Well, time to start the first three planets, beginning with Chapter Three, and my longest chapter in this act.
Well, I need to get in two characters, including another main antagonist, plus the first campaign all in one chapter. Also, I'm going to start using insults from the Rank-o-Meter for some chapters, just a way to make fun of the Eds like the Rank-o-Meter did in Ratchet: Deadlocked.
Legal Stuff: I DO NOT own Ed, Edd n Eddy, Ratchet & Clank or the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Ed, Edd n Eddy is copyrighted by Danny Antonucci, Ratchet & Clank is copyrighted by Insomniac Games, and the Guide is copyrighted by Douglas Adams. I do, however, own any original content mention in this story.
Chapter Three – Gravestone Forty-Two
"Eddy, you stand no taller than where you stand in the rankings."
The shuttle comes down from a highway, and it settles itself on the landing strip of Team Cul-de-Sac's quarters. The door opens up and the three Eds burst out, excited about their first victory in the Battledome. Eddy runs about on the main floor, while being chased by Ed, and Double D walks off of the landing strip and heads to the side to watch his friends chase each other throughout their quarters. Jonny comes from behind Double D and sits back before both Eds come to a stop.
"Congratulations on the first victory guys," Jonny said.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Eddy said. "Now where's the money?"
"Money?" Jonny asked blankly.
"You know, 'we get money for defeating challenges,'" Eddy said, repeating most of what Jonny said earlier.
Jonny sat there, waiting for the words Eddy said to sink in. Then he got up and begins searching around his back pocket, until he comes across a small burlap bag. Eddy eagerly snatches the bag from Jonny's hand and wildly opens the bag with a wide grin on his face. That grin quickly turns into a frown when he pulls a gold spring out of the bag.
"What is this, a joke?" Eddy asked.
"It's what a robot gave me for your winnings," Jonny said, shrugging off a now mad Eddy.
"Eddy, you're bound to find out that we are going to use a different currency out here," Double D said, stepping into the conversation.
"Then what am I going to buy with this?" Eddy said, holding the spring.
"You could buy a baby triceratops," Ed said, taking the spring from Eddy's hand.
"What am I going to do with a dinosaur?" Eddy asked his tall friend.
"Give it to me?" Ed said nicely.
Eddy pile-drives Ed's head into the ground with the wrench, with made Ed let go of his grip on the spring, and the gold object went into Eddy's armor. The other screws, springs and nuts that are in the bag that Eddy got the spring from, came floating out of the bag and went inside Eddy's armor. He soon recognizes his bolt counter once again, noticing that his counter went up from 37 to 16,089.
Ed peels his head from the floor and he turns his head to the room behind him. He saw a boy emerging from the room, and he recognizes the boy right away. He is wearing a green sweater and black shorts, and haves his red cap backwards with three red hair strands sticking out of the opening, and he is also wearing one of the collars around his neck.
He waves over to Jonny, but stops when he notices the Eds. He got very angry and points towards Eddy's direction. Eddy recognizes the boy and mirrors the same action as the boy.
"What are you doing here?" They said in unison. "What am I doing here? I'd ask you first!"
"Jinx," Ed shouted. "You owe Eddy a soda."
"No I don't, dork," the boy said, grabbing Ed's thin head.
"Now, now, let's not get hasty, Kevin," Double D said, worried for his friend of not getting any oxygen.
The boy let go of his grip on the tall Ed and went over to Eddy and both start a staring contest. Each one of them glares deep into each others' eyes, hoping that one of them will fail.
"What are you dorks doing here?" Kevin asked Eddy.
"What are you doing here, Shovel-chin?" Eddy snapped back.
"Apparently I'm here helping you," Kevin said.
"Well, I don't like to have a no-neck chump working for me!"
"Look who's talking!" Kevin snapped back.
"Gentlemen, could we please have no violence?" Double D said, pushing the two boys away from each other.
"Well what I like to know is how Kevin is on this team," Eddy asked.
"It's Plank that made you guys work together," Jonny said, butting in.
"Whoa, hold on," Eddy said, backing away from everyone. "You're saying Plank is the one behind this?"
"Yep," Jonny replied. "He managed to save all of our behinds from execution by having you three compete."
"I'm not sure to be grateful for Plank," Eddy said, "or to feed that jerk to the wood chipper."
"I'm thinking the same thing," Kevin said, cracking his knuckles.
"Now hold on guys," Double D said. "We shouldn't be taking our anger out on a helpless piece of lumber."
Out of nowhere, an evil laughter rang out in the quarters. The boys turn to Kevin's room to find two robotic beings stepping out of the room. One of them is a tall robot wearing a white professor's coat, with the opening showing the innards of what appears to be a built-in gun. Its head is a pin-head shape, with a green clear dome showing mechanical parts and a satellite dish for a brain, and a sinister blue mechanical face with red eyes.
