Thanks to ginginlee and Idealistic4ever from Project Team Beta for whipping this into shape and the many wonderful suggestions they offered.

Sorry this took so long to get out. I've been busy writing the story, and if you want the un-beta version, check out my profile page. I think I have the link for The Writer's Coffee Shop. Same title and pen name.

Disclaimer: Twilight and all characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. *sigh* All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended.

If I'm incorrect in crediting the songs to the correct artist it is by mistake. It's what's in my iPod, folks.

Warning: contains topics of rape, abuse, and religion. If these things offend read another story.

Went to bed and didn't see
Why every day turns out to be
A little bit more like Bukowski
And yeah, I know he's a pretty good read
But God, who'd want to be
God, who'd want to be such an asshole?

"Bukowski" by Modest Mouse

BPOV

It's a funny feeling when you know you're asleep and about to wake. I hated that feeling because it meant I had to face another day of hell, and I would rather endure nightmares than real life. It was sad but true. While sleeping time has a way of losing all meaning. In the dream world, things could happen over a span of days, when in reality it was just a few seconds. Sometimes it happens the other way around—dreaming for hours, you may only be privy to a small blip. Whatever the case may be, I looked forward to them—the blips, dreams, hell, even nightmares. It meant I got some sleep.

But this was no nightmare. I was dreaming of angels and heaven, or at least the hypothetical version that was shoved at me when I was a kid. When Grandma Marie died, I asked Renée where she went. She told me she was in heaven with the angels. This was the heaven I imagined she was talking about—a heaven full of clouds and peace, all in a white color scheme. There was no pain, just quiet serenity.

It was because of that dream that I tried to stay asleep. Despite the inner workings of my foggy mind, my bladder had other thoughts, mainly, "I'll go with or without your permission so move it!"

I cracked open my eyes and immediately started bawling like a fucking baby. It wasn't a dream. I was surrounded by plush white blankets, and I remembered that an angel had come for me the night before in some tiny diner through the pouring rain. So I cried.

I cried because I could have very well been in heaven, and I knew I had done nothing to deserve being in a place like that. I cried because I finally made it out. I cried because there was no way I could stay where I was, and knowing that seemed almost cruel. Most of all, I cried because part of me doubted I was really tucked away safely in a warm bed, far away from my nightmares. It was similar to those stupid dreams I was so sure actually happened, only to find out I was still asleep.

I hoped I never wake up.

I quickly moved to dry my eyes only to wince and grunt in pain when my hand met the shiner I was sporting. Maybe Esme had a pack of frozen peas somewhere. Nobody likes peas, right? They wouldn't be missed. In fact, Esme's family might even thank me for saving them from the tiny, nasty, green spheres.

There was a bench at the foot of the bed, and sitting there was a change of clothes with a note on top. I looked down and realized I was still wearing the clothes from the night before, and I was eternally grateful they didn't get a look at the extent of the beating Demetri had given me. There would be no way Esme could have seen the dark discoloration around my midsection and not insisted I go to the goddamn hospital.

Since my bladder was still screaming at me, I decided to take the note with me as I did my business. I grabbed that sucker and hobbled in the direction of an open door that looked like it led to a much-needed toilet. Jackpot.

I wandered into the brightly lit bathroom, and my eyes were immediately drawn to the tub. Sitting next to the window, it looked like the perfect place to get pruney. Not anchored to any walls and set on a slight platform, the high ledged bathtub seemed to float in the middle of the white room. If it was possible to lust after a bathroom fixture, I proved it as soon as I laid eyes on it. I definitely had plans for that mother, but first—business.

Bella,

I left these clothes for you until we can get some more of your own. Feel free to wash up in the bathroom. The bubble bath is under the sink.

Good to know, but truthfully, the bath was happening regardless. How could it not?

Someone from my family will be waiting for you downstairs if you wake after I've left for the women's center. My husband Carlisle took the day off from the hospital, so don't be surprised if he wants to take a look at any injuries you might have. Don't worry; one of my daughters will be around so you won't be alone.

You are safe in this house and with my family. I'll see you before dinner.

