CHAPTER 3: PARAPPA THE CHAPTER

In Parappa Town, the day after the Bowser's Castle incident, Parappa the Rapper was Parappa the Rapping and eating a Parappa the wrap. PJ Berri was there, too. Suddenly, PJ Berri got run over by a government car! Out of it came two government officials. One said, "HELLO. WOULD YOU HAPPEN TO BE THE ANOMALOUS SUSPECT KNOWN AS PARRAPA THE RAPPER. IF YES, WE NEED TO SPEAK WITH YOU IN PRIVATE. ALONE. IF NOT, PLEASE RESUME YOUR DAY AS IF YOU HAD NEVER SEEN US AND PLEASE WALK INTO THAT VERY UNSUSPICIOUS ALLEYWAY THAT DEFINITELY DOES NOT CONTAIN A DEADLY ASSASSIN WAITING TO SILENCE YOU." "Yep, that's me! I'm Parappa the Rapper!" Parappa the Rapper said. "So what do you need to see me for?" Parappa the Rapper said. "THAT INFORMATION IS CLASSIFIED. IF WE WERE TO TELL YOU HERE, WE WOULD HAVE TO KILL ANY POTENTIAL WITNESSES. NOW PLEASE, GET INTO OUR HIGHLY-SECURE GOVERNMENTAL GOVERNMENT CAR. WE NEED TO DISCUSS THESE MATTERS IN PRIVATE. "OK, I guess" Parappa said as he walked into the G-Men's car.

When they reached the top-secret government investigation room, Parappa and the G-Men went past hundreds of top-secret government security walls, thousands of top-secret government security guards, and billions of top-secret government security cameras to a small room 20,000 feet below sea level. When Parappa and the G-Men were in the top-secret government investigation room, the other G-Man said, "YOU KNOW WHAT. FUCK IT. JUST FUCK IT. EVERYBODY KNOWS AT THIS POINT THAT SHELDON COOPER FROM THE POPULAR AMERICAN SITCOM 'THE BIG BANG THEORY' IS ACTUALLY A MILLENIA OLD SNAKE DEMON HELLBENT ON DESTROYING THE WORLD. WE DON'T NEED ALL OF THIS HIGH-END SECURITY CRAP. EVERYONE KNOWS THAT YOU, PARAPPA THE RAPPER, ARE THE ONLY ONE CAPABLE OF DESTROYING THE HORRIBLE EVIL THAT IS OSH KOSH MIGOSH, ALSO KNOWN AS SHELDON J. COOPER. YOU MOST LIKELY HAVE KNOWN ABOUT THIS INFORMATION FOR A LONG TIME. WE JUST WASTED FIVE HOURS GOING THROUGH THIS HIGH-END SECURITY TO PREVENT A LEAK OF INFORMATION THAT EVERYONE AND THEIR MOTHER ALREADY KNOWS. THAT IS IT. I AM ENDING MY PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A LIFE RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW. GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD." The G-Man then took a top-secret government cyanide pill and killed himself. The thought of Sheldon Cooper actually being evil was too much for him to bear. Parappa then thought to himself, "Wow, Osh Kosh Migosh must be really powerful! That guy killed himself just thinking about him! What should I do? Oh wait, I know! I GOTTA BELIEVE!" Parappa said. Out loud. Even though I just said that he thought it up. I lied before. He actually said it. Lewd.

After realizing that he was going to have to take on an incredibly formidable foe, Parappa went to Chop Chop Master Onion for some training. The whole dojo was completely dark. Until a bright spotlight shone on Chop Chop Master Onion. "WELCOME" Chop Chop Master Onion said, "TO THE FRUITES DOJO." "Chop Chop Master Onion, Osh Kosh Migosh is going to destroy the world and only I can defeat him! Please give me the necessary training! I GOTTA BELIEVE!" Parappa said. "Very well" Chop Chop Master Onion said, "But first, let's see if you can challenge my rap (but it sounds like he says "ripe")" Anyways, Chop Chop Master Onion sorta does a silly dance and screams "HIYYYYYYADADADADACHAAAAA!"

"KICK, PUNCH! IT'S ALL IN THE MIND! IF YOU WANNA TEST ME, I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND THAT ALL THE THINGS I'LL TEACH YA IS SURE TO BEAT YA, NEVERTHELESS YOU'LL GET A LESSON FROM TEACHER, NOW KICK!" Chop Chop Master Onion rapped.

"Kick!" Parappa rapped.

"PUNCH!" Chop Chop Master Onion rapped.

"Punch!" Parappa rapped

"CHOP!" Chop Chop Master Onion rapped… this doesn't translate well to written word. AT ALL. Seriously, I'm pretty sure that those last few sentences made you want to kill yourself. Sorry, man. Just watch a walkthrough of the first part of Parappa the Rapper or something, i dunno, you get the gist of it. I'll wait.

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

Are you done yet?

No?

WHAT'S TAKING YOU SO LONG?!

…

…

…

…

…

OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M GETTING BACK TO THE STORY WHETHER YOU ARE DONE OR NOT. GOOD BYE. GOOD. BYE.

"Good job, Parappa! You can go on to the next stage now!" Chop Chop Master Onion said. "…what's the next stage?" Parappa asked. Chop Chop Master Onion then blew down the walls of the dojo to reveal a giant Tyrannosaurus Rex staring at Parappa, which then let out a terrifying roar in his face! Also, one of it's eyes was a lazor cannon. "That is the next stage" Chop Chop Master Onion said to Parappa. "What are you going to do, Parappa?" Chop Chop Master Onion said. "I GOTTA BELIEVE!" Parappa then made a MASSIVE jump, jumping above the T-Rex's face. However, the T-Rex wasn't happy about this. It used it's lazors to attempt to kill Parappa, but he blocked it with his amazing rap-kung-fu. "ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!" the Lazor T-Rex roared at Parappa, but Parappa then let out an amazing kung-fu kick on the T-Rex, causing it to scream in agony, and push Parappa back onto the ground. Chop Chop Master Onion only watched, even though this wasn't even part of Parappa's training. It just happened to happen. Parappa used his skateboard to skate away from the Lazor T-Rex's lazors, and got into place for his ultimate attack. He skateboarded up the Lazor T-Rex, all the way up to it's head, and karate chopped the Lazor Cannon, dislodging it from the Tyrannosaurus' head. He then used the lazor cannon to fire lazors at the T-Rex, severely weakening it. The T-Rex then revealed it had a suicide nuke hidden away, which it then activated as it leaped onto Parappa. Parappa then ran towards it, jumped, and let out a devastating kung-fu kick, sending the T-Rex all the way to the moon, which promptly got nuked.

"You have done well, Parappa" Chop Chop Master Onion said, "I think you may just be ready to take on the evils of Osh Kosh Migosh." Parappa then got a determined look on his face as he prepared for the ultimate foe. He had gotta believe.

TOBECONTINUED

INCHAPTERIV