The other robot is much shorter than the tall one, and is built with more curves towards the stomach region, curving up to the head for a bowling pin shape. It is wearing clothing, make-up and haves its hair to look like a member of a 1980's rock band, and is carrying a bass guitar on its back.
"Well, well, look what we have here," the tall robot said in a whiny voice, "a group of squishies for me to crush."
"Excuse me, sir," the short robot said politely, "but only three of them are competiting."
"Really now, Terrance?" the tall robot said, referencing to the small robot. He turns his attention to Ed. "By the looks of this one, this squishy is too stupid to be leading this team."
"Hey, I'm the one leading this team," Eddy said, defending for Ed.
The tall robot pulls away from the tall Ed and fix his gaze on the smaller of the Eds.
"So you're the leader of this pathetic team?" the robot asked. "Well, I know what to do with smart guys like you."
The robot lifts its left foot high above Eddy's head, revealing the underside of its foot. The bottom opens up to reveal sharp razors under the three talons and a rotating drill in the heel, which made Eddy pee in his suit. The robot pushes its foot down towards Eddy's head, but Terrance quickly stops the attack by grabbing the leg.
"Please sir," the small robot said, "if you're going to be killing, do it on the battlefield."
Terrance let his grip go, and the tall robot retracted its foot back to normal. The tall robot mumbles something under its breath and heads back into Kevin's room. The small robot stayed behind to tell Double D something.
"You have to excuse my master," Terrance said. "He can be aggressive at some times in the day."
A voice rang out of Kevin's room, coming from the tall robot, and Terrance begins heading for its master. After the two robots left, the humans look blankly at each other, trying to come up with what just happen there.
"Who the heck was that guy?" asked Eddy.
"That's Professor Treacherous," Kevin responded. "He's the top Exterminator, and he's one guy you shouldn't mess with on the battlefield."
"Exterminator?" Double D said, shaking all over.
"They're these big guys that are the top fighters and have the most kills," Kevin continues. "There're five of them in total, each one tougher than the next."
The whole group is silence. Double D begins sweating like crazy and pulls Eddy up to him.
"Eddy, do you have any idea what we're up against?" Double D said, freaking out.
"Relax Sock-head," Eddy said, pushing the scared Double D away from him. "I'm sure that he's all talk. Ed, what do you think?"
"Gravy," Ed responded.
Double D stood there, panicking all over from the thought of Eddy's near-death experience, and turns his attention to Jonny for hope.
"Jonny, there's got to be something that could get us out of this abomination of a death trap!" Double D asked the bald kid.
"Sorry Double D," Jonny replied, "but rules state that you can't drop out once you clear the preliminaries."
Double D knew that this is the end for the Eds if they keep going on. He tries to clear his head of the dark images, and regain his posture.
"Well, is there anything we can do to get out?" Double D asked, now relaxed.
Jonny takes out a rulebook from his back pocket and begins searching through it until he found what he's looking for.
"Well, there is something for us to get out," Jonny said, "but in order to do so: you need to beat all of the Exterminators."
"Including Professor Teacher?" Ed said.
"Yes Ed, including Professor Treacherous," Double D said, correcting Ed's mistake.
"Of course, 'you need to beat campaigns on other planets if you want to compete in Exterminator battles,'" Jonny said, reading another line from the rulebook.
"Well, if we have to do challenges on other planets," Eddy said, stepping in the conversation, "then that means I could earn more money!"
"And I could find new critters for me to hug," Ed said happily.
"And I guess I have to go, since I can't stay behind on the sideline watching you face death head on," Double D pitch in.
And with that, the three Eds hold out their right hands and put each one on top of each other. Kevin and Jonny also put their hands in, forming a five hand link.
"Team Cul-de-Sac?" Double D asked.
"Team Cul-de-Sac!" the boys said in unison, throwing their hands in the air.
Shortly after, a gigantic space ship came down from outer space and lands itself far above the main platform going out into space. The Eds look at it from afar and could see that the ship is a transport ship holding hundred, if not thousands, of gladiators onboard of the massive ship. The ship beams down a green light from its belly, onto a circular platform where the Eds landed on when they were teleported from the qualifier round. The three Eds stare wide-eye at the transport ship, as Kevin pushes them forward.
"That's the Planetary Transport," Kevin said, struggling to push all three Eds. "That'll be your means of transportation, taking you to other planets."
"Thanks Kev, but we got it from here," Eddy said, running ahead
All three rushed to the beam, but Kevin stop Double D to toss him something.
"Hey Double Dweeb," Kevin said. "Catch!"