Esme

As I dragged a sudsy washcloth over my body, I thought about Esme's letter. I wanted to believe her when she said I was safe here with her family, but it had been so long since I'd last felt safe. What if Esme was wrong? Just because I trusted her didn't mean I trusted her family. Sure, Emmett seemed like an alright guy, but I still had my misgivings. The truth was I didn't know him from Adam; hell, I wouldn't even trust Adam himself.

A sharp intake of air let me know my ribs were in far worse condition than I thought. Who knew a boot to the side could nearly ruin a perfectly splendid bubble bath a couple of days later? Maybe I did need to let Esme's husband take a look. What if he made me go to the hospital? What if Demetri and Heidi were watching local hospitals and found me? And why the hell was Esme so insistent that I go get checked out? I wondered if Esme did see the bruising. It didn't explain why I woke up in the same clothes I wore yesterday. It wasn't like modesty would prevent her from changing me into some pj's if she did see the bruises on my body.

By the time I changed into the baby pink tee and blue jeans she left me and moseyed downstairs, I was still, on the whole, weary of the Cullens. What the hell kind of "checkup" from her husband, the good ol' doc, could I expect? If he claimed he needed to do any kind of internal examination, I'd say fuck that. Esme's nice and everything, but if that was the price of staying here, she can shove it. There were a few times when a wife wanted to do something "special" for her husband, and I got dragged in. Of course that something "special" was usually something wifey didn't want done to her. I shuddered, remembering the times when both husband and wife participated.

In the kitchen, apparently waiting for me, was a small woman with dark, cropped hair who seemed entirely too happy to see me. She must have had an espresso or something because the chick was buzzing with energy.

"Hi, Bella," she said while crashing her body into mine for a hug. I thought Esme said I was safe with her family—again with the pain. She quickly let me go when she felt my body jerk.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," she said in remorse when she felt me shudder in pain. She stepped back and took in my appearance. Her eyes briefly lingered on my blackened eye before she pointedly focused on the uninjured one. "My name is Alice by the way. I'm Esme's daughter. I cleared my schedule, and you and I are spending the whole day together."

A throat cleared from the other side of the kitchen, and my gaze landed on a handsome blonde in khakis and a grey t-shirt that hugged his torso. It would figure that a babe like Esme could rope in an equally attractive spouse. Sure they were probably in their fifties, but Mr. and Mrs. Cullen knew how to take care of themselves.

"Hello, Bella. I'm Carlisle, Esme's husband."

I nodded my head to let him know I heard him. Hopefully it excused my gaping at him.

"My wife said you might have some injuries, and I was hoping to take a look at them before my daughter takes you out today. With your permission, of course."

"Yeah, okay. Can I grab something to eat first, or did you want to do this now?" I asked rudely, not wanting to do it at all.

"No, it can wait 'til after you eat," he said while handing me an ice pack from the freezer, instantly making me feel bad for being such a bitch to him. "We already cleared the breakfast but feel free to rummage around the pantry or fridge. I'll be up in my office when you're finished. Alice can bring you."

As soon as he left, I turned only to see that Alice had beaten me to the fridge.

"So, Bella, what are you in the mood for? It's already past twelve so you'll probably want some lunch. We have lunchmeat and sliced cheese if you want a sandwich, cans of soup, TV dinners, frozen pizza—oh! We can throw one of those in the oven. You like pizza, right?"

She should probably switch to decaf since she said all of that in one breath.

"Cereal's fine," I said.

"Okay, we have Cheerios, Raisin Bran, Frosted Flakes, Lucky Charms…"

"Lucky Charms is great."

I swear, if she started listing the different types of milk they had, I couldn't be held responsible for my actions.

The examination was almost as uncomfortable as I had imagined it would be. Still, Carlisle kept everything legit by making sure Alice was there for the whole exam, and by letting me keep all my clothes on with the exception of taking a quick peek at the bruises on my midsection.

Poke. Wince. Groan. Repeat. "When did these injuries occur?" "Are you having trouble breathing?" Blah blah blah.

The whole time, Alice babbled about our plans for the day. Apparently we were going shopping. I took in her designer clothing, shoes, and the huge rock on her finger and said, "Alice, I don't have any money to do the kind of shopping you probably have in mind. If you just take me to a Wal-Mart or Target, I can manage."

