AN: Of course as the avid Orphan Black fan I am I feel the need to just point out how terribly emotional the last episode was. Unfortunately there wasn't a ton of Paul/Sarah so we are probably going to go a little AU now because there were so many things I could see happening, or want to happen that hasn't or didn't.

*On another note I am hoping I will be making quite a bit of updates in the next week because I will be home from work all week because I'm having surgery so hopefully everything works out that way.

Disclaimer: Of course I didn't create Orphan Black and don't own any of the characters or plot.

Songs that inspired this chapter were Call Me In The Afternoon, Sahara Mahala, My Love and Mace Spray.

SPOV

"We can't go back to the townhouse." He whispered to me as the morning light streamed into the room.

I turned and linked my arm behind his head and pulled him to me. He had become such a diligent protector so quickly.

"Shhhh." I whispered to him as I cradled his head to mine.

"We can't they are going to be looking for us." He insisted

"You know…" I said as I rose and sat on the edge of the bed with my back towards him, "I had almost forgotten I was a clone."

I so wanted to forget I was a clone. Why couldn't things be so much simpler? I could take Kira and get a little flat in the city. I could use Beth's identity to get a nice job. Paul could move in eventually. We could go to family dinners out at small cafes. We could get a dog. But it was never going to be like that. It was never ever going to be like that. There were only two ways this ended now. With both of us dead and Kira safe with Mrs. S, or us killing everyone so that we could be normal. Two endings, but only one path.

He sat up to and I turned and looked at him over my shoulder. He was concerned and he began to rub circles on my back.

"Hey, hey, I know but this is seriously Sarah I have to think about you now. I have to think about that little girl, the one who ties flowers in her hair and builds sand castles, the one with the little knit hat she only wears when it is really cold, the one you described to me so in detail last night. I have to think about both of you now."

My shoulders sagged. I knew I was being unrealistic. We were all in danger but maybe I needed just one night to forget that someone was trying to kills me, kill us. I looked at him then and knew what he was really saying. I wasn't sure if I was ready for it yet. But the implication was there. He wanted what I wished for and he knew there was only one path to get there just like I did.

"We need a plan Sarah." He whispered as he leaned over and kissed my shoulder.

"Yeah I know."

Just as I was about to get up the door rolled back and Felix strutted in. Bee lining right for us. I hiked the sheet up over my tits. He looked pissed and I couldn't blame him considering I had just done some seriously serious things in his bed. 'Deliciously serious things!' I thought to myself before the temper tantrum started.

"Oh wonderful, Bonnie and Clyde. Why don't we just ask Alison to move in with us too!" He snarked.

"Sarah can't go back to the townhouse Felix. She needs to stay with you for a while."

"Oh really and will you be joing us too? Let's just infringe on my artistic space yeah?"

Felix was clearly a little bit annoyed. I couldn't blame him. I had been putting so much on him since I had come back and quite honestly I realized now how selfish I had been with my brother. I had told Paul all about it last night and we had talked about me making things right. I needed to. I guess I hadn't really ever told Felix I was sorry and I really should have started a long time ago. He turned back to the kitchen and started making toast as Paul and I began dressing.

"Fee we need a plan. Art keeps bloody calling and we need to figure out what we are going to do about Helena, Leaky, Olivier." I said as I slipped my shirt over my head and threw on a pair of underwear.

"I am going to deal with Olivier. He messed with what is mine, and I will handle him." Paul gritted out as he stood and pulled his jeans over his muscled thighs before buttoning them at the v in his abs. Last night came flashing back to me all over again but I was quickly broken out of my thoughts by Felix again.

"And just how do you think you are going to accomplish that?" Felix remarked. "Are you going to magically make him change his mind that Sarah isn't in charge of killing the clones? That she isn't just sending Helena all over the place to murder people?"

"Paul seriously you can't go to him. He could kill you!" I immediately started panicking. What was it with him and just walking right up to Olivier!

"It is fine Sarah. I was a solider before any of this remember. I have already hacked into and altered the security footage at Neolution. It only looks like Helena was there. I also know for a fact Olivier is upside down in a hospital right now recovering from the loss of his beloved tail." Paul disgustingly finished.

"So what you go to him and convince him Helena is who they are looking for?" I asked.

"Something like convince, sure," Paul whispered.

"So what you're going to like kill him?" Felix asked.

"Only if absolutely necessary." Paul answered.

This all worried me. Every last part of it. I hated that he so frequently just threw himself into danger but what the hell was I supposed to say? He was clearly very trained in this area. He had saved me before and I was sure he could probably take care of himself especially now that he realized we were on the opposite side of the fence now. Everyone that mattered now knew we were working together.