Kevin tosses a strange gun to Double D, and he analyzes it before Eddy grabs the smart Ed with the wrench. The three stand under the beam, and they are off to their first campaign.
OOO
The planet of Gravestone Forty-Two is nothing more of a global desert, dry of water everywhere; even the poles don't see any ice during the winters. Rocks as tall as mountains reach up high into the heavens, casting long shadows on the dry soil for those who are foolish enough to walk across the desert. And scatter across the ground are broken tombstones of buried robots and organic beings that are at rest on the planet.
High above the desert in the cool atmosphere, a Dreadzone X blimp slowly soars across the main obstacle course set up in a mountain pass. Inside is a film crew, recording and editing scenes being capture from the many floating cameras dotting the scenery, and the two commentators, York and Marsha, sitting in front of a large glass window to look down at the gladiators racing through the heat. York look at himself in the mirror, fixing up his hair, and Marsha haves her face up against the glass, peering down to watch a team of gladiators being devour by robotic zombies. Behind them, the director flash his hand in the glass, which signals the commentators that filming is about to start.
5... 4... 3... 2...
"Hello and welcome back to Dreadzone X," York said after prepping himself.
"And if you're just tuning in, here's the rundown on what has happen here on the zombie planet Gravestone Forty-Two," Marsha said. "So far, nearly all of the contestants that are running the course had die from either the intense heat of the desert or eaten alive by the numerous zombies that populate the planet."
"I heard that you once had a zombie for a boyfriend," York said to the little girl.
"Yes I did," Marsha replied, "but our relationship lasted a minute, since I remember that I hate zombies, so I'd rip his rotten brain out of his head and ate it."
"Well we now know your past love life," York said. "And now here's a Planetary Transport, probably dropping off new contestants for the zombies to eat."
The Planetary Transport stops above the start of the obstacle course, and a beam shot out of the underbelly. Three beings are materialized, and the Eds are now on the planet. When they got feeling back in their bodies, a rush of cold air ran throughout each body, cooling them down from the intense heat outside of their suits.
"Thank goodness for air conditioning," Double D said.
"Boy, it sure is hot enough for us to get this cool air in our suits," Eddy said.
"I'm hungry," Ed answers.
"But you just ate back on the ship," Eddy said.
"Give it up Eddy," Double D said, walking ahead of the other two.
"Hey, wait up!" Eddy shouted.
The three begin running towards the beginning of their first challenge on Gravestone Forty-Two: an obstacle course that haves them running around the desert looking for bolt cranks that will activate the bridge to their next challenge. Eddy went ahead of his friends, going around finding anything unusual that may help them. Ed went in a different direction, only to repeatedly hit a dead tree in the tall Ed's way. Double D, on the other hand, scouts the course through his visor, locating different contestants that are on the course and zombies that are attacking the contestants, until he pinpoints a bolt crank up on a ledge.
"Eddy, I got something," Double D shouted.
"What is it Sock-head?" Eddy asked.
"There's a giant screw up on that ledge," the smart Ed said, pointing up.
The ledge is about fifty feet high and haves no means of reaching that ledge without using assistants from someone or something.
"Great, now are we going to get up there?" Eddy asked.
"I got it, Eddy," Ed said, grabbing Eddy's hair.
"Ed, what are you..." Eddy tried to say before Ed begins swinging the small Ed over his head like a pair of bolas.
Eddy is spinning around faster and faster after each revolution, until Ed lets his grip go, swinging Eddy up to the ledge. The Ed came into contact with the side of the rock, entering a few inches into the hard mineral. The boy pops out of the rock, leaving behind an Eddy-size indent in the rock.
"Ed, you should really mine your own strength," Double D asked.
Eddy got himself back on his feet, a bit woozy from hitting the rock wall at full force. He snaps out of his dizzy spell and walks over to the bolt crank. He studies it for a bit, trying to figure out what to do next, until he went over to the edge to talk to his friends.
"Hey guys, how do I move this thing?" Eddy asked.
"Use your what-ever-you-call-it!" Ed shouted.
"I think he means your wrench," Double D translated.
Eddy took out the wrench and looks back and forth between the wrench and the bolt. He could clearly see that the wrench's head is much smaller than the bolt. He walks up to the bolt and tries to fit the head onto the bolt, when he felt his wrench easily fitting on the bolt. He immediately removes the wrench, which shrank back to its original size. He then puts the wrench back to the bolt and the head resizes itself to fit the bolt crank. After trying fiddling around with resizing the wrench, he left the wrench on the bolt and went back over to the edge.
"OK, so which way do I turn?" Eddy asked.
"Try moving in a counterclockwise direction," Double D said.
"What?" Eddy answered.
"Move forward going to the left," Double D said translated himself.