By the look on her face, you would have thought that I told her a unicorn took a dump on her bed. I wasn't really sure where that analogy came from. Perhaps I didn't get enough sleep. A low chuckle brought me out of my thoughts of analogies gone awry.

"I don't think anybody has the kind of money to shop the way Alice wants to. Besides, you need clothes, and Esme wants to get you some," Carlisle whispered while lightly pressing his fingers around my black eye. He made a "hmm" sound when I flinched from the pain.

Alice stuck her tongue out and went straight into a rant on the pros and cons of Prada; so naturally, I tuned her out. I knew she meant well and was only trying to make things less awkward for my sake, but the truth was, I couldn't relate to the girl. My eyes drifted around the doc's office and landed on an old, wooden cross he had hanging next to his door.

"Nice cross."

Carlisle stopped his prodding, and Alice her raving, and he said, "Thanks. Are you Christian?"

I could understand why he and Esme were together. I thought, if it had been anybody other than the two of them that asked me that question, it would have been filled with disbelief or condescension. Not Carlisle though. I could tell he was actually curious if we shared similar beliefs.

"My family wasn't very religious when I was growing up. I do find it interesting, but honestly I've only been to church once. I try to be a good person." I nodded over to the cross and said, "It looks old." Why did I have to say all of that? A simple yes or no would have worked. He looked at me with a smile on his face, like he was fascinated with what I was saying.

"We all try, Bella, and yes, it's very old. It has been passed down in my family. I try to go to church, but the only one who will go with me is Esme. Even those days are few and far between because of our conflicting work schedules. Perhaps we can go sometime, huh?"

He was treating me like an equal, and I didn't have the heart to tell him that it felt wrong for me to go to church. I tried going once, but it ended in disaster. At the time, I was also too paranoid that someone would recognize me. It felt like everyone that looked my way was judging me, which was ridiculous.

I simply smiled instead of answering him.

"I want you to ice those bruises as much as possible. I'll get you some arnica gel to apply to the affected areas. Your lip looks like it's healing nicely, but if you need something for the pain I suggest a little Tylenol. I don't think any ribs are broken, but they are definitely bruised. Again—Tylenol. Oh, and a warm bath wouldn't hurt. Try to limit your physical activity. No stretching, running, jumping…excessive shopping."

He gave a pointed look at his daughter. Why did I get the impression that shopping with Alice would be a nightmare?

Once he gave me the all clear, Alice hurried me down the stairs to meet her fiancé, Jasper, who was actually a pretty mellow guy. He held the front door open and ushered us to his black, classic muscle car that must have cost a pretty penny.

"Jasper's coming with us so he can carry our bags," Alice said while strapping her seat belt on.

There was no response from Jasper, just a lazy grin, so it had to be true.

Alice originally wanted to go shopping in Seattle since there wasn't a mall in Forks, their hometown, but I put the kibosh on those plans so she settled for Olympia. I still thought it was too close to Seattle.

We spent the three hours it took to get there talking and getting to know one another. He was in trade, whatever the hell that meant, and she was a professional shopper. She actually got paid to shop which, I guess, was the perfect job for her. I kind of wished I had my guard up a little better because of the nature of some of their questions, but I was too tired to care. If they decided to use the info I gave them against me, I'd deal with it later.

When we got there, I told her I had no interest in buying expensive clothes. I knew Esme was being generous, and I didn't want her to regret it. I should have chosen my words better because instead of focusing on cost she decided to focus on quantity. One thing I wouldn't budge on was the shoes.

"Bella, Chucks are great, but you need more variety in your shoe selection."

I looked at the hideous pair of heels she was holding and shook my head. "No, no heels, Alice."

"But every girl needs—"

"No!"

When a few people nearby stopped what they were doing to look our way, I realized I might have over reacted and lowered my voice. "I'm never wearing heels again, Alice. This is a deal breaker, so just drop it."

I was lucky Jasper was there. He noticed how agitated I was becoming and whispered something in her ear, and she wisely put the shoes back.

"Of course, Bella. I didn't mean to push so hard," she said in a subdued voice.

After that she was a little more chill about everything, and we decided that it was getting late. Poor Jasper was almost overwhelmed with all the bags he was carrying. We were passing a small shop when something shiny in the display caught my eye. It was a cross necklace with multiple strands, some beaded in black, and I wanted it. I wasn't really sure why, but I knew it was meant to be mine.