"Okay." I said.

"Okay? Okay? That is most definitely not okay Sarah!" Felix ranted. "What part of any of this is okay?"

"Look Fee, he knows what he is doing. If he thinks this is best, I trust him." I said as I looked into Paul's eyes. He nodded as Felix sighed heavily. Paul was clearly done with this conversation and eager to get started with whatever tortuous plans he had for the day. I stole another glance at him from across the flat. God he was beautiful. He had dressed like he always seemed to in dark colors. We seemed to have this in common. Dark jeans, a grey t shirt, leather jacket, and black boots. Our uniform seemed to blend into each other the longer we coexisted. As I continued roaming up his well-toned body I realized he was looking at me staring at him. I blushed and looked down at the floor.

"If you leave the apartment today Sarah I expect to know about it." He said as the silence of the room was ended. My eyes shot back to his face ready to fight like holy hell about not still having a monitor. But when I looked back at him, all the fight left me. I realized if this was ever going to work we, all three, if not Alison and Cosima, were all going to have to start more cohesively working together. I just shrugged at him instead. He nodded again and walked over to me. He kissed me on the head once before making eyes at Felix as if to say 'If I don't hear from her and you do something I kill you first,' and walked out the door.

This was such a blood fucking mess! I huffed and flopped onto a chair by the couch that Felix was laying on. The silence was heavy in the air for a few minutes. There were so many things running through me head, last night, Kira, Felix and how terribly I had been treating him, how long before the police started piecing things together, Alison, how fucking stupid Cosima was being.

"So how was the shagging?" Felix mused before he started chuckling.

I started laughing I couldn't help it. You had to hand it to my brother really. We spend the last 24 hours almost getting killed multiple times and me just dragging him into it without really asking and all he can think is to ask how the bloody sex was. Always one to lighten the mood I suppose.

"It was…I don't know Fee. He said he loved me, I think it was like some kind of weird love break through. He asked a lot about Kira."

"What?" Felix gasped. "Super dominating, killer Paul asked about tea and tirars Kira?"

"Yeah I don't know Fee, I think this time is a lot different you know. This isn't like all those other times, I would use a guy to use and disappear. This I don't know it feels real. It feels safe, even though I don't feel safe 95% of the time. He makes me feel like I could be safe."

"Well he sure made sure you felt that way last night. Honestly Sarah it was like watching the bloody notebook or something ridiculous. All the cuddling and the playing with the hair, rubbing the back, it was weird, I had to jet."

I laughed and stuck my foot into his face just to gross him out.

"Oh shut up you love it and all the drama." I giggled.

He pushed my feet out of his face making a disgusted face. My phone went off again. Art probably calling for the millionth time. I'm sure he had probably made some kind of connection and me continuing to ignore things was probably making everything worse but I wasn't ready to deal with him yet. I wasn't even sure if I was out of immediate danger yet. Fee and I bullshitted about for the next few hours before Mrs. S stopped by for a nice visit as well. 'Nice visit really Sarah like when you have to lie right to someone's face and they let you know the police think you're dead. Which by the way you already knew! A right nice tea visit it was.'

Strangely she accepted that I wasn't ready to tell her everything. But I think she knew as well as I did that I would blow up everything around me, burn my whole life here down, if I had to do it to protect Kira. She saw it in my eyes, and for a second I realized she must have felt like this once. When she did the same thing for me. She knew what to look for all over my face because she had already done it herself.

That's when the day decided to get even more fucked up. Felix's phone rang and within seconds he was flustered and throwing my things in a bag.

"No I need to know exactly what you told them? How long ago did they come? Did you give them all my information? My address? Everything? Okay yeah, yeah okay alright. Next week? We are still on yeah?" He finished the call pulling me up by the arm at the same time.

"FUCK." He shouted. "The police were just at the morgue the saw your body. They know it looks like Beth. They got my information they said they wanted to ask me some questions and they are probably one their way here now Sarah." He finished quickly shoving my bag at me.

"It's okay Fee, I will just go. You just have to act devastated. You lost your sister. It is fine."

He huffed annoyed taking down all his clone paintings and hiding them behind each other in the back corner of the flat.

"Sarah you have to go! Bloody now! What part of they are probably on their way do you not get?" He yelled again right as there was a knock at the door.

"Fuck!" I whispered.

"Go! Go down the fire escape. Yeah?" He motioned toward the window by the bed.

"Felix please be home!" A voice we both knew well slurred behind the door. 'Oh thank fucking god it was only Alison!' 'What this is even worse how are you going to explain two dead people that look exactly like not one but two living people?' 'Fuck right this is worse.' UHHHH! I wished I could just turn my bloody mind off sometimes.