Eddy went back to the node and begins pushing against the wrench. Nothing happen. He tries again, but the same result happens again. He tried everything he could, doing various poses, but the bolt would not budge. He leaned against the opposite side of the wrench and fell on his face. When he fell, he felt the wrench move. He quickly got back up and begins pushing, moving in a clockwise direction, not counterclockwise Double D instructed.
"Nice try Sock-head," Eddy shouted, "but it's the other way around!"
"Well I didn't know!" the smart Ed replied.
"Hey Double D, look!" Ed said
Double D look in the direction Ed wants the smart one to look at. He looks ahead and spotted a zombie hand sticking out of the ground. The hand pushes itself down, lifting up a robot rusted from being underground for a long time. That zombie is follow by other zombies, ranging from different organic begins to different types of robots. Ed got a big smile on his face, and Double D stood there, studying the zombies and petrified by the sights of living dead.
Ed looks towards each zombie, grinning wider for every zombie he sees.
"Pinch me Double D!" Ed shouted in joy.
"Where did these guys come from?" came from Eddy up on the ledge.
Eddy is done with the bolt crank, and when he left the crank, there are five zombies up on the ledge.
"You got zombies too, Eddy?" Ed shouted.
"Yeah, and I don't know how they got up here!" Eddy shouted back.
"We must be upsetting the inhabitants' burial sites," Double D said.
"Hey Double D, Kevin gave you a gun, right?" Eddy asked.
"Yes he did," the smart Ed responded.
"Well, don't just stand there, use it!"
The red armor Ed pulls out the gun from his suit and points it directly at the incoming wave of slow-moving zombies. The gun is blue and haves an eye-shape opening for the barrel. Double D pulls the trigger and it shot out a hologram of a wall, which made the zombies pushing against a solid wall.
"What the heck is this?" Eddy asked, not worrying about the five zombies behind him.
"I believe it's a shield," Double D said.
"Cool," Ed said, sticking his finger through the shield. A zombie bit down onto Ed's finger and the Ed retracted from the pain.
"Well, as long as we stay on this side of the shield, we're safe," Double D said.
"Then can you shoot a shield up here?" Eddy asked, having his attention back on the zombies.
The smart Ed points the gun in Eddy's direction and takes the shot. But gravity had different plans, and it made the shield drop at ground level, a few feet away from Eddy. The small Ed begins boiling under his helmet, and he uses his wrench to knock off a robotic zombie's head, which hit another zombie and it toss the head back to its owner. Eddy came to the decision of jumping off the ledge and he made the leap before a zombie reach with its rotten hand to grab Eddy's hair strands.
What was the problem with the jump? Eddy is fifty feet up in the air, and he doesn't have anyone to catch him, and there are sharp rocks at the bottom.
Then it hit him. He remembers the time when Ed pulled his chain to have his hair spin like a helicopter's propeller to get a stray balloon. He quickly found his chain, which is strangely part of his armor, and pull on it, starting up his hair to spin. It didn't take long for the small Ed to start hovering in the air, only a few inches off the ground.
The five zombies that are on the ledge came up on the edge, pushing against each other to reach their meal below until one clumsy zombie in the back push the four in front and send them crashing to earth. The last zombie look down confused, and it made the leap, only to split into pieces from landing on top of the other broken zombies.
"Why didn't that surprise me," Double D said.
"Well, at least you're not flying with your hair," Eddy said, still floating in the air.
Ed went up to the flying Eddy and pulls on the chain, causing Eddy's hair to come to a stop and the Ed came crashing down. Eddy got his wrench to fit around Ed's head and pins the tall Ed down to the ground. While doing this, the shield's sides (the one that is stopping the incoming wave of zombies) begins flashing red, signaling that the shield is failing. Double D begins panicking and pulls out the shield gun. He took another shot, but the shield went further than the first shield, having six zombies to break through.
"Eddy, do something!" Double D screamed.
"I'm doing something here," Eddy said, keeping his weight on the wrench. "You do it!"
The panicking Ed pulls out his Fusion Rifle and takes a shot at the six zombies that got pass the shield. The energy beam hit the six zombies and it continues on to hit other zombies on the other side of the shield, which made Double D felt much more relieve.
"Hey Eddy, I just discover something," the smart Ed said.
"What is it Sock-head?" Eddy said, pulling the wrench away from Ed's head.
"Well, the shield in front of us is stopping the zombies," Double D explained.
"Yeah?"
"And I saw Ed stick his finger through the shield, and I just shot my rifle through the shield."
"So?"
"So, we can use the shield as a way to protect us from an army of enemies while using it to shoot through it," Double D said.
"You just explain what most people already know," Eddy pointed out.
"Well, at least we know," Double D said in his defense.
