And the world's like a science
And I'm like a secret
And I saw you lingering still, still
I saw you lingering still
-Lingering Still, She & Him
She felt like her words mattered. To Jess, her wording was significant. It was meaningful, emotional, and not susceptible to any sort of misinterpretation. She'd meant what she'd said and she assumed Nick got the message. She felt confident, buzzing with adrenaline at her boldness when she'd left the bathroom.
Jess went out for a walk, riding her high.
.
Nick's disposition seemed to have changed. That evening, when Jess had donned her favorite mint green sheaf dress for her dinner with Cece, he'd looked at her with physical approval that he'd done many times before. Dinner with Cece was nice. Long, wine-filled and perfect. Cece confided in Jess about Schmidt, much to Jess's discomfort. It wasn't until Cece said "We're dating" that Jess truly became interested.
They were dating? Her affection toward him was serious enough to want to put a label on it, to secure each other down as monogamous partners who's relationship now meant more than just sex. They had a deeper connection and Jess was frankly shocked to hear it.
"I cannot believe it." Jess was matter of fact. "I mean, truly, this has to be one of the most unbelievable things you've done. And in the last year you dated a man with a face tattoo. So, perspective."
"I know. It's crazy. You don't have to tell me twice." Cece drained her glass of wine. "But it just sort of happened. I guess I denied being around him in public for so long that I started to miss him when he … wasn't there." Cece choked on her own words. "You know, I'm hearing myself say it, but I still can't believe it."
"Well, if you're happy Cece, that's got to be all that matters. It's wild that it's Schmidt that is making you happy, but who's to say that's wrong?"
Cece shrugged. "I am happy."
"Knockin' boots with Schmidt." Jess shrugged too. "I guess that's where the world is right now." They continued dissecting the incredibility that was Schmidt and Cece. Jess found herself swirling in thought, once her initial reaction of shock had worn off. Cece took a chance with Schmidt. She followed her instincts, took a leap of faith, and look where it landed her: giddily explaining her connection with one of Jess's roommates.
Jess never took leaps of faith like that. She played it safe, always, preferring to take her own long path to romance. And if it didn't work out, Jess just chalked it up to fate. She was rarely proactive. Cece had told her that she was never risky or bold with guys.
It was true.
.
Jess thought about instincts on the ride home. Her mind swam in uncovering her basic instincts, and, when she and Cece made the climb upstairs back to the loft for the night, Nick was sitting on the couch watching tv, and she knew.
.
She waited to act. She waited until Cece had knocked on Schmidt's door and invited him out into the living room for an evening night cap with the rest of the group. The five of them sat at the kitchen table, a bottle of wine between them, and chatted casually.
Jess tried to keep at least one eye on Nick. He wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary. They were all friends, growing closer, it seemed, as time passed. He nursed his beer, ruffled his hair, poked fun, was his usual light-hearted self.
But Jess couldn't stop herself from thinking beyond him, right at that moment. She did her best to mentally compile a list of all of the times she'd gotten a twinge in her gut, a sign that she was on the right path taking this thing – whatever it was – with Nick slowly. She thought back to the photobooth; the time when he'd given her a look of full-on acceptance, highlighted perhaps with a slight stroke of interest.
She looked at him now. He was giving equal attention to everyone, laughing, engaging. She looked at him hard, willing him to look back at her. Nick did. He cocked his head, and said: "What?"
Blushing, Jess said: "Nothing."
And that was that. He accepted it, and the conversation continued.
.
And then she acted. Everyone went their separate ways to go to bed. Jess figured it was a classic scenario: she and Nick putting the wine glasses away in the kitchen, very sitcom-esque opportunity for dialogue. But he didn't give her the chance to work out the lines she was reciting in her head. He said goodnight too quickly and wandered away to his bedroom.
Jess panicked. She literally jogged to Nick's bedroom and rapped continuously on the door. When he answered, she froze. He asked, "what's up?" and furrowed his brow in confusion at her gape-mouthed stare. "Are you stroking out? You've been so weird all night. You didn't have tequila with dinner, did you? You know how weird that makes you."
Jess shook her head. "No, no tequila. And that was mardi gras, ok? Totally justifiable."
"New Orleans has a lot of tequila?"
"Wow, Nick that is not important right now."
"Ok, jeez, sorry. What do you want then?" He looked at his watch. "It's after one. You're going to a bear tomorrow."
Jess shrieked. "God, why do you know so much about me?"
Nick shrugged. "You're cracked. I don't know. I live with you. I notice things about you, ok?"
Jess placed her head in her hands. "Ok. Can I start this interaction all over. I came here to talk about instincts." She took a deep breath. "This all went a little bit more smooth in my head. But ok, instincts, right?"
"Sure, yeah, instincts."
"Basic instincts, even." She rolled her hands, trying to egg him along. "I don't mean like, Michael Douglas Basic Instinct. I'm talking about things that… you want to do, instinctually, because it feels like it would be right, but you hold back. You know what I'm getting at?"
"Not at all."
"Ok, let me try a different approach." Jess sighed. "Nick, you bought me a travel book."
"I didn't want you to get -"
"Yeah, I get it. Parasites. Lost. Whatever. But you bought it for me because you care about me, right?"
This made him uncomfortable. He shifted uncomfortably, like the conversation was venturing into territory that was uncomfortable, intimate. "Yes, Jess, I care about you. I've told you that."
Jess rolled her eyes. This was all slipping from her, no longer unravelling in a romantic movie-like sequence. She was flustered, jumbled, and just wanted to tell Nick that she thought she had feelings for him. Jess had more to say, more explaining to do, but she held it in. On a whim, she reached out and rested her arms on Nick's shoulders, middle school dance style, and leaned in to kiss him.
If he was surprised at what she was doing, he didn't hold back. "What? Jess…"
"God, could you at least meet me halfway?"
He did. It one swoop, he kissed her, hard, pulling her into him. She felt small in his grip, swimming, lost in a sea of his body. They kissed with passion that Jess had not anticipated. She had come to his room, totally unsure of what was going, perhaps expecting a sweet, romantic exchange. What she was met with was something entirely different. It was unbridled passion. Nick, holding Jess as close to him as he possibly could, gently tugging her through the doorframe of his bedroom.
Undressing was awkward, sure, but Jess's attempt at explanation was more awkward. With Nick on top of her, sucking on her neck, her collarbone, she tried to explain her basic instincts.
She wriggled, trying to sort her thoughts out in the throes of passion. She didn't say anything, couldn't think with Nick all over her body, thrilling her with every touch. All she could do was look up at him, really stare at him, and grin. He paused, everything slowed, and he grinned softly back at her.
Jess reached up to him, he cupped her face, kissing one another slowly.
Tbc...