I wrenched the door open and grabbed a hold of Alison.

"Felix! I did bad things!" She pouted.

"I would love to hear all about them just not right now." Fee called as I dragged her down the hall.

I didn't know how he was going to do with Art. Hopefully he was convincing enough to make Art think he was in no way involved. The last thing we needed was Art thinking Fee and Beth were connected somehow. Alison reeked of pot, and was stumbling all over the place meaning she was obviously drunk too. Just my fucking luck. I pulled out my phone and called Paul and got his voicemail like I expected. I let him know Alison had showed up and the cops were on their way to Felix's so he shouldn't go back there before throwing Alison into the passenger side of her van. 'God why do soccer moms all drive bloody mini vans?'

"I had sex with Ainsley's husband Sarah! All this is such a mess. I don't want to divorce Donnie. But I have to Sarah I can't lie to him anymore. I can't lie to my kids it isn't fair. I just blew up their whole lives because I fucked him, I just hate it all Sarah." Alison dragged on.

In truth, she was right. I felt like lying had become my entire life until recently regarding the c word. I understood how she felt. She felt trapped, like her life was slowly dying away because she had to start hiding everything. She did really. That was what our lives had become.

"Alison do you ever wonder what it would be like if we didn't have to hide?" I wondered out loud.

"What like if we told them?" She mused.

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. If Helena knew about me then it wasn't a terrible assumption the think she would soon know about Kira. So I needed to let Mrs. S in on what was going on much sooner than right after I had handled everything. She needed to know now because she needed to keep Kira safe while I couldn't. Clones though was a hard pill to swallow. So maybe I should show her instead of tell her.

"Alison. We are going to run an errand okay." I said as I started driving over to my childhood home. It seemed to be a lot shorter than I ever remembered before then. Alison only took minimal convincing in her inebriated state. We both walked up to the house and I let us in with my key to find Mrs. S napping on the couch. She jostled when she heard the door close and asked who it was.

"Shh it is just me. I think I am ready to tell you what is going on." I said just as Alison stepped around the corner to a very shocked looking Mrs. S. She invited us to have a sit and before I knew it I was spilling everything and couldn't stop. If fact the longer I went on the more frantic I got, particularly when describing my run-ins with Helena. Alison was mostly quiet until Mrs. S started asking her questions about her life. At which time she went totally mental again about how she blew everything up and was quickly put to bed in her drunken state. While Mrs. S was upstairs with Alison my phone went off again but I had resolved to ignoring it in case it was the police station again. As I was thinking I saw the book of photos and clippings of me and Felix Mrs. S had made on the counter and started flipping through it.

"Do you think this has something to do with how you came to me?" Mrs. S asked as she returned to the kitchen.

"I don't know. Cosima and Alison both said that their mums really wanted kids enough to use IVF. I guess I'm just wondering what happened to my mum you know?"

"You know there were rumors….I mean well most everything we ever heard was rumors, but there were rumors that the kids that came in Carlton's pipeline, children in the black were well they were being medically experimented on."

"Carlton's pipeline. What kind of experiments?" Maybe if I could find Carlton I could find more answers to all these questions.

"I don't know love. Everything was rumors then." She explained. I could tell it was a time in her life she didn't want to so easily go back to, even if our lives here hadn't been a cake walk.

"Carlton brought me to you would he know who my mother was?" I wondered. Maybe it was worth a shot. Maybe I could find out if I even had a mother to begin with at all.

"He may but even if he did he might not tell me." She whispered.

"Could you try?" I asked

"Last I heard he was in prison, but I'll try." She resolved. I could tell it was difficult for her to agree to but deep down I knew because she loved me and wanted to keep me and Kira safe she would try anything. A chill ran down my spine at the thought of what I would do if I had to do some of the things she had done to keep Kira safe like she had kept me safe. It chilled me to the bone to even think about. But then I realized I had not only been a little frightened but it had also gotten considerably colder. I looked to my left and saw the door was wide open.

I leapt up from the table and sprinted to the door. Something was wrong I could tell. Mrs. S followed shortly behind me.

"Kira?" I called before turning back towards the stairs intending to go up and check on her in her bed. But then the most heart clenching sight blinded me. There on the coat hook wasn't Helena's jacket I had brought with me, but my favorite leather stood in its place. Helena was here and at that second in my heart I knew she had Kira.

"OH MY GOD! It's Helena." I screamed before running out into the street. I looked both ways and realized Helena was running towards the end of the street with my daughter.