The shield begins flashing red again, and Double D takes another shot from his gun to produce another shield. Then the three Eds got their guns out and begin shooting away at the wave of zombies, until the last zombie fell down from a headshot. The shield disappears, and the Eds continue onward to find the next bolt crank. Double D checks the surrounding area, scanning every inch of the desert planet for any signs for their next node. On the smart Ed's radar, he picks up zombies and gladiators up ahead on the course, some dead trees and rocks, and then he spots a lone robot on the field.
The robot creeps along the ground, dragging a shovel behind it. It is a small robot, a real-life chibi character with a big, round head and stubby arms and legs. He move across the dry soil at a slow pace in a depressing state, mumbling under his breath about being the only smart being living on the zombie planet.
The Eds run up to the robot in record time, since the robot wasn't going anywhere any time fast. Double D look curiously at the small robot, Eddy lean against his wrench, and Ed bounces in joy at the Eddy size robot.
"Look at him guys," Ed said. "He's so cute! I just want to hold him, and hug, and, and…"
"Oh this is just great," the robot said in a depressing tone. "This is just what I need. To have some happy-go-lucky organic to bring me joy on all days."
Ed picks the robot up and gave it a big hug, pressing it against the tall Ed's body. The robot haves a depressing look on its face, and it didn't change from being squish from Ed's trap hug.
"Impressive," Double D said, watching Ed continuing to hug the robot. "I have never seen such a specimen suffering from clinical depression so much that it doesn't cheer up from Ed's hugging."
"Well, unlike other robots, I'm happen to be built to not care about life on this planet," the robot said, "and yet I'm smart enough to build myself a rocket ship to get off this rock."
"Then why don't you?" the smart Ed asked.
"Ever try to build a ship out of rotten robot body parts?" the robot asked.
"No, I never did such a thing," Double D responded.
"It's virtually impossible, yet surprising easy to accomplish," the robot said.
The robot baffled Double D's mind with his depressing words, and Ed continues his death hug on the robot, until sirens went off in the robot's head, going off due to extreme pressure of the hug.
"Ed, let go off him," Double D said. "You're going to blow its head off!"
"It's going to happen one of these days," the robot said.
"Am I'm going to be part of this conversation?" Eddy asked. "Come on! We got to keep moving!"
"Aw Eddy, can we keep him?" Ed said. "Can we, can we, can we?"
"Can you let this happy cloud loosen his grip on me?" the robot said.
"No, and Ed, do what it said" Eddy said, heading off to the north.
"Then can you at least take me back to my rest house at the graveyard?" the robot asked.
"If you can help us with our campaign, then you're welcome to come along," Eddy said.
Ed lets go of his grip on the robot, dropping it on the ground and picking it back up, hoisting it on his back. The Eds head for the north continuing their search for the bolt cranks.
"So, uh, do you know where any nodes might be?" Double D asked the robot.
"Do I bother looking for such things when all of you are going to die before reaching the graveyard?" the robot said. "I don't think so."
"Where exactly is this graveyard?" Eddy asked.
"It's over there," the robot points out.
The Eds stop dead in their tracks. Ahead of them is a giant crevice, stretching far ahead into the horizon, and a tall monument can be seen from the other side. Eddy went up to look down into the depths of the crevice, kicking a rock down to the bottom, waiting for it to hit the ground. No sound came after the rock entered the darkness, meaning that there is no bottom to this crevice.
"Now how the heck are we suppose to cross?" Eddy shouted.
Ed picks up the small Ed and places him next to a bolt crank. Eddy notices the node in front of him and begins cranking away. While spinning, more zombies pop out of their graves and begin moving towards their dinners. Ed is the first one to start panicking, not thinking straight about who to protect: Eddy on the bolt crank, Double D, or the robot on Ed's back?
Ed immediately pulls out his Magma Cannon and quickly shot the zombies that are in front of the Eds. Eddy finish cranking the bolt and a bridge begins forming over the top of the crevice and the Eds didn't waste any time getting across the giant gap. By the time they reach halfway across, Eddy turn around to notice a disturbing fact.
"Uh guys," the small Ed said, "the bridge is collapsing."
The other Eds turn around and saw what Eddy said is true. The bridge that was activated by the bolt cranks begins to turn off, by the node resetting for other gladiators to activate the bridge.
"The deactivating of the bridge is your idea?" York asked, looking through a pair of binoculars.
"Oh yeah," Marsha said, eating a tub of popcorn.
The Eds begin running as fast as they could, hoping that they could outrun the bridge before they could fall to their deaths. With each step, the bridge creeps up faster and faster, finally reaching the Eds before they could the edge. Double D freaked by the sight of the drop and lands on Eddy's back, clinging on to his dear life until all four of them safely across the obstacle.