Jasper noticed that I stopped and joined me in front of the store window.

"See somthin' you like, Miss Bella?" he asked.

I gave a weak smile and nodded to the necklace. "I like it, but I wouldn't want Esme to think I went crazy shopping today."

By then Alice had joined us and was bouncing on the balls of her feet. "Bella, accessories are a vital part to any wardrobe," she said while dragging me into the shop. "Besides, it doesn't look to be too expensive, and I doubt anybody could be considered a crazy shopper next to me."

By the time we got home, it was time for supper, but I was too tired to eat dinner with the rest of them. I told Esme just as much when she came up to see if I was hungry. She tried to hide her disappointment and made me promise to have dinner with them the next night.

She seemed excited that Alice spent a good chunk of money on clothes that I picked out, which I didn't quite understand. She suggested I spend the week settling in and wished me pleasant dreams.

The next night, I went down to the dining room and saw that everyone was waiting for me. All of the guys stood up as I walked into the room and took the seat next to Carlisle, across from Esme.

"That's Edward's seat." This from a nasally-voiced blonde in the next seat.

"And Edward isn't here, Lauren," Esme gritted out. It was weird because I didn't think anybody could get on Esme's bad side. Apparently, Esme knew something about the girl that I should be cautious about.

"Yes, Bella you are perfectly fine sitting there," Carlisle said while placing his hand on Esme's clenched fist that lay between them. "I wanted to know how you're feeling."

I told him that I did everything he suggested and thanked him for caring for me. During the whole exchange, little sounds of annoyance were heard from Lauren. Carlisle continued without paying her any attention. Something told me it wasn't the first time he paid her no attention.

"Well, since you know almost everyone here, I wanted to introduce you to Emmett's wife, my daughter-in-law, Rosalie. Rose, this is Bella. The person sitting next to you is Lauren."

"I'm Edward's soon-to-be fiancée," Lauren said.

I must have missed the joke, but Alice found something funny in it because she let out a snort, while Esme merely rolled her eyes.

Rose quickly jumped in with, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Bella. I've heard so much about you."

I really didn't like the idea of them talking about me, but Rose must have sensed it because she continued. "Alice told me how much fun she had shopping with you. That is a cute necklace."

Everyone looked down over to see what Rose was talking about, and I struggled not to cover it with my hand.

"You're wearing a cross? Oh, that's rich."

The sound of Emmett's chair scraping against to wood as he started to rise dragged my attention away from the bitch next to me. Rose moved quickly and grabbed his arm, and they began to argue in lowered voices.

I look around the table, and I noticed Emmett wasn't the only one who looked pissed. Jasper had his arm around Alice, and Carlisle was running a soothing hand up and down Esme's arm. I had no idea my choice in jewelry would offend people. Maybe it was me. Perhaps they felt I wasn't fit to wear it, but both Alice and Jasper were there when I got it. Maybe they didn't see the tiny cross lost in all the beads. I guess Carlisle's reassurance wasn't enough, because Esme slammed her hand down on the table and spat out, "Remove yourself from my table."

I set my silverware down because I knew it was too good to be true. Of course, I would eventually do something to fuck it up. I tried to blink back the tears that were threatening to fall. Esme was probably furious that I spent her money in a distasteful way. Maybe she thought I was mocking her and her Carlisle's beliefs. Just as I was about to stand, I saw Lauren throw her napkin on her plate and shove away from the table.

"Fine! I've lost my appetite anyway," she sneered.

Both Rose and Emmett scooted down a seat while I worked out what had just happened. Rose reached in my lap and gently rubbed my hands that were clenched into fists, and with a soft smile said, "It looks great on you."

"Yeah, little Bella, don't listen to that bi—ouch! Woman, why did you kick me?" Emmett whined.

Rose sat there with a smirk on her face and simply said, "Language."

I guessed you didn't get punished for violence.

Things relaxed after Lauren left, and I realized I liked the Cullens. I was right the first night at the diner. Their table was full of laughter and good times, and I could tell they actually loved one another. For the first time in years, I felt like I belonged.

A/N: Well, was it worth the wait? Leave me your thoughts.