief. If anyone could be an effective bodyguard, it would be Teal'c. "Oh." Then he shook his head. "Teal'c was there? You mean, like, watching?" Daniel wasn't sure how he felt about that.
"Watching Sergei. Okay, and me."
"Was anyone else at this photo shoot?"
"Carolyn."
"Carolyn?" he asked with surprise. "Really?"
"Well, I needed someone to help me keep all the suits organized. And to make sure I looked perfect in every shot." Then she whispered, "Plus, if Muscles had to beat up the photographer, someone would have to offer him medical assistance."
Daniel dropped his voice to a whisper as well. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Her voice went up a few decibels. "Tell you! So you could ruin all my fun and forbid me from going? No way."
"Then why are you showing me these now?" he yelled, matching her tone.
"Because I want your opinion!"
"About what? How dangerous this could have been?"
"No, which one is the best photo to put on the cover!" By now they were nose-to-nose and quite heated.
Daniel stepped back. "What cover?"
"The cover of my catalogue."
"What!"
"You know, like Victoria's Secret? Except my catalogue will only feature bikinis."
"You have got to be kidding me. Vala, don't you think you're taking this little side business a little too far?"
"No. Teal'c said a successful business should have an effective marketing strategy. The most successful business I know is Victoria's. She's a genius with advertising. I get conned into buying her clothes all the time!"
"Victoria's not a real…" Daniel brought two fingers up to squeeze his forehead in frustration. "Nevermind." This woman would be the death of both him and Cam. And how the hell did Teal'c know about marketing?
Daniel sighed. There was no arguing with her on this. He could see she was committed. And when Vala Mal Doran set her mind to something, it would get done. If Landry ever found out, he'd wring his neck. The General had made him personally responsible for everything Vala-related. This was definitely Vala-related.
"Daniel," she pleaded, now calmer. "Which one?"
"First, you have to make me a promise." She waited. "Promise me you won't hire any more random photographers, or any other service provider for that matter, from the internet!"
"I promise."
He sighed. "And you will have the SGC run a background check on anyone else you happen to encounter."
"Oh, I did that already. He was clean."
Daniel's mouth dropped open. "Huh. Teal'c's idea?"
"Carolyn's."
He cocked his head. Smart cookie.
"I promise, promise, promise. Now pick a picture!" She grabbed the photos and waved them at him.
He pointed. "This one." He had chosen the combat bikini.
Vala smiled. "Really? Why?"
"I don't know. You look good."
"Sergei said I looked good in all of them."
"Well…" Daniel scrunched his face. He couldn't believe he was in this situation. Of course 'Sergei' would say that. He wanted her money. "This one's not too… errr… stimulating… but it still shows off the swim suit pretty well. You don't want the cover to attract the wrong kind of attention." Why the hell was he giving advice about this?
Vala seemed to consider his opinion carefully then agree. She gathered up the photos and replaced them inside the manila envelope. Now looking thoughtful, she hugged the envelope close to herself. "I'm wondering if I should get other models, too. You know, like Victoria's Secret? I could trade their time for a free bikini."
Daniel blinked. She was serious. "Who would be your models? I mean, that takes money. You'd have to find people who would agree to all this insanity. What are you going to do, hire the SGC?" The thought was laughable.
Vala brightened.
"Oh no."
She nodded.
"Vala."
She pecked him on the cheek and ran out.
"Vala!"