"What just happen there?" Double D said, panting from the running.
"The bridge deactivated, that's what just happen," the robot said, still in a depress mood.
The Eds found themselves at the entrance of the graveyard, where their next challenge begins. Ed let the little robot down and the robot went up to a toll booth next to the tall, rusted gates that block the entrance to the graveyards.
"Well, I'm suppose I could reward you," the robot said, fiddling around with keys that it haves, "but sadly, there isn't anything important for you to have."
"Then what about money?" Eddy asked.
"No, I never seen any money around this place," the robot said, finding the key to the gate.
"Then what about those gold screws?" Eddy asked.
"I have some."
"Then give me, give me!" Eddy hesitantly said.
The robot reach into the toll booth and pulls out gold screws and nuts worth 17,000 bolts. Eddy's suit picks the shiny objects and sends them directly into the suit, increasing the Ed's bolt count up further. The robot then pushes on the gates, opening them wide enough for all three to get inside.
"There's a vehicle inside one of the tombs," the robot said, "but don't bother me about it. I got other things to worry about."
"Thanks for all you help," Double D politely said.
"Whatever," the robot said, getting into the toll booth. "Oh, and if you can, keep that one boy away from me, 'cause I'm not in the mood for cheering up."
The robot points in Ed's direction, and he didn't listen to the robot, only to poke in on the forehead, and the robot fell back from Ed's happy curiosity.
"Nice going, Ed," Eddy said. "Now, can we get this gravy train moving?"
"Gravy," Ed said.
"Shut up Ed," Eddy snapped back.
OOO
"I can't believe this," Marsha said, her face pressed against the glass.
"I can't believe it either Marsha," York said. "The Eds are the first to actually cross the crevice, and now they are in the planet's main graveyard!"
"Oooh, I just can't wait for those poor saps to fall into the clutches of zombies," Marsha said, squealing like a little schoolgirl.
"As long as they don't find the Landstalker, you will get your wish," York said.
"Hey Sock-head, do you see anything?" Eddy said.
"No I don't Eddy," Double D said.
The three Eds are a few yards away from the entrance, and they could see numerous tombstones rising up from the ground. Double D scan every last bit of the graveyard, trying to find the vehicle the robot was talking about.
"Well?" Eddy asked.
"I'm sorry Eddy," Double D said, "but there's absolutely no signs of any vehicle whatsoever in this graveyard!"
"Hey, have you seen Ed?" Eddy asked.
"No," Double D said. "Where did he go?"
"Ed! Hey Lumpy, where are you?"
A scream was let out by the tall Ed, as he is being chase by a horde of zombies behind him. He turns around and shot his gun, but the blast misses all of the zombies, and Ed crash into his friends.
"Ed, what did you just do?" Eddy asked.
"I was checking some of the graves, when a zombie grabbed my foot and…"
"Yeah, yeah, that's great Ed," Eddy said, cutting off Ed. "Now you go stop those zombies, since you know so much about them."
"OK Eddy," Ed said, getting his Magma Cannon ready.
"OK Sock-head, let's find that vehicle," Eddy said, moving on.
"I think I just found it," Double D said.
"What are you talking about?" Eddy asked.
"It's in this crypt," the smart Ed said, pointing towards a towering tomb in front of them.
"How long as this thing been here?" Eddy asked.
"It's been here since we're on the other side of the crevice," Double D said.
"I knew that."
The two Eds look at the tomb, trying to find an entrance to inside, but there isn't one. Eddy went up and starts pounding on the side with the wrench, but he tires himself and Double D takes his place to shoot at the tomb with the Fusion Rifle. Eddy came back with his Dual Vipers, but nothing made a hole in the wall.
"This is getting us nowhere!" Eddy shouted in anger.
"There have to be something hard enough to bust through to the other side," Double D said.
"Hey, are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Eddy asked, with a sinister grin within his helmet.
The two look at Ed, who is pounding his head into the ground repeatedly and leaving impressions of the Ed's helmet in the dry dirt.
"I'm a dirtpecker guys," Ed said to his friends.
"Oh Ed," Eddy said.
"Yes Eddy?"
"Don't blink."
The next thing Ed knows is that he is seeing black, knocked out by the blow to the head by Eddy's wrench. The small Ed motions the smart Ed to pick up the now unconscious Ed and heave him over to the tomb.
"Alright, on my count" Eddy said. "One… Two… Three!"
The two begin running, ramming their friend's strong head into the thick wall, which cause a small hole to form from the force of the hit. They continue to ram Ed into the wall a couple more times, until the wall gave in and collapse, giving the Eds room to fit inside of the tomb.
Once inside, the two conscious Eds found what they are looking for: a mobile tank without wheel but four spider-like legs and two mortar cannons on top.
"I call shotgun!" Eddy shouted, leaping up to the cockpit of the tank.
"I call top!" Ed said, getting up.
"This isn't a bunk bed Ed," Eddy said, looking for an opening to get inside.
"Eddy, a little assistance here," Double D shouted.
"You're smart, so you figure it out," Eddy snapped back.
Double D look at the tank's leg and calculates the time it will take for him to get up to the cockpit. He moves back far enough for him to jump on, and just after he made his jump, the Ed is high enough to land on top of the tank.
"Well, that was weird," Double D said.
"Tell me what isn't," Eddy said, halfway inside of the tank. "Come on and start driving this thing!"
Double D followed Eddy inside and got himself comfortable in the cockpit. He looks around on the dashboard, feeling for anything that will turn the power on. While doing so, the boys heard an explosion, and they could tell that Ed had fired the mortar cannons.
"For a minute there, I thought we're under attack," Double D said, letting out a sigh of relief. "At least Ed made a big enough hole for us to get out of here."
"Well don't just sit there, start moving!" Eddy said, kicking the back of Double D's chair.
The smart Ed looks at the controls and found the start button, which is in front of him all of this time. He pushes the button and push down on the wheel, making the tank jerk forward. After a few steps, the tank is out of the tomb and on the move through the graveyard.
"Well, it appears that Team Cul-de-Sac has found the Landstalker," York said.
"Where are those zombies?" Marsha shouted.
As expected, zombies pop out of the ground and started to attack the tank. Each one began pounding away at the legs, doing very little or no damage to the massive machine, while the Landstalker use its legs to crush the zombies that came near the tank. The Eds now found themselves at an entrance to a cave, where there are hundreds of zombies waiting inside.
"Are we going in there?" Eddy asked.
"If we have to, we're going," Double D said.
"Hey Ed, get focus up there," Eddy said through a radio.
"Okey-dokey Eddy," Ed said, pushing the button for the mortar cannons.
The cannons fire away, producing enough firepower to blow every zombie into pieces, clearing the path for them to continue on without dealing with the living dead. The Landstalker continues to travel deeper into the crust of the planet, until it collided with a low-lying wall, which stops it from traveling further.
The Eds got out of the tank and land beyond the wall, leaving the tank behind for zombies to destroy it. Ed land face first in the more fertile soil, making an imprint of the green armor boy. Double D pick up his fallen friend, and Eddy went up to a giant opening in the cave.
"What is this place?" asked Eddy.
The cave is housing a large arena, with a large battlefield in the center and four lava pits hug the cave walls. On the battlefield are eight low walls, use to shield anyone that is fighting from incoming fire or use it to shoot from cover, and there are ammo and health packs up against those walls.
"By the looks of it, it's a ritual battlefield," Double D said.
"Ritual," Eddy echoed, "as in sacrificing kinds of rituals?"
"I'm afraid so Eddy," Double D said.
"Maybe they're going to sacrifice a living goat to Hades, and have the zombies eat our skins and bones!" Ed said, wiggling his fingers for dramatic effects
"Where did you come from Ed?" Eddy asked.
"The way my mom did," Ed answered.
There is silence between the boys. Suddenly they were force onto the battlefield and a crowd of angry zombies scream and roar appear into view up on the cave walls.
"Where did they come from?" Eddy asked.
"They have come to see the very ritual that we are about to take part in," Ed said.
"Will you give it a rest, Ed?" Double D asked.
They could feel the ground rumble beneath them and a horde of zombie hands shot out of the ground like popcorn popping on a stove-top.
"What is it with all of these zombies?" Eddy asked.
"Well, will you look at that folks," York said. "The Eds have made it to the end, and they're about to take on a whole horde of zombies."
"A whole horde of zombies will defiantly put those fools in their place, York," Marsha said. She reaches behind her and grabs a microphone that is hook to the intercom system in the cave. "Come on you damned zombies! I got a whole lot of bolts on this stake! You better kick their kissers to those lava pits or at least eat them alive!"
"Geez Marsha, I didn't know that you have it in you," York said.
"Well, I'm like this because I got 500,000 bolts on this with some of the robots for the Eds choking on this challenge," Marsha responded.
"You're betting your paycheck on a new team?"
"Yeah, I've been doing this since the show started again," Marsha said. "All of the bets that I made are winners, and I'm not going to lose this one."
"Well it's time to put where your money where your mouth is Marsha," York said. "No pun intended."
The Eds found themselves amongst a whole horde of hungry zombies, hundreds of them staring them down like dinner. The crowd roars above, cheering on for the zombies while the Eds went behind a wall to get away from the zombies.
"Now what should we do?" Eddy asked.
"How am I supposed to know?" Double D responded. "There are hundreds of zombies, and we're clearly outnumbered."
"No we're not," Ed said.
"What are you talking about?" Eddy said.
"We got the weapon to defeat the zombies," Ed said, pulling out a comic book.
"A comic book?" Eddy shouted. "That's our secret weapon?"
Ed scans the comic book, looking at every page for whatever he is looking for. He came to a stop, shouts "Boing!" and begins searching around Double D.
"Ed, can you get your filthy hands off of me?" Double D screamed.
"Found it," Ed said, pulling out the shield gun.
"That thing?" Eddy said. "What are we going to do with that?"
"Eddy, the Holoshield Launcher will provide us the cover we need to prevent the zombies from attacking us," Double D said.
"What are you talking about?" Eddy said.
"This gun is called the Holoshield Launcher," Double D said, taking the gun from Ed.
Double D aims the gun and fires a shield, which stopped the wave from moving any further.
"If my calculations are correct, the shield will go down in seven seconds," Double D said.
"Then what are we waiting for?" Eddy said. "Let's get shooting!"
As the timer on the shield clicks away, the Eds fire their weapons, each taking out one zombie at a time. Shortly after, the shield flashes red and Double D pulls the trigger on the Holoshield Launcher, but no shield came out.
"Eddy!" Double D said, panicking.
"Nothing came out?" Eddy said.
The shield disappears and the zombies move toward the Eds. The boys walk slowly back towards the edge of the arena, where the lava pit below waits for the three to fall to their doom.
"Yes, yes that's it," Marsha said. "Just a few more steps..."
"Ooh, ooh, I got an idea," Ed said, jumping around.
"What is it Ed?" Double D asked.
"You can use me like a log and knock the zombies down," Ed said.
The other two Eds look at each other, baffled by what Ed just said.
"I guess we could," Double D said.
"Ed said something smart?" Eddy said.
The two got themselves ready to hold onto to Ed's heavy body. They struggle, trying to keep balance and not to fall into the lava pit. They got themselves ready and begin running forward toward the incoming wave, knocking every zombie down with Ed's sharp helmet. They circle around the arena, hitting every last zombie either down to the ground or into the lava pit.
"What are they doing?" Marsha shouted, pulling on her ponytails.
"I'm thinking that they're doing a tag-team move," York said.
"Well, whatever they're doing, they better stop it!"
After five revolutions, the Eds came to a stop and sat down to catch their breaths. When they finally got up, they notice one more zombie on the field, heading straight towards them. Eddy got his wrench out, and the zombie quickly steps back.
"Please, don't hurt me," the zombie said. "I don't mean you any harm."
"Why shouldn't I hurt you?" asked Eddy.
"Well, uh..." the zombie try to say, thinking of the words to day.
"Please Eddy, look into your heart," Double D said.
Eddy shrugs off Double D and took a swing of his wrench, knocking the zombie's head clean off. With the last zombie down, the Eds have clear their first campaign, and they won a Green Medal, a Shield Link for Double D and access to another planet.
OOO
"There you go, 500,000 down the drain," Marsha said, her head down. "My paycheck wasted on three pathetic losers."
"Now cheer up now Marsha," York said, nudging the little girl. "I'm sure that you can win another bet."
"Who cares? I just lost my reputation to those losers."
"And there you have it folks," York said into the camera. "It's has been a terrific days for deaths and winning here on Gravestone Forty-Two. Team Cul-de-Sac has just won their first campaign and now moving on further into the competition. Who knows what will happen, but what do we know? This is Dreadzone X!
"Until next time, I'm York the Impaler."
"And I'm Marsha Violet," the little girl said with her head on the table.
"We'll be here bringing you all the carnage and mayhem next time on Dreadzone X."
"Oh just shut up," Marsha said, pushing the muscle man.
Man, I said a lot here. Anyway, I need to get in those two characters I mention earlier, and if you know the real identity of the tall robot, please don't say it in the reviews. I want to work on dramatic irony for the time being. I'll reveal his identity later on in the story.
To give you an idea, Kevin is serving as the team's off-field mechanic, which gives him the power to fix the Eds up if they return to the station. Unlike Big Al in Deadlocked, who only served to give upgrades to Ratchet's Battle Bots, he doesn't have the technology to really make him as advance as Big Al. But he can work with a wrench, that's for sure.
And as for the robot and the planet being call Gravestone 42, those are references to the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, with my take on Marvin and somehow getting the planet to have 42 in it. Oh well.
Also, please review, thank you very much. I really deserve something after writing 21 pages worth of story here. But don't stop here; this is only the first planet of this bundle. I got two more that still needs